RE: From A Mistress to A Mistress

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PeonForHer -> RE: From A Mistress to A Mistress (11/14/2008 12:39:17 PM)
well it never ceases to amaze Me how males enter into female domains. This categorty is ask a Mistress. My specific post was from a "Mistress" to a "Mistress" NOT to a male. So, I would ask the males to respect I am only seeking the responses from a female Mistress! You're going to get male responses anyway. It's an open board. Request denied. Sorry!

LadyConstanze -> RE: From A Mistress to A Mistress (11/14/2008 12:41:03 PM)
As you said, you can't be "on" 24/7 - maybe she has the same problem? D/s aside, you're both humans, she has problems talking about emotions and feelings, maybe she's too busy with university and housework too have her mind switched on? I don't know if this would work for you in your situation, but would it it be possible that you both take "time out" - a certain time each week where you both step outside of the D/s context and talk freely? Just as an idea, it might make it easier for her to share her feelings and it might make it easier for you to understand and maybe you would both be happier?

GoddessDustyGold -> RE: From A Mistress to A Mistress (11/14/2008 1:23:08 PM)
~FR~ I will take a wild guess here and say that she does not have that look on her face because she is not in the mindset that she is doing these things to make your life easier. Instead, especially since you are often absent, she is handling the household as a chore that needs to be done for the common good of the household which means she wants it done. She is not doing it for you, per se. This does not mean there is any resentment for having to do it, but more a feeling that it is her space also and you are busy so she is taking care of things. Your slave needs to get into the mindset, with reinforcement from you, now matter how tired, that this is your home and you are the Mistress. Everything she does, whether you are there or not, is with the thought process that "Mistress will be happy that this is clean"...or "Mistress will be pleased that I have her dinner ready". Now you need to be happy, appreciative and thank her. Even, to My mind, thanking the slave for these little things, gets the consistent idea across that you are mindful of what is being accomplished and that you are pleased with the service. If she says, for instance, "I was tired after work so I didn't get to the grocery store and pick up your favorite tea..sorry "we" (not you) are out of it", and you let it go, then you have the beginnnings of something more egalitarian. Instead, you need to work up the energy to show your displeasure and make her realize that you are disappointed. As a Mistress is the M/s relationship, you do have an obligation, no matter how tired, to be "on". "On" does not mean that you are barking orders and setting up a scene or some sort. "On" means that you are also always mindful that you are the Mistress and you impart that in every attitude...whether it is a pleasant attitude of appreciation or an unpleasant attitude of disappointment. M/s is not the role...it is the mindset that is always there. Hope that helps.

PeonForHer -> RE: From A Mistress to A Mistress (11/14/2008 1:28:38 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: undergroundsea I think the answer is similar to how one might keep romance alive in a relationship; it's through regular acts (rituals), even little ones, that continue to pump oxygen to keep things lit and help each feel the role. Cheers, Sea Sea - I know I said earlier that that was a quotable quote and it's now etched on my brain, but I now realise that it was a completely worthless thing for you to have said. The OP has since informed us that males' opinions are irrelevant. My apologies.

AlexandraLynch -> RE: From A Mistress to A Mistress (11/14/2008 2:32:55 PM)
I feel that ritual is a set of actions designed to allow you to be open to the mystery. In the morning when I light a stick of incense on the altar and ring the bell three times, it is sometimes just actions, and sometimes resonates me and connects me profoundly to That Which Is. Similarly, saying to the men in my life, "I love you," often, reminds us of who we are and what we are doing. When our boy asks permission to sit on the couch, or holds my car door and then gets into his seat behind me in the car, it is a similar ritual that reaffirms his status. Sometimes it will have that marvelous click and make us both have that experience of power exchanged, and sometimes it will just be him getting in the back seat. But that's okay.

undergroundsea -> RE: From A Mistress to A Mistress (11/14/2008 2:39:00 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: PeonForHer Thank you for each post :) quote: ORIGINAL: FloridaMistresse well it never ceases to amaze Me how males enter into female domains. This categorty is ask a Mistress. My specific post was from a "Mistress" to a "Mistress" NOT to a male. So, I would ask the males to respect I am only seeking the responses from a female Mistress! The name of the forum is not taken so literally and it is common practice for men to participate in this forum. In my opinion, most women here would not want that participation to be absent. It is also common to see questions addressed to a particular demographic and responses from broader demographics. This forum is a discussion forum and whoever finds the discussion interesting can participate. If you wish to seek input from women only, you are entitled to that choice. Because of the norms in this forum, you might make that choice more explicit in your original post. If I had seen that statement in your original post (Men, Do Not Respond) I would not have posted to your thread. I am at a loss for how to feel that I posted with intent to be helpful and you responded as you did towards these posts. I come to these threads for the benefit I see in discussions. Through each discussion, I speak with many. I am content to let you have your conversation with other posters without attempting to engage with you hereon. If there are other posts in this thread in response to time I have already spent in it which appeal to me as part of a broader conversation with others in this forum or are addressed to me, I might continue to respond to those posters. Cheers, Sea

cloudboy -> RE: From A Mistress to A Mistress (11/14/2008 2:55:32 PM)
GASP!! I think I side with Aakasha on this one......

undergroundsea -> RE: From A Mistress to A Mistress (11/14/2008 2:57:07 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: cloudboy GASP!! I think I side with Aakasha on this one...... I would like to hear your thoughts. But let's take our discussion to a new thread. Cheers, Sea

DelilahDeb -> RE: From A Mistress to A Mistress (11/14/2008 7:26:42 PM)
Even with subs who do not reside with me, we have 'nilla interactions concerning practical services that they perform—garden work, eletrical repair, house-cleaning before a play party. And then we move to play time, usually within the same few hours. One of my rituals has become simply being mindful that I am now in charge and giving orders instead of being Ms. Nice Guy (my usual style). When I step into the dungeon and see him smiling at me and I tell him firmly, "You're wearing too many clothes. Strip," then that begins the mental process of switching him into sub mode. It will certainly be a larger challenge if your bedroom is both your play space and your sleeping space, for instance. Good luck! Lady Delilah Deb

UmbraDomina -> RE: From A Mistress to A Mistress (11/15/2008 12:45:25 AM)
From a reality stand point, if you state a mistress can not be on all the time, then it seems silly to expect what you can not offer from a slave which would be for them to be on all the time. being a mistress is certianly more then just play, and being a slave is certianly more then just cleaning and cooking.

FullfigRIMaam -> RE: From A Mistress to A Mistress (11/15/2008 2:58:38 AM)
quote: well it never ceases to amaze Me how males enter into female domains. This categorty is ask a Mistress. My specific post was from a "Mistress" to a "Mistress" NOT to a male. Easy there FloridaMistresse... This is a public forum and most of us like boys hanging out and participating around here; no one says you have to take advice you dislike, but no need to run them off. P.S. As much as I'm a non routine person, I think some of it is necessary in order to keep their heads in the right frame in an M/s relationship. M

MissEnchanted -> RE: From A Mistress to A Mistress (11/15/2008 3:48:06 AM)
To the OP, who openly requested : "From a Mistress to a Mistress" (She did not say: From a Mistress to any male subs) I would love to see this topic of men posting in "Ask a Mistress" on a new thread. Maybe it was started already. I think I'll take a look around... [8D] ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ FloridaMistresse, I just had this happen recently, where vanilla was beginning to pervade our D/s with life in the stressed lane. I went and saw two of my girlfriends last night and we all hung out on the bed talking BDSM and D/s, giggling and carrying on. It got me back to myself a little, ya know how life can get very stressful at times and we all need a break, or a little jolt, or both.? I created some distance with my slave over a few days and although I knew he wanted to serve me, I held him at a slight distance. Tonight I made some phone calls to him which were short and intense in my requests. He dropped by with what I asked and I came on strong, telling him to hit the floor in slave position. I did a few other things that flowed naturally and by the time he left a short time later, we were both back in the mode. I purposely didn't let him stay after our little scene. If he had been staying over, a bondage scene where I sat on him and talked to him, then covered him with a blanket, that would have done the same thing. A combination of changing it up, and simple reminders of protocol, or rituals re-emphasized. These all might work. *Do the unexpected in a seductive way.* ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ME

FullfigRIMaam -> RE: From A Mistress to A Mistress (11/15/2008 4:02:27 AM)
I too would like to be the ruler of everyone on collarme and the world (not really), but I realize this isn't my home, and I aint the mistress/goddess/ruler of all here, just another poster on a public board. M

FloridaMistresse -> RE: From A Mistress to A Mistress (11/15/2008 5:18:38 AM)
I think that starting a seperate post on the topic of males in female post boards like "Ask a Mistress" isa brilliant idea, and if it is not started all ready I shall begin one or revive one. For several reasons, I think that it is an interesting topic and there are obviously diverse reactions to it. Also I would rather not corupt My original post to "Mistresses" to be spent on the male topic. I was sincere in My post and I only wanted a Mistress's POV. Not a submissives male or female, not a male Dominant or submissive, but a Mistress, someone that has an idea of what it is like to walk in My shoes, feel My challenges, and knows the work of balancing real life with Ds relationships from a Dominant POV. I would like to thank again those Mistresses that have taken the time to help Me in improving My relationship with My female slave and it never ceases to amaze Me the level of kindness a Mistress shows to others in this case to Me. <smiles>

MissEnchanted -> RE: From A Mistress to A Mistress (11/15/2008 5:58:59 AM)
FM, Please let me know what worked for you. You can Pm me on the other side if you like. My Best, ME

JoyfulMistress -> RE: From A Mistress to A Mistress (11/15/2008 7:08:32 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: FloridaMistresse . So, yes play did drop off. However, call me looney, but I do not want a slave that has to be maintained. I expect support and that she keeps her focus without having to be "fed" so to speak. Is a slave only a slave if the Mistress maintains that? I have never changed My focus or desires, I have, however not had time to play or the like. hey hun I more than understand your desire that yours stays in the mindset without being fed or lead all the time aka micromanaged.... now with the comment you may not like... you shared dued to the hour change you do not have the time or I bet the energy for a serious play ..and goodness I more than understand .... however what about a little something to give her a gift just a few minuites of a bit of play ... if you don't look at it as feeding her but giving her a treat it may be just the bit of time and taste that she needs to be reminded on even a subconcious level that will offer you that glimmer in her eyes you are yearning for ... in a weird way I look at everyone in this lifestyle as having glasses of their energy that this lifestyle brings to them .. and at times .. usually during the lean times when we cannot play as much as we wish or offer ours the things that make their slave/sub hearts sing from the highest mountains ... the glasses run low and sometimes dry .. leaving ours a bit of lack lustered or unable to think of what could make it better ... but if you give them a few moments of what puts a bit more energy into that glass of theirs and you would be surprized how that helps them . It is not feeding them but treating them and helping them remeber ...I wouldn't reccomend it if you were still back at your 24 hours work week and playing ALL The time .. but as your energy is limited due to your schedual I think it would mean even more to your girl .. because she would know better than anyone what all it is taking from you to give her that * treat*

stella41b -> RE: From A Mistress to A Mistress (11/15/2008 6:12:41 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: FullfigRIMaam I too would like to be the ruler of everyone on collarme and the world (not really), but I realize this isn't my home, and I aint the mistress/goddess/ruler of all here, just another poster on a public board. M Beautifully put.

hardbodysub -> RE: From A Mistress to A Mistress (11/15/2008 6:26:20 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: undergroundsea quote: ORIGINAL: AAkasha I agree. Rituals breed monotony and a sense of obligation. Stale! I disagree. Rituals (even if using the word in its literal sense rather than the figurative sense I used) take an important place in many D/s relationships and use of rituals is a recommendation I have heard many times in response to the question of the type above. Note that the OP does not say that their D/s life has become uninteresting but that vanilla life has overwhelmed it. One effective way to return to D/s space is through setting practices that are repeated (protocols or rituals) which symbolize the roles and help bring back the D/s mindset. A ritual that is repeated and is meaningful will not carry a sense of obligation. And there might be room in that one repeated ritual itself, as well as in times or practices outside this ritual to prevent monotony. In other words, there is not a dichotomy between repeated rituals and spontaneity and the two can coexist. Cheers, Sea It depends. Some rituals can be meaningful, help set the tone or mindset, or even be exciting on their own. But rituals can easily be overdone, and create an atmosphere of artificiality. Also, almost any such activity has the potential to get stale and boring.

MissEnchanted -> RE: From A Mistress to A Mistress (11/16/2008 2:07:26 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: stella41b quote: ORIGINAL: FullfigRIMaam I too would like to be the ruler of everyone on collarme and the world (not really), but I realize this isn't my home, and I aint the mistress/goddess/ruler of all here, just another poster on a public board. M Beautifully put. Well, we already know that and feel the same way, so I didn't respond...

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