How did your dom/sub experience start out

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How did your dom/sub experience start out - 12/20/2005 1:01:02 PM

sirtopumhat

Posts: 7
Joined: 12/20/2005
Status: offline

I have been married for quite a few years and we're both new to the d/s concept. I'm looking to hear about the experiences of other people that incorporated d/s into their existing relationship and how you did it.

It's not a matter of knowing that this is what we want to do, because it is, it's a matter of going from our previous lifestyle of me being a bad husband and basically letting her run wild and changing to me being in charge amd her being put in the place that she wanted to be all along.

I'm wondering if other people went through this before and if they did then how did they do it?

Right now I'm slowly changing things and taking things. I'm trying to make sure and give back in other ways for the things that were taken.

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RE: How did your dom/sub experience start out - 12/20/2005 1:09:51 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

Did you start slow or dive in?

How to start getting into the lifestyle?

Getting started

Getting a sub*** started

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RE: How did your dom/sub experience start out - 12/20/2005 2:30:52 PM

OscarHargraves

Posts: 693
Joined: 8/9/2005
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I guess I would have to say that I got started in this lifestyle out of frustration. I had been happily married for a number of years but I slowly started finding that my Vanilla life wasn't enough. I did (and do) love my wife a lot but she just couldn't or wouldn't do the things that I felt I needed.

The frustration mounted and tempers got short. We finally had to sit down and talk. She told me that she wasn't ever going to do the anal sex I wanted and wasn't willing to do the bondage stuff either. She just plain hated it and didn't want to do it at all. Then she told me she didn't want to break-up (and I didn't either) so why didn't I just find a partner that would satisfy those things for me.

That's what I did. And then I found there was more to this than just the kinky sex. I liked the TPE and the feelings it gave me. I liked the attitude of having a Sub wait on me and I liked being able to use her for my pleasure at times without having to worry about satisfying her every time.

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RE: How did your dom/sub experience start out - 12/20/2005 3:05:24 PM

IrishMist

Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

I got started in a pretty straight forward way...I married an extremely sadistic dominant...and though I knew nothing about what that meant at the time ( I was pretty young when we met ), he was very patient in letting me feel my way along with his guidance.

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RE: How did your dom/sub experience start out - 12/20/2005 9:04:14 PM

amayos

Posts: 1553
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: New England
Status: offline

I got started naturally; I was ten and riding my bike down the road one summer day when I had my first "deviant" thoughts. The visions crept in, like an invading mist into the young forest of my mind, and have been there ever since.

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RE: How did your dom/sub experience start out - 12/21/2005 2:10:56 PM

Focus50

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
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It started out of frustration and need - MINE, to be precise.

I think most of us in Western society are programmed to believe in relationships being egalitarian in nature but I always had problems with not having true control - esp over my partner's behaviour. And not being an abusive type, the frustration always set in....

For instance, I had vanilla partners who would enjoy kink such as bondage but, for me, it was more a form of physical control and I had real problems when she'd say things like: "OK, your turn...!" And before I knew of BDSM, this caused guilt concerns via an "obvious" hypocrisy etc....

And then there's the ole favourite of "Not tonight dear...", and you should get the idea.

But then technically I'm not one you wanted to hear from as I never incorporated D/s into an existing relationship. There came a point where I'd had enough of "equality" after my last vanilla relationship ended and almost simultaneously discovered there were true submissive women out there with a complimenting control need to my own.

Pandora's box was opened and there's no turning back - and I wouldn't want to even if I could!

Many vanillas enjoy the physical kink of BDSM but it's only a tease for those of us who require a far greater dynamic of control. Kink just stimulates the itch rather than scratches it....

Focus.

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RE: How did your dom/sub experience start out - 12/22/2005 8:55:41 AM

fastlane

Posts: 2159
Joined: 5/26/2005
Status: offline

I got tired of being bossed around by everyone, so I began giving the orders.
Much to my surprise, people listened.
Hence, A Dom Was Born!

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Just because it hurts, doesn't necessarily make it a bad thing.

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RE: How did your dom/sub experience start out - 12/22/2005 9:00:54 AM

michaelGA

Posts: 1194
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i'm still waiting on my first experience. online is alot different than real life.

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RE: How did your dom/sub experience start out - 12/22/2005 9:15:14 AM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
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Ah, I have fond memories of my start in the lifestyle, before I knew anything about the lifestyle. I can remember him slipping me a sheet of paper, directing me on how my behavior should be in his presence. Rules. Security. I loved it.

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RE: How did your dom/sub experience start out - 12/22/2005 9:44:49 AM

sweetwhisper

Posts: 85
Joined: 11/28/2005
Status: offline

i came upon the lifestyle by chance - i had never heard of bdsm (at 25) i was in a miserable marriage, surfing the internet late one night and began roaming the adult chat rooms on yahoo - back when they had the user rooms - i saw "bdsm rooms" and thought, hmmm, i wonder what that stands for? so i clicked on one of the chat rooms and it was more of a role play type thing, i had no clue what in the world they were talking about, it was as if i had taken a leap into a different galaxy - yes, i was pretty sheltered when it came to sexuality, i was brought up with a sex is sinful and dirty mentality and it was something you didn't speak about, think about, and you only did it because you had to- anywhoooo, to make a long story short, i met a dom online that night, asked him what bdsm stood for, he was very willing and able to take me under his wing, soto speak, and i guess sort of mentor me a bit. i remember the first website i visited was castlerealm - i was just so amazed and shocked by it all, the more i read the more i realized this was me! it was so exciting, so intriguing, who i was, i mean who i really was just fell into place for me and it was an awakening of who i really was - i was able to sort out all of the feelings i had upto that point, it just all made sense to me. It's been the most interesting journey of my life, it's definitely one which has changed the course of my life completely.

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RE: How did your dom/sub experience start out - 12/22/2005 10:41:48 AM

afmvdp

Posts: 494
Joined: 7/10/2004
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I started out at a young age with a much older Dominant woman. I was unaware of myself and really to the full extent of my desires. She was able to see the far stronger and powerful man I still strive to be and helped me in my path towards obtaining that. Though she is long since gone from my life, I still very much respect her for her keen insight and thoughtful guidance. She may of been a bit extreme at times, but it was genuinely done out of my best interest. So essentially mine started with mentoring.

Likewise I have offered the same to those that have come to me, within whom I also so that powerful dominant side and helped them to bring it out into the world.

I think for me, having experienced the other end of things gives me a far deeper insight into the mind and the emotions of my submissives which is why it is what I personally recommend to anyone who comes to me stating that they are wanting to become a Dom/ina

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RE: How did your dom/sub experience start out - 12/22/2005 2:42:25 PM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
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It was just a natural part of our relationship with alandra and I. So, I guess we started the moment alandra and I became a relationship.

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Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

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