How do you keep up your enthusiasm while searching?

How do you keep up your enthusiasm while searching? (Full Version)

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WestBaySlave -> How do you keep up your enthusiasm while searching? (11/14/2008 8:50:46 PM)
I've been looking for the right dom for about seven months now. I realize that's a fairly short span of time - I've seen subs talk about seraching for years, even decades, before finding "the one" - but I've found myself feeling a bit worn-out and jaded by the search. I've spoken to a few hundred, possibly over a thousand guys online, and for all the days and hours spent on the computer and phone, remain not one bit closer to having a relationship of any kind. It hasn't all been a string of bad experiences. Mostly it's just benign incompatibility - I'm not what they want; they're not what I want; they don't like me; I don't like them. What I'm finding hard is keeping enthusiastic, open-minded, and interested. When I get a message on here or elsewhere, my first thought is "another letter from a Mr. Wrong I haven't met yet". It's not that I don't have a life outside of this. My life outside of my romantic situation has been quite good lately - but it doesn't make me any less lonely. So for subs who've had problems finding the right someone - how do you keep your spirits up?

mc1234 -> RE: How do you keep up your enthusiasm while searching? (11/14/2008 9:07:51 PM)
I take period mental breaks when I'd steer clear of CM and clear my head a bit. It does get disappointing sometimes. It can definitely be disheartening, especially when reading about all the fun others are having. lol But I always kept coming back for more - something always draws me back. Whether it's loneliness, hormones, whatever.

greeneyedreamer -> RE: How do you keep up your enthusiasm while searching? (11/14/2008 9:08:55 PM)
It took me over a year and a lot of the same incompatibilities. I don't know what was worse, the ones who you knew off the bat were wrong or the ones you thought were perfect and it didn't work out. Ahh Keep your chin up. I found the perfect Dom. If I can do it... hell anyone can!!!!! Dreamer

shivermetimbers -> RE: How do you keep up your enthusiasm while searching? (11/14/2008 9:21:04 PM)
I echo your sentiments. I started searching back in 1998 through AOL chatrooms, then moved onto Alt, AFF, SexyAds, and eventually here. Through the process, there came a point I would just stay away for a while, if the current group of members wasn't providing any interest, time needed to allow for newer members and potential partners to join, or older members to start searching for someone new themselves. I wish I had a dollar for every time I saw someone's ad and thought we could be perfect together, only to see that they were already involved, and not searching for someone at the moment. OP, it's good to know that you are taking your time, and not settling. I know from firsthand experience that settling just ruins it for both parties. That was a learning experience, and it was what I used to keep my hopes up. Though it ended badly for all of us, I knew that there really were real life people out there, not just a bunch of souls parked on the internet off ramp. That kept my spirits up, having gained experience, even if it came through the school of hard knocks. I took a break, and came back with a positive attitude, and a confidence that I did have some very good qualities to offer the right one. Best of luck to you, and I wish you success in your search.

littlewonder -> RE: How do you keep up your enthusiasm while searching? (11/14/2008 9:26:29 PM)
by taking breaks from the search and reminding myself I am content even without a partner and so I spend time doing the things I enjoy and keeping busy.

michaelOfGeorgia -> RE: How do you keep up your enthusiasm while searching? (11/14/2008 9:31:32 PM)
i come to the forums and vent. that's how i cope with it all

leakylee -> RE: How do you keep up your enthusiasm while searching? (11/14/2008 9:32:56 PM)
hehe, i get hurt on a regular basis. i give back as much as i can at the Shed. i maintain close ties with lifestyle. i work on my house and yard. keep my dogs happy.(that can be a task in and of itself. on the romantic front, i have been single for over 3 three years. i dont really stress about it. it will happen when it is meant to. i date here and there, but dont ever really get in a serious 'search mode'. i have a pretty full life. it sucks somewhat on occasion, but overall life is good. i am content. smooches lee

monywildcat -> RE: How do you keep up your enthusiasm while searching? (11/14/2008 11:12:55 PM)
I personally would keep my spirits up, since I am an optimist by nature. I not only see the glass as half full, but I would break my back to fill it more. And add needed sugar. Or ice. Finding your partner can be incredibly difficult. I have said this many a time, you have to kiss a whole hell of a lot of frogs before you get your prince charming. And even then, he is not perfect. But you deal with the imperfection, if you feel the result is for the greater good. On a side note, you are a cute as a spotted pup, if I fit what you are looking for, you would consider yourself owned. [;)] nom nom nom damn my gender!!! DAMMIT

SirMIkeSD -> RE: How do you keep up your enthusiasm while searching? (11/15/2008 12:14:16 AM)
Let me ask you this, what are you doing locally to look as well? Are you going out into the community to meeting, parties, or anything along those lines? Are you on the Gay SM sites? Your profile is very good and clearly states what you are looking for, nothing stands out negative to me in it. Just try to enjoy the ride and know that it takes time. Mike

ResidentSadist -> RE: How do you keep up your enthusiasm while searching? (11/15/2008 12:24:35 AM)
The old saying goes, “vanilla is like getting a hotdog when you want a steak”. Being an edge player, in my history it sometimes takes a while to find someone compatible. So, I eat "hot dogs" until the "steak" is ready. That way I don't starve.

WestBaySlave -> RE: How do you keep up your enthusiasm while searching? (11/15/2008 12:53:09 AM)
Thanks, everyone, for your replies. quote: ORIGINAL: SirMIkeSD Let me ask you this, what are you doing locally to look as well? Are you going out into the community to meeting, parties, or anything along those lines? Are you on the Gay SM sites? The community here is very small and almost entirely already partnered. I've looked into it, but there are no meetings or get togethers other than a small monthly pansexual get together that unfortunately coincides with an evening I have classes. I'm on Recon. Any other good gay BDSM sites? quote: ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist The old saying goes, “vanilla is like getting a hotdog when you want a steak”. Being an edge player, in my history it sometimes takes a while to find someone compatible. So, I eat "hot dogs" until the "steak" is ready. That way I don't starve. If only it was just the sex I was missing! There are tons of guys I can to for scenes locally or few hours away, if that's what I wanted. It's the emotional connection I want - and that's not something I can find a quick and cheap replacement for.

Barelily -> RE: How do you keep up your enthusiasm while searching? (11/15/2008 2:33:27 AM)
quote: but I've found myself feeling a bit worn-out and jaded by the search. Yea I know this feeling, it gets harder and harder to believe anything someone is saying to you, hang in there. [sm=flowers.gif]

Maya2001 -> RE: How do you keep up your enthusiasm while searching? (11/15/2008 6:55:17 AM)
How I handle is by taking short breaks ..I either put my profile into hide mode or just put a statement not searching currently.. and change the settings to just searching for friends.. as a I still enjoy visiting the message forums..and occasionally friendships can blossom into an interest in meeting down the road... I think it is important to take the time outs to rejuvenate and also to prevent becoming jaded

SirMIkeSD -> RE: How do you keep up your enthusiasm while searching? (11/15/2008 8:07:57 AM)
quote: I'm on Recon. Any other good gay BDSM sites? I sent you a message on the otherside with a few others. Mike

Mikkilicious -> RE: How do you keep up your enthusiasm while searching? (11/15/2008 8:26:16 AM)
I've also taken breaks from "searching" I am in a small town and so there is no local scene. Even finding vanilla is tough for me as I am not one to get out by myself. All we really have are the local bars. sure I could get laid, but I too search for the emotional side. I just try and keep my head about me and know when it is meant to be, it will happen. Doesn't help the long loney nights, I know. But hang in there. I've been searching for about three years and have had a few frogs along the path, but have a few great friends too.

daddysliloneds -> RE: How do you keep up your enthusiasm while searching? (11/15/2008 9:10:42 AM)
getting a lover on the side to keep my orgasm and pain needs in check.

CarrieO -> RE: How do you keep up your enthusiasm while searching? (11/15/2008 9:11:54 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Maya2001 I think it is important to take the time outs to rejuvenate and also to prevent becoming jaded Excellent point. This is where I'm at right now. I still have my profile up and active but I state I'm looking for a relationship and not just a play partner. It's easy to become jaded if your sole focus is on a search to fulfill your kink. I need my partner to be well-rounded in life and therefore I need to offer the same. I hang out here on the boards and learn what I can. I'm also starting to explore my local (and not so local) scene and am really enjoying just learning. It helps to keep the jadedness at bay, for me. Seven months isn't really a long time...but I'm sure it feels that way for you. I've been on CM for almost a year and have met lots of interesting people and have made a couple of friends but no real connections...and that's okay. I just keep reminding myself...all good things come to those who wait. Stay true to what your wants and needs checklist is for looking for a partner and carry on with life. You mentioned things were good outside of "this" and that's great. That's what makes for a well-rounded person that will mean something to the right one. Good luck and best wishes.

nwcutie102 -> RE: How do you keep up your enthusiasm while searching? (11/15/2008 1:38:59 PM)
maybe time to take a break. fill your thoughts and life with may other things... make some goals, create a list of things you wish to do or accomplish. take on a home improvement project.... comje back in 3 or 4 months. you are too young to be disappointed so soon.. take your time and enjoy life... good luck and the best!

LadyConstanze -> RE: How do you keep up your enthusiasm while searching? (11/15/2008 1:45:03 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: WestBaySlave I've been looking for the right dom for about seven months now. I realize that's a fairly short span of time - I've seen subs talk about seraching for years, even decades, before finding "the one" - but I've found myself feeling a bit worn-out and jaded by the search. I've spoken to a few hundred, possibly over a thousand guys online, and for all the days and hours spent on the computer and phone, remain not one bit closer to having a relationship of any kind. It hasn't all been a string of bad experiences. Mostly it's just benign incompatibility - I'm not what they want; they're not what I want; they don't like me; I don't like them. What I'm finding hard is keeping enthusiastic, open-minded, and interested. When I get a message on here or elsewhere, my first thought is "another letter from a Mr. Wrong I haven't met yet". It's not that I don't have a life outside of this. My life outside of my romantic situation has been quite good lately - but it doesn't make me any less lonely. So for subs who've had problems finding the right someone - how do you keep your spirits up? I don't think it is a specific problem submissives have, it can be quite frustrating on the other side of the whip. I know you asked other subs, but from my experience, nothing beats going to real life events, munches and such, it does keep your spirits up to have some real interaction with likeminded folks and you never know who you actually might meet.

persephonee -> RE: How do you keep up your enthusiasm while searching? (11/15/2008 2:42:15 PM)
Okay... Focus on making friends here and dont look. Continue to go to the local things...eventually someone will come in or breakup or whatnot...i know that sounds awful....but its the truth. Only answer the cmails once you have read them and had your bad reaction privately...dont respond immediatly after reading it the first time. Come back after doing something completely unrelated....like exercise or something. Dance like no one is watching and all that happycrap.... When its time for you to have a relationship, youll have one...meanwhile...just breathe and relax and find other things to do.... much love perse

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