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SthrnCom4t -> RE: Submissive not getting turned on? (11/18/2008 6:48:37 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: darchChylde
In a situation where you know your submissive or bottom is physically or sexually attracted to you and that he/she enjoys getting beaten/tied up/etc... what do you think when he/she is never actually physically aroused by your ministrations.
First, I don't get turned off if a male sub doesn't get hard. This doesn't mean he isn't turned on. It does suggest to me that there is a disconnect somewhere. (mind/body disconnect usually) This is especially true in the beginning because its very easy for 'head talk' to get in the way, and when there is 'submission' involved it gets even more complex.
I've had experiences where intense sensation blocked the arousal receptors. (both giving and receiving)
For a man who is sometimes hard and sometimes not...I take it as a challenge. What turns him on?...I ask a ton of questions about his fantasies when he masturbates. I try different methods....sweet sensual touch, rough, chastity, lots of verbal, bondage of his parts to 'keep' him hard.
I've found that getting a man out of his head, and into 'reactionary' space to be very successful. Especially if he's had a time or two previously when he didn't get hard, or it seemed to have 'left the building'. From then on there is fear/anxiety which even when you instruct him not to be concerned, he is. Soooooooooo, I make him connect with me. I don't give him a choice. I demand verbal and physical responses. Physical meaning exaggerated hip thrusts, using a dildo/anal plug, etc. Verbal...extensive responses, issued loudly. I enforce chastity. It's really quite amazing what a week or a month (depending on the man) of not having a cookie can do for a submissive. I've also instructed him to masturbate (without cumming) daily for a week or two prior to a play date. Again...very nice results.
Finally - does he have to get hard enough for penetration to please me. Not hardly! I enjoy it from a physical level/emotional level, but I can get this met in other ways.
Overall, I do care about a partner's sexual health and well-being, but during scene, I'm perfectly fine with being sexually selfish. He doesn't need a cookie all the time and, in fact, should always be wondering if he's earned it!
Sthrn
Honorably served by OttersSwim
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