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RE: A Passive/Aggressive Dom>? - 12/22/2005 1:03:52 PM   
mysecret40


Posts: 47
Joined: 11/3/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: camigirl

IMO passive/agressive behaviors often leave the recipent feeling emtionally abused. I would never define someone as Dominant that inflicted this type of behavior on someone else.

camigirl



Cami your right it's emotionally painful. Now I may enjoy pain on another level....but this way just feels destrcutive.
secret

(in reply to camigirl)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: A Passive/Aggressive Dom>? - 12/22/2005 2:49:18 PM   
MasterLark


Posts: 249
Joined: 5/12/2005
Status: offline
you have already gotten wonderful advice from many to dump this Dom, articulately in many ways. I would only add that in my view this is not how a Dom (or Master) ought to be, primarily because the position of Dom or Master requires great responsibility, hence great responsiveness in general. While I realize that passive aggressives, like anything else, are Doms and Masters sometimes, I would find it hard to see how they could be good Doms or Masters.

you have better choices to make.

(in reply to mysecret40)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: A Passive/Aggressive Dom>? - 12/22/2005 9:36:58 PM   
SirKenin


Posts: 2994
Joined: 10/31/2004
From: Barrie, ON Canada
Status: offline
No matter what some people may say, there is nothing wrong with putting "Do not play games" or "Not into drama" or anything else in their profiles. Chances are good that many of them are true to their words. What matters is whether they can follow through on their words with actions, and there is only one way to find out.

mysecret, you have already found out. you have heard his words. He has talked the talk, but he has not walked the walk. Why subject yourself to that again? With all the good Doms out there desperate for a good partner surely you can do better than that.

_____________________________

Hi. I don't care. Thanks.

Wicca: Pretending to be an ancient religion since 1956

Catholic Church: Serving up guilt since 107 AD.

(in reply to mysecret40)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: A Passive/Aggressive Dom>? - 12/23/2005 6:08:02 AM   
mysecret40


Posts: 47
Joined: 11/3/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SirKenin

No matter what some people may say, there is nothing wrong with putting "Do not play games" or "Not into drama" or anything else in their profiles. Chances are good that many of them are true to their words. What matters is whether they can follow through on their words with actions, and there is only one way to find out.

mysecret, you have already found out. you have heard his words. He has talked the talk, but he has not walked the walk. Why subject yourself to that again? With all the good Doms out there desperate for a good partner surely you can do better than that.


Dear SirKenin.....
Yes....there are many dominants out there that have contacted me...some truly are wonderful caring Doms....and of course you know what the others are......but like I stated previously....it is my heart that has to heal.....I think I am a die hard romantic really. I have had many offers .....but haven't taken them because I felt it wasn't fair to them. If my heart isn't in it...then no matter what they offer me....I simply cannot do it. It's ok though.....it's just a lesson I have to learn obviously.....I am a communicator....I need to know that my Dom/Master can express himself through spoken word....body langauge, etc. Not me worrying and guessing. I will simply take this time to put it out in the "universe" that the right Dom will find me....the one that fits. Time will tell.
Secret

(in reply to SirKenin)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: A Passive/Aggressive Dom>? - 12/23/2005 6:19:36 AM   
B1gbear


Posts: 81
Joined: 5/7/2004
Status: offline
quote:


I am starting to believe in what my grandmother told me as a teenager.....petite wise hungarain women....looked right at me and said......."sweetie, your picker's broken~!" Yup....in her opinion all the guys I picked were defective.
Secret


Laughing my ass off......Well said. Too many of us are afraid to admit our pickers are broken! Chose a good objective rule set to help you pick if you don't think you can trust your intuition. Actions are always far more true than words....and the truth will always shine through in the end.

Your more than welcome. Best of luck to you!

(in reply to mysecret40)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: A Passive/Aggressive Dom>? - 12/24/2005 6:46:12 AM   
mysecret40


Posts: 47
Joined: 11/3/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: B1gbear

quote:


I am starting to believe in what my grandmother told me as a teenager.....petite wise hungarain women....looked right at me and said......."sweetie, your picker's broken~!" Yup....in her opinion all the guys I picked were defective.
Secret


Laughing my ass off......Well said. Too many of us are afraid to admit our pickers are broken! Chose a good objective rule set to help you pick if you don't think you can trust your intuition. Actions are always far more true than words....and the truth will always shine through in the end.

Your more than welcome. Best of luck to you!

[/siz
Dearest B1gbear:
so happy to hear you appreciate the quote from grandma~! But hey it's usually those on the outside looking in that see things more clearly~!
The one thing I did not mention here is I have a daughter who is twelve.....so anything and everything I decide is for us. A Dom that gets involved with me has to realize this.......he simply can't make demands..especially if he hasn't any children of his own....that I drop my life and do as told .I simply requested compromise. In example....give it time....say a year.....of coming to "us" , getting to know "us" and seeing how that would work. This Dom said it had to be his way period.
secret

(in reply to B1gbear)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: A Passive/Aggressive Dom>? - 12/24/2005 8:51:42 AM   
B1gbear


Posts: 81
Joined: 5/7/2004
Status: offline

quote:


[/siz
Dearest B1gbear:
so happy to hear you appreciate the quote from grandma~! But hey it's usually those on the outside looking in that see things more clearly~!
The one thing I did not mention here is I have a daughter who is twelve.....so anything and everything I decide is for us. A Dom that gets involved with me has to realize this.......he simply can't make demands..especially if he hasn't any children of his own....that I drop my life and do as told .I simply requested compromise. In example....give it time....say a year.....of coming to "us" , getting to know "us" and seeing how that would work. This Dom said it had to be his way period.
secret


This is a very relavent piece of information. Children indeed change scope of the dynamic. I have had a slave before who had children. It made a big difference in how she came to me and an even bigger difference on how it ended in the end. Children must be considered by both parties above and beyond personal demands and needs. Thus the responsibilities of parenthood. A Dom doesn't have to take responsibilities for a sub's children, but come on......common sense here. If you take a sub into your home, or intend on merging into her home and there are children she is responsible for (Let's just for a minute make a presumption on the whole 'I love my kids and they come first' thing.)...What kind of selfish bastard ignores the child component and fails to place their best interest among the highest priorities in the solidifying of the relationship??? If a Dom can't take a responsible approach regarding children, then how in the hell would he/she ever take a responsible approach with the sub.

By responsible I mean one of the following: take responsibility for the children as well and a solid parenting role in the lives of children living in the home as they would in any vanilla relationship, ... take a responsible stand on how the relationship goes forward to ensure the children are considered and their well being is looked after in the process, ....or be honest enough to admit that they have no desire to take such responsibilities over another's children or simply don't want children in their lives and end the potiential relationship responsibly like an adult, accepting that it simply isn't the right situation for them.

I don't care what 'his way' may have been, if he was refusing to accept your responsibilities with your daughter, kick his has to the curb and move on guilt free. He doesn't have the maturity or a responsible enough personality to entrust yourself or your daughter's well being to him in a D/s dynamic.

Maybe that came off a bit harsh, so well......ya! That's exactly how I meant it. I have two kids of my own (who don't live with me), and I have no tollerance for those willing to sacrifice the children's needs to fit their own selfish desires. Just my opinion, but I think those kind of Dom's have no one's interest but their own in mind when it comes to the D/s dynamic anyway. Not a Dom in my book.

(in reply to mysecret40)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: A Passive/Aggressive Dom>? - 12/24/2005 10:33:50 AM   
justheather


Posts: 1532
Joined: 10/4/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

In fact I avoid profiles that have cliches like that in them.


My personal favorite is "I like to have fun".
Gee willakers, how very new and refreshing! Ive been waiting my whole life to meet someone like you!

_____________________________

I want the scissors to be sharp
And the table perfectly level
When you cut me out of my life
And paste me in that book you always carry.
-Billy Collins

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: A Passive/Aggressive Dom>? - 12/24/2005 12:07:03 PM   
justheather


Posts: 1532
Joined: 10/4/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: B1gbear

I don't care what 'his way' may have been, if he was refusing to accept your responsibilities with your daughter, kick his has to the curb and move on guilt free. He doesn't have the maturity or a responsible enough personality to entrust yourself or your daughter's well being to him in a D/s dynamic.


... Just my opinion, but I think those kind of Dom's have no one's interest but their own in mind when it comes to the D/s dynamic anyway. Not a Dom in my book.


True Dat.

_____________________________

I want the scissors to be sharp
And the table perfectly level
When you cut me out of my life
And paste me in that book you always carry.
-Billy Collins

(in reply to B1gbear)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: A Passive/Aggressive Dom>? - 12/26/2005 4:57:04 AM   
SirJames


Posts: 1
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
Hi - It seems to me that he is wasting your time and his. This lifestyle is ALL about communication - I think that's why I enjoy it so much.

(in reply to mysecret40)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: A Passive/Aggressive Dom>? - 12/26/2005 3:17:39 PM   
mysecret40


Posts: 47
Joined: 11/3/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SirJames

Hi - It seems to me that he is wasting your time and his. This lifestyle is ALL about communication - I think that's why I enjoy it so much.


I think so too SirJames...
some seem to be better at writing what they think.....when you meet them...they hardly say anything...or are the quiet types...always found that strange.
secret

(in reply to SirJames)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: A Passive/Aggressive Dom>? - 12/26/2005 3:58:18 PM   
Rassitter


Posts: 35
Joined: 11/6/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross


quote:

ORIGINAL: OscarHargraves
I can't speak for others but I have used some of these 'cliches' in my profile and I meant every one of them. I DO respect a lady's hard limits and I DO use safewords. These things are important to me and I put them in my profile because I thought they were important to others too.

That's nice. I still skipped over your profile because of them.

My choice. I could have skipped over it because you used the color of font I don't like. Such is life.

To me it's not that those things aren't important, it's that they are standard. It would be like putting on a vanilla profile "I like being honest"

Who's going to put "I'm never honest" in a profile? The fact that someone felt the need to put it in there shows there's a skewed focus on that person's mind. And I don't want someone who's focus is skewed in that way.

If someone feels a need to put cliches like that in their profile, then they aren't focusing on the things I'm interested in as a partner.

You could have skipped over my profile because you don't want to be with someone who's out in the community. Darn the luck.



Fuck!

Making mental note to remove "A stitch in time, saves nine" and "a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush" and various othe cliches from my profile. (I kinda thought that 2nd one was too kinky for even this sight anyway. *Grins*

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: A Passive/Aggressive Dom>? - 12/26/2005 7:10:17 PM   
sultryvoice


Posts: 368
Joined: 3/31/2004
Status: offline
A Dom that can't keep his word, expects you to be the mindreader is off his rocker. This becomes doubled with children involved. Priorities do and have to change. If the Dom can't do it with a sub, then he can't with the children. That is way too much disapointment. Move on and don't look back. Your feelings have already told you what is right for you..Take time to work on you. Be an even better package for the one that finds you..

Respectfully,
sultry

_____________________________

Blessed are the cracked,
For it is they who let in the light.


www.themarkbycpi.com

(in reply to Rassitter)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: A Passive/Aggressive Dom>? - 12/28/2005 6:38:48 PM   
CaptainsPet


Posts: 57
Joined: 11/20/2005
Status: offline
I like the ones that claim there are no "real" subs/slaves here. Or the ones that believe they are being stalked by psycho-cyber stalker sluts. Yeah...avoid the loonies. And keep moving forward. You will find that there are "real" Doms here, and elsewhere. Good luck!
~pet~

_____________________________

Whip me, beat me
make me cry.
Tie me up.
Make me fly.

(in reply to mysecret40)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: A Passive/Aggressive Dom>? - 12/29/2005 12:06:54 AM   
girl4you2


Posts: 1622
Joined: 8/4/2005
Status: offline
i think the stalker story ones should be given urban myth status. that excuse is one of the most often used and is so transparent. originality, please?

_____________________________

maireann croí éadrom i bhfad. is maith an scáthán súil charad. is leor nod don eolach.
got shoes?

(in reply to CaptainsPet)
Profile   Post #: 35
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