RE: How could I make my fiancee more submissive?

RE: How could I make my fiancee more submissive? (Full Version)

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Aswad -> RE: How could I make my fiancee more submissive? (11/20/2008 3:06:08 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DoctorJeep Power is given, not taken. Absolutely not. Power is never given, always taken. Consent, however, is given. Health, al-Aswad.

hopelessfool -> RE: How could I make my fiancee more submissive? (11/20/2008 3:17:45 AM)
Ive only read the last post. Actually power is never given. Why? Because she can always slap you across the face and say no, Thats pretty much saying Im in power she can also leave you. Which is being in power. Controls also an illusion in a relationship because you cant sit there and order all you want she has to move her body to do it. All you really have is authority(the ability to asses the situation and delegate back to your girl whats yours and whats hers to do.), which if you abuse she can take option one or option two.

Aswad -> RE: How could I make my fiancee more submissive? (11/20/2008 3:35:41 AM)
To the OP, Orion gave sound advice. If you do not inspire submission, you need to work on yourself, not her. A submissive can be accustomed to deeper submission, but unless you get that initial response outside the bedroom, then you're out of luck. You could try describing more about what sort of behavioral patterns you have to go on, as that might provide some clues. Does she seem secure in her relationship to you? Does she accept your word as final when you've made up your mind about something? Does she get in the mood when you make the first move, sexually? Do the two of you argue a lot? If so, is there a pattern to the situations prior to the argument, or the behavior after one? How are they resolved? As far as I can tell, you are in a situation where you are in no position to consider yourself the head of the household. You are unable to protect and provide, which are two of the primary mandates of a dominant man. I do not eat, rest or sleep until every mouth under my roof has been fed, and is secure. The instinctive drive to hunt, conquer and keep may be present at all times, but part of being a man (IMO) is not pursuing that instinct when unable to fullfil the requirement of being *able* to provide. I see no problem with a situation where the woman is the primary breadwinner, but if you cannot provide at all, then you are in a situation that is untenable as a dominant man (again, IMO). There is nothing wrong with demanding submission. If she wants to walk out the door instead of acquiescing to that demand, that's a choice. If she does accept the demand, that is also a choice. However, there are times when one should not be making the demand. One of those times is when she is of a dominant persuasion, in which case it is quite simply disrespectful at best. Another of those times is when you are not worthy of her submission, such as when you are unable to care properly for her. It is a different matter when the situation has arisen after someone has submitted, but that is not the case here. Also, I would note that it is- at best- a suspense of disbelief to call her your slave when she is legally in control of your finances. If you were capable of moving past suspense of disbelief under such circumstances, you would not need- or ask for- our advice in the matter. As such, the legal fact remains that you are, in fact, the slave in this situation. She just isn't doing anything to master you, nor exercising her power over you. That doesn't change the basic fact that she is in control, while you are not. And neither will calling her your slave. In short: less dick, more balls. Health, al-Aswad.

Aswad -> RE: How could I make my fiancee more submissive? (11/20/2008 3:39:26 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: hopelessfool Because she can always slap you across the face and say no. Thats pretty much saying Im in power she can also leave you. Which is being in power. I know a couple of councellers and social workers that would disagree with you there. There are dominants that are good for you, and ones that are bad for you. Most women do not take back power from the latter of the two. Statistics on the former of the two are harder to come by. Health, al-Aswad.

sirsholly -> RE: How could I make my fiancee more submissive? (11/20/2008 3:49:39 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: hopelessfool Because she can always slap you across the face and say no. Thats pretty much saying Im in power she can also leave you. Which is being in power. Slapping someone out of anger/frustration is NOT a sign of power. Rather, it is a sign of a a lack of power, lack of control. An abusive act is a sign that the actor is not in control and trying to obtain power/control over another. And walking out the door is not a sign that one has power over another. It is a sign that one is using their own free will.

LaTigresse -> RE: How could I make my fiancee more submissive? (11/20/2008 3:57:46 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: tweedydaddy If you are going to be living off her for a year, I wouldn't advise you to push your luck! She sounds like a saint, better keep her away from this lot! Get outta my head.

sirsholly -> RE: How could I make my fiancee more submissive? (11/20/2008 4:39:03 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LaTigresse Get outta my head. but it is so nice and roomy and.....ok, i'll shut up now

daddysliloneds -> RE: How could I make my fiancee more submissive? (11/20/2008 5:40:37 AM)
for me, submission is an inborne trait in me, and my submission to a specific person is borne of desire; i can easily become more submissive to someone if i'm treated right, and of course, the opposite happens if i'm not... if i'm not wired to be submissive, however, making me more submissive just ain't going to happen.

leadership527 -> RE: How could I make my fiancee more submissive? (11/20/2008 12:52:13 PM)
Well, I did it very non-secretly. I simply constructed a situation in which she was perfectly free to choose (no really, no string attached), however I made sure that submitting was a highly attractive alternative. I did so by using the knowledge I had about the woman in question to construct a vision of our relationship which appealed to her. Nothing secret squirrel. No whips and chains. Nothing particularly mysterious at all. Oh, and for the record.... I'm a stay-at-home shiftless lazy bastard of a husband. She earns all the money. So apparently who makes the dough is not a determining factor at least for us.

MasterTslave -> RE: How could I make my fiancee more submissive? (11/20/2008 2:11:55 PM)
she'll do what she wants to do...you can't make her do anything...just let he know what you want and see if that matches what you want..if it does-great, if not work on it.

Shylahgirl -> RE: How could I make my fiancee more submissive? (11/24/2008 11:45:52 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: lexttalionis Hi, my fiancee and I basically have an understanding that she's completely submissive to me in sexual situations with me having complete control over her. we're both the most important thing to each other. I have always had a strong desire to have a 24/7 slave who I can care of and love as she were my pet, with complete submission in every aspect of her life, I love control. I want this slave to be collared and call me sir, I want her to understand that her pussy and ass are my property for my enjoyment. I want her to strip and get in position to be fucked at my command, whenever. I want my fiancee an I's D/s to go beyond the bedroom, I feel uncomfortable bringing this up to her, maybe because I don't think it would be right for me to be her master, I don't want her to JUST be a sex toy. I've seen alot of information on the web about slowly and scretely introducing your wife into femdom, but nothing for the other way around. do to legal reasons I'm not allowed to work for a year and she takes care of the bills for now, I'm pretty sure I don't think I'm the one taking care of her enough to be her master. Is it possible the path to starting this is through taking care of her and making her feel as loved by me as possible with a strong sense of belonging to me? I actually learned this from my first Master, who learned it when he first started his D/s lifestyle. When you take a relationship that is built on equality, such as boyfriend/girlfriend or fiancee, and try to tun it into M/s it's very difficult if not impossible. For example, when I first met my former Master he told me what he expected... like I couldn't sit on his bed unless invited, I had to call him Sir, he wanted me to kneel, he want a slave basically. If I had been treated as an equal and then he suddenly flipped it all around and gave me those rule, I would have been very confused and very resentful no matter how much he explained why he wanted that. Your fiancee sees you as her equal, as an engagement/ marriage should be. She may submit sexually, but it's not the same as being a slave. I would say, if you love this woman and you want to keep her in your life, stop trying to make her a slave when she's either not ready or not interested. Talk to her about maybe being co Dominants with another girl who starts out submitting to the both of you. Have a house girl for you both. Maybe you're fiancee would like being a Domme more. You can't make someone be more submissive then they want to be. Trying to force that will only lead to resentment and resentment WILL lead to the end of the relationship. I know this is a board for Masters and I'm defiantly no a Master, I am very much a slave... But you know we have a bit of insight too lol Shylah

sambamanslilgirl -> RE: How could I make my fiancee more submissive? (11/24/2008 2:18:37 PM)
i'm hearing a lot of i want ... i want ...i want in your post and it sounds like you haven't talked to her either. you cannot force her to be submissive/slave to you. for any relationship to be successful, it needs c - o - m - m - u - n - i - c - a - t - o - n.

Aswad -> RE: How could I make my fiancee more submissive? (11/25/2008 6:14:51 AM)
Of course he can, but he shouldn't come here for advice on that, since it would give us a Bad Name™ to be associated with it in people's minds. He would probably fail, lacking the qualities and circumstances required to pull it off, but that's another matter. And, in the end, he would lose what he has, if he were to pursue that course of action, since it is highly unlikely that she would have any regard left for him, and it seems likely he wants her to hold him in some regard, at the very least. So I would strongly advise against it. That said, Shylah made a very good point that I missed in my post. Speaking from experience, it is very hard for a couple to go from a regular relationship to an M/s-lifestyle dynamic. There will be a lot of rough patches, and it will require a lot of communication, along with an unwavering commitment to the chosen course on the part of the dominant, who is the one that has to carry the dynamic through those periods when the slave has a "relapse" into the old mode of interaction. Because of this, it is also important to be clear that this is what the slave wants before establishing such a dynamic, since almost everyone is going to change their mind back and forth several times before actually getting used to the change. The change is the problem, not the dynamic, which is obviously going to be impossible to explain if anyone tries to intervene in the process during one of those days when the slave is out of the space, due to the legal difficulties with prior consent, as opposed to ongoing consent. In essence, whereas a couple getting together in the dynamic from the start can get away with suspense of disbelief, a couple that is transitioning to the dynamic will almost certainly have to move past suspense of disbelief into a reality. Quite simply: it's difficult. Health, al-Aswad.

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