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How could I make my fiancee more submissive? - 11/18/2008 7:57:44 PM

lexttalionis

Posts: 3
Joined: 11/14/2008
Status: offline

Hi, my fiancee and I basically have an understanding that she's completely submissive to me in sexual situations with me having complete control over her. we're both the most important thing to each other.

I have always had a strong desire to have a 24/7 slave who I can care of and love as she were my pet, with complete submission in every aspect of her life, I love control. I want this slave to be collared and call me sir, I want her to understand that her pussy and ass are my property for my enjoyment. I want her to strip and get in position to be fucked at my command, whenever.

I want my fiancee an I's D/s to go beyond the bedroom, I feel uncomfortable bringing this up to her, maybe because I don't think it would be right for me to be her master, I don't want her to JUST be a sex toy.

I've seen alot of information on the web about slowly and scretely introducing your wife into femdom, but nothing for the other way around.

do to legal reasons I'm not allowed to work for a year and she takes care of the bills for now, I'm pretty sure I don't think I'm the one taking care of her enough to be her master.

Is it possible the path to starting this is through taking care of her and making her feel as loved by me as possible with a strong sense of belonging to me?

Post #: 1

RE: How could I make my fiancee more submissive? - 11/18/2008 8:18:35 PM

PurpleSockx

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Joined: 11/6/2008
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It is possibe yes... if she wants it that way too. I'm not quite sure what you mean when you refer to 24/7 because you mentioned that you "I want her to understand that her pussy and ass are my property for my enjoyment. I want her to strip and get in position to be fucked at my command, whenever"... That is fine if you both want it, not judging, but if you would ask me 24/7 means much much more than this. I reckon it's a matter of perception, which is why I pointed how much important it is that your partner agrees because for me, 24/7 means way beyond the bedroom. It means I get my clothes picked by him, what I eat, etc. It goes beyond the bedroom in other words. So I think it's very important that both of you have an understanding of what both of you define as 24/7 before even agreeing to it. But like I said the only way it can happen is if she's into it as well.

(in reply to lexttalionis)

Post #: 2

RE: How could I make my fiancee more submissive? - 11/18/2008 8:20:45 PM

akisha

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Joined: 6/25/2005
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~FR~

You can't MAKE her more submissive. She'll only submit more if she wants to. Pushing could have a very negative effect.

I'd try talking to her first and see what she wants. Communication is the key.

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Post #: 3

RE: How could I make my fiancee more submissive? - 11/18/2008 8:51:20 PM

StrongSpirit

Posts: 575
Joined: 4/10/2005
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Don't demand submission, ask for it.

Or better yet, forget about what you want and concentrate on what she wants. Ask her. Hopefully you will find certain aspects of her sexuality that correspond to yours.

Start light, then ease into more. I.E. start asking to blindfold her and do regular sex, instead of asking to tie her up and take her anally while forcing her to eat another woman out.

When talking to her, pay attention to key words. For example, surprises = blindfold. Rough sex = spankings. Adventurous may be sex in your PARKED car (safe sex = parking brake on). Something new may be role play (maid, etc.)

(in reply to akisha)

Post #: 4

RE: How could I make my fiancee more submissive? - 11/18/2008 8:56:40 PM

KyttynTheMynx

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From: Moosecrotch, Va
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You can lead a horse to water, but ya cant make it drink...

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(in reply to StrongSpirit)

Post #: 5

RE: How could I make my fiancee more submissive? - 11/18/2008 9:02:33 PM

Tantriqu

Posts: 2026
Joined: 12/29/2006
Status: offline

you have to begin with an open and frank discussion of what you want, and think of how you'll deal with answers you don't want. A master is not a bully or a sadist, so if she says she's not into it as far as you are, or into you as much as you're into her, you're not allowed to see red since you first have to prove mastership of yourself and be mentally healthy. It doesn't sound as if you have much experience with BDSM and/or relationships +/- sex, and going slow and with a loving partner is best with any long term relationship, so I second the advice above.

Good luck to you both.

(in reply to StrongSpirit)

Post #: 6

RE: How could I make my fiancee more submissive? - 11/18/2008 9:04:10 PM

SirMIkeSD

Posts: 613
Joined: 3/16/2007
From: San Diego, Ca
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lexttalionis

Hi, my fiancee and I basically have an understanding that she's completely submissive to me in sexual situations with me having complete control over her. we're both the most important thing to each other.

I have always had a strong desire to have a 24/7 slave who I can care of and love as she were my pet, with complete submission in every aspect of her life, I love control. I want this slave to be collared and call me sir, I want her to understand that her pussy and ass are my property for my enjoyment. I want her to strip and get in position to be fucked at my command, whenever.

I want my fiancee an I's D/s to go beyond the bedroom, I feel uncomfortable bringing this up to her, maybe because I don't think it would be right for me to be her master, I don't want her to JUST be a sex toy.

Full time D/s is not about sex, while sex is part if it, it is just that part of it. There are many responsibilities that come with it on both sides and you need to have a very open line of communication. Which you don't right now, work on the communication and then move from there.

Mike

(in reply to lexttalionis)

Post #: 7

RE: How could I make my fiancee more submissive? - 11/18/2008 9:05:02 PM

OrionTheWolf

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Joined: 10/11/2006
Status: offline

~FR~

Submission is not asked for, it is drawn out by a dominant personality. Not sure how to help you with that.

_____________________________

When speaking of slaves people always tend to ignore this definition "One who is abjectly subservient to a specified person or influence."

(in reply to KyttynTheMynx)

Post #: 8

RE: How could I make my fiancee more submissive? - 11/18/2008 10:18:13 PM

celticlord2112

Posts: 5732
Status: offline

quote:

I want my fiancee an I's D/s to go beyond the bedroom, I feel uncomfortable bringing this up to her, maybe because I don't think it would be right for me to be her master, I don't want her to JUST be a sex toy.

Sounds like you are more into the fantasy of control.

You are planning on making this woman your wife, and you are reluctant to tell her your desired dynamic--and you want to dominate her.

What's wrong with this picture?

_____________________________

(in reply to lexttalionis)

Post #: 9

RE: How could I make my fiancee more submissive? - 11/18/2008 10:44:31 PM

DoctorJeep

Posts: 51
Joined: 11/17/2008
Status: offline

Power is given, not taken. There are many ways that you can make the giving seem like the right thing to do, but she has to be willing to go "there" in the first place. You must talk with her about this and assume that you are going to go slowly. More to the point, unless you feel that you are truly worthy of taking what is given, you will not be able to claim it properly. Perhaps you should hold off for that year and get yourself in the right headspace.

(in reply to lexttalionis)

Post #: 10

RE: How could I make my fiancee more submissive? - 11/18/2008 11:48:45 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lexttalionis

Hi, my fiancee and I basically have an understanding that she's completely submissive to me in sexual situations with me having complete control over her. we're both the most important thing to each other.

I have always had a strong desire to have a 24/7 slave who I can care of and love as she were my pet, with complete submission in every aspect of her life, I love control. I want this slave to be collared and call me sir, I want her to understand that her pussy and ass are my property for my enjoyment. I want her to strip and get in position to be fucked at my command, whenever.

I want my fiancee an I's D/s to go beyond the bedroom, I feel uncomfortable bringing this up to her, maybe because I don't think it would be right for me to be her master, I don't want her to JUST be a sex toy.

So don't see her as only that and don't treat her as that. People have an amazing ability to many things all at once.

Now, as the others have mentioned... you can't make her be more submissive. She'll either feel submissive towards you or she won't. You can change your behavior to try and get a greater submissive response from her but it may not work.

It seems from your post that she is already sexually submissive to you but it also seems a bit like you are focusing on the sex part. When you say you want to control everything in her life you need to think about that very carefully. Do you want to control (and therefore have to decide and issue your order) what brand of tampons she buys, when she is allowed to call her mother, when she can buy socks, what soda she can have at the movies when she is out with her friends, what kind of toothbrush she can have, when she is allowed to go to bed, etc. Or will you want to delegate some of that back to her?

You'll want to think about that before you talk to her.

quote:

I've seen alot of information on the web about slowly and scretely introducing your wife into femdom, but nothing for the other way around.

I strongly discourage trying to be sneaky about it. She may be feel betrayed and could end up resenting you and rejecting everything out of hand.

quote:

do to legal reasons I'm not allowed to work for a year and she takes care of the bills for now, I'm pretty sure I don't think I'm the one taking care of her enough to be her master.

So? Do your hands work? Can you replace the oil in the car, do some chores around the house, put together a bookshelf, take the pets to the vet or do you just watch TV all day? Val spent a lot of time out of work when he first moved in but he was still in charge. Regardless of who is making money, as long as everything gets done in a manner that works for everyone, I don't see any problem. I feel too many people think that money is only way of taking care of people - be it their slave, their spouse or their child. Money is a requirement but not it does not determine who holds the power.

quote:

Is it possible the path to starting this is through taking care of her and making her feel as loved by me as possible with a strong sense of belonging to me?

Yes, it is very possible for her to feel both loved and owned by you. You will have to put in effort (just as for any relationship) to accomplish both but we feel the result is well worth it.

Hopefully some of this was useful to you.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to lexttalionis)

Post #: 11

RE: How could I make my fiancee more submissive? - 11/19/2008 3:40:52 AM

Lashra

Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline

The truth is you cannot make her more submissive, she will give what she can but only if she desires too. Perhaps she is not slave material, not every submissive is and if you try to force her to be something she is not, it will have unpleasant repercussions. Tread lightly and carefully, communicate with her and see where her head is at.

Good luck,
~Lashra

_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”

(in reply to lexttalionis)

Post #: 12

RE: How could I make my fiancee more submissive? - 11/19/2008 5:39:50 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

You work on yourself. No sensible woman will submit totally to a man who doesn't have a good track record in decision making. She may be earning but are you studying or volunteering to get experience in your chosen field? Who is in charge of budget planning? Do you think things out or tend to make decisions without gathering all needed info? How often do you fuck up?

Do you keep your word in all things so she can trust you? Do you claim that she can talk to you about everything yet you blow up and get angry if she says anything critical? Since you're home and she isn't, what are you doing with yourself or do you leave her all the housework? Do you pay attention to her, to what she needs and wants?

Prove yourself someone worth following and then if she's submissive, she will follow you. Prove yourself someone not worth following and it won't matter if she has doormat stamped on her forehead she still won't allow you to make all kinds of bad decisions for her.

Make yourself into a good dominant and then see what happens instead of trying to change her.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to Lashra)

Post #: 13

RE: How could I make my fiancee more submissive? - 11/19/2008 11:08:32 AM

WinsomeDefiance

Posts: 6719
Joined: 8/7/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: OrionTheWolf

~FR~

Submission is not asked for, it is drawn out by a dominant personality. Not sure how to help you with that.

Hello lexttalionis,

I'll share a couple of things, that I hope are helpful. First, what Master Orion and others have responded with is - in my experience - true. I talk and interact with many who identify as dominant, but when I interact with one that I persoally identify as dominant, every natural instinct within me just screams to surrender. This is not saying you are or aren't dominant, only that for many, it is not an affected choice, but rather an instinctual response, and that can be asked for, but hard to get in any measure of authenticity.

Now, as for your other questions, being in a relationship and wanting to give of yourself, just seems like a good way to endeavor to keep things healhty and happy and prosperous. It sounds like your situation isn't ideal, but your heart and mind are in the right place. I wish you the very best and all you dream for. Best wishes in your search,

WinD

(in reply to OrionTheWolf)

Post #: 14

RE: How could I make my fiancee more submissive? - 11/19/2008 6:02:47 PM

StrongSpirit

Posts: 575
Joined: 4/10/2005
Status: offline

I disagree with the romantic, poetic BDSM philosophy that some of you are using.   It is pretty, but not helpful.

1. The difference between 'asking for submission' and 'drawing it out' is not useful. They are opposing viewpoints. I am saying "don't be too dominant" you are saying "don't be too submissive".   Inexperienced dominant people don't need to be told when they are being submissive. But many of them DO need to be warned about pushing too hard.

2. I have a serious issue with the words 'affected choice, but rather an instinctual response'. That wording implies a belief that people are faking it. Or that they are somehow 'lesser'. Like all claims of being a 'true dom/sub/masochist', it a prideful statement, not something that is actually helpful. I.e. if you are were in fact correct, then there is nothing he can do as he clearly has not 'drawn out her submission.'

3. I have found that the world is NOT black and white. There are many shades of gray. And colors.

Some people are very dominant and inspire submission from some people, but inspire nothing but revulsion in others. That is, just as being a straight man does not mean that I am attracted to all women, being a submissive woman (or man) does not mean you will be submissive to all men (or women).

In addition, just as people sometimes fall in love with someone they don't start out loving, people sometimes become submissive towards people that they did not start out feeling submissive to. And vice versa. I have seen people start out feeling submissive to others, and after a couple years feel nothing.

As such, I repeat my advice: Don't push too hard, find out what your fiancee desires. Don't give up if she does not immediately fall all over herself to become your slave.   All relationships require work, but they do grow. It works better if you move slowly and assist it's growth rather than attempt to force it.

(in reply to WinsomeDefiance)

Post #: 15

RE: How could I make my fiancee more submissive? - 11/19/2008 6:42:15 PM

DavanKael

Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
Status: offline

Gotta say, not a fan of the idea of subversion.
Also, some people just won't give things a whirl nomatter what (My ex- completely refused to entertain being my Master and having D/s dynamics in our relationship).
Have a conversation, or several.
Have these conversations and be sure you can live with the answers before you make that commitment of being more than each others' fiancees.
Davan

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(in reply to StrongSpirit)

Post #: 16

RE: How could I make my fiancee more submissive? - 11/19/2008 6:54:40 PM

ExKat

Posts: 300
Joined: 8/25/2008
Status: offline

I'm with the crowd that's pro- OPEN and FRANK DISCUSSION.

You know she's partly submissive. I'm not sure what your idea of 24/7 is, but she might well be into it, since she likes being ordered around in the first place (although judging by your secret longing for 24/7, perhaps your little bedroom arrangement with her is a secret as well? One that only you know about and/or realize?)

Because she's the only source of income, she might not enjoy stepping into hardcore household service. She might not like working all day to support you and then coming home to scrub the toilet for six hours. However, if your idea of 24/7 is having sex on your terms or your girl getting you a soda once in a while, I think you'll have a mighty good chance of her accepting.

A straight-forward approach, telling your girl what you want: honest, domly, and hot.
Being subversive and sneaky and lie-y: dishonest, shady, undomly, and totally lame.

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(in reply to DavanKael)

Post #: 17

RE: How could I make my fiancee more submissive? - 11/19/2008 7:34:11 PM

WinsomeDefiance

Posts: 6719
Joined: 8/7/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: StrongSpirit

2. I have a serious issue with the words 'affected choice, but rather an instinctual response'. That wording implies a belief that people are faking it. Or that they are somehow 'lesser'. Like all claims of being a 'true dom/sub/masochist', it a prideful statement, not something that is actually helpful. I.e. if you are were in fact correct, then there is nothing he can do as he clearly has not 'drawn out her submission.'

Hello StrongSpirit,

Taken out of context, meaning that my answer was purely from my perspective and how I relate to things, which i all I have to offer here, I can understand that in general what I said could be construed in such a way. It is not anything I would WANT to be taken from what I said, because it certainly wasn't in my heart nor my intention to imply such a thing. I've never considered anything to be lesser or greater than another, unless I was considering how it works for me. What advise I offer, isn't always wise or helpful to everyone, no matter how much I might wish it to be.

< Message edited by WinsomeDefiance -- 11/19/2008 7:35:43 PM >

(in reply to StrongSpirit)

Post #: 18

RE: How could I make my fiancee more submissive? - 11/20/2008 2:20:57 AM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: StrongSpirit

Don't demand submission, ask for it.

Maybe both... maybe neither... There are many tools/approaches.... I don't believe in just one tool. People are complex beings that often times it is a mixture of things that starts that power dynamic between two or more individuals to develop and be maintained. I believe that these relationships are as much about artistic talent as they are about skilled abilities.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to StrongSpirit)

Post #: 19

RE: How could I make my fiancee more submissive? - 11/20/2008 2:39:27 AM

tweedydaddy

Posts: 673
Joined: 9/1/2008
Status: offline

If you are going to be living off her for a year, I wouldn't advise you to push your luck! She sounds like a saint, better keep her away from this lot!

(in reply to lexttalionis)

Post #: 20

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