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RE: mmm...feeling discouraged. - 12/22/2005 8:12:28 AM

veronicaofML

Posts: 1317
Joined: 11/19/2005
From: from iowa..now in wisconsin
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So does that make me less submissive
-----------NO!

or just molding D/s to fit my personal life?
--------YES!
do your own thing.............."I" do!

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RE: mmm...feeling discouraged. - 12/22/2005 9:15:30 AM

nelbot

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It is my firm opinion that just because other people live my certain rules, formalities or requirements doesn't mean that it is right for everyone. Personally I think I would vomit if I had to refer to myself in the third person and so respectfully tell Gor Masters thank you but no thank you. it will all depend on the Master you serve and what he wants so when you are meeting Doms and looking for one to submit to, keep that in the back of your mind that you are also looking for someone whose vision of your service will be one that you can embrace as your own, that is much more important than worrying now about all the rules and formalities that some people use, it is not your concern to worry about that, it is your Master's.

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of pleasure and pain both have their gain for
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RE: mmm...feeling discouraged. - 12/22/2005 9:38:53 AM

Phoenxx

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From: Swift Current
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quote:

ORIGINAL: afmvdp

While there may be no "one true way" for all, there often is "one true way" for the one or the pair or the group, and as such that should be respected. I really think all too often the "your kink is not my kink" mentality leads to the my way is better than yours rather than, I accept your ways as your ways but they are not mine and we can both respect our differences.

I think the problem comes when people who find their own one true way feel it is up to them to enforce that way on others. For example, a formal dinner party at which a triad is told either one of them must be left behind, or "volunteer" to serve along with the other house slaves.
And yes, this can and has happened.
Sure if it’s your party you get to set the rules. But then do not try and open the party to people you know will have moral or personal issues with your rules.
Instead, offer to met them half way. Hold your event with high protocol and enjoy it, and then have an “open house” where you can showcase your rituals and etiquette.
Saying you have the one and only true way is a form of fanaticism, be it in BDSM, religion or how to cook turkey. And to me it is a sure sign of a closed mind.
Your mind is open when you can mean it when you say something like, “Sure it’s not for me, but there is a beauty in it anyway.”
Tony

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RE: mmm...feeling discouraged. - 12/22/2005 9:52:15 AM

afmvdp

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I completely disagree. Why should someone lighten up their own beliefs to pacify others? I am not a Buddhist, but I have very close friends who are, something as simple as removing my footwear before entering into the house may seem absurd in my own house but should I expect to just be who I am and they just better bend their own lifestyle to mesh with me since they invited me over? Absolutely not.

While my religous beliefs are far from traditional or orthodox, I am strictly Kosher on a dietary basis, so does that mean when I invite someone over I should just start letting them cook up the bacon burgers since they are my guest so surely I have to allow my standards to bend a bit. It's an absurd and genuinely mind boggling mindset.

If you are entering into someone elses space, you do so under THEIR rules, if you cannot abide by those rules then you clearly state that because of your own personal beleifs you would be unable to comply with their guidelines and will be unable to attend under those conditions, then if they are willing or desiring of giving you a pass due to such then it is their option but to assume that they should just whimsically change their own lifestyle so that it matches with others is unbelievable.

I fully agree about people trying to impose such beliefs when in free space, but entering into someones home is a far more personal thing and should be treated as such with respect, courtesy and the utmost consideration. If you are in a club or play party there are normally set rules and guidelines that are more lax and bending but private parties or personal scening, it just goes with the territory. Part of why I don't go to the local Gor underground play parties, I respect their ways but they are not mine and as such I would have no desire of participating because I do not follow along with many of their belief structures regarding trading and swapping and blah de blah. The point being that I know this before hand and I would never expect them to change for me or mine, so I simply don't attend because in my mind going while being vehemently opposed to participation would make no sense and be disrespectful to them and their ways.

I just really don't understand how anyone could take your view though, since when did having personal absolutes make someone a fanatic? I just think it comes with mutual respect and co-existance. You don't need to be a part of something you disagree with, it's called declining an invite.

< Message edited by afmvdp -- 12/22/2005 10:01:04 AM >

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RE: mmm...feeling discouraged. - 12/22/2005 11:38:33 AM

FelinePersuasion

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I belive he ment it makes someone a finatic when they feel their view of the one true way must be your veiw as well or you're not real.

Like When I identified as a submissive, I was told by a couple who made their slave beg before entering, that I was not a true submissive because I didn't abase myself and beg entry to the chat. Like they made theirs do.

I personally think it's silly to come to a chat room and then post I sit in the corner till someone says I may chat. Because nobody pays any attention to them, most the time, and because I never was one who was good at be seen and not heard lol. My X was always reminding me that was little one forgetting something in speaking freely when she was not given the command speak freely.

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RE: mmm...feeling discouraged. - 12/22/2005 11:53:16 AM

afmvdp

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and I agree with the fact that you should not be told you are not something because you are not as others YET again, if you are going to a site, for instance let's use Gor again for example, that you know going in you'll have very different views from then you really should expect to get that type of response or likewise on someone's personal BDSM site forum and making a comment directly contradicting their own. If you know this going in, then you do so at your own choice and would be better off finding more like minded people then forcing yourself on people who find your actions disappropriate and disrespectful conduct.

If I went into a christian chatroom and spouted out "so you guys are still sticking to that whole virgin birth thing, eh? " I doubt my welcoming would be with open arms and I'm quite certain they would all be pretty quick to try to tell me why taking an opposing view is wrong and spout out a million and one examples and all the "proof" they can muster... would it change me? absolutely not. Should I of expected it by going into someplace knowing full well that I have a fundamental difference in mindset, absolutely yes.

People can be determined in their own beliefs and it should not offend others that they are so devout. It's just about accepting differences. In that persons mind, being a submissive may require something that to you being one does not but it does not make either of you wrong.

Again, I am just as much against these same people trying to "force" their views on others as I believe we all have our own paths to follow and what is working for me would never work for someone else. That wasn't what the poster had said though, despite it being what they may or may not of meant as my psychic abilities are not quite up to par perhaps.

< Message edited by afmvdp -- 12/22/2005 11:56:37 AM >

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RE: mmm...feeling discouraged. - 12/22/2005 12:04:51 PM

sothernnyte

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Sweet
no reason to get discouraged. learning as much as you can from what you read and here and experience is a wonderful way to begin...

but when it comes down to you and your Dominant, those rules may be completely different. most of what i have seen and learned are the basics... not necessarily a must.

if you have a Dom/Domme, many times They have Their own preferences on how They wish things to be done. maybe They like eye contact by you... maybe They want certain kneeling positions...expect certain greetings, methods for serving, hosting, etc.

while a wide knowledge is always handy, each Dominant is different in Their needs and what They expect from Their subs/slaves. and until that bond is created, i suggest going as you are going... learning, being open to the differences of the lifestyle, and realizing that no matter how good you are... there is always room for improvement.

and along the way, i am sure you will find yourself and find what ways you are comfortable with therefore helping you make a conscious decision on the type of Dominant you long for as well

sincerely
sothernnyte

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RE: mmm...feeling discouraged. - 12/22/2005 1:47:23 PM

Focus50

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Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
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quote:

ORIGINAL: afmvdp

Anyway, while I agree that finding someone who suits your desires well is going to be a surefire way to have more potential at a good relationship, in the same respect, should it not also be equally at least if not more so important what it is that said submissive or slave is asked to do by their Dom or Master?

The general response to the initial post has been one of simply, if it does not work for you do not do it... and while that may sound great, it can also be rather unrealistic.

You see, if she has chosen to serve a Master and that Master has requirements of her then it is her obligation and responsibility to work through the issues. I think also that many may of missed the point as in her own words she said that she desired to do so but just found it overwhelming.

Unrealistic? There is no indication in the OP that she even has a Dom or Master - which probably explains the general response as I'm sure I'm not the only one who tends to confine himself to responding to what's actually asked or stated....

A quick look at her profile says she is in a committed relationship but I can certainly see how much of BDSM can be initially overwhelming to an *18 yo*!

Focus.

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RE: mmm...feeling discouraged. - 12/22/2005 1:52:54 PM

afmvdp

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I was understanding quite higher levels than that by that age so I don't give the OP a simple pass by matter of age. It's about determination and desire in my mind. The human mind is capable of quite a bit if you're actually willing to push yourself.

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RE: mmm...feeling discouraged. - 12/22/2005 2:25:58 PM

Focus50

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quote:

ORIGINAL: afmvdp

I was understanding quite higher levels than that by that age so I don't give the OP a simple pass by matter of age. It's about determination and desire in my mind. The human mind is capable of quite a bit if you're actually willing to push yourself.

You were? My apologies if I'm wrong but I coulda swore I read somewhere (can't be bothered looking right now) that you started out as sub to a much older Domme....? But you're not a sub now? Of course you didn't say what you were understanding at that particular time, ay? *wink*

Thanks for the lecture on what the mind is capable of, what with us lazy 50 yo's being ravaged with Alzheimers and whatever....

Focus.

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