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Is it possible? - 12/21/2005 6:19:21 PM

SweetEscravo

Posts: 193
Joined: 12/17/2005
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This will probably sound like a cliche question for an 18 year old to ask, but its been on my mind. I have never had sex with my dom before. In some ways it seems to me like the fact that we haven't is slowing our relationship down. I sometimes feel like maybe it would be better if we did, so I could feel like I've given him a part of myself...But don't think this is something I would rush into; he and I have been together for almost two years, but the timing just hasn't felt perfect yet. Should I keep waiting or just do it and feel like I'm giving him something?

Post #: 1

RE: Is it possible? - 12/21/2005 6:38:37 PM

xxblushesxx

Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
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Nothing to be lost by waiting until something (whatever it is) FEELS right to you. This may or may not be the person you are meant to give yourself to.
When something does feel right it feels completely right....no q's, no worries...
You'll know.

Peace;

Christina

(in reply to SweetEscravo)

Post #: 2

RE: Is it possible? - 12/21/2005 6:41:49 PM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
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Two years and no sex? Do you see each other on a regular basis?
Is it more of a service-oriented (outside of sex) relationship?

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to xxblushesxx)

Post #: 3

RE: Is it possible? - 12/21/2005 7:54:14 PM

Focus50

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline

Hmmm, you say you've been together 2 years and you're only 18 *now*? One possibility is that he's concerned about legal repercussions but I suppose if you've been together that long now, that's probably not what's holding him back....

I generally just answer relative to what information is provided in OP's but yours seems to be lacking more basic information than usual.... Two years is a long time for not once enabling "perfect" timing! You don't see each other regularly? And if you're not together, do you know for sure that he's not already in another relationship? Usually when a man doesn't seem to want it, it's because he's already getting enough to satisfy him....

I think you better go to what should be a default setting in any relationship - COMMUNICATION!

Focus.

(in reply to SweetEscravo)

Post #: 4

RE: Is it possible? - 12/21/2005 8:11:49 PM

SweetEscravo

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Joined: 12/17/2005
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I really left out some key details in this post. I am 18 and so is he, so there are no legal problems. Rather, the situation is that we don't live together, as we're in college, so we don't get a lot of alone time. And trust me..there have been a thousand times where he and I both wanted to have sex, but he and I are both trying to wait. We're engaged, and have been wanting to wait til we're married, but both our wills have been wavering. So it isn't that we don't WANT sex, rather that we're trying to wait. I still consider myself a virgin, and would love to give my virginity to the man I love, my master and my husband, but in order to do that, we have to wait. Our problem is that we don't want to wait anymore, and I'm starting to wonder why we should at all. Hope this clears things up a little.

(in reply to Focus50)

Post #: 5

RE: Is it possible? - 12/21/2005 8:11:58 PM

Sensualips

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Joined: 10/8/2005
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Have you had sex with any partner? I guess I am just wondering what your sexual experiences have been. You have been "with" this man/Dom since you were 16. Has it been a monogamous relationship? Is he older than you? How much older? Is your play completely nonsexual or are you just talking about intercourse? Have you specifically discussed this? When you are together has he asked (through actions or otherwise) for sex?

While there is nothing wrong with waiting until you are comfortable, if you set yourself up for a romanticized perfect experience I feel you are likely to be disappointed. Nothing can live up to the hype, you know? Be realistic.

EDIT: Oops, you answered several questions already. It really seems like this has little to do with s/D and is just two young committed people struggling with the give-in-or-wait thing. Only you can decide how important that is to you.

When you say you consider yourself a virgin, I get a little uneasy feeling that maybe you have had some not-so-great sexual experiences in the past and that is also influencing this waiting period and ideal timing thing.

< Message edited by Sensualips -- 12/21/2005 8:18:04 PM >

(in reply to SweetEscravo)

Post #: 6

RE: Is it possible? - 12/21/2005 9:13:06 PM

FangsNfeet

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Joined: 12/3/2004
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Sex happens when it happens. Hopefully it will happen when you feel it to be right for both of you. Just remember that Sex has been known to change everything. It's made some relationships stronger and caused others to break up. Where ever this particular relationship goes, remember to not have regrets. They do nothing but hold you back from going forward.

_____________________________

I'm Godzilla and you're Japan

(in reply to SweetEscravo)

Post #: 7

RE: Is it possible? - 12/21/2005 9:38:19 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
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You need to evaluate WHY you want to wait. What is it giving to you? How is it serving you both? What will you lose if you choose not to do so? What will you gain if you choose not to do so? Why "sex" and not "kissing"? Why "sex" and not "groping"? Why is "sex" the line for you?

Losing virginity/having sex with someone for the first time is a symbol. You need to figure out what that symbol means, why it means that and whether you want that symbol in your life.

The actual act of sex for the first time is rarely memorable beyond it being "the first time" and the symbology behind that.

So, you go through all that and decide what will serve you best, tomorrow and in ten years.

(in reply to SweetEscravo)

Post #: 8

RE: Is it possible? - 12/21/2005 9:38:21 PM

amayos

Posts: 1553
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: New England
Status: offline

My opinion: Have sex. It's fun.

(in reply to SweetEscravo)

Post #: 9

RE: Is it possible? - 12/22/2005 2:13:22 AM

Focus50

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetEscravo

I really left out some key details in this post. I am 18 and so is he, so there are no legal problems. Rather, the situation is that we don't live together, as we're in college, so we don't get a lot of alone time. And trust me..there have been a thousand times where he and I both wanted to have sex, but he and I are both trying to wait. We're engaged, and have been wanting to wait til we're married, but both our wills have been wavering. So it isn't that we don't WANT sex, rather that we're trying to wait. I still consider myself a virgin, and would love to give my virginity to the man I love, my master and my husband, but in order to do that, we have to wait. Our problem is that we don't want to wait anymore, and I'm starting to wonder why we should at all. Hope this clears things up a little.

My experience is that relationships are just like all living things; they're either growing or dying. Even in a state of flux, you're not growing so it's an indicator that the alternative is probable - if you allow it....

It's ok to wait if you have a valid reason but to wait for the sake of it seems an unnecessary barrier that will only cause frustration and resentment. I'm not one for telling teens to "go for it" but if you've already invested two years together, you either need to allow the relationship to progress to the next logical and natural level or seriously address why you're allowing it to stagnate this way.

So as I said initially - COMMUNICATION!

Focus.

(in reply to SweetEscravo)

Post #: 10

RE: Is it possible? - 12/22/2005 6:04:01 AM

DelRey

Posts: 314
Joined: 12/3/2005
Status: offline

awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww...........

so sweet.

I could jump on one of the 100,000 soap boxes and preach with some long diatribe as I am certain other may do. But I resist and simply offer this OPINION.

Sex is the reason we are on this planet for the short time we are. IT'S GOOD !
Think about it......

del Rey

(in reply to SweetEscravo)

Post #: 11

RE: Is it possible? - 12/22/2005 6:20:42 AM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

DelRay:

quote:

Sex is the reason we are on this planet for the short time we are. IT'S GOOD !

Sweet mystery of life....solved!

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to DelRey)

Post #: 12

RE: Is it possible? - 12/22/2005 6:42:08 AM

wolffeathers

Posts: 315
Joined: 8/6/2005
From: Clearwater
Status: offline

My question is this, what do you mean that you still consider yourself a virgin?

Sex is great and all, and I wish I could get it from my slave, but there may be reasons (way to many in my case to go into).

However, if your BOTH virgins, don't think that the first time, or first few times, are going to be good.

Now, I wish I had kept my virginity longer then I had. Might have kept me from telling myself that I was submissive for four years, then finally finding out that, no, I'm not......(really long story)

Just, don't lie to yourself, and think think the time is right when it's not. Hold out is my two cents.

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 13

RE: Is it possible? - 12/25/2005 6:13:54 AM

sweetpettjenny

Posts: 674
Joined: 11/7/2004
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Sex happens for me when the feelings of love and loyalty arrive.

(in reply to SweetEscravo)

Post #: 14

RE: Is it possible? - 12/25/2005 8:24:34 AM

sub4hire

Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

It sounds like you've talked it out and both want to wait. So wait.
My first boyfriend I was with 5 year's...we waited 2 before we had sex. Second was my first dom we waited a year and a half. It is pretty common for some to wait to know it is the right person. For other's it isn't.
It's all what it means to you. If you've waited this long because you want to make love to your husband and he his wife. I'd suggest waiting it out it will be worth it in the end.

(in reply to SweetEscravo)

Post #: 15

RE: Is it possible? - 12/25/2005 11:11:59 AM

Lyku

Posts: 72
Joined: 11/12/2005
From: Buffalo, NY
Status: offline

Alright...I'm going to mediate and combine the two big themes.

The First:
Hold off on sex until marriage since that seems to be what you two want deep down.

The Second:
Have sex because it is oh so good. Mmmmm....sex....

The Solution:
Option 3:

Wait until marriage then fuck like rabbits. =)

_____________________________

If I took life deadly serious, I might of accidently killed myself by now. O.O

For the dear ladies. How to cope with stress:
Take a deep breath
Relax
Submit

It's just three easy steps.

(in reply to sub4hire)

Post #: 16

RE: Is it possible? - 12/29/2005 7:46:07 PM

Voltare

Posts: 841
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: Santiago, Chile
Status: offline

Well, this is one of those questions that never seems to have a right or wrong answer, just assholes (erm, opinions.)

I had sex at 16, and don't regret it. I've had my share of partners, and don't regret that either. I don't think my girl and I feel some sense of loss because we weren't each other's first - in fact, she's told me once or twice she's glad I had a chance to learn how the hell it all works before we met, so that she could enjoy it. But, that's just my experiance.

A few years ago, I dated a virgin. I dated her for almost two years, and I loved the hell out of her. She was also 18 (I was 23 or 24 at the time, I think.) It was frustrating as hell for me, though we certainly did quite a bit outside intercourse, but like you, she wanted to wait to be married - a large part of this was religious on her part. In the end, she ended up having sex with some guy she barely knew in a drunken 3-some. Obviously, this story could have gone several ways - she and I might have been married, and I'd have been her first. She might have married some other nice boy who was also a virgin. She also might have been raped in the back of a dark ally - and ended up hating sex the rest of her life. The point is, that there are always many, many different possibilities of the future. If you choose to not have sex, for whatever reason, you alone will be the one to benefit or suffer the consequences. If you're proud of waiting, and it makes you happy, then wait. If you're plain sick of it, but looking for a reason to stop waiting, you only have to look as far as the mirror. All the advice in the world will probably become useless, except the knowlege that you're the one who has to live with your choices. Personally, if I had waited 14 more years to have sex, I'd probably be in a looney bin by now. Life is yours to enjoy, however you want to enjoy it. Don't blame anyone else for your choices, and don't feel bad for enjoying the things you like.

Good luck,

Stephan

_____________________________

http://www.vv3b.com/

"There is always some madness in love, but there is always some reason in madness." - F. Nietzsche

(in reply to Lyku)

Post #: 17

RE: Is it possible? - 12/30/2005 8:32:02 PM

Petruchio

Posts: 1615
Joined: 2/6/2005
Status: offline

Wow, Focus. Well thought and well worded. Many more posts like that and you'll suck all the subs away from the rest of the doms!

Besides generally agreeing with Focus, I opine you have do what the two of you believe is right.

I'll also add that after dating Catholic girls in my teen years, I grew addicted to oral sex. I don't regret it at all.

(in reply to SweetEscravo)

Post #: 18

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