Trust

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Hisunfoldinglily -> Trust (11/20/2008 3:16:10 PM)
Trust is a strange word at times. But it has powerful meaning. It can make or break any type of relationship. It is also a very fragile thing. Ssomeone can spout off the meaning of trust all Tthey want. But to really, really know the TRUE meaning of trust is another thing. Tthey can also say whatever Tthey want to gain a trust. Ultimately it all comes out and more than trust is shattered to possibly the point the Oother will ever be able to trust Aanother again. The games Ppeople play with trust can also cause a trust that has been worked on and developed for years to waiver. But Tthey will NEVER make that go away. In fact, it usually makes that trust stronger and better than ever in the end run. What drives a Pperson to act this way? i honestly don't know since my mind doesn't run that way and i have never understood Ppeople that do work that way. That is why i have always been extremely careful with Wwhom i trust and confide in. It causes so much conflict though when the other is adament that they are telling the truth and you know Wwho you have to trust. If you that trust is broken, are you stupid for believing the other. Where do you turn? What do you say? Wwho do you believe? Do you believe the Oone you have known and trusted so deeply? Do you believe the Oone you hardly know? i really NEED some answers please

LadyPact -> RE: Trust (11/20/2008 3:37:22 PM)
This answer probably isn't going to help you, because whatever this issue you are having about trust is obviously distressing you a great deal. I hope someone will come along and do a better job than I'm about to do. I am absolutely a person who is of the mind that you have to earn My trust. It's a process that happens over time. You have to earn it little by little. If you do something to break My trust, at whatever level that is, oh My Lord, is it ever going to take a long time to earn it back. That's going on the positive hope that there might be some way for that to happen. What's more likely is that the person who destroyed My trust will never get it back. The reason I told you that is because, if it were Me, I'm more likely going to believe the person who has been in My life for years, who's earned that trust from Me, rather than someone that I don't know that well. It's not a foolproof method, but it's most likely the way I'm going to look at it if two different people are telling Me two different things. There's a reason that someone has been in My life a long time and reached that level of trust in the first place. One thing I forgot to mention. A lot of times trust goes hand in hand with a person's level of honesty. So, my question to you is, have you asked?

HeavansKeeper -> RE: Trust (11/20/2008 3:44:17 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Hisunfoldinglily If you that trust is broken, are you stupid for believing the other. Where do you turn? What do you say? Wwho do you believe? Do you believe the Oone you have known and trusted so deeply? Do you believe the Oone you hardly know? i really NEED some answers please Trust is not a two way street. Trust is one's confidence in another's competence. If you don't trust someone, it doesn't matter how much they trust you. I offer a simple analog. "Do you trust me to fly you to Boston?" (I'm well aware we're talking about relational trust, but it's really the same thing.) I do not trust My Pet to fly planes. I don't feel she will do a good enough job, and cannot complete the implied promise. In that regard, I don't trust her. "Do you trust me with your love?" I do trust My Pet with my love. I feel she does a good job with it, handling it safely, and feel she is able and willing to complete all implied promises. 1: All that matters is how you feel. That is for trusts in play. Once a sense of trust is broken, there are really two options: Heal or not heal. Depending on how monumental the issue us, trust can be repaired. If I forget to pick up My Pet after I drop her off somewhere, and I apologize (or tell her it was part of my plan O.o o.O) her trust in me is restored to the point where she will trust me next time I say I'll pick her up. If I sleep with someone (without her knowledge, against her wishes) she, rightfully, will be less likely to trust me in matters pertaining to that stripper in Boston. I mean "in matters of love." Even my promises and apologies will not repair a damage that large. Odds are it will never fully repair, and could be a deal breaker. 2: Broken trust always creates scars, some scars cannot heal, and some heal so poorly you'd rather go get new flesh. Strangers have never lied to you. They also have told you no truths, nor given you any reason to trust you more than, say, a puppy. So someone at Score: 0 is more trustworthy than a Score: -24. Hypothetical: You meet a person, they are a 0. After a few months they move up to a 15 (by being honest and open and loving blar blar blar). You find out everything they told you has been lies. They are now a -15. You meet a new person, they are a 0. You hardly know him, but know a little, they are a 3. 3 > -15. 3: Trust can sway, and quickly, even net changes. (net change is going from a high positive to a high negative.) Most people do this in their heads without numbers, but it proves a point. In short: Trust who you feel like trusting, and only with what you feel you can trust them with.

Hisunfoldinglily -> RE: Trust (11/20/2008 3:46:03 PM)
Thank You for such good advice Ma'am. What You have said is how i have been feeling. Yes, it is difficult at times even when that One has never been anything but honest to me. The Oother does not know the meaning of honesty, was never taught what honesty is, and is inacapable of honesty. Tthey never have been and i saw that right from the start. But i wasa stupid this time and didn't follow my gut instinct from the start.

Hisunfoldinglily -> RE: Trust (11/20/2008 3:50:45 PM)
Thank You very much Sir. Your post helped to give me some very helpful and informative advice. You have given me a great deal to ponder and feel.

greeneyedreamer -> RE: Trust (11/20/2008 5:40:28 PM)
When faced with a new relationship, I start out giving everyone the benefit of my trust. I watch and look for signs that i shouldn't give you my trust. Small things, tiny, and important ones...If you don't blow the small things, i give you more trust. If you don''t deserve my trust, I can pull it back. Yeah i have been hurt and yeah it would be easier to give no trust, but it's not in my nature. Dreamer

mc1234 -> RE: Trust (11/20/2008 6:26:08 PM)
Trust to me has many levels. I begin a relationship trusting - trusting in the fact that this is an honest person, that he won't do me harm, that I'm safe with him - a basic respect thing. I look for little clues which would cause me to pull back. But I don't invest myself emotionally until a much deeper level of trust has been attained. I've only had one relationship where I trusted fully and experienced wonderful feelings and emotions for him .. until it didn't work anymore, that is. But I will give litle bits of trust here and there until one day I realize fuller emotions are engaged. It's my way of protecting myself, I think. Sure, I'll trust you not to hurt me ... but I kinda have expectations that it's not going to work for some reason ... until it's proven otherwise. It's my way of feeling out a relationship without throwing myself over the cliff by trusting fully and then being hurt. So actually after typing all thi

MasterTslave -> RE: Trust (11/20/2008 7:27:20 PM)
I have MAJOR issues with trust myself...I trusted someone years ago and they ended up doing some very horrid things to me and my family...I took some time and trusted another and he was wonderful in many ways...but it took only one thing to make me realize that I had made yet another major mistake in trusting (and now realize what other mistakes I had made in trusting him)...then I found Master T...I had been friends with him for some time and trusted him with friend type things...I started to trust him with my heart...he almost broke that trust as well at one point, but he soon corrected that "issue" and has been nothing but perfect from then on. I think that I am always going to be a little harder on trusting others, I fear for when my kids start dating, feel like I will freak out when my kids say they "love" someone-all because I know how hard it is to trust someone, love someone and then have it crushed, beaten, stamped and left in the cold night. If it is worth fixing to you to forgive and trust again, do it...if not, go away and don't look back. Hope this helps :)

DavanKael -> RE: Trust (11/20/2008 9:34:37 PM)
Trust is one of the absolutes, foundationally speaking, in a relationship. Any number of reasons one may behave in a trustworthy fashion and even when one has behaved in a trustworthy fashion, they sometimes flip-flop and do their very best to destroy trust, regard, etc. The queries you pose seem vague tome, so I am having a difficult time assessing what you are asking directly related to yourself. Would you please elucidate some more to enable a greater understanding and/or more broad picture of what's going on? Davan

DannyDemanding -> RE: Trust (11/24/2008 3:02:38 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Hisunfoldinglily Wwho do you believe? Do you believe the Oone you have known and trusted so deeply? Do you believe the Oone you hardly know? Ideally, you try to find proof one way or the other. If that's not possible, I'd say you err on the side of the deeply established trust. But if you find yourself doing that repeatedly, you should rethink it. Trust without basis is blind faith, and while the world's foremost religions are founded on that, I think it has done the world more harm than good.

IrishMist -> RE: Trust (11/24/2008 4:59:35 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Hisunfoldinglily Trust is a strange word at times. But it has powerful meaning. It can make or break any type of relationship. It is also a very fragile thing. Ssomeone can spout off the meaning of trust all Tthey want. But to really, really know the TRUE meaning of trust is another thing. Tthey can also say whatever Tthey want to gain a trust. Ultimately it all comes out and more than trust is shattered to possibly the point the Oother will ever be able to trust Aanother again. The games Ppeople play with trust can also cause a trust that has been worked on and developed for years to waiver. But Tthey will NEVER make that go away. In fact, it usually makes that trust stronger and better than ever in the end run. What drives a Pperson to act this way? i honestly don't know since my mind doesn't run that way and i have never understood Ppeople that do work that way. That is why i have always been extremely careful with Wwhom i trust and confide in. It causes so much conflict though when the other is adament that they are telling the truth and you know Wwho you have to trust. If you that trust is broken, are you stupid for believing the other. Where do you turn? What do you say? Wwho do you believe? Do you believe the Oone you have known and trusted so deeply? Do you believe the Oone you hardly know? i really NEED some answers please You are right, trust is indeed a very strange ‘word’ at times. It carries different meanings for different people; more than that, when applied to our own life, it also can change it’s own definition. It’s easy for me to say to another that I trust someone; and it would be true to an extent. The question though is; ‘what do I trust that person with?” Do I trust them with my life? Do I trust them to keep their word? Do I trust them to never hurt me physically, emotionally, or mentally? The lists can go on and on. BUT, each answer will most probably be different because each question pertains to something different and can be applied to different people. A good example is my friends….I trust them without a doubt to always keep their word. However, I do NOT trust that my teenager will always keep her word. I trust my co-workers with my life, and most of them I barely know; however, I would not trust the life of my teenager to them. Friends that I have grown up with; I do not trust my life to them; but I do trust the life of my teenager to them. It is indeed a strange word that can have strange meanings at different times and in different situations. What I have learned through the years is to not trust others but rather to trust in my own judgment and instincts about them. If I am wrong, then I have no one to blame but myself; if I am right, then it brings us one step closer to understanding one another…and to understanding where a line may be drawn.

Aswad -> RE: Trust (11/25/2008 6:15:53 AM)
To the OP, Do you trust yourself ? You may find that question answers a lot of what you're wondering about. Health, al-Aswad.

SirDominic -> RE: Trust (11/25/2008 9:59:03 AM)
Had a bit of a hard time following what you are really asking, but what I got from your words: How do you know you can trust? It has nothing whatever to do with what they say. It is the alignment of what they say AND what they do. If their words and actions align, that is a very good indicator of someone who is trustworthy. This takes time. Especially since most people are on their best behavior in a new relationship. Do they maintain that over time, or do they start to slip. If they say they are going to do something, do they follow through? If they fail at this and it is becoming a pattern of behavior, that is not someone you can trust. Do they say the hard (and I don't mean cruel or hurtful) things that sometimes need to be said, or do they always make excuses, or avoid the issue. No one likes to hurt someone they care about, and yet sometimes there is a point where a difficult truth has to be spoken so it can be worked out together. Someone who is caring enough to tell you something you don't want to hear, yet (they feel) you need to hear, that is something that builds trust. If you trusted someone and they let you down, should you feel stupid? No. Trust, like love, always involves taking a chance. If someone fails your trust, that is a failure with them, not you. In order to reap great rewards in love, you have to put yourself on the line. And if it turns out to have been the wrong choice, you should not feel stupid for putting yourself out there. They betrayed you, not the other way around. This only becomes a problem about you if you make the wrong choice over and over again. The question becomes why do you always pick the wrong ones, and that takes a lot of soul searching, and sometimes professional counseling.

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