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How to Help A Dominant? - 11/20/2008 6:39:47 PM

greeneyedreamer

Posts: 442
Joined: 6/20/2007
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Well, I am faced with a problem. My dominant is a financial advisor. Of course, it's not a good time for that. The market is going up and down like a yo yo and I am sure he feels out of control. We don't get to see each other much because of the issues, he works late more than usual. So my question is this, how do I make him feel better, besides just being understanding? Is there a way?

Thanks for the Advice!
Dreamer

_____________________________

Dreamer, owned and ecstatically happy

I am still learning... Michelangelo, age 87

Maybe some women weren't meant to be tamed. Maybe they are suppose to run wild until they find someone just as wild to run with. Sex and the City

Post #: 1

RE: How to Help A Dominant? - 11/20/2008 6:50:19 PM

SirMIkeSD

Posts: 613
Joined: 3/16/2007
From: San Diego, Ca
Status: offline

Do something special for him, it does not need to be big. Just a little something extra submissive wise. Maybe serving him a more formal type dinner. massage or that extra crispness in the Yes Sir/Master. A few small things may help him feel better, but keep in mind this is a very hard time for him. Don't add any extra stress as well, if you can help it. I don't know many who are feeling good right now with the economy in the gutter and the holidays coming up. It is having an impact on everyone, even you I am sure so don't go over the top, small is fine.

Mike

(in reply to greeneyedreamer)

Post #: 2

RE: How to Help A Dominant? - 11/20/2008 7:04:13 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
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Have you been together more than a year? We're getting into the end of the year which is always deadlines and harder work and crunch time, so it might be a normal cycle thing.

Otherwise, just ask. Say "Hey I notice you're working later and we don't see eachother as much, is there something I can do to help ease things for you? Do you want me to bring dinner to the office sometimes?" And possibly remind him that in times of stress, it's even more important to enjoy and remember the good happy things that you're working so hard for (spoken like a true child of a boomer).

_____________________________

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(in reply to SirMIkeSD)

Post #: 3

RE: How to Help A Dominant? - 11/20/2008 7:17:16 PM

NihilusZero

Posts: 4036
Joined: 9/10/2008
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

Presuming he's a caring Dom, even under tons of other things that could be piling up on his to-do list, one thing that is likely to always be poking around his head is wanting to make sure his sub is content and fulfilled. It's not so much as way to counter any concern he may actually have as much as it is a way to caress an inner source of foundation from which he may feel more serene and energized to get other things done.

It's more than just the process of giving him a gift; find ways in which he would most clearly feel that you are wondrously happy having him in your life. Extra points based on how original your means of doing so is.

_____________________________

"I know it's all a game
I know they're all insane
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I know that I'm to blame."
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(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 4

RE: How to Help A Dominant? - 11/20/2008 7:31:41 PM

MasterTslave

Posts: 200
Joined: 8/24/2005
Status: offline

Just try to be his "rock"...try to do little things that would be huge for him. Clean his home when he is at work, do his laundry, stock his fridge with his fav foods/beer...something that is unexpected that he could come home to and be really greatful that he doesn't have to worry about the little things. Be there for him in his free time to either sit with him or do something to take his mind off of the trouble at work. Be a friend, don't freak him out by crying about not spending time with him if he is tired...support him, send him funny emails about investment things, have delivery (paid for by you) lunch sent to his office...use your imagination and you will most likely get a nice little reward.

(in reply to SirMIkeSD)

Post #: 5

RE: How to Help A Dominant? - 11/20/2008 8:01:02 PM

greeneyedreamer

Posts: 442
Joined: 6/20/2007
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Thanks for all of your help. I would never freak out about him not spending time with me. I am almost never a spoiled brat. and he is so good to me. I have let him now that I am here for him and that I appreciate all of his care. NihilusZero is on the right track. He needs not to worry about me and he gets joy from knowing that I understand how he needs to know i am ok. We had a long talk and he's doing ok. I am probably the luckiest woman on earth.

Dreamer

_____________________________

Dreamer, owned and ecstatically happy

I am still learning... Michelangelo, age 87

Maybe some women weren't meant to be tamed. Maybe they are suppose to run wild until they find someone just as wild to run with. Sex and the City

(in reply to MasterTslave)

Post #: 6

RE: How to Help A Dominant? - 11/20/2008 9:26:25 PM

DavanKael

Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
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I view myself as a help meet; a 'right hand man' to a partner, so if he is feeling burdened,perhaps you canfigureout where burdens may be lessened andcontribute in that way, thus fulfilling needs for both of you.
And, Nihilus Zero is a dude to listen to; he 'gets it', imo. :>
Davan

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(in reply to greeneyedreamer)

Post #: 7

RE: How to Help A Dominant? - 11/21/2008 2:15:13 AM

NorthernGent

Posts: 8730
Joined: 7/10/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: greeneyedreamer

Well, I am faced with a problem. My dominant is a financial advisor. Of course, it's not a good time for that. The market is going up and down like a yo yo and I am sure he feels out of control. We don't get to see each other much because of the issues, he works late more than usual. So my question is this, how do I make him feel better, besides just being understanding? Is there a way?

Thanks for the Advice!
Dreamer

It all depends on his character, of course, but I'll provide a spot of advice. I work in finance, too, albeit for an organisation with social objectives, so I experience busy periods/long hours; which may or may not be of use when qualifying the following:

I can deal with my work load and life, which means I don't need a would-be mother running 'round who, while meaning well, is generating the opposite effect of that which she intends. A big thing for me when I come in form work and long hours, is that I need peace and quiet for about an hour to read the newspaper, have a cup of tea and generally relax. If he's anything like me, it may be useful to entertain yourself when he looks like he needs some peace and quiet. I will always make it known when I want something; when I'm quiet, it's a sign that everything's rosy in the garden with regard to the relationship, rather than a sign that there's a problem. 'All depends on his style of communication I suppose: does he speak up when he wants something or needs to discuss something with you? If so, then perhaps he doesn't need or want you to take the initiative.

_____________________________

I have the courage to be a coward - but not beyond my limits.

Sooner or later, the man who wins is the man who thinks he can.

(in reply to greeneyedreamer)

Post #: 8

RE: How to Help A Dominant? - 11/21/2008 3:12:38 AM

allthatjaz

Posts: 2878
Joined: 8/20/2008
Status: offline

When I am fully in control of my working/financial life, I am fully in control of my Dominant side but when 'working/financial goes wrong I lose the hunger to Dominate.
This happened to me last year and up to the point of my personal life turning upside down, I felt ultimately comfortable with my fem sub. Once my life had turned upside down I lost the will to Dominate her, in fact I no longer knew how to Dominate her. It was like writers block!

Be attentive to him through these hard times. Your obviously close and right now he probably just needs to know that nothing more than talking and understanding from you is enough.

< Message edited by allthatjaz -- 11/21/2008 3:13:15 AM >

(in reply to NorthernGent)

Post #: 9

RE: How to Help A Dominant? - 11/21/2008 5:37:26 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

You don't say how far apart you are. Are you close enough to do his grocery shopping for him? Drop off a cooked meal with instructions on reheating?

If not, then about all you can do is mail him letters and cards and the occasional package of cookies. But getting a hand written love letter is always appreciated, even if it's on ruled paper!

_____________________________

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(in reply to allthatjaz)

Post #: 10

RE: How to Help A Dominant? - 11/21/2008 7:38:31 AM

celticlord2112

Posts: 5732
Status: offline

quote:

So my question is this, how do I make him feel better, besides just being understanding? Is there a way?

Give him a hug and a kiss when he comes home at night (yes, guys do really go for that), and if he's seeming stressed or worried, just ask him, in all seriousness, "how can I help?"

If the world is beating him up, make the home environment a place where he can put down the armor and the weapons and have his wounds tended with a smile.

_____________________________

(in reply to greeneyedreamer)

Post #: 11

RE: How to Help A Dominant? - 11/21/2008 1:13:20 PM

greeneyedreamer

Posts: 442
Joined: 6/20/2007
Status: offline

quote:

Give him a hug and a kiss when he comes home at night (yes, guys do really go for that), and if he's seeming stressed or worried, just ask him, in all seriousness, "how can I help?"

I did just that. His reply is that I am an inspiration and he appreciated just knowing I was there for him. It's fine. He told me I make him happy and knowing I will be here when he needs me is all he could ever ask for.

Thanks!!!! Dreamer

_____________________________

Dreamer, owned and ecstatically happy

I am still learning... Michelangelo, age 87

Maybe some women weren't meant to be tamed. Maybe they are suppose to run wild until they find someone just as wild to run with. Sex and the City

(in reply to celticlord2112)

Post #: 12

RE: How to Help A Dominant? - 11/21/2008 1:19:06 PM

lusciouslips19

Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline

Take off his shoes and socks for him and rub his feet. Get him whatever drink he would like. After his shower wait until he is ready to be dried off by you. Make sure to get all those nooks and crannys (ok, maybe make one of those parts wet again).

When I see my Warden tonight, I will do these things and make him homemade pizza from scratch. He deserves it. Its been a rough week for him.

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(in reply to greeneyedreamer)

Post #: 13

RE: How to Help A Dominant? - 11/22/2008 12:00:28 PM

ThundersCry

Posts: 892
Status: offline

Something about a good blow job....seemed to alwayus help me out...

Sounds simple =L=

(in reply to greeneyedreamer)

Post #: 14

RE: How to Help A Dominant? - 11/22/2008 4:23:19 PM

greeneyedreamer

Posts: 442
Joined: 6/20/2007
Status: offline

quote:

Something about a good blow job....seemed to alwayus help me out...

Hmmm a good blow job huh? Is that for me or him? Grins... Loves that so much...
Dreamer

_____________________________

Dreamer, owned and ecstatically happy

I am still learning... Michelangelo, age 87

Maybe some women weren't meant to be tamed. Maybe they are suppose to run wild until they find someone just as wild to run with. Sex and the City

(in reply to ThundersCry)

Post #: 15

RE: How to Help A Dominant? - 11/24/2008 1:26:24 AM

DannyDemanding

Posts: 34
Joined: 11/20/2008
Status: offline

Ironically, there's probably no one more capable of answering your question than she who asked. Who knows your Master better than you do? A sub of mine would know that coming home to find an unexpected new toy to play with would be a welcome and wonderful distraction... so what are the things that delight your Dom?

(in reply to greeneyedreamer)

Post #: 16

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