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RE: Do the semi-vanillas ask you questions? - 11/21/2008 3:01:33 PM   
SailingBum


Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline 		I have a simple don't ask don't tell policy

BadOne

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RE: Do the semi-vanillas ask you questions? - 11/21/2008 4:09:42 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Well I'm out to all of my friends and there's usually a fair bit of questions in the beginning.  But we're pretty open about sex as well.

For me the deal is that if we're friends, then we're completely open to eachother.  If we're not friends, you get whatever I decide your version of the truth should be.

I don't have many friends.

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RE: Do the semi-vanillas ask you questions? - 11/21/2008 5:10:13 PM   
Usako


Posts: 697
Joined: 7/29/2006
From: NYC
Status: offline 		I'm for the don't ask and don't tell idea. I don't give a rat's tush about their sex life and I have no interest in telling them mine. I also don't have any "vanilla" friends because I hate that term and never use it outside of this BDSM stuff since it's the silly code word for "non-BDSM." My friends are just my friends. Most people I choose to be friends with are already odd anyway (have to be to want to be my friends) so if BDSM came up I doubt they'd care. lol

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RE: Do the semi-vanillas ask you questions? - 11/21/2008 5:23:46 PM   
BKSir


Posts: 4037
Joined: 4/8/2008
From: Salt Lake City, UT
Status: offline 		I guess I'm just approachable like that then...  I have no problems talking with the people around me about sex, openly and honestly, and sometimes, when needed, scientifically.  Everything from "No, I find that this brand of lube is better, and this is why...", to "Uhhh, I've never even heard of a human body being able to bend like that, I wouldn't suggest trying." ;)

Then again, they all know that I've worked in the adult toy and novelty industry for a time, and do a LOT of research and studying on many things, sex and sexuality being one of the major ones.  I figure, the more I know, the more fun I can make it for myself and everyone else. ;)  (google Sue Johanson sometime, and find her show, it's awesome, I send everyone looking for her.  I'm SOOOO Sue-Jos bitch).

Seriously though, I've always figured, if someone is ready to ask me a question, then they're ready for the answer, whether they like what they hear or not.  Everyone has sex, everyone should be educated about sex, everyone should enjoy it as much as they can.  If I can help with that, great.  And if I don't know the answer to something they want to know, I'm not afraid to say so, and go learn it myself.


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RE: Do the semi-vanillas ask you questions? - 11/21/2008 5:44:51 PM   
antipode


Posts: 1787
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline
quote:

semi vanilla friends


What is a semi vanilla person?

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RE: Do the semi-vanillas ask you questions? - 11/21/2008 5:57:09 PM   
Roselaure


Posts: 672
Joined: 4/12/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: antipode

quote:

semi vanilla friends


What is a semi vanilla person?



I'm imagining one of those twisty ice cream cones that are half vanilla and half chocolate.

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RE: Do the semi-vanillas ask you questions? - 11/21/2008 6:40:21 PM   
scottjk


Posts: 335
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline 		I'm currently corresponding via email with what you could call semi-vanilla. She's very curious but intelligently cagey. I think she's trying to find a way to justify how she feels one way or the other. Some of the things she's heard and read about are interesting to her, so she tells me. So far... I'm not getting questions just about the lifestyle, but mostly about relationships in general, with a few questions about rough sex, and a couple fantasies.

I guess I'm the mentor/educator type, so these things don't bother me... well not much. :)

Attitudes about mentors seem to include no relationships. LOL


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RE: Do the semi-vanillas ask you questions? - 11/21/2008 7:20:58 PM   
moonvine


Posts: 780
Joined: 11/7/2004
Status: offline 		If anything, I expect they think I don't have a sex life, so no, they never ask me anything.   Cuz fat people don't have sex.  Or so many would like to believe. 


< Message edited by moonvine -- 11/21/2008 7:26:09 PM >

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RE: Do the semi-vanillas ask you questions? - 11/22/2008 3:33:29 AM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline 		I'm out and my vanilla friends know I am unabashed.  I have had more than one vanilla drag another vanilla friend over to see the dungeon and ended up in a Q&A session.

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RE: Do the semi-vanillas ask you questions? - 11/22/2008 5:40:03 AM   
DavanKael


Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
Status: offline 		People who know me know me to be quite sex positive, so they tend to bring issues or thoughts or questions to me.  I am pleased that they think well enough of me to do so. 
  Davan

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RE: Do the semi-vanillas ask you questions? - 11/22/2008 7:46:47 AM   
silkenfire


Posts: 130
Joined: 9/27/2007
Status: offline 		Personally, when I was in Cleveland and an officer/member of a campus Alternative Lifestyles club... that made me fair game to ask. That my roommates were Aravain and DieSchadenfreude also made me fair game...

Now that i'm in the semi-south it doesn't seem to come up as much. Almost all of my close real life friends are on CM (and many just happened to be -- not that I met them here-- I've known AquaticSub the longest of anyone on here I think, at 7.5 years). In certain circles, some people "know" things. but it's still largely don't ask don't tell on the details, to semi-vanillas....but they're such a small part of my life...



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RE: Do the semi-vanillas ask you questions? - 11/22/2008 9:08:03 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: tsatske

Do your semi vanilla friends ask you questions about your sex life as a way of leading into telling you about their sex life and asking for advice on how to be less 'vanilla'? Or am I the only person who seems to attract semi-vanilla people from all around?
If it really is JUST me, I think I should be getting paid for being the good little leather ambasador that I am. (not that I ever wear leather - or leave the country - or - never mind! Just pay up!)


Nope it happens to us all the time.

I think many of our friends are far more kinky than they are comfortable admitting and they still buy into that romantic BS that things will just happen "naturally" than wanting to talk through things with a potential partner. I sort of fear that their "natural" approaches may result in getting someone/getting pregnant or sick if they aren't careful.

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RE: Do the semi-vanillas ask you questions? - 11/22/2008 9:13:40 AM   
CallaFirestormBW


Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BKSir


Seriously though, I've always figured, if someone is ready to ask me a question, then they're ready for the answer, whether they like what they hear or not. 



Yeah, I agree with this... though sometimes, if I suspect that the person really hasn't thought through the possible implications of the question, I'll start with "Are you sure you really want to know the answer to that question?"... if they say yes, it's "no holds barred"... about a third of the time the person pauses, thinks about it a second, says "Uh... that's ok, no thanks" and walks away.

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RE: Do the semi-vanillas ask you questions? - 11/22/2008 9:17:04 AM   
CallaFirestormBW


Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: moonvine

If anything, I expect they think I don't have a sex life, so no, they never ask me anything.   Cuz fat people don't have sex.  Or so many would like to believe. 



Honey, I'm quite large and been larger... and I've always had people asking me about my sex-life... then again, I've also been pretty well known in the fetish/kink community...

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Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Do the semi-vanillas ask you questions? - 11/22/2008 11:18:52 AM   
moonvine


Posts: 780
Joined: 11/7/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CallaFirestormBW


quote:

ORIGINAL: moonvine

If anything, I expect they think I don't have a sex life, so no, they never ask me anything.   Cuz fat people don't have sex.  Or so many would like to believe. 



Honey, I'm quite large and been larger... and I've always had people asking me about my sex-life... then again, I've also been pretty well known in the fetish/kink community...


Well, I was talking about the vanillas, but even here I've seen it.  On another thread I saw someone mention the doms flocking to the "only sub that was under 400 pounds."    On the other hand, there's a whole thread over on Dimensions under the fat sexuality category where people are posting spanking pics, and Hanne Blank, who is very fetish friendly, has done some good work in this area.  See one of her books at http://tinyurl.com/6dezzm (and judging from the price of said book, I'd really better not lose that one, ouch.)

Anyway, we are well off the topic now, maybe it is just because I look so vanilla, but I have it on good authority that vanilla people do have sex lives.

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RE: Do the semi-vanillas ask you questions? - 11/26/2008 6:52:03 AM   
mutual


Posts: 3
Joined: 11/18/2008
Status: offline 		WOULD ANYBODY TELL ME THE EXACT MEANING OF VANILLA//////


MUTUAL..

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Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Do the semi-vanillas ask you questions? - 11/26/2008 6:55:53 AM   
BossyShoeBitch


Posts: 3931
Joined: 1/13/2007
From: South Florida
Status: offline 		It's my understanding that vanilla people are those not into any type of power exchange or BDSM..

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RE: Do the semi-vanillas ask you questions? - 11/26/2008 7:16:25 AM   
trealeon


Posts: 180
Joined: 4/7/2007
Status: offline 		When I lived in NY previously, several people within my extended circle of friends knew and a lot of vanilla girls or new Doms would ask me for training or advice.  Where I am now, no one really knows. I don't think I'm "hiding" anything, I just don't talk about it. I'll echo what "Rover" said in that a lot of times my friends will wonder about the dynamics of my relationship when they see us together. But they usually write it off as her just being over-affectionate and so much younger than me. If someone did ask though, I'd tell them and if they wanted advice for their own relationship I'd give it, with the caveat that they'd need to discuss whatever they wanted to try with their partner first.

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Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Do the semi-vanillas ask you questions? - 11/26/2008 7:47:32 AM   
MsMeghan


Posts: 10
Joined: 11/22/2008
From: Buffalo, NY
Status: offline 		I'm pretty much an open book in all aspects of my life, so my friends all know. Most of them ignore it. My three closest friends are all different: it makes one uncomfortable, it inspires the other to try to "compete" despite the fact that she doesn't have a kinky bone in her body (just yesterday she proudly informed me that she might consider wearing a *gasp* Catholic School Girl uniform if the guy she's crushing on wanted it, and genuinely expected me to be impressed with how hardcore she is), and the third asks me for advice all the time since her relationship is decidedly on the D/s side of things despite the fact that neither of them identify as such.

Mostly they just make jokes. =)

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RE: Do the semi-vanillas ask you questions? - 11/26/2008 8:13:02 AM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mutual

WOULD ANYBODY TELL ME THE EXACT MEANING OF VANILLA//////


MUTUAL..


Vanilla is exactly the same as MUNDANE and refers to people who are not into the same things you aee such as kinkiness, Paganism, medieval things. It is not specifically a kink or BDSM term.

Ergoi Semi-vanilkla would, I immagine, a person who has some interest in kinkiness such as using bondage as part of bedroom or sex games but is probably straight laced out of that situation.


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