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RE: What do you need from your Domme / Master / Mistress ? - 11/22/2008 10:25:33 AM   
BLGirl


Posts: 209
Joined: 10/17/2008
Status: offline 		Honesty, integrity, respect, and the ability to make me feel safe and cared for. Some would say this is a lot to want or expect and some would say not so much, but this is what I require and receive from Daddy. That and a paddle every now and again.
 
Humbly,
BLGirl

(in reply to NuevaVida)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: What do you need from your Domme / Master / Mistress ? - 11/22/2008 11:34:05 AM   
Scala


Posts: 63
Joined: 7/5/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NuevaVida

I used to be of the mindset that serving him as he wished was return enough and I wanted for nothing more. This was well and fine, until the way he wanted me to serve him was threatening my mental health. Then, serving him alone was no longer the fulfilling experience I had previously enjoyed. Now I realize it's easy to say this as long as you're in sync with what you're dominant partner wants. When you're not, "serving him alone" can be extremely unrewarding, and it has nothing to do with one's "level of submission" or devotion.

I'm also of the mindset that issues do not miraculously resolve themselves. If you are unhappy, there are conversations to be had, and there is thinking to do, and decisions to make (in any direction).

From reading your OP, I'm understanding that your Mistress is uninterested in participating in your development as her slave. If this were OK with you, you wouldn't be posting about it here. So the questions I have for you are:

* Are you willing to continue forward and see about developing on your own?
* Are you willing to remain as is, because what you have from her now does not appear as though it will change...?
* What do YOU think the solution is?

I'll use an analogy a wise and dear friend used with me: If you have a pet and do not feed it, do you still expect your pet to thrive? No, the pet will starve. And as the pet is starving, it will no longer behave as a happy, thriving pet, because...well...it's dying.

Are you this pet? Do you want to be?

I wish you well with this - I understand the difficulty.


Dear NuevaVida,

I would not have thought that, all that i feel at the moment could be captured into three words , but your description of "serving him alone" is excactly how i feel. It is very unrewarding and leaves a feeling of emptyness. I have struggled with this for sometime, and I have tried to make some suggestions. Mistress replies that any changes need to come from her so that she has thought them through. Which i agree with ... but i am still waiting.

...but to answer your questions.
I am putting together an email to Mistress which descripes all that I am feeling about our relationship and what I would like to see changed. I will use your pet analogy to make the final point. I will then see what her response is and then decide.

Thank you

Scala

(in reply to NuevaVida)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: What do you need from your Domme / Master / Mistress ? - 11/22/2008 12:03:12 PM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline 		Hi Scala,

I am glad what I wrote gave you some things to think about. The questions were for you to contemplate, and not necessarily to answer on the boards, which it appears you took as such. :)

I gave some thought to the question you asked in the title of this thread. After having some experience with loneliness while in a relationship, I realized the answer to your question is, I need to be wanted, to be and feel cared about, and to be included. Without that, I do not believe I would be happy and thrive in submitting. With that, I would flourish.

_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.



(in reply to Scala)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: What do you need from your Domme / Master / Mistress ? - 11/22/2008 5:44:34 PM   
SthrnCom4t


Posts: 343
Joined: 9/9/2007
Status: offline 		I think in order for it to be a win-win situation, both partners needs have to be met. Needs change over time and so should be discussed and re-negotiated at necessary intervals.

Also, I don't know the details of your situation, but it does sound like you have more free time than she does. If her time contraints are already pushed, but you have more time to serve, perhaps you could find another to serve part-time and that would fill the void?

Sthrn
Honorably served by OttersSwim

(in reply to Scala)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: What do you need from your Domme / Master / Mistress ? - 11/23/2008 7:28:00 AM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline 		Few relationships are static.....perhaps the things that sustained you initially are just not enough any longer. If your Mistress doesn't have any more to offer than what she is already giving and is content with the status quo, the dissatisfaction issue falls to you and you may have to accept what 'is' and not what you'd 'like'

If she's married there may be a limit on what she has available to offer.

You didn't mention what this 'more' is, specifically , or what you feel you're lacking that previously you weren't.

agirl

(in reply to Scala)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: What do you need from your Domme / Master / Mistress ? - 11/23/2008 2:42:59 PM   
SilentTigresss


Posts: 261
Joined: 1/18/2004
Status: offline 		Well, although no advice for a reply to the OP, i just wanted to say thank you...for the post, and the replies.

(in reply to NuevaVida)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: What do you need from your Domme / Master / Mistress ? - 11/23/2008 3:02:47 PM   
Aileen1968


Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Scala
So i guess that my main question is that if you serve your Mistress / Master as she / he wants , do you expect anything in return to balance the relationship and if so what ?

So many questions ..

Thank you for your replies

Scala


He needs the keys to the cuffs.  Other than that...we make it up as we go along.

< Message edited by Aileen1968 -- 11/23/2008 3:04:02 PM >

_____________________________



(in reply to Scala)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: What do you need from your Domme / Master / Mistress ? - 11/23/2008 4:04:39 PM   
sexisubi


Posts: 373
Joined: 11/23/2008
Status: offline 		Ooh thats a great question!

i ask very few things... but the things i do ask for can be complex on there own and open to interpretation.

1. communication... it's the key to any successful relationship and crusual in a BDSM one.

2. Some sort of loving contact.. where that be cuddling or kissing on the forhead, or whatever... i live for apprication personally the feeling of being wanted and appricated is why i enjoy this life style so much.

3. BDSM is great but i cannot forget who i am i ask sometime during the week if we can hold off on the life style so i can read, write a story, play a game, blog on the computer..  

Any relationship BDSM, or vanilla its a give and take sometimes you have to sacrifise but sometimes they also sacrifise even if you don't see it.

(in reply to Scala)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: What do you need from your Domme / Master / Mistress ? - 11/23/2008 4:11:46 PM   
persephonee


Posts: 5089
Joined: 12/15/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NuevaVida

I used to be of the mindset that serving him as he wished was return enough and I wanted for nothing more. This was well and fine, until the way he wanted me to serve him was threatening my mental health. Then, serving him alone was no longer the fulfilling experience I had previously enjoyed. Now I realize it's easy to say this as long as you're in sync with what you're dominant partner wants. When you're not, "serving him alone" can be extremely unrewarding, and it has nothing to do with one's "level of submission" or devotion.

I'm also of the mindset that issues do not miraculously resolve themselves. If you are unhappy, there are conversations to be had, and there is thinking to do, and decisions to make (in any direction).

From reading your OP, I'm understanding that your Mistress is uninterested in participating in your development as her slave. If this were OK with you, you wouldn't be posting about it here. So the questions I have for you are:

* Are you willing to continue forward and see about developing on your own?
* Are you willing to remain as is, because what you have from her now does not appear as though it will change...?
* What do YOU think the solution is?

I'll use an analogy a wise and dear friend used with me: If you have a pet and do not feed it, do you still expect your pet to thrive? No, the pet will starve. And as the pet is starving, it will no longer behave as a happy, thriving pet, because...well...it's dying.

Are you this pet? Do you want to be?

I wish you well with this - I understand the difficulty.


Nueva...

i still cant just snip the quote i want out of a piece...im slow...

but that pet analogy may just be the best thing ive seen in quite a while...stopped me in my tracks...just sayin.

_____________________________

You be the Captain; i'll be no one.

And You can carry me away....if You want to. ~Kasey Chambers

E*Whore, extraordinaire....

Nothing is exactly as it seems~Nor, is it otherwise.

(in reply to NuevaVida)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: What do you need from your Domme / Master / Mistress ? - 11/23/2008 6:26:40 PM   
califsue


Posts: 593
Joined: 2/2/2008
Status: offline 		Without reading all the posts...What do I need??
 
To know that I am the most important thing to him next to his sobriety.
That I am wanted, needed, loved and desired by him.
 
That ultimately we would be able to take it to a full time living loving together relationship.

(in reply to Scala)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: What do you need from your Domme / Master / Mistress ? - 11/23/2008 6:52:22 PM   
LPslittleclip


Posts: 1163
Joined: 9/29/2007
Status: offline 		i just need to see the look on my M'Ladys face when she looks at me and im satisfied.

(in reply to califsue)
Profile   Post #: 31
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