RE: Just Coffee or a Meal?

RE: Just Coffee or a Meal? (Full Version)

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FullfigRIMAAM1 -> RE: Just Coffee or a Meal? (11/22/2008 4:52:30 PM)
I prefer the coffee meeting, and usually it progresses to a sit down for a drink or even dinner if we have chemistry. The reason I prefer a coffee or drink (close to where I live) is because of the possibility that the personality or looks might be completely off. I understand what someone else said about manners, as those are important... But for first impressions, I find sitting accross someone who is too uptight, completely socially inept, or just wrong for me, to be for a bigger commitment than coffee, darn near umbearable. And since I don't like to leave someone there waiting for my return, and never would do that, meeting for just coffee is best. The tricky part though is when meeting someone who lives a little far. In those cases, I try to ask some of the questions about behavior, talk on the phone to get a better feel for the likelihood I would dig being around him for more than 30minutes, before I agree to meet. M

AAkasha -> RE: Just Coffee or a Meal? (11/22/2008 4:56:49 PM)
That's just downright...creepy. When I was single, I had a pretty safe and easy solution. I used to go to a couple of dance clubs regularly with my friends, and I knew everyone there - from the bouncers to the wait staff. I told men who were interested in me to go to that club and meet me there at a certain time/place or ask for me. It was busy enough and public enough that I didn't have to worry, and it didn't require me to go out of my way and create special plans. Most of the men were no-shows anyway. Akasha

AlexandraLynch -> RE: Just Coffee or a Meal? (11/22/2008 7:17:38 PM)
We generally meet for dinner, but I always go with my husband, and knowing that I will be having a large burly ex-prison guard as my escort probably screens a lot of the creeps before the date to meet is made. It also means that I have someone to talk the candidate over with, and since he doms with me, he naturally wants to look the fellow over as well. And if the candidate doesn't show, I'll have dinner out with my best friend, and that is also nice. There are very few people whom I click with well enough in online conversation to even mention the possibility of putting the toy bag in the car for a motel room later. I would have said that I never would. (Except the click has happened for us, and we're meeting him a week from now, and yes, the toy bag will be in the car and we'll see how the meeting goes.)

littlesarbonn -> RE: Just Coffee or a Meal? (11/22/2008 7:19:23 PM)
I had a nice lunch with someone from this site before I left to come here to Korea. I think it was lunch. Anyway, it was a nice afternoon conversation that went really well. I had a strong feeling we would have probably hit it off and explored more in the future if I wasn't on countdown for leaving the country. Either way, it was nice to meet her because otherwise I don't think I'd ever have gotten the chance to meet her in person. Not always does a meeting have to achieve a successful relationship or a failure at linking up. We had a nice little lunch, and we parted on very friendly terms. I'm sure that if we ever end up in the same area again together and are both seeking, we'll probably link up again. I'm a big fan of actually meeting people, even if you meet them for the sake of just meeting them in person to get to know more about them. Not everything has to be about a hook up or a successful, intimate relationship. I'm an equally big fan of making friends of people with whom you speak on the boards, even if it amounts to just that, friendships, which really are sometimes put down to be less than what they should be. I have a lot of friends, and I value them greatly. I'm not talking about potential mates that refer to themselves as "friends" but people you'd actually call up and say "Hey, wanna hang out?" or have them do the same as well. You have to meet those friends somehow, and sometimes this type of meeting leads to just that. Other times, not as much. But you never know until you actually try.

MaamJay -> RE: Just Coffee or a Meal? (11/23/2008 6:24:54 AM)
I don't drink coffee ... but like to do the equivalent of coffee meets. I just call it morning or afternoon tea [:D]. I choose a nice little cafe where it's easy to park and the tables are a respectable distance apart so conversation about some things bdsm isn't a problem if I want it to arise. I've also found that if the person is particularly captivating, it's easy to extend into lunch or dinner! I was however, nonplussed by the poster who said about having to "struggle through dessert". That's NEVER a struggle for Me LMAO! Maam Jay aka violet[A]

MsStarlett -> RE: Just Coffee or a Meal? (11/23/2008 7:00:23 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MaamJay I was however, nonplussed by the poster who said about having to "struggle through dessert". That's NEVER a struggle for Me LMAO! Chocolate does seem to make everything better! Thanks for stories, Ladies and Gentlemen. Sometimes, it's just nice to know I'm not the only one who has screwed things up or done stupid things.

LadyHibiscus -> RE: Just Coffee or a Meal? (11/23/2008 11:33:40 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: littlesarbonn I'm a big fan of actually meeting people, even if you meet them for the sake of just meeting them in person to get to know more about them. Not everything has to be about a hook up or a successful, intimate relationship. I'm an equally big fan of making friends of people with whom you speak on the boards, even if it amounts to just that, friendships, which really are sometimes put down to be less than what they should be. I have a lot of friends, and I value them greatly. I'm not talking about potential mates that refer to themselves as "friends" but people you'd actually call up and say "Hey, wanna hang out?" or have them do the same as well. You have to meet those friends somehow, and sometimes this type of meeting leads to just that. Other times, not as much. But you never know until you actually try. This is so true! I have pretty strict age limits for my primary, but friendship has no boundaries. I have met many people that became true friends, and others that I was able to hook up with successful matches. It's always good to put a face an a voice with the typing.

Coupleofwhats -> RE: Just Coffee or a Meal? (11/23/2008 11:54:17 AM)
When I was open to meeting people from CM, I would arrange it at places that I would be at anyway. No one ever showed. (Yet, I'm often the assumed fake?) These days, I only meet with people who are going to take part in videos: if you can't meet me for 20minutes before the shoot, no play for you!

moonvine -> RE: Just Coffee or a Meal? (11/23/2008 12:32:51 PM)
All the meetings that I've had have turned out ok, with the exception of the one where I actually did meet someone at a munch. That turned out to be creepy and weird, for some reason - it has been so long that I can't remember now, so it must not have been that creepy and weird. I do lunch or coffee, depending on where they invite me. I hate coffee so I prefer it if they invite me to lunch.

FullfigRIMAAM1 -> RE: Just Coffee or a Meal? (11/23/2008 1:34:52 PM)
quote: At one point, he finally grabbed me, pressed me against the wall and lifted me off the ground kissing me and grinding on me. After lunch, when he was walking me to my car... you guessed it... he grabbed me, slammed me against the wall of the restaurant and kissed me. I slapped his face and told him to keep his damned paws off me. That is kind of gross and unfortunate. I cannot stand aggressiveness unless I've asked a boy to touch me a certain way; otherwise aggressive touching of me is the quickest way to make me cold as ice, even hard/aggressive kissing. I'm surprised you didn't threaten or practice any CBT the first time he grabbed you and pressed you against the car/wall. I almost always meet in the mall or restaurant, and there isn't enough room for anyone to get excessively fresh. I have to say, trusting my instincts with someone who is pushy about his sexual thoughts/feelings usually saves me from their aggressive approaches. M

Vendaval -> RE: Just Coffee or a Meal? (11/23/2008 6:55:34 PM)
Well Ms Starlett, there are always a few who still need to be housebroken and taken out on a leash. Most of my meetings have gone well. There are a certain number of no-shows. ( I always bring a book or magazine). And a few creeps that I ditched quickly - "You don't want to walk away. I am somebody in this town!" Yeah, whatever guy. A legend in your own mind. I get it. Next! Most of the time at least we have a nice conversation and some are worth a second meeting or getting to know better.

Khurrem -> RE: Just Coffee or a Meal? (11/25/2008 7:07:00 PM)
I read all these stories and cogent comments with interest, until I came to a new term. I might understand it in context but why not be sure? So! CBT.... I looked it up: Cognitive behavioral therapy (or cognitive behavior therapy, CBT) is a psychotherapeutic approach that aims to influence problematic and dysfunctional emotions, behaviors and cognitions through a goal-oriented, systematic procedure. CBT can be seen as an umbrella term for therapies that share a theoretical basis in behavioristic learning theory and cognitive psychology, and that use methods of change derived from these theories.[1]. RED color is my emphasis. So, this procedure--am I correct in guessing it involves "pee-er pressure" and maybe a twist? (Please excuse the derail.)

MsStarlett -> RE: Just Coffee or a Meal? (11/26/2008 6:27:19 AM)
CBT in this instance means Cock and Ball Torture. Sorry to be so slow to answer. Whenever you don't know, just ask. Someone will know and we are always happy to answer. CBT can be as simple as binding the penis and testicles or mild slapping to rather extreme measures such as acupuncture needles or attaching heavy weights to suspend from the testicals.

mydniterose -> RE: Just Coffee or a Meal? (11/26/2008 10:08:04 AM)
For the most part my rule of a "vanilla" meeting for coffee and/or dinner first, with it quite clear that and conversation is All that will happen has served me well. Of course there is an exception to every rule..... Mine was in the form of a man I chatted with for a while on line and agreed to meet for coffee after work. Well I walked in, reconized him from his photo , went up to him and without a word he put down his coffee and walked into the men's room. Ok, a bit strange, but I figured if ya gotta go... I got myself a cup of tea and waited for him to come out. He did, and grabbed my arm and started to pull me out of my chair. When I pulled loose, before I could ask him WTG?!, he quite sersiously toke me that his scouting trip to the men's room had revealed that "nobody is in there, you can blow me" Ok as I am a switch, I had agreed to meet this mas withan eye towards finding a Dom to mentor me. Gee, he sounded normal when we chatted! Fastest cup o tea I ever had!

RichieB -> RE: Just Coffee or a Meal? (11/27/2008 6:16:01 AM)
I have met with 4 guys for dinner, lunch or coffee from the internet and only one of them did not ask for anything in return. The other 3 thought we were going to do a session on the first meeting. Diane

mummyman321 -> RE: Just Coffee or a Meal? (11/27/2008 6:37:55 AM)
I opt for the Coffee, Tea or Me meeting! [sm=excuseme.gif][sm=excuseme.gif][sm=excuseme.gif]

Steponme73 -> RE: Just Coffee or a Meal? (11/28/2008 7:06:03 AM)
The one's that I have met from this site I have met at Starbucks or some other type coffee shop. I like the coffee shop idea because you have several things going for you. Either one of you can end it at any time or sit and chat for as long as you want. You get a chance to observer the person and how they interact with you and others. Typically in our coffee shops everyone kind of talks to everyone. So that is kind of neat. It is strictly a vanilla meeting so everyone acts accordingly. I "Never" bring up the kink. I let her decide that, I want to see if this person is shallow or has some sense...

boytoyinatlanta -> RE: Just Coffee or a Meal? (12/21/2008 3:11:14 AM)
i prefer meeting in a private setting (coffee or dinner) over that of a public bdsm setting like a munch. But i have noticed that many "public" types have an anxiety about actually doing anything private away from bdsm groups and families.

ItalianSMistress -> RE: Just Coffee or a Meal? (12/21/2008 6:27:49 AM)
Every single person I have ever met has always been at a bar. I dont really go to bars often, perhaps a few times a year, but when meeting someone online or whatnot, that is what I have always chosen, everytime. This way, I find if things are not flowing, there is always lots going on in the background, LOL. I am surprised that no one else does that here....I usually go to the local gay bar, but have been known to call over to a sports bar or something from time to time too. Also, if things are not going smoothly, or I dont like the person, I usually just tell them, there is no point in wasting anyones time, including my own....most take it fine, a couple did not, LOL

MySweetSubmssive -> RE: Just Coffee or a Meal? (12/21/2008 6:45:12 AM)
I'm of two minds on this. Like chia, I feel like coffee can say, "I have little or no investment in this process." With a recent person, we both drove a few hours to meet each other and had lunch. That was gratifying, that he wanted to put out that amount of energy to meet. There have been a few "meet for coffee" people who have showed up and then wanted to talk about BDSM (even though I'm very clear that I only want to talk about BDSM in a first meeting if I bring it up). So, more investment from the other person can be a way to make it more likely that we are on the same page in terms of expectations. On the other hand, I've met people whom I just did not hit it off with, and having to limp through a whole meal with them might have been awkward or painful. laughing Mss

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