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Gaining Trust Back With My Mistress - 12/22/2005 6:14:01 PM   
arson982


Posts: 69
Joined: 12/2/2005
Status: offline 		I have lost some trust with my Mistress. We had a bad strom where I live and my Mistress lost her power to her home. When she got back home and we start to chat online I cut her off. Was kind of rude to her. See she had a stress fill week and need someone to talk with and i did not supply that need for her to dump. What can I do to make up with Her and showing that I do care about her needs
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Gaining Trust Back With My Mistress - 12/22/2005 8:38:49 PM   
MsIce


Posts: 59
Joined: 3/31/2005
Status: offline 		I guess you have to look to yourself. Obviously you are not close enough to provide any sort of support for her, otherwise you would have hopefully been at her house offering some physical support.

SOmetimes D/s, can become a 1 way streeet, the submissive gaining all that they require through submission, but not taking the time to supply their Mistress with any support. I suggest you allowed your selfishness to come before your good manners.

Perhaps you could simply begin by writing a heart felt letter of apology?

(in reply to arson982)
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RE: Gaining Trust Back With My Mistress - 12/22/2005 10:56:48 PM   
ToServeIsToLive


Posts: 222
Joined: 11/16/2005
Status: offline 		i've always been a fan of shaving ones head to repent, but perhaps explanning the sorrow you feel over failing her will help build back trust.

(in reply to MsIce)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Gaining Trust Back With My Mistress - 12/23/2005 5:26:59 AM   
MstrssPassion


Posts: 2444
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: West Palm Beach, FL
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ToServeIsToLive

i've always been a fan of shaving ones head to repent, but perhaps explanning the sorrow you feel over failing her will help build back trust.



Shaving one's head.... hmmm???

How about dry shaving your nether regions & wearing tight jeans for the next week?

(just being the sadist I am & keeping up with my rep of having a twisted sense of humor)

On a serious note, you really blew it. When it comes to trust & respect, once lost it is extremely hard to recover. It is obvious that you had no sense of value for this woman. You did not appreciate her enough to offer a few moments of your time in order for her to release & vent the stress she was suffering. She obviously felt a need to do so or she would not have opened up to you.

If you are going to make any attempt to make up with her, be sure it is a sincere attempt & not treat her as a fun thing to do while online. Even if your involvement is strictly online, keep in mind that it is a real person on the other end typing to you. A real person with real feelings & at times they have a real life crisis. Having a shoulder to lean on is the best thing in the world to have during those times.



< Message edited by MstrssPassion -- 12/23/2005 5:29:33 AM >

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MstrssPassion


(in reply to ToServeIsToLive)
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RE: Gaining Trust Back With My Mistress - 12/23/2005 6:41:10 AM   
FTopinMichigan


Posts: 571
Joined: 7/5/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: arson982

I have lost some trust with my Mistress. We had a bad strom where I live and my Mistress lost her power to her home. When she got back home and we start to chat online I cut her off. Was kind of rude to her. See she had a stress fill week and need someone to talk with and i did not supply that need for her to dump. What can I do to make up with Her and showing that I do care about her needs


If I might ask....how was "trust" lost, because you didn't bother to "chat" with her at that specific time? Was there a very specific part of your relationship that stated you "must" be available to her all the time...any time? Are you not allowed to have stress in your life, and the ability not to be "in the mood" to chat?

Unless you lived with her 24/7, I don't know how it is that you should feel that you broke a "trust," by not being "with" her...online.

If your intent was to be "deliberately" rude and curt to her, then that's another issue altogether.
K

(in reply to arson982)
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RE: Gaining Trust Back With My Mistress - 12/23/2005 8:11:49 AM   
MHOO314


Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline 		How about dry shaving your nether regions & wearing tight jeans for the next week?

(just being the sadist I am & keeping up with my rep of having a twisted sense of humor)


OMG I love that gesture! ( Makes note in the black book of evild deeds to try that...)

I have to agree, trust once lost is very hard to regain, I sent away a sub for that very reason--agreement after agreement to contact daily etc etc--he could not live up to it, I'm over it--the new boy goes out of his way no matter what and he lives 3000 miles away, I always know where he is and what he is doing and he knows the same of Me--Trust, without that, it erodes the key foundation of the dynamic--



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SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor


(in reply to MstrssPassion)
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RE: Gaining Trust Back With My Mistress - 12/23/2005 8:15:32 AM   
YveGee


Posts: 39
Joined: 10/5/2004
From: Dallas - Fort Worth Metroplex
Status: offline 		You lost the trust of your Mistress when she needed you and you didn't respect her need.

My sub is in a similar situation. I needed him for support and I told him so.

He didn't believe me. He was shocked when I later told him that I was no longer comfortable with having him serve me at his convenience.

We are still struggling to work it out. I didn't want to lose him because of all the times he did serve me but I no longer depend on his services.

He was my favorite sub. I wonder if he'll ever be able to regain that status. Maybe, over time, I'll be able to trust him with my feelings again but not anytime soon.

I feel like I have found his limit and, now that I know where his limit is, I'm dissatisfied with what I've learned about him. In my eyes, he is less.

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If you think education is expensive, try ignorance. --author unknown



(in reply to FTopinMichigan)
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RE: Gaining Trust Back With My Mistress - 12/23/2005 11:15:12 AM   
Misstoyou


Posts: 1149
Joined: 9/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: YveGee

... In my eyes, he is less.



Well, *that* should send a chill down the back of every submissive who reads it...

_____________________________

~ Miss Marie

a.k.a. "mean Lady"


(in reply to YveGee)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Gaining Trust Back With My Mistress - 12/23/2005 9:44:43 PM   
arson982


Posts: 69
Joined: 12/2/2005
Status: offline 		i did write back to her and it is hard to read her or i would have gone to her home. I am also thinking that she has been under a lot of stress and has not had time at home and time to realy get to know me. So what I am doing is writing her even though She as not return any thing back to me. Maybe we are not meet for each other

(in reply to Misstoyou)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Gaining Trust Back With My Mistress - 12/24/2005 7:15:30 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: arson982

i did write back to her and it is hard to read her or i would have gone to her home. I am also thinking that she has been under a lot of stress and has not had time at home and time to realy get to know me. So what I am doing is writing her even though She as not return any thing back to me. Maybe we are not meet for each other



If you haven't had time to really get to know each other -- both from what you say explicitly and what I'm reading into your post -- I'd suggest you were trying on a relationship, she was your top but (me being really picky here) not your mistress yet.

It hurts to feel you've disappointed someone but if you don't know each other that well yet, I also think its unreasonable to have many expectations.

It also sounds like she has fallen into the "woman expects the man to read her mind" trap (why the heck do we teach this crap to our daughters?!). You can't read her mind. If she wanted you to be with her or to stay online this early on in your relationship (heck, even after years) she needed to say "do this" or "I need this" to you.



_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to arson982)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Gaining Trust Back With My Mistress - 12/24/2005 8:45:56 AM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		Or perhaps she expected you to know that she needed you..........everyone has their own ideas of what compassion, empathy, and consideration for others really mean. I have "friends" that I talk to socially and have a great time with, and FRIENDS that I could call upon at any time to help me, no questions asked. The same goes for playmates v. submissives.

The TELEPHONE is the best way of getting in touch with someone in these situations, if a personal visit is not possible. Regardless of where you are in the d/s relationship, both of you deserve to have a conversation about what happened, and how not to have it happen again.

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[page 23 girl]



(in reply to thetammyjo)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Gaining Trust Back With My Mistress - 12/24/2005 9:46:44 AM   
domdesires


Posts: 2
Joined: 11/13/2005
Status: offline 		Hello Arson,

Women are complex. I believe a Mistress might be easier to communicate with since the role is already established as to who she is and who you are. If you are a true Submissive you will look for ways to serve her, wait for her to ask, wait for her to call, but only after you have established the open line that you are available for her. You had a reason to be rude or cut her off. If I were you I would evaluate the reason in your own mind, be honest with yourself and communicate with her. Honesty will gain trust like nothing else.

I have an extremely difficult time with trusting. I must hear that the person I am with is genuine, honest, and no matter what, good or bad, it is very important that he communicates it with me. The more you learn, the more you trust about that person.
If you have to repeat yourself, your feelings about how you feel ten times or more then do it. Get on your knees, beg, admit if you were wrong. Don't be a wimp to communicate it, be a Submissive and confess your weakness or your uncertainties, and that your desire is to SERVE HER not yourself. If you are not thinking to serve her, I my mind you are not a Submissive, find a different lifestyle.

(in reply to arson982)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Gaining Trust Back With My Mistress - 12/24/2005 10:59:03 PM   
addcted2it


Posts: 78
Joined: 10/28/2004
From: Sonoma County, California, USA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: arson982

I have lost some trust with my Mistress. We had a bad strom where I live and my Mistress lost her power to her home. When she got back home and we start to chat online I cut her off. Was kind of rude to her. See she had a stress fill week and need someone to talk with and i did not supply that need for her to dump. What can I do to make up with Her and showing that I do care about her needs


Just be honest and express your sorrow that you let her down. I think that any reasonable person would understand that we often say things under stress that we really do not mean. Hell, we're only human. Good luck to you.

- addicted2it


_____________________________

Submission is not an excuse to abuse.
Life is short! Live it to the fullest!

(in reply to arson982)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Gaining Trust Back With My Mistress - 12/25/2005 12:47:48 PM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline
quote:

I feel like I have found his limit and, now that I know where his limit is, I'm dissatisfied with what I've learned about him. In my eyes, he is less.
I found the same (an unexpected limit) in someone I had thought was very comfortable with submitting, and interested in the same long term goal as mine was... Unfortunate, but what to do? M

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a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to YveGee)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Gaining Trust Back With My Mistress - 12/25/2005 5:02:56 PM   
UtopianRanger


Posts: 3251
Status: offline
quote:

Women are complex.


That's an understatement if I ever saw one.

quote:

The more you learn, the more you trust about that person.


Or visa versa. Trust is garnered through consistency in behavior - If you're all over the place day after day, it's going to be alot harder to build up that coveted trust that is essential to a good relationship - Friend or Lover.


- The Ranger


_____________________________

"If you are going to win any battle, you have to do one thing. You have to make the mind run the body. Never let the body tell the mind what to do... the body is never tired if the mind is not tired."

-General George S. Patton


(in reply to domdesires)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Gaining Trust Back With My Mistress - 12/25/2005 10:40:38 PM   
FelinePersuasion


Posts: 4792
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline 		I personally don't think what I heard of the story was worth loosing someone's trust. The must not trust you much if something like that was enough to make you loose it.


I'd be disapointed hurt sure but not lost trust

(in reply to UtopianRanger)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Gaining Trust Back With My Mistress - 12/26/2005 5:54:18 AM   
MHOO314


Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline 		Have we gotten any resolution to this issue yet? Have you spoken to Her?

_____________________________

SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor


(in reply to arson982)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Gaining Trust Back With My Mistress - 12/26/2005 9:30:35 AM   
cbts4gd


Posts: 16
Joined: 12/22/2005
Status: offline 		shouldn't a slaves nether regions ALWAYS be shaved?

(in reply to MHOO314)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Gaining Trust Back With My Mistress - 12/26/2005 1:00:06 PM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline
quote:

shouldn't a slaves nether regions ALWAYS be shaved?
If that is your choice, who am I to say it shouldn't.
I prefer hair trimmed, not necessarily shaved. M

< Message edited by BlkTallFullfig -- 12/26/2005 1:01:05 PM >

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to cbts4gd)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Gaining Trust Back With My Mistress - 12/26/2005 3:07:26 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		Trimmed is good. Otherwise, why should they complain when hair gets caught in the clothespins?

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[page 23 girl]



(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)
Profile   Post #: 20
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