RE: Forgive and Remember, or Forget Totally?

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

RE: Forgive and Remember, or Forget Totally?

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Forgive and Remember, or Forget Totally?

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: Forgive and Remember, or Forget Totally? - 11/23/2008 11:37:24 AM

YourhandMyAss

Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline

I certaintly wouldn't. She had her chance and she blew it and she knew she'd be blowing it. And honestly if someone kept going back on their word to make me behave "or else" for lack of better word I'd know I could walk all over them and then just beg for forgiveness only to turn around and do it later, since I know now they'll do nothing about it nor will they uphold their threats.

It's not worth it to keep trying to make a cheater change. She's already shown just how much she doesn't value what you thought you were building, so why let her stomp on that even more. I would tell her once and only once, You had your secon chance, you blew it, willingly knowing it was your last and only chance, So now yo deal with the consequences of your actions, I certaintly won't be.

Next time I'd recomend holding off on loving someone till you've met them in real life * if you have not met them already* and have spent a good amount of time getting to know their real personality and charicture in real life,. IT's foolish to envest emotions in someone you never even met yet * if you havn't met them yet* or know very well.

quote:

ORIGINAL: CreativeControl

She cheated on me with a Dom in her local area, a friend. She felt terrible, I felt terrible. After a lot of soul searching, I told her if she did it again, I would cut her loose. It would all be over. She swore up and down she would not do it again. I had a knot in my stomach knowing it was going to happen again.

It did.

Question: Do I make any effort for her to try to get her back? Do I give that cheater another chance? Do I set myself up again? What would you do in this situation?

Farris

(in reply to CreativeControl)

Post #: 21

RE: Forgive and Remember, or Forget Totally? - 11/23/2008 12:28:02 PM

Kirata

Posts: 15477
Joined: 2/11/2006
From: USA
Status: offline

I think this happened to dissuade you from the planned meeting, and happened again when it didn't work the first time. My bet is, she is not who and/or what she says. I have a feeling you are going to need to find that out for yourself. But I would expect her to occupy your life with no result for some time to come, like a never ending soap opera, if you try.

K.

(in reply to CreativeControl)

Post #: 22

RE: Forgive and Remember, or Forget Totally? - 11/23/2008 1:43:10 PM

gumshoe

Posts: 68
Joined: 10/13/2008
Status: offline

Question: How can you trust a liar when they promise not to lie again?

(Edited to add:)
Someone once posted on CM a rule of thumb to the effect that don't make someone a priority if they won't make you a priority.

< Message edited by gumshoe -- 11/23/2008 1:48:56 PM >

_____________________________

Where there is no imagination there is no horror, Arthur Conan-Doyle.

(in reply to CreativeControl)

Post #: 23

RE: Forgive and Remember, or Forget Totally? - 11/23/2008 1:56:51 PM

Vendaval

Posts: 10297
Joined: 1/15/2005
Status: offline

Cut your losses on this one and do not invest any more time, money or energy on someone who is dishonest and deceptive.

Take this as a harsh lesson and move on with your life. And you would do well to not rush into another relationship.

_____________________________

"Beware, the woods at night, beware the lunar light.
So in this gray haze we'll be meating again, and on that
great day, I will tease you all the same."
"WOLF MOON", OCTOBER RUST, TYPE O NEGATIVE

http://KinkMeet.co.uk

(in reply to CreativeControl)

Post #: 24

RE: Forgive and Remember, or Forget Totally? - 11/23/2008 5:04:19 PM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

If I asked you if you were willing to sell yourself, even if in a metaphoric emotional way, for sex, I'd bet you'd answer no (or maybe even hell no!). But, in this instance, the question to ask is: would you sell yourself for love?

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to CreativeControl)

Post #: 25

RE: Forgive and Remember, or Forget Totally? - 11/23/2008 5:34:22 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

OP, you never met her. Instead you lost your job and asked her to relocate to save you losing your home. (From other thread he started). You don't know if there is any other guy. All you know is that when push came to shove, she backed off.

Why? Because cyber isn't real. Focus on yourself. Get a new job. Get a roommate if you need. Meet people for real. And the phone calls? Sounds like the speed dial is being pushed in her pocket.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

Post #: 26

RE: Forgive and Remember, or Forget Totally? - 11/23/2008 7:14:31 PM

TNstepsout

Posts: 1558
Joined: 8/3/2005
Status: offline

Run, don't walk, away from this woman. She is obviously trouble. Be glad she is his problem not yours. He WILL regret his decision some day. Find someone stable and healthy who will add to your life, not take from it.

(in reply to MidMichCowboy)

Post #: 27

RE: Forgive and Remember, or Forget Totally? - 11/23/2008 8:19:00 PM

YourhandMyAss

Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline

It's I believe never make someone a priority who keeps you an option.

quote:

ORIGINAL: gumshoe

Question: How can you trust a liar when they promise not to lie again?

(Edited to add:)
Someone once posted on CM a rule of thumb to the effect that don't make someone a priority if they won't make you a priority.

(in reply to gumshoe)

Post #: 28

RE: Forgive and Remember, or Forget Totally? - 11/23/2008 10:32:37 PM

FullfigRIMAAM1

Posts: 1160
Joined: 11/20/2008
Status: offline

I can't believe you're not getting your head shrunken for being willing to accept this kind of abuse. Maybe you do enjoy cuckoldry, and just need to get okay with that, than it's okay to take her on her terms. M

_____________________________

The place to improve the world is first in one's own heart and head and hands.-Robert M. Persig

Love is the only sane and satisfactory answer to the problem of human existence Erich Fromm

(in reply to CreativeControl)

Post #: 29

RE: Forgive and Remember, or Forget Totally? - 11/24/2008 2:10:39 PM

GoodFeathers

Posts: 202
Joined: 11/20/2008
Status: offline

As a sub, I would be horribly surprised if my Dom would not cut me loose the first time I cheated (which I wouldn't). Moreso the second time. But a third? Really?

The situation I'm seeing is that she, while having genuine feelings for you, could not help the need for physical stimulation. It's a lot to ask if you're asking for complete and total monogamy in an online relationship.

I don't think this is the subbie for you.

I would say, forgive, but let her go. keep her as a friend and no more. And yes, remember. Learn from this experience and move on, attempting to not make the same mistakes.

< Message edited by GoodFeathers -- 11/24/2008 2:11:57 PM >

_____________________________

"The more I learn, the more I realize I haven't learned enough."

(in reply to MidMichCowboy)

Post #: 30

RE: Forgive and Remember, or Forget Totally? - 11/24/2008 2:19:33 PM

CallaFirestormBW

Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline

Change your cell number, let go of your fantasies about the girl (since she's clearly made her choice), and move on with your life. You'll probably never truly "forget" what happened, but if you hang on you'll be cutting off your own forward momentum -and- any chances within that to meet someone better suited to you, so the best thing you can do is let it go and move on... and -really- move on. Cut ties and don't leave yourself in a position to deal with future interactions with her==respect yourself enough to want to be with someone who shows a modicum of integrity.

_____________________________

***
Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"

"Your mind is more interested in the challenge of becoming than the challenge of doing." Jon Benson, Bodybuilder/Trainer

(in reply to MidMichCowboy)

Post #: 31

RE: Forgive and Remember, or Forget Totally? - 11/24/2008 2:33:45 PM

Icarys

Posts: 5757
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CreativeControl

Hi All,

I need to get some input as to my situation...and I truly am not sure which direction to go on this one.

Background: I had a long distance relationship with a slave I met here on the site, we got very close, wrote all the time, and called each other daily, sometimes multiple times a day, and we were always texting each other. We decided to make a vacation together to celebrate our birthdays, we were going to spend 11 days together.

She cheated on me with a Dom in her local area, a friend. She felt terrible, I felt terrible. After a lot of soul searching, I told her if she did it again, I would cut her loose. It would all be over. She swore up and down she would not do it again. I had a knot in my stomach knowing it was going to happen again.

It did.

I lost my job, and she wanted not to come in to help save me money...it would have been 3 grand for our trip. Well, 2 days before she was supposed to arrive, she told me she cheated again with this guy, she was getting kicked out of her apartment, and moving in with him. He was the only one to offer, how gallant of him, right?! That's another issue...the things I want to do to this leaching prick. It did me good to save that money, but I have to say, I really wanted to see her in person, and experience her submission. I began to try to talk her through things, when I recalled my words, so I had to shut my phone off and walk away as I had told her I would do.

Problem: I miss her, and I keep getting calls from her. She never says anything, but she calls. I don't know if she is scared, or embarrassed, or what the Hell is exactly going on...but I know it is her. In fact, she left a message for me last night around 11 PM on my cell phone. It is garbled, like her phone did not completely hang up when she called me, so I heard a minute or so of her talking with someone else, and then she picks up the phone, realizes it was still connected, and hangs it up.

I have made no effort to contact her, or to make any attempt at getting her back.

I recall the old saying about if you love something, set it free...but I am also weary of being burned again by her, or that she was merely playing a game to get this other guy's attention...or who knows what?!

Question: Do I make any effort for her to try to get her back? Do I give that cheater another chance? Do I set myself up again? What would you do in this situation?

I am serious about wanting some feedback...I am floundering for a way to handle this one.

Oh, I did love her...and I do believe in loving a pet, or toy, or even a slave. I still need to care for them, even though they are these things to me. So go easy on that part of it when giving me any shit for this one, okay?!

Thanks...

I await your replies, and suggestions,

Farris

She's going to do it again my friend. I believe in giving a person a second chance no matter what happens but this will officially be her third. Get a grip and move on.

I forgave a female that did that one time(we were really new in the relationship) and it paid off for the time we were together. Not everyone is going to feel bad enough to actually change a behavior. More than likely she will do it again because your allowing it.

on the flip side: She may have come to the realization that she made the wrong choice. If it were me, I would not take her back..Third strike and all.

_____________________________

submission - the feeling of patient, submissive humbleness - the state of being submissive or compliant; meekness.

Alaska Bound-The Official Countdown Has Started!
http://tinyurl.com/872mcu3
http://alturl.com/mog7m

(in reply to CreativeControl)

Post #: 32

RE: Forgive and Remember, or Forget Totally? - 11/24/2008 2:37:59 PM

NorthernGent

Posts: 8730
Joined: 7/10/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CreativeControl

Do I give that cheater another chance?

Do you want someone you can't trust in your life?

_____________________________

I have the courage to be a coward - but not beyond my limits.

Sooner or later, the man who wins is the man who thinks he can.

(in reply to CreativeControl)

Post #: 33

RE: Forgive and Remember, or Forget Totally? - 11/24/2008 3:26:12 PM

SailingBum

Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline

I don't get what's to take back??? Your talking to some wacked out, internet, drama loving bimbo who you haven't even met yet. To my mind it's "words on a screen until it's real. <read meet>. When ppl tell me "I'm in a LDR and we have not met yet". I'm like yer fucking kidding right! LDR's don't work. The odds of lightening striking you are prolly better than a LDR lasting.

I'm sure ppl will crawl out of the woodwork saying yea they do blah blah blah. For every "one" that says they work I can think of 300 to 400 that have not seen the lite of day.

BadOne

_____________________________

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

According to SwithNSpanky
We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

(in reply to NorthernGent)

Post #: 34

RE: Forgive and Remember, or Forget Totally? - 11/24/2008 3:46:59 PM

oceanwynds

Posts: 1044
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline

Reading your post Creative Control makes me want to ask you a couple questions.
Do you like living in drama laced with lies?
Do you enjoy having a submissive you cannot trust?

These two factors would be exactly what you are going to go back into, as well as giving her your blessings in the way she has acted towards you.

Not just in Ds but I have heard so many of these type of stories from internet only relationships. Many have disagreed with my stance on internet relationships cannot be totally real. However, so many, not all, end up going nowhere.
blessings
oceanwynds

(in reply to SailingBum)

Post #: 35

RE: Forgive and Remember, or Forget Totally? - 11/24/2008 4:30:46 PM

MrHarsh

Posts: 56
Joined: 9/28/2008
Status: offline

I understand that this is a whole lot more difficult because you're in a bad place in your life. Losing your job is tough. You are going to need some friendship and support to help you through the tough times. You *know* this deep down inside, so you are searching for it... and that makes you want this girl even more.

But everyone else has said it, so I will too. You don't owe her anything. She has not been loyal to you, nor has she given you any reason to think that she will be.

Most of what you think you feel for her really only exists inside your mind because you haven't met her. You haven't lived with her on a daily basis, seen her, or spent any real time with her. Texting and talking on the phone is fun, but it is really just play. Real relationships are built on more than that. You don't have a real relationship. You never did.

If you ever have any doubts, just remember that she's living and sleeping with another guy. You're just some thing on the side to her. Even if you get her, there's probably going to be some other guy on the side.

Get angry if you have to... but stay away.

(in reply to oceanwynds)

Post #: 36

RE: Forgive and Remember, or Forget Totally? - 11/24/2008 4:50:48 PM

antipode

Posts: 1787
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline

quote:

That's another issue...the things I want to do to this leaching prick.

I see this now and again - you think somebody is a leach because you thought you owned this woman? He didn't do anything \wrong, she offered and he accepted. He has no obligation of any kind to you, that is all in your head.

She is playing you for a sucker, and probably him, too. What her reasons and motives are is unimportant. You should have walked the moment she cheated for the first time. It isn't unknown for men to be weak and accept promises, but you ought to simply use the golden rule: People don't suddenly start lying.

Lying is a pattern of behaviour, and if someone lies to you, they've lied to others, and will lie again in the future. It is often the way certain people help themselves on their way through other people's lives.

It is understandable, and who knows why, and who cares. Chalk it up to experience, and move on. And remember a generic life lesson: if something goes wrong in your life, it is because you fucked up. Not "her", not "him", not the Audi, not the well pump, you missed something, perhaps made yourself a little blind, something you didn't want to see. We all make that mistake - well, at least, I do. Don't blame others, and don't do anything to leaching pricks - he didn't leach, and all it will do is get you to see the inside of a jail, for nothing. Anger is a negative and destructive emotion, and it does not impress anybody. Well, maybe the Sheriff's office, if you can write one cheque to cover the fine.

(in reply to CreativeControl)

Post #: 37

RE: Forgive and Remember, or Forget Totally? - 11/24/2008 4:58:23 PM

ftmyersartist

Posts: 107
Joined: 9/14/2007
Status: offline

I'm going to say something and I am not trying to be mean. I really understand what you are going through and how hard it is to walk away. But think of this. . .she was submissive to you? yes? If the dynamic between you two that you grew to have such great affection was based on her being yours. . .she never was. You may have thought she was, she may have even thought it but as she has had flings with at least two doms you know of, she never really was. What you loved was the idea of her. The reality of her seems to be far different.

(in reply to antipode)

Post #: 38

RE: Forgive and Remember, or Forget Totally? - 11/24/2008 5:00:32 PM

MsFlutter

Posts: 1305
Joined: 11/12/2008
From: East Coast
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: antipode

quote:

That's another issue...the things I want to do to this leaching prick.

Anger is a negative and destructive emotion, and it does not impress anybody. Well, maybe the Sheriff's office, if you can write one cheque to cover the fine.

I love that dry humor of yours, Antipode ;)

_____________________________

'Dont torture yourself, Gomez darling. That's my job' Morticia Addams

"The right data, filtered through an idiot, can yield a bad answer." einstien5201

(in reply to antipode)

Post #: 39

RE: Forgive and Remember, or Forget Totally? - 11/24/2008 5:03:48 PM

persephonee

Posts: 5089
Joined: 12/15/2007
Status: offline

Liars, cheats, and crazies....oh my.
Sigh.
i understand fully wanting to give people "another chance" but come on...these are fundamental rules....honor, loyalty, responsibility, integrity....
If you cant trust her to be a person....how long can she really be YOUR person...the one youre supposed to come home to...to make a home for you....i simply dont understand what all the conflict is...and its not just the OP....its like....everyone.
Sigh.

_____________________________

You be the Captain; i'll be no one.

And You can carry me away....if You want to. ~Kasey Chambers

E*Whore, extraordinaire....

Nothing is exactly as it seems~Nor, is it otherwise.

(in reply to antipode)

Post #: 40

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Forgive and Remember, or Forget Totally?

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.109