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Define a sesssion for a pro? - 11/24/2008 9:56:13 PM   
goodblueboy


Posts: 24
Joined: 12/30/2006
Status: offline 		My question is: what is the best way to specify a session detail for a Pro-Mistress or Pro-Dominant? From Pro-Mistress I mean the person who get paid to have a BDSM play with you and quite often the first visit is the time to write a lot about what you want.

Do you write the details of the session like a play script? Or just specified list of things that you like to happen.

One dilemma is that the Mistress is not a mind reader, so you have to tell her what you expect to happen and not happen. However doing so, give the impression that your are dictating the session and she is not in control any more.

One option is to let every thing in the choice of the Mistress, I did that once and I got the bad result because despite her effort I could not find the play exciting at all. It was not her fault, she just did not know my erotic thoughts. Interestingly, it was not our first time play, so we had a background but it was not enough for her to read my mind. The point is that BDSM play is derived by imagination, and imagination is quite dynamic phenomenon. Therefor between two plays my imagination evolves and comes with whole new ideas. As result of excitement about new plays I go to see her and its hard to transfer my ideas to her with no explicit (writing or talking) explanation.


Does any of you have a positive experience about a way of communicating to a Mistress without dictating the details?

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RE: Define a sesssion for a pro? - 11/24/2008 10:16:29 PM   
sexisubi


Posts: 373
Joined: 11/23/2008
Status: offline 		Does any of you have a positive experience about a way of communicating to a Mistress without dictating the details?

This is really the only question i can answer since i know nothing about pros =)

W/we have rules that are posted through out the house, helps to remind me what i was suppose to do during certain times or when i do certain tasks.

For bed room play ideas:  If i think of anything i write a story and tell Him about it, i dont ask He read them, He already knows i want Him to. I also do a lot of reading online about different BDSM or online slave/harem stories. I also tell him about these and it is up to him to read them or listen. i am lucky i have someone willing to work with communication.

However, whatever your fantasy is remember that once you put it into someone elses mind it is altered and changed, so it will never be how you imagined it... sometimes for the better some time for the 'not so better?' lol i guess the best way to put that. If you didn't like something that you did during an act or whatever 'session' if you want to call it that, just wait until after you're done to talk about it, like a while after you're done, dont just finish and then say...' hey it really sucked when you did this...' yeah way to kill what was thought to be a good time!! =)

i would just suggest saying something like, 'wow you're amazing i really liked how you did this and this and this, not so much this but i didn't mind it, and this really was hot... * sigh, smile, snuggle.*' There for you're not stepping on toes, then again everyone is different and i really don't know if this works for everyone! However, it is an idea and something you could try and maybe put a spin on. =)

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RE: Define a sesssion for a pro? - 11/24/2008 10:45:13 PM   
shivermetimbers


Posts: 2060
Joined: 6/7/2008
Status: offline 		I've never seen a pro, so I don't know how they operate.  But I would think that if you had a list of generalities, specific acts you enjoy, she could take those and work them into a scene with those acts, within the realm of what she can legally perform.  I don't think it's a big secret that you as a sub will enjoy certain forms of play, so if you really like CBT for instance, and she knows that, she will then use creativity to work that into a scene, so you get what you enjoy, but you also have not actually dictated anything.  So I say go with what you mentioned, a list of things you enjoy having done to you, and I think the two of you will both benefit.

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RE: Define a sesssion for a pro? - 11/24/2008 10:52:42 PM   
goodblueboy


Posts: 24
Joined: 12/30/2006
Status: offline
quote:


However, whatever your fantasy is remember that once you put it into someone elses mind it is altered and changed, so it will never be how you imagined it... sometimes for the better some time for the 'not so better?'


This is so true. I found every one has his/her own style and way of thinking and it is very hard to expect them to create the scene that you are fantasizing. Unless your partner is an actress or actor.

This will get very tricky when about Pros because you pay them and it is an expensive service. Often it is not affordable to do a trail a error to get things write. Unless you have a big pocket of money. In the other hand because they take this as a job they usually feel more responsible to pay attention to your details and implement it as much as they can. Only an only if you tell them those details.

One technique that I learn is useful for any sort of play is think of list of possible things that you like to happen. A list much bigger than an individual play and leave it to the Mistress or Master to build a scene out of that. In this was you will have element of surprise, and unpredictability. Also you do not feeling much control any more as you do not know what she/he will do next.


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RE: Define a sesssion for a pro? - 11/24/2008 11:44:46 PM   
ftmyersartist


Posts: 107
Joined: 9/14/2007
Status: offline 		Most pro domme I know work on a "what are you looking for?" basis to find out not the toys to be used or even the techniques. . . they want to know what it is you are looking for. Is it a fetish or a release or what. From there they discuss the toys and severity but the first step is determining what it is you need. My suggestion to help facilitate this is to either write out fantasies or find stories that illustrate them to show them. From there you can discuss what particulars about the story does it for you and that should help give a fuller idea of what it is you need.

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RE: Define a sesssion for a pro? - 11/25/2008 3:12:58 AM   
UmbraDomina


Posts: 491
Joined: 7/22/2008
From: SE Michigan
Status: offline 		most pro's will do a basic interview with you before the session, to get a idea of what your interests and fetishes are as well as limits. They may also ask about health issues and concerns, if marks are a issue, and explain safe words.
A script is generally looked down upon, but when asked about your interests be honest, don't tell her your into cross dressing if you just want to wear panties, don't tell her your into CBT if you have never tried it..... instead tell her...... I think I would like to explore CBT but I am not sure, is there any way you can let me try it?
Remember that if your paying for a hour, you will not have time to do 20 activities. If something she is doing is not working for you then speak up, politely.

_____________________________

Alexandra ~

~~ And I will show you something different from either your shadow at morning striding behind you Or your shadow at evening rising to meet you; I will show you fear in a handful of dust..... T.S. Elliot ~~

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RE: Define a sesssion for a pro? - 11/25/2008 3:14:36 AM   
SteveAndJaz


Posts: 151
Joined: 11/22/2008
Status: offline 		Jaz says... When I worked as a pro Mistress and had a new client, I would get them to either email me if they wanted a very specific fantasy or go through a check list when they arrived. Some would not be that forthcoming but I would always try and encourage openness by explaining 'this is expensive for you and its important 'we' get this right. The other thing I always did was take brief notes of the session we had done and underscore certain points that were obvious likes. This helped me not to repeat the same old session but to incorporate the likable things into the next one.

I still had some guys that would say 'Ill leave it to you Mistress, you decide' and they were always a nightmare. I often wondered what they would say if I told them I was going to lock them in a cage for an hour whilst I went and made coffee and had a chat to my friend on the phone!

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RE: Define a sesssion for a pro? - 11/25/2008 9:39:06 AM   
Coupleofwhats


Posts: 280
Joined: 6/4/2008
Status: offline 		I would say that you need to start by deciding what exactly you want. If you are the sort of client who wants a pre-scripted scene, then that is your approach, and you have to look for someone who is open to playing whatever role you want. That's fairly easy: just find someone you think is hot and who isn't too particular about her sessions.

If you are looking for someone with compatible interests and play style, then you need to do some research. Basically, you want someone who knows what she is doing and likes what you like. If she has a blog, read it. Read her self description on her website. Try to get a feel for who she is as a Dominant. Is her style the sort that you respond to? Maybe she has some videos you can check out, to see her in action?

Try not to contact people based solely on what makes you hard. Personally, I think this is where most men go wrong. When I listed a number, I got calls all the time about stuff that I hate, because guys would just look at my photos without reading anything I'd written. If I had gone in for those sessions, they would have been sorely disappointed. I can't stress this enough: READ HER SITE.

Tell her about what you've done in the past. Where you are interested in going. What your limits are. Look for someone who comes across as a real pro, as that means it's more likely that she will be able to work with the info you give her. (Signs of professionalism: has a website; she has access to an actual playspace designed for BDSM; she has photos that are decent and feature more than one outfit; she doesn't just rattle off EVERY kink in the world as her specialty.)

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