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Pampering vs Serving a lady - 11/25/2008 5:03:20 AM

Gladiator123

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I may take a lot of critism, but here goes! I have been on this site for sometime now. I do find it difficult to meet a Female Supremacist, let alone be enslaved too. I have posted an add on the vanilla dating sites. I met a beautiful Woman. We began dating and she is really intrigued by the attention, respect, and chilvery I have shown. I am very masculine and muscular. She tells me she never had a man take care and appreciate her as I do. Her personality is assertive as she is very corperate. I offer to cook for her for the week, so all she has to do is microwave it nightly. We live well apart and I see her on the weekends. When I do laundry I askl her to bring hers as well so she doesn't have to bother. When we are together I have her relax, serve her wine, make our dinner, then sit on the floor at her feet, casually and massage them. It is all very romantic. But in the back of my mind I am trying to have her used to the pampering and fulfilling life of Femdom. When intimate I do all I can to please her, and tell her I will not reach a climax untill she is totally fulfilled and exausted. Elise Sutton has written about how to turn your girlfriend into a Dom.
So I ask the Mistress'. Do you feel as a Woman, that this is decieving because of my motive? As a male I am trying to show that not all men are unloving, and out for their womanhood! May I please have some comments and advise? I am not seeking the whip weilding bitch. I can see a pro at anytime. I am doing this for living a true loving Femdom relationship. Thanks for reading my post.

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RE: Pampering vs Serving a lady - 11/25/2008 6:49:41 AM

MistressFaye1

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Glad,

I have a few questions for you before I answer this post.

What happens to the relationship if you've done all of this and it isn't enough to meet your needs as a submissive? Do you leave her because she is not the "domme" that fits you and what you desire in a Domme/Mistress? Are you ONLY taking the actions you are in order to "turn" her into a Domme or because you exhibit this caring behavior with all women you feel an attraction to? Last but not least... When would you tell her what your intentions are?

On second thought, I will say this. When people go through the motions of doing or being a certain way in order to get another to respond and react the way they them to want to, the true person will eventually come out. Is what you doing now enough to satisify your need to serve? In all probability, it won't be because what would make the relationship D/s vs. a vanilla relationship between a man and a woman, where the man knows how to keep his Lady happy? Since all D/s relationships are different, this is something you will have to answer within yourself. If what you have is enough now and it fits your needs, what, (from your point of view) needs to happen in order for it to be a D/s relationship to you. Obvioulsy, some element is missing for you or there would be no need for this post.

I hate to break it to you, but you can't turn anyone into a Domme if she doesn't already have a dominant personality, is open to learning, has an interest, and is open minded enough to at least listen to your needs as a submissive, and try to understand what makes you tick, and her too for that matter.

A friend of mine tired with all of her might to be the "Mistress" her husband wanted and it didn't work. She tried to "play" the role for years and it actually ended in being one of the main reasons they divorced. Years later, they remarried and they both made a pact that he could search for his Mistress and he would stop pushing her to be someone she wasn't. Their marriage is a lot stronger and happier now.

My fianl thoughts as to whether you are being deceitful or not depends on your answers to the questions I asked.

My initial reaction was---yes, you are being deceitful because based on what you said, you are "showing her..." without telling her who you really are and what you are looking for. It seems your actions are to prime her, get her hooked on and use to your pampering and then lowering the boom by revealing what your intent has been all along.

Ms. Faye

< Message edited by MistressFaye1 -- 11/25/2008 6:52:54 AM >

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RE: Pampering vs Serving a lady - 11/25/2008 6:55:56 AM

thetammyjo

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It is only deceptive if you are telling her that you are only doing this for selfless reasons or if you are claiming to be someone you are not.

If this all feels good to you (and to her) and this satisfies your desire to serve then what is missing?

I'm guessing what is missing is her acknowledgment that this is a Ds relationship and a more active leadership role from her.

Why not buy her some quality female dominant erotica as a gift that you also like and saying you'd like to share some more of yourself with her?

Or together watch a movie that has some qualities of a Ds relationship then open a conversation where you say how much you enjoyed aspects of that and ask if she did as well.

Either of these could open the door to a conversation about Ds.

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RE: Pampering vs Serving a lady - 11/25/2008 7:06:32 AM

khem

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I think your approach is, given that you met her at a vanilla place, completely appropriate. As I see it, she's getting treated like a queen and you're getting your need fulfilled also. Since you mention you are not looking for a whip-welding bitch, is this kind of interaction enough for you? If not, what else would you need to remain satisfied? As I see, there's no reason to break into a bunch of kink if you aren't looking for it. If, however, you do want more, I would agree that you should start mentioning it now, even in subtle ways at first. I would tend to disagree about breaking into full on discussions about BDSM at this point though. I'd suggest keeping up what you are doing, but to try to become more adventurous in the bedroom. If they are interests of yours and she seems into it, maybe try light and playful bondage? That's almost in the realm of vanilla and isn't going to scare her off. I'd say once you're having kinky sex, still treating her like a queen, and really doing everything to please her - and she is happy about everything, maybe point out that your relationship is kind of "D/s" and show her some stuff. I know this is supposed to be about her taking the lead (and if she takes it, by all means let her!), but if she is not used to that in relationships, I see no reason why it has to be pushy or wrong for you to introduce her to the joys of it.

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RE: Pampering vs Serving a lady - 11/25/2008 7:24:01 AM

JoyfulMistress

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Gladiator123

So I ask the Mistress'. Do you feel as a Woman, that this is decieving because of my motive? As a male I am trying to show that not all men are unloving, and out for their womanhood! May I please have some comments and advise? I am not seeking the whip weilding bitch. I can see a pro at anytime. I am doing this for living a true loving Femdom relationship. Thanks for reading my post.

well hun do you think you are better than those that are *Going for their womanhood* you have shared you are working with motives .... though they may be a bit different could it be because you have already shared you know her biblically ?Please don't get me wrong the fact that you are service oriented is WONDERFUL and she is a lucky woman to have one such as you no matter if she is in or out of the lifestyle...you may want to give the idea of sharing your secret yearning to her another think ...because you will never know if she even wants to be the Domme you believe her to be unless you put your cards on the table,goodness she MAY want to be stronger and more demanding but is afraid that such would run you off and she doesn't want to loose a good thing.You will never know until you speak with her.
Okay just a comment on the your last statement hun many who can and like to swing a whip are in *true loving Femdom relationship*...To each their own and just because they don't fit your bill doesn't mean they can't have something that you feel is a true and loving relationship

Best of luck with your relationship .

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RE: Pampering vs Serving a lady - 11/25/2008 4:45:36 PM

MmeGigs

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It seems from your post - others seem to have gotten this impression, too - that you're hoping that your vanilla ladyfriend will have a kinky streak. A lot of folks have suggested talking to her. I think that's a good suggestion, and it raises a question. If you talk to her about kink and she's not interested in exploring it, what will you do?

quote:

ORIGINAL: Gladiator123
I can see a pro at anytime.

If you're dating a vanilla woman semi-seriously, seeing a pro would have to be something you'd keep secret from her, would it not?

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RE: Pampering vs Serving a lady - 11/25/2008 7:09:46 PM

ShaktiSama

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Gladiator123

So I ask the Mistress'. Do you feel as a Woman, that this is decieving because of my motive?

*shrug* If it works, it works. I don't think all the pampering in the world will turn a woman into a femdom if she hasn't got it in her, but fortunately the distribution of dominant and submissive traits in the general population is probably not as bad as people think. Our society discourages women from ever expressing their dominant side, but they can't necessarily make it disappear.

It's really just random chance whether you find a woman who can dominate you in the general vanilla population, but I wish you luck just the same. Either way I don't think the lady will have any regrets about having a submissive boyfriend for a while. Submissive men are great.

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RE: Pampering vs Serving a lady - 11/26/2008 1:42:54 PM

Gladiator123

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Thank You all for the advise. I will reveal my need to be submissive to her in some sort of a masculine way. In this realm of BDSM we accept all that we are and will aspire too in this Life. But as some, that have concern for her fulfillment as well as mine. I will do my best to please her. My fulfillment will be her happines. I am sure I will find satisfaction in that. We are just starting out, so I do not want to scare her away. Again thank you all.
Humbly:
Gladiator

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RE: Pampering vs Serving a lady - 11/26/2008 2:10:50 PM

PeonForHer

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Gladiator123

Thank You all for the advise. I will reveal my need to be submissive to her in some sort of a masculine way. In this realm of BDSM we accept all that we are and will aspire too in this Life. But as some, that have concern for her fulfillment as well as mine. I will do my best to please her. My fulfillment will be her happines. I am sure I will find satisfaction in that. We are just starting out, so I do not want to scare her away. Again thank you all.
Humbly:
Gladiator

Glad,

One thing you might try is to have a conversation about fantasies. You can tell her that it's your secret desire to be a servant - just to do what she wants you to do, to please her. Bring it up lightly, as though it's something you only fantasise about but could live without if need be - and see how she reacts. If her reaction's favourable, do things slowly. Don't blast her with feverish service straight away, but carry on as you are, adding just a little, gradually. This worked for me once.

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RE: Pampering vs Serving a lady - 11/26/2008 2:15:11 PM

SlaveBlutarsky

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As someone who dates vanilla women to fill void and hopefully catch lightening, I try to do some things similar. I don't think that it's inappropriate as this is who I am. I like making someone I care about happy, whether it's due to her telling me to and expecting it, or just because it's the right thing to do in my mind. Hopefully you'll show someone the light and that having a male submissive is a good thing :)

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RE: Pampering vs Serving a lady - 11/26/2008 2:39:34 PM

DavanKael

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How is what you currently have with her different from what you want with her?
Davan

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RE: Pampering vs Serving a lady - 11/26/2008 5:49:34 PM

hairslave

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We seem to appear as Lou we both feel the same way, when it comes to the way we believe in treating women. i have had a hungering to belong to a women and selflessly doing for Her, and the only reward i expect in return is to see and know that, She is truly completely satisfied.
i have not had any luck In finding a woman in the vanilla world. Vanilla women seem to not want or appreciate a willing sub male,… that is why i am here.
No,.. like you I’m not looking for or, interested a whip welding bitch. But i would welcome a sweet or kind hearted woman who may enjoy welding a whip from time to time just because She enjoys doing it. But,… i am leery of thinking we can chance a woman from being vanilla into being a Domme. Either they are already a Dominate woman or, they are not. We can’t chance them, all we can do is just love them as they are. So your question should be, can you find lasting happiness if you settle for a women if She seems to be happy with you doing every thing in your power for Her all the time. i ponder that question about my self from time to time. i beleive it all depends on the two persons involved, does that relationship fulfill both in other ways? Would you be satisfied if this is what it came down to?
I would take it very slow, be honest as She is looking to get to know the real you. Always be your self. If that is who She falls love with then Rejoice!,… for you are truly a luckily man. Good luck!, and no matter what always be good to Her.

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