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MistressFaye1 -> RE: BDSM- How far would you go in adminsitering pain and punishment (11/26/2008 6:42:26 AM)
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To me there is a thin line between discipline and punishment though some will say there are the same. What you've been told to do (why are they telling you what to do?) It sounds to me like someone's masochistic fantasies and most of the time if they were given what they asked for, they find the fantasy of the actions are better left in the fantasy world in their mind.
I rarely have to punish because I am big on discipline and consistant in my expectations. There has only been one who intentionally comtinued to cross lines trying to get the "punishment" he wanted. I did the opposite and believe it or not his stated "punishments" were used as rewards. By doing so, he became more disciplined and willing to follow the rules but it took too much work on my part and to me that defeats my purpose. It wasn't a fit mainly because I am not sadistic, though there is a part of me that enjoys sadistic pleasures at times. he needed someone that was willing to keep him chained, deprived, and humiliated most of the time. He was the only one I ever knew that said he wanted to be castrated and kept in a cage when he wasn't working or serving. EXTREME behaviors to say the least.
When I do punish, I consider the nature of the transgression, how often it's happened, and the mindset of the one being punished. What is punishment to one is a treat for someone else. It's much like having more than one child. Taking away the TV may mean nothing to one because he/she doesn't watch TV but it would be a real attention getter for the one that lives in front of the TV. Therefore it's important to know what makes the particular sub tick.
What in their psyche triggers the feelings associated with punishment? Punishment is ineffective if it doesn't feel like punishment.
It doesn't have to be anything physical for it to feel like punishment. I once had a submissive (we were in a relationship) remain completely dressed, without his collar on, deny allowing him to serve me in any way, for the entire day, and ignored him. Though he would ask permission to do certain things I would tell him to do what the hell he wanted to (i,e, get something to eat, use the bathroom). he didn't eat all day and waited until was almost wetting himself before he would go to the bathroom. When I was ready to go to bed, I put him in the guest bedroom. Before then, he would be in my room, at the foot of the bed, after my shower and massage. When I got up in the morning, I found him naked, on the floor in front of my bedroom door, asleep holding his collar.
The lesson I was trying to teach is, "don't forget your place in my life, if that is the place you want to keep". The lesson was learned, the "punishment" effective. I didn't have to deal with back talk and refusals again.
Trust your gut feelings...
Faye
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