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RE: born a Dom or sub? - 10/23/2006 7:42:36 PM

mstrjx

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I'm pretty uncomforable with many of the responses here, because (drum roll please) because of the language being used.

I understand how people can say that they believe they were born dominant or submissive. That is a trait or a tendency.

How one chooses to manifest itself in WIITWD could be something else entirely.

I don't even think I can tell you 'in society' or 'real life' which way I go. I usually try to find some measure of control in many areas, because I often have the ability to see the bigger picture and find ways to steer people towards that idea or goal. But if it's something I don't care about or feel that others have the experience, then I let someone else do their thing.

I might not necessarily have been born kinky, but at least I learned I was 'that' at a pretty early age.

But when it came time to manifest my kinkiness into relationships, I believe I could have gone either way. I have the fantasies to say so, and still do. I think I learned that amongst the people I've been with that I had the creativity and intelligence to be able to dominate quite easily, so that's where I've been. Unfortunately, I think that, as I inferred, this was by default. With a different sort of partner, more internally controlled and controlling, it might have gone differently.

Should I choose to be with a partner again, I'm definitely going to choose a different 'sort' of woman. That's not to say that I'm likely to submit, but with the type of person I would ultimately seek I wouldn't necessarily make that call right now. I would wait and see and figure out how our relationship defines us, rather than the other way around.

Jeff

_____________________________

Know thyself. It's the best gift you can ever give yourself.

(in reply to Myste)

Post #: 21

RE: born a Dom or sub? - 10/23/2006 7:44:29 PM

FangsNfeet

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I was born cracking the unbilical cord as a whip.

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Post #: 22

RE: born a Dom or sub? - 10/23/2006 7:46:20 PM

angelic

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Joined: 1/24/2005
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i am not sure i understand what you are saying. Do you mean that someone might be born dominant or submissive and in WIITWD they can be the opposite? If so, i had never actually considered that. Definitely food for thought.

_____________________________

~....and once you have tasted flight, you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been and there you long to return.~ -- Leonardo de Vinci

(in reply to mstrjx)

Post #: 23

RE: born a Dom or sub? - 10/23/2006 7:56:34 PM

LordODiscipline

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Joined: 6/28/2004
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I believe that the statement about being "born" a dominant or a submissive is one more way for people to feel special about themself(ves) and to exclude others in the process there-by feeling EVEN more special about themself(ves)...

It is a self serving self egrandizing nonsensical statement that always seems to be levied by those who erroneously believe they are annointed as "whatever" - and, never by those that were left 'bereft of that blessing by a cruel providence'.

A 'Ferinstance' (New Yawk Expression, dat!)
I have traits that are endemic, inherent, and are classically somatically devised and observable within my family - being curt (and, perhaps an asshole) is one that may be either a genetic predisposition and/or a family trait learned from an early age - but, there is no telling which it 'is' or 'is not' - and, even the best and/or most notable geneticists would state that it is more than likely a situation where both have had significant influence...

This (then) would definitively parallel such an allegation of "domliness" which my family may or may not have )after all - dominants are assholes!<---joke -although, true in my case)

So people stating such things are purely being ignorant and trying to be exclusionary of us 'mere mortals who can only bask in their godlike aura and magnificent prescence'.

~J
(Who is in a curt mood tonight)

Edited for the usual spelling errors.

< Message edited by LordODiscipline -- 10/23/2006 8:02:28 PM >

_____________________________

"Anyone who thinks they're important is usually just a pompous moron who can't deal with his or her own pathetic insignificance and the fact that what they do is meaningless and inconsequential."
William Thomas

(in reply to Myste)

Post #: 24

RE: born a Dom or sub? - 10/23/2006 8:00:40 PM

Kalira

Posts: 954
Joined: 10/9/2006
From: Fort Wayne Indiana
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DiurnalVampire

I dont know about born, but I do think we are predisposed to being one or the other. I know I am Dominant becasue thats what my personality dictates. Wether I was born with that personality or if it was something I picked up from the people that riased me and the situations I was raised in, I cant say.

DV

Nicely said

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Facilius Per Partes In Cognitionem Totius Adducimur
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Damnant Quod Non Intellegunt

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)

Post #: 25

RE: born a Dom or sub? - 10/23/2006 8:05:49 PM

Lordandmaster

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I don't believe people have a genetic predisposition to be an asshole. Anyone can be an asshole. Some people just choose not to be.

I don't think it's the same thing with sexual orientation. You can't control what arouses you.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LordODiscipline

I have traits that are endemic, inherent, and are classically somatically devised and observable within my family - being curt (and, perhaps an asshole) is one that may be either a genetic predisposition and/or a family trait learned from an early age - but, there is no telling which it 'is' or 'is not' - and, even the best and/or most notable geneticists would state that it is more than likely a situation where both have had significant influence...

(in reply to LordODiscipline)

Post #: 26

RE: born a Dom or sub? - 10/23/2006 8:13:15 PM

LordODiscipline

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Joined: 6/28/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

I don't believe people have a genetic predisposition to be an asshole. Anyone can be an asshole. Some people just choose not to be.

I don't think it's the same thing with sexual orientation. You can't control what arouses you.

1. The reference to being an "asshole" was noted as being a joke... besides - some people might be capable of being an asshole - but, I have it perfected to a genetic art form
2. I did not discuss sexual demeanors/proclivities and the two should NOT be confused or discussed inthe same breath as they are definitivlyt not the same - AND - the latest in vogue theory states that sexuality is not a genetic thing... one theory states that there is a process which may occur in the womb that might lead to disposition/orientation.

~J

_____________________________

"Anyone who thinks they're important is usually just a pompous moron who can't deal with his or her own pathetic insignificance and the fact that what they do is meaningless and inconsequential."
William Thomas

(in reply to Lordandmaster)

Post #: 27

RE: born a Dom or sub? - 10/23/2006 8:21:18 PM

mstrjx

Posts: 2045
Joined: 11/27/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: angelic

i am not sure i understand what you are saying. Do you mean that someone might be born dominant or submissive and in WIITWD they can be the opposite? If so, i had never actually considered that. Definitely food for thought.

Think of it this way.

When I decided to pursue 'this' fulltime, I knew that my kinky interests turned me on. I wanted to pursue that. That is not to say that I have ever done this simply for sex or sexual gratification. But generally what we do is at least sensual in nature and does, one way or another, by giving of power or taking of power or giving or taking a beating, it makes us feel sexy.

Even if one feels one goes through life being submissive (as a trait), can that same person not feel the rush, the thrill, by hitting someone else with a whip? Can those thrilling feelings not grow?

Take the reverse. Can someone who has a dominant personality (as a trait) not allow themself to be put in a position, even for a scene, of being less in control? And what happens if they enjoy 'that' experience?

It's more about what makes you feel good. That might coincide with who you think you 'are' as a trait, but I don't feel that that necessarily is the case.

Better?

Jeff

_____________________________

Know thyself. It's the best gift you can ever give yourself.

(in reply to angelic)

Post #: 28

RE: born a Dom or sub? - 10/23/2006 8:24:31 PM

angelic

Posts: 1807
Joined: 1/24/2005
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Yes, thank you.

_____________________________

~....and once you have tasted flight, you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been and there you long to return.~ -- Leonardo de Vinci

(in reply to mstrjx)

Post #: 29

RE: born a Dom or sub? - 10/23/2006 8:30:28 PM

Lordandmaster

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If it's true (and it's a little more complicated than the way you're putting it, because there are several independent theories about the possible relationship between fetal development and homosexuality), then it means that people are born gay.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LordODiscipline

2. I did not discuss sexual demeanors/proclivities and the two should NOT be confused or discussed inthe same breath as they are definitivlyt not the same - AND - the latest in vogue theory states that sexuality is not a genetic thing... one theory states that there is a process which may occur in the womb that might lead to disposition/orientation.

(in reply to LordODiscipline)

Post #: 30

RE: born a Dom or sub? - 10/23/2006 8:40:00 PM

charismagirrl

Posts: 297
Joined: 8/30/2006
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i think alot of things come into play for me being who and what i am. Some of it is predisposition to being a certain way...i think i was born as a softer more sensitive type, a giver,creative yadda yadda...then add to that my home life as a small child...losing a father at a very young age for one thing (always made me seek approval from a strong male figiure)....different experiences that occured throughout my life..

i personally feel that it was a combo thing. Sure i got all excited as a kid when i was the one being chased and captured and that type of childhood game BUT just because i was young and got into those things doesn't necessarily mean that i was born to be a slave, it doesn't mean i wasn't either. It just seems as though i was born the type of person that given the set of experiences i had in my life happened to turn out to be a slave.

i was a Domme for awhile and i really felt like there was something i could give to other subs from that position, but it didn't change that in my heart and soul i was a slave waiting for my Master.

_____________________________

For today i won't say but...
For today i wont say just...
For today i will simply obey....
For today i will trust that You are right...
For always i will be your imperfect slave

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(in reply to angelic)

Post #: 31

RE: born a Dom or sub? - 10/23/2006 9:05:54 PM

adaddysgirl

Posts: 1093
Joined: 3/2/2004
From: Syracuse, NY
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

If it's true (and it's a little more complicated than the way you're putting it, because there are several independent theories about the possible relationship between fetal development and homosexuality), then it means that people are born gay.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LordODiscipline

2. I did not discuss sexual demeanors/proclivities and the two should NOT be confused or discussed inthe same breath as they are definitivlyt not the same - AND - the latest in vogue theory states that sexuality is not a genetic thing... one theory states that there is a process which may occur in the womb that might lead to disposition/orientation.

i don't really want to get off the subject of born dom or sub, but part of this is of particular interest to me. Friends of my parents (who lived right across from us as i grew up) had a daughter my age and 2 younger sons. The daughter grew up, got married....yada, yada. But both the sons ended up being gay. You can only imagine the speculations that circulated that old Italian neighborhood!

In any event, i was always curious about this too. i guess i had tended to believe that homosexuality was inherent.....but 2 in the same family? So then of course one might start to question nature vs nurture. i never really explored it further but it has always been in the back of my mind.

So what are we saying here? What happens in the womb that might influence this? i have never heard of this. Guess i learn something new every day!

DG

(in reply to Lordandmaster)

Post #: 32

RE: born a Dom or sub? - 10/23/2006 9:17:07 PM

shadevarr

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Joined: 7/2/2006
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I have always seen it as a combination of genetic predisposition coupled with our childhood.

(in reply to adaddysgirl)

Post #: 33

RE: born a Dom or sub? - 10/23/2006 11:46:08 PM

CrazyC

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Joined: 9/28/2006
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Ahhh a good old debate on nature vs. nurture. What makes someone the way they are? i really am not experienced enough in this lifestyle to say that i know anything. i believe it is a mixture of both.

sidetrack here...many gays and lesbians were born with their desires for the same sex that would be a great example of nature. There are another group of people who naturally where always in a straight relationships and then switched, many of these people had something happen in their lives to make that desire change....this would be nurture. i have seen many women who have been abused.

So i guess i still question it, but to some point think it might be both in this situation too. i know that at first glance i seem very confident and strong headed woman, but once in a relationship...i become silly putty. i was trained to be strong headed and confident by society today, but naturally i am overly emotional and give way too much of myself.

hmmm...this is a great subject. :D

(in reply to shadevarr)

Post #: 34

RE: born a Dom or sub? - 10/24/2006 4:26:05 AM

LordODiscipline

Posts: 995
Joined: 6/28/2004
Status: offline

The point being - I was discussing genetics - not inutero development... and, did not want to confuse the two.

~J

_____________________________

"Anyone who thinks they're important is usually just a pompous moron who can't deal with his or her own pathetic insignificance and the fact that what they do is meaningless and inconsequential."
William Thomas

(in reply to Lordandmaster)

Post #: 35

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