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What was the hardest thing? - 11/26/2008 6:10:09 PM   
sexisubi


Posts: 373
Joined: 11/23/2008
Status: offline 		When You think about a submissive You have had, and when You're thinking about the training period they were going through... what was an example of something that persented a challange to change?

i am sorry if that doesn't make terrible sense! If i need to clarify it would be a pleasure... i was thinking about the first week with my current Master and the different rules and how strong they were as time went on it was a bit more leanent but only because i was doing what i was told and suppose to. i was wondering what experiances another Dom might have had that might have persentented a challange, or if a submissive also would like to answer, what is something that you felt was a challenge in your training with a Dom?

Thank you for reading and posting =)
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RE: What was the hardest thing? - 11/26/2008 6:15:07 PM   
MadRabbit


Posts: 3460
Joined: 8/9/2006
Status: offline 		Usually, getting them to stop thinking "Me Me Me" and more "MadRabbit, MadRabbit, MadRabbit".

No, I do not appear out of thin air like Beetlejuice.

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Advice for New Dominants
The Unpolitically Correct Lifestyle Definitions

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RE: What was the hardest thing? - 11/26/2008 6:21:30 PM   
sexisubi


Posts: 373
Joined: 11/23/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MadRabbit

Usually, getting them to stop thinking "Me Me Me" and more "MadRabbit, MadRabbit, MadRabbit".

No, I do not appear out of thin air like Beetlejuice.



Darn and here i was repeating over and over!

Permission to say this was granted by Master Jon.

(in reply to MadRabbit)
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RE: What was the hardest thing? - 11/26/2008 6:28:00 PM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		Releasing a girl who I discovered and she openly admitted had built our relationship on lies.

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Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

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RE: What was the hardest thing? - 11/26/2008 6:33:45 PM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear

Releasing a girl who I discovered and she openly admitted had built our relationship on lies.

/gives Master Ironbear a huggggggggggggge hug and a big sloppy kiss on the cheek

My biggest adjustment was realizing that he actually meant what he said. If he told me not to do something, he meant it...if he told me to do something, he meant it. Even joking around, every word said was meant.



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RE: What was the hardest thing? - 11/26/2008 6:34:11 PM   
sexisubi


Posts: 373
Joined: 11/23/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear

Releasing a girl who I discovered and she openly admitted had built our relationship on lies.


"Honesty is the best policy", i can definatly see how that can be hard and frustrating.

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RE: What was the hardest thing? - 11/26/2008 6:38:22 PM   
sexisubi


Posts: 373
Joined: 11/23/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist

My biggest adjustment was realizing that he actually meant what he said. If he told me not to do something, he meant it...if he told me to do something, he meant it. Even joking around, every word said was meant.



Mist i couldn't agree more! Even if it was little he was only thinking of my best intrestest and talking from experiance, sometimes the little things didn't always stick until He later mentioned it and of course i felt bad!

Glad to see i'm not the only one!

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RE: What was the hardest thing? - 11/26/2008 6:51:10 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		LOL and my partners would say the opposite- the hard part for him is to stop thinking "you you you" and to start thinking "me me me" more.  I'm quite proud of the progress he has made to put himself first and stand firm against what he knows will not work for him.

For me the challenge is in simply being true to myself.  Only thing worth being.

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RE: What was the hardest thing? - 11/26/2008 7:04:37 PM   
sexisubi


Posts: 373
Joined: 11/23/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

LOL and my partners would say the opposite- the hard part for him is to stop thinking "you you you" and to start thinking "me me me" more. 


It's always been an importent part expecially in D/s about growing within a relationship together, it's an amazing thing to feel and watch happen. Whatever issue a person might have or something that someone wants to see change it's always great to see it change whether its the submissive changing or the Master.

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RE: What was the hardest thing? - 11/26/2008 7:05:09 PM   
WinsomeDefiance


Posts: 6719
Joined: 8/7/2007
Status: offline 		Well, I won't share the hardest thing, too personal.  One of the hardest was adjusting to being given a new name, and feeling bereft of my 'identity'.  I hated it. 

What's in a name?  A great deal more than is often realized. 

< Message edited by WinsomeDefiance -- 11/26/2008 7:06:22 PM >

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RE: What was the hardest thing? - 11/26/2008 7:19:41 PM   
dreamerdreaming


Posts: 2839
Status: offline 		With my slaveboy, the hardest part was establishing trust. In the beginning, he was very fearful.

In retrospect, I'm sure the way I reacted made things much worse. From the start, I tended to take his apprehension personally rather than to see it for what it was. That, in turn fanned the flame of his fear rather than calming it. Because my bad reaction to his fears only served to confirm their validity, to him. So then he only became more frightened, and I responded by getting even more offended, and on and on, in a downward spiral.
   If I hadn't been so insecure to begin with, I could have responded to his initial skittishness not by seeing it as a reflection on me, but by just being patient and reassuring him with my words and deeds.
  Because of the extreme vulnerability involved both emotionally and physically in being owned property, a slave will need to be able to feel complete trust and safety in the care of his or her owner. I shouldn't have just expected it to be easy for him to trust me so deeply, right from the start. I should have realized that it would take time to develop, and that the fact that he needed plenty of time to get to know and trust me well enough to feel safe with me was not necessarily a reflection on me personally.
  With 20/20 hindsight, I can see that by my own insecurity and failure to read and respond to my slave's needs appropriately, I set his training back quite a bit. 
   I'm not sure if this is the kind of response you are looking for OP, but maybe it will help someone.


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RE: What was the hardest thing? - 11/26/2008 7:26:32 PM   
Padriag


Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
Status: offline 		A few examples...

One that has always been hard for me, and still is... dealing with a submissive who has a weight problem or needs/wants to lose weight.  I'm lousy at this.  I have very high metabolism... my problem for most of my life has always been gaining weight and maintaining a healthy body weight.  That makes it very difficult for me to work with a submissive trying to lose weight because its entirely opposite of how I need to eat and live.  I've also noticed that submissive who want to lose weight tend to have very different lifestyles than me, and that often causes friction.

In one specific case I was dealing with a submissive who needed a lot of structure, ritual, and protocol.  I didn't fully realize this as the time.  Also, at that time, my life was insanely busy and stressed and what I needed was a self motivated service oriented submissive... which this girl wasn't.  Trying to push her in that direction under those circumstances turned into a disaster that, in retrospect, was probably as much my fault as hers.  But, you live and you learn.

A third example was trying to deal with a submissive who had some serious emotional issues due to past trauma in her life.  She had a lot of fears, which caused a lot of problems.  She put up walls and barriers I constantly had to deal with, and which ultimately caused the end of the relationship.  I'm patient... but it has its limits and after climbing one wall too many I was just worn out.

But as I said, you live and you learn.  I'm more careful these days about identifying not just the needs, but the inner psychology of a submissive.  I'm also working to make my life less hectic and stressful so that I have more time and energy to devote to a future relationship.  And, I've become pretty selective about potential slaves... I know what doesn't work for me, and I've learned to avoid them no matter how many other attractive qualities they may have.

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A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

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RE: What was the hardest thing? - 11/26/2008 7:29:08 PM   
sexisubi


Posts: 373
Joined: 11/23/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: dreamerdreaming

  I'm not sure if this is the kind of response you are looking for OP, but maybe it will help someone.



Yes, that was it. again growing with in a relationship is importent i feel it is more so in D/s, hearing other peoples experiances for me is something that helps me grow and learn this ever so developing side of myself, so all these responses are appricated and taken to heart... i'm sure not just by myself.

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RE: What was the hardest thing? - 11/26/2008 9:46:07 PM   
MadRabbit


Posts: 3460
Joined: 8/9/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

LOL and my partners would say the opposite- the hard part for him is to stop thinking "you you you" and to start thinking "me me me" more.  I'm quite proud of the progress he has made to put himself first and stand firm against what he knows will not work for him.


I've been in that situation with a girl I was dating who was a people pleaser. These are normally the service oriented types I have found most compatible for me and what I want, but in this case, her focus on me was coming at the expense of her own boundaries.



_____________________________

Advice for New Dominants
The Unpolitically Correct Lifestyle Definitions

Obama is NOT the Messiah! He's just a VERY NAUGHTY BOY

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
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RE: What was the hardest thing? - 11/26/2008 10:00:50 PM   
Rover


Posts: 2634
Joined: 6/28/2004
Status: offline 		Without question, the most persistent issues for me have been vestiges of prior training that resulted in either unwanted habitual behavior, or a competing version of what is the "right" way to do something. 
 
But beyond that, any relationship is challenging and the number of potential potholes is enormous.  Though conquering them in the process of growing together provides a very rewarding sense of mutual satisfaction and accomplishment.
 
John

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RE: What was the hardest thing? - 11/26/2008 10:11:18 PM   
happypervert


Posts: 2203
Joined: 5/11/2004
From: Scranton, PA
Status: offline 		I think there are two related challenges in the early stages of a relationship:

  1. Getting her to open up about her fears
  2. Finding those parts of her psyche she holds most private, and then having her turn them over to me

I kinda think of this process as having her give up little pieces of herself until she's all mine, and I enjoy it.


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RE: What was the hardest thing? - 11/26/2008 10:27:14 PM   
mc1234


Posts: 683
Joined: 10/4/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: happypervert

I think there are two related challenges in the early stages of a relationship:
  1. Getting her to open up about her fears
  2. Finding those parts of her psyche she holds most private, and then having her turn them over to me



Interestingly enough, from the submissive POV, I find the two above the most difficult.  And most rewarding, when that type of openness and transparency it is received positively and a relationship is built on that sharing. 

I've been in relationships where he hasn't wanted to share the deepest parts of me, but I was moved to feel the need to do so - but obviously I felt more involved in the relationship than he was, and that ended.  I have also talked with those to whom I never felt I could open up the way that they told me they wanted me to - that level of trust and chemistry wasn't there.  The sex/service part is easy-peasy for me.  It's this stuff, the emotional sharing, that's the make-it or break-it criteria for me. 

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RE: What was the hardest thing? - 11/26/2008 10:28:04 PM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sexisubi

It's always been an importent part expecially in D/s about growing within a relationship together, it's an amazing thing to feel and watch happen. Whatever issue a person might have or something that someone wants to see change it's always great to see it change whether its the submissive changing or the Master.


I agree with this - it's my experience that getting rid of the 'you' and 'me' and concentrating on 'we' and 'us' is much more productive for long term, healthy relationships. At this point in life I'm more about tweaking than actually changing a whole lot.

_____________________________

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Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


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RE: What was the hardest thing? - 11/26/2008 10:33:39 PM   
trealeon


Posts: 180
Joined: 4/7/2007
Status: offline 		I think for me and my current slave it was when she admitted that she wanted to learn to be more of a slave to me. Up until then, she had been purely a "daddy's girl" but she wanted it all, she wanted to learn to be the kind of slave that was my complete property to use as I pleased. Of course I was very happy when I heard that she wanted this, but it was a bumpy transition to begin training her after she had enjoyed the comforts of being "daddy's girl." I think the hardest thing for her was the fact that I stripped her of her right to call me "Daddy" for the duration of her training. I'm very proud of her progress but it definitely has been hard work for both of us. I know in the end though we'll both be satisfied with the results.

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RE: What was the hardest thing? - 11/26/2008 10:40:02 PM   
loveandlight87


Posts: 110
Joined: 2/27/2008
Status: offline 		The hardest thing I have encountered so far is balancing independence and submission.  I have been very independent and self sufficient for most of my adult life.  My job requires me to think on my feet, take initiative and work primarily independently.  Sir values my independence quite a lot.  In fact, I think it was one of the things that he was attracted too.  Fine tuning exactly when, where and how to utilize this quality versus when surrender is appropriate, has been a challenge.  On one hand submission is, well duh, the goal.  But doing that with out damaging that independence or our relationship … that is our challenge.    

love

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