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RE: Past infomation - 11/27/2008 3:45:42 PM   
SoulPiercer


Posts: 374
Joined: 5/27/2007
Status: offline 		The amount of information I share depends on where I am in the relationship.

My "book" is open once we determine that you intend to be my "publisher" for a very, very long time.

If you're just browsing at the rack with no intent to "buy" .. you'll get a synopsis on the inside front cover but the inside pages will be blank.

Many people scream for "full disclosure" then when it is given, you are left screaming "you can't handle the truth!!"

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Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Past infomation - 11/27/2008 5:16:02 PM   
slaveluci


Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists
then you don't tell them

Exactly!  My thoughts exactly.
quote:

this is entirely different than a person who is making a choice NOT to open themselves to their intimate partner.  In one case.. the person is making the decision of what to share... in the other the partner is making the choice of what they want to listen to

True indeed.
quote:

Myself.. I take a two way- open approach.  We share and listen to everything about each other... I have found it very empowering for the relationship.

Yes, sharing is indeed empowering for us as well.  We share nearly everything and really listen to each other and offer feedback.  It quickly became obvious to me, however, that going into great detail about intimate details with others just wasn't something He cared to hear.  It's not that He's in denial that there have been others.  On the contrary, He knows full well.  It's just the nitty gritty kiss-and-tell stuff He doesn't care to indulge in.  Fine by me.  If I wanted that still, I'd still be back there with whomever it was at that time.  Fortunately, I'm here with Him.........................luci

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Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Past infomation - 11/27/2008 5:47:12 PM   
pinkwind


Posts: 367
Joined: 1/9/2005
Status: offline 		i too am an open book, and revealed everything Andy wanted and i thought he needed to know at the outset of us forming our relationship.

Those revelations have not stopped, they are constantly happening as circumstances and the talks we have dictate we delve into each others pasts, and neither of us holds back.

True there have been past events that we only know the very basic information about and have made the decision that there is no point in delving deeper, and others where we find it might be enlightening to broaden and deepen the discussion to explore, and it is the attitude we both exhibit as we discover things about each other that has always helped me to know that i have heard nothing but the truth from him, and gives me the freedom to be completely open to him.

We are both judgemental people, i doubt anyone could say they weren't in a given circumstance, but that has been one of the more positive elements of our relationship, that we have not judged each other harshly for the events of our past.

i could never say "none of your business" to Andy, and would not accept it as an answer from him, but there are times when it is not appropriate to talk in depth, better to wait until both feel able to open up and accept what is being disclosed.


(in reply to colouredin)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Past infomation - 11/27/2008 6:01:06 PM   
ThundersCry


Posts: 892
Status: offline 		I am always open to talking...always.
 
I am not always opened to sharing more information than need to with just anyone...I have to know above all I am safe to do so...people have...mouths...
 
Some, at times...would come back to bite me...

(in reply to colouredin)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Past infomation - 11/27/2008 6:22:16 PM   
kallisto


Posts: 1185
Status: offline 		I'm an open book.  I don't have any regrets.  I'm not ashamed of anything I've done.  My past is part of what has made me who I am today.   I'm the first one to admit that it took both of us to make the relationship and it took us both to end it.     

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Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Past infomation - 11/27/2008 6:30:12 PM   
kyraofMists


Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists
We share and listen to everything about each other... I have found it very empowering for the relationship.


I think one of the most empowering moments for me in this relationship, is when I told him something about myself that I viewed negatively and believed that in telling him it would change his mind about me.  Instead of thinking less of me, he loved me even more. 

I prefer to be open with my partners and I prefer to have partners in my life who are going to love me for who I am and that includes some of the things that may not be so wonderful.

Knight's Kyra

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(in reply to KnightofMists)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Past infomation - 11/27/2008 6:33:49 PM   
faithbunny


Posts: 99
Joined: 10/28/2007
Status: offline 		Generally speaking, I am a very open person, and there is nothing I wouldn't tell my beloved. That said, I'm also not going to rub in details of my other relationships from the period when we were broken up. If he asks, of course, that's different.

~faith

(in reply to colouredin)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Past infomation - 11/27/2008 6:35:50 PM   
DavanKael


Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
Status: offline 		I do not live in shadows; I prefer the light. 
If relatioinships are to be meaningful, depthful sharing, including information about past relationships is relevant. 
  Davan

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Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Past infomation - 11/27/2008 7:03:38 PM   
slaveluci


Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kyraofMists
I think one of the most empowering moments for me in this relationship, is when I told him something about myself that I viewed negatively and believed that in telling him it would change his mind about me.  Instead of thinking less of me, he loved me even more. 

I prefer to be open with my partners and I prefer to have partners in my life who are going to love me for who I am and that includes some of the things that may not be so wonderful.

I've been through exactly the same thing.  I told Master a couple of things that no one else in the world knows about me and they are things that truly shame me and that I have deep regrets over.  As you said, instead of looking down at me, He loved me more that I have dealt with them and that I trust Him enough to share them with Him, knowing He'll NEVER repeat them or use them against me.  All those "not so wonderful" things are part of who I was and thus who I am and I don't have to hide any of that from Him.  THAT'S part of why I adore Him so much....................luci


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Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Past infomation - 11/27/2008 7:55:31 PM   
yourMissTress


Posts: 1665
Joined: 6/14/2005
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kyraofMists

quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists
We share and listen to everything about each other... I have found it very empowering for the relationship.


I think one of the most empowering moments for me in this relationship, is when I told him something about myself that I viewed negatively and believed that in telling him it would change his mind about me.  Instead of thinking less of me, he loved me even more. 

I prefer to be open with my partners and I prefer to have partners in my life who are going to love me for who I am and that includes some of the things that may not be so wonderful.

Knight's Kyra


The part that I bolded resonates with me.  There are events in my past that I am not proud of, but the difference between who I was then and who I am today is night and day.  Those events, the manner in which I handled them and myself, the changes I have made in my life, the road I have traveled and the paths I have chosen all make up who I am today.
 
I am an open book.  I share every part of who I am with the people I am close to, and anyone else who may ask.  They have the choice of seeing me for who I am or who I was.  Those who love and care for me more because they can appreciate me for both are the people who I want in my life.
 


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Tress


"If you have to tell people that you are a lady, you are not." My Grandmother


(in reply to kyraofMists)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Past infomation - 11/27/2008 8:44:10 PM   
sexisubi


Posts: 373
Joined: 11/23/2008
Status: offline 		It's a tough question,

i hate lies, they are my petpev, i hate things being hidden, however i am kind of like a faset with a handle. i like to tell my partner everything the more we grow and learn about eachother i leak out more info. One of the things my Master actually likes about me is the fact he feels like he learns something new about me everyday. So lets say partner X (pun is soo intended) came up to current partner M (tee hee) and stated that i did this when i was a young girl or maybe talked about something else (dont have a lot of secrets but hey you never know what can put a person to the edge) i only know that in the club or area of public i would look at them and say, 'piss off'  look at the person im dating and say.. 'yes that's true, if You want to talk about it, as always i am always willing to do so with You. i haven't kept anything from You in the past, i'm not going to start.'

Even though i will say whatever they had to say would probably have no baring on O/our relationship cause i really don't have any dirty secrets that i have not already told them. i also am going to say i think -everyone- who goes onto the boards seem to be fairly open. We seem to all share the common ground that sharing our experiances help others find their answers. With that said i think most of us would agree that honesty, and openess is what helps make or break a relationship, whether its nilla, D/s, or friendships.

(in reply to colouredin)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Past infomation - 11/28/2008 4:34:39 PM   
panthersub


Posts: 80
Joined: 5/20/2008
Status: offline 		i am not an open book in regards to my past history unless i feel it is important to my partner, such as abuse. But even then, i will not divulge everything at once as it takes me a while to trust the person to not use it against me, as has happened in the past. With my current Dom, i never really told him upfront about my past, he knew very very little about it, but it took me about six months before i was able to reveal a little bit. Overall it took probably around eight months before i revealed my entire past to him. So i would say that it depends on the person, but with me, because i am not an open book, unless i'm eventually going to have to bring out the past, it will be different with me.

(in reply to colouredin)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Past infomation - 11/28/2008 7:43:14 PM   
metalmiss


Posts: 341
Joined: 5/4/2005
From: Croydon, UK
Status: offline 		i couldn't be more open about the past.. And thankfully He's pretty much the same.. i need that openness for it to work.. Complete transparency with regards to everything.. The past is what has shaped me into who i am today, i believe that the places my journey has already taken me are just as relevant as where i am going.. We all make mistakes, but as long as it's a lesson learned then the past is nothing to hide from.

i've had partners who were cagey about their past, it always made me uneasy.. If that happened to me with a partner i would want to know, i would consider that i had a right to expect at least an open and honest answer.. Even if it wasn't in depth or detailed. To me that would essentially feel like a part of themselves that they were hiding from me.

< Message edited by metalmiss -- 11/28/2008 7:47:04 PM >

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Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Past infomation - 11/28/2008 10:27:11 PM   
CFslaves


Posts: 1019
Joined: 10/28/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: colouredin

To what extent do we or should we divulge our past to our current partners. Im an open book, I have no problem tlaking about the good and bad in past relationships and why they failed, some are more cagey. Is there a case of too little infomation? For example if you wander into a pub and someone barrages your current partner with veiled comments about something that they did wrong in apast relationship, would you accept the whole 'its none of your business' or would you want to know?

I dont think that there is a right to this infomation or anything its just i cant understand the desperate need to hide it if it is thrown in your face. That to me screams issues.


hmmmmmmm current partners i feel are best to know in private me inside and out and well im sure that unless a past relationship ended on a good note so that we are just friends Master would probably do the its none of our business biteing of heads if some one tried to pry.

(in reply to colouredin)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Past infomation - 11/28/2008 11:05:25 PM   
stella41b


Posts: 4258
Joined: 10/16/2007
From: SW London (UK)
Status: offline 		In the sense of a potential partner and people who are close to me I'm transparent and I expect the same. But I'm also deep and complex and individual.

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Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Past infomation - 11/28/2008 11:20:29 PM   
starshineowned


Posts: 1551
Joined: 4/19/2005
From: Texas
Status: offline 		Greetings..

I don't think there has been any standard rule as to how much or little I relay to a person I'm involved with. It has been more of a release of information when my gut told me it felt right to do so. Wether it took years to reveal some things or I never made it that far to reveal all things with that particular person or I just flat out blurted my entire life (good bad and ugly) to them within the first month seemed to rely mostly on gut and trust.

starshine

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Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Past infomation - 11/29/2008 2:16:51 AM   
NorthernGent


Posts: 8730
Joined: 7/10/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: colouredin

To what extent do we or should we divulge our past to our current partners. Im an open book, I have no problem tlaking about the good and bad in past relationships and why they failed, some are more cagey. Is there a case of too little infomation? For example if you wander into a pub and someone barrages your current partner with veiled comments about something that they did wrong in apast relationship, would you accept the whole 'its none of your business' or would you want to know?

I dont think that there is a right to this infomation or anything its just i cant understand the desperate need to hide it if it is thrown in your face. That to me screams issues.



I suppose it's a case of what information you need to make a success of your current relationship.

I'm not overly concerned with the circumstances of past life; we learn through experience, and as such it's logical to deduce that the past is the past and is of limited importance to the present. Furthermore, I'm not terribly interested in the ins and outs/drama of someone's past, nor the supermarket label applied by the 'pub' spokesman.

I'd want to know everything I cared to ask, but life's too busy to take on board a drama of little consequence.

< Message edited by NorthernGent -- 11/29/2008 2:17:33 AM >

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Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Past infomation - 11/29/2008 7:17:26 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		In a case of someone else bringing it up, I would expect more of a response than "it's none of your business". Even something like "That was ten years ago and I was a lot stupider then. I did some things I'm not proud of but after that relationship I took a good hard look at myself. And these days I don't get into relationships which are doomed from the start and I don't do things I'm ashamed of anymore".

I don't need to know that she kneed him and he punched her in the nose. I do need to know that he doesn't lose control anymore.

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Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Past infomation - 11/29/2008 7:24:50 AM   
blondagebabe


Posts: 18
Joined: 11/28/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SoulPiercer

The amount of information I share depends on where I am in the relationship.

My "book" is open once we determine that you intend to be my "publisher" for a very, very long time.

If you're just browsing at the rack with no intent to "buy" .. you'll get a synopsis on the inside front cover but the inside pages will be blank.

Many people scream for "full disclosure" then when it is given, you are left screaming "you can't handle the truth!!"


Well said!


(in reply to SoulPiercer)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Past infomation - 11/29/2008 9:15:17 AM   
velvetears


Posts: 2933
Joined: 6/19/2006
Status: offline 		The amount of disclosure depends on the amount of trust built up in the relationship, which is a tricky thing because how can trust be built up without really knowing someone, and how can you know someone who does not divulge that much? 

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Profile   Post #: 40
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