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LadyPact -> RE: Crossing over from Supremacy to Abuse (11/29/2008 3:27:10 PM)
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Thank you for the topic. I don't think people realize how often abuse is a part of the present or past of many involved in wiitwd. It's hard for us to discern it because much of what we do comes so close to what many main stream people would immediately identify as an abusive situation. You have to admit. The vanillas have us on that one. Signs of a physically or mentally abusive situation are more evident to them because in the regular world, certain things just aren't the norm. When they see odd bruises showing up, they are immediately concerned. When we see them, we think of them as the after effects of play. When the vanillas see an acquaintance that is withdrawing from family or social situations, the flags go up for their emotional well being. We see it as control imposed by a Dominant. The list goes on and on. These are only the evident signs. It says nothing of what's underneath.
I want to take a moment here to thank youngsubgeoff here for telling a bit of his story. (Before I forget, My greetings to your Mistress.) For someone who has never been in an abusive situation, they can't possibly know what kind of courage it takes to even show a small glimpse of what has happened to them. Even typing up words on a screen takes an enormous amount of strength. It isn't always that it is recognized what it really takes to talk about a non-consensual situation where damage has been done. When power, any power, has been misused, there is destruction left in the wake. I am glad that you are able to recognize that and heal.
Something that hasn't been mentioned in this thread is something that does need to be addressed. There is always the question of, why don't they leave? It seems so simple, looking from the outside in. Most people feel in control of their own lives, so they don't see it from the abused person's point of view. The reason for that is that the abused person no longer sees a reality based perception. A person often continues in an abusive relationship due to something that is often called the "Superman" syndrome. They often literally see their abuser as some type of Superman, who can and will accomplish any kind of harm a person can think of. It can go to such a degree that, even if an abused person thinks of stabbing the attacker in the chest, they literally believe that person can still get up and harm them. They literally have that kind of an unhealthy mental hold.
Yes, submissive het males are challenged more when it comes to openly admitting what happened to them and seeking help. Society has conditioned people in such a way that they can often ignore the power imbalance that should be evident. Why doesn't a male just over power a female? Why doesn't a gay lover just leave his partner? Why doesn't a person just tell? It is because society asks these very questions that many feel trapped and that they have no where to turn. Don't think those in a bad situation don't already hear these questions in their head before they are ever asked. Sometimes, it helps to create the very prison they live in.
I'll get off of the soapbox now. Perhaps someone else would like a turn.
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