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RE: Dom training - 8/14/2005 7:23:49 PM

domtimothy46176

Posts: 670
Joined: 12/25/2004
From: Dayton, Ohio area
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Myste

Can a person be trained to be a Dom?

While I believe the personality of a person has a lot to do with how good a Dom they are I still believe that a person can be taught to be dominant. Just as we can teach a dog tricks or a lab rat how to maneuver a maze, a person can also be conditioned to respond appropriately depending on the situation. Just as a submissive can be taught the appropriate response to a request, can't a Dom be taught the same?

Granted this may not make a good dominant but a still a dominant nonetheless.

My personal opinion is that someone so trained would be a top, rather than a dominant. I may be a bit of an elitist, but my gut instinct tells me that if it dominance isn't something that manifests from one's deepest desires, it just ain't dominance. FWIW, I think there are many practicing tops out there having a grand time and more power to them, nothing wrong with that at all. Dominance, however, as I see it, is an expression of self and no, that isn't something I believe one can be trained in, cultivated perhaps if the seeds are there, but not instilled as a whole.
Just my $.02
Timothy

(in reply to Myste)

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Post #: 21

RE: Dom training - 8/14/2005 7:39:59 PM

LadySonelle

Posts: 280
Joined: 8/24/2004
From: Santa Fe NM
Status: offline

Training a person to be dominant is done all the time. The rich man's son, in order to avoide conscription (historically) or placed there by a family despairing of "making a man of him" is sent to Officer Candidate School or the ROTC or a military academy. OCS regularly turns out competant officers if the ability exists at all in the material they get. Ditto any branch of the armed Forces. The danger is when someone who is *not* fit to lead (or lacks scruples, morals and ethics) is placed in a position of leadership or dominance.

What happens then can be deadly, tragic or criminal. Experiments have shown that when persons are placed in a position of power and encouraged to exercise such power, they can exceed safety limits, even turn into bullies or tyrants. The classroom experiments where half the class became "prisoners" and the other half "guards" had to be stopped almost at once because the students egan brutalising each other.

In college experiments where one person was required to admin ister shocks to another, (an actor feigning pain at various levels) the student giving the shocks, at the urging of testers continued to elevate levels intil harm and death would have resulted IF the shocks had been genuine.

These examples are but two of the many which demonstrate that human beings placed in positions of power without internal mechanisms of responsibility and ethics become dangerous. The Massacre at My Lai, the still current incidents at Abu Ghraib and other wortime offences show that we are a dangerous species unless we have structural support for those in command and a system of responsibility and compassion.

Many of you may say "My God, Sonelle! My Lai has nothing to do with BDSM! You canot compare WIITWD to Abu Grraib!" and I am not trying to... but still, there is a natural tendancy to take what is available, even at the cost of others, if no internal braking system exists.

If one is to train humans to be dominant, they miust FIRST build in the BRAKES, the compassion, the internal restraint, even (if you will) morality and ethics before adding on the power! This is WHY I feel that a truly good Domme ought to have spent time as a submissive first. If you do not have a true "fintertip feeling" (in German, Fingerspitzengefuehl) of the effect of something, how will you know when/where to stop?

My two cents, as always.

Lady Sonelle

_____________________________

Come to My domain and read My Lessons online! http://www.LadySonelle.com then place yourself beneath My loving Hand!

(in reply to Myste)

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Post #: 22

RE: Dom training - 8/14/2005 8:42:42 PM

EmeraldSlave2

Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
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IMO a person can be trained to do everything that great dominants do, a person can be trained to be in a relationship as a dominant and go along and no one would ever notice the difference. Heck many vanilla oriented people act far better in relationships than some dominants do.

However, a person cannot be trained to be FULFILLED as a dominant if it is not who they are innately.

(in reply to Myste)

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Post #: 23

RE: Dom training - 8/14/2005 10:50:45 PM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Myste

Can a person be trained to be a Dom?

While I believe the personality of a person has a lot to do with how good a Dom they are I still believe that a person can be taught to be dominant. Just as we can teach a dog tricks or a lab rat how to maneuver a maze, a person can also be conditioned to respond appropriately depending on the situation. Just as a submissive can be taught the appropriate response to a request, can't a Dom be taught the same?

Granted this may not make a good dominant but a still a dominant nonetheless.

Can some one be trained to be a Dom???

In short, Yes! However they will need to have the following:
1. A dominant personality, Alpha.
2. Natural leadership potential.
3. Have as Desire to lead and be in command of situations.
4. Have a balanced personality where he will accept responsibility for the actions which he controls.
5. Have a willingness to learn.
6. Have an interest in D/s, M/s and/or BDSM.

If he meets with these criteria, he can be trained in Dom techniques, BDSM techniques and how to deal and care for a sub/slave. This all boils down to potential and desire. There is no way you can make an old shoe or a youth’s sneakers into a Masterful boot if the basics are missing.

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to Myste)

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Post #: 24

RE: Dom training - 8/15/2005 3:38:18 AM

NakedOnMyChain

Posts: 2431
Joined: 11/29/2004
From: Indiana
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I most certainly believe that dom/mes can be trained. Everyone has to start somewhere. If they have no inclination whatsoever to actually be trained, though, I would think more than twice about it.

_____________________________

"Oh, it's torture, but I'm almost there."
~The Cure

"I ask for so little. Just fear me, love me, do as I say, and I will be your slave."
~The Labyrinth

(in reply to Myste)

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Post #: 25

RE: Dom training - 8/18/2005 9:39:58 PM

EvO

Posts: 7
Joined: 4/30/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: sabersedge

Where I agree is the training. Experience teaches you the nuances of being a Dom. Being a Dom is a combination of personality, skills, intuition, awareness. The last three can be taught in some degree. Skill especially, how to spank, how to use a paddle, how to discipline. Discipline is not only physical, it can be ignoring, taking a favorite item for a short time, etc. These things can be taught.

How do I know. More expereinced Doms\Dommes taught me when I needed advice.

And Yes, I have a lot more to learn.

I agree with this totally. When I first sought out to learn about the Lifestyle, I was fortunate to find a Mistress that was willing to help me. Not how to be Dominant, because that is just my natural behavior, but some of the skills involved. Like how to use certain equipment properly, where to and not to hit someone safely, things like this. Being in a real time situation was extremely helpful, even if I ended up on the back end of a flogger or crop more than once. I'm a big believer you should never use a piece of equipment on someone unless you fully know how to use it, and you've experineced it to yourself before. This builds confidence in the equipment you're using, and you also know exactly how far you can go with it.

Beyond that, I've had several Dom and Dommes over the years to pass on bits of info, share tips and give a push in the right direction. In return I've always been one to help out others when they've needed it. I myself while in college took extra courses in Pyshcology to learn how the mind works. I urge this to any inspiring Dominant. It has proved to be the most valued thing I've learned.

_____________________________

There is no fear that I can not protect you from, if you allow me to share those fears.

(in reply to sabersedge)

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Post #: 26

RE: Dom training - 8/19/2005 1:58:53 PM

Archer

Posts: 3207
Joined: 3/11/2005
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OK then semantics it is, LOL

Talant is a Natural ability thus not limited to technical physical aspects but also to the ability to dominate mentally. And the ability to dominate mentally well is a skill that can be practiced and improved. Is there a spiritual element to Mastery? I belive so and find myself in good company. However the idea that spirituality cannot be taught is also somethig I reject a willing subject can be shown how to access the spiritual part of themselves, proof in thousands of monks of various religions and sects within those religions. Now again natural inate ability or talent may vary and will certainly effect the end result in the spiritual element.

As for takeing me to task over the use of the word GOOD get real I did not here or anywhere else attempt to define a GOOD Dominant I left that up to the reader to determine what elements they needed for the label to apply, I never cited a thing besides drive to learn that would be nessisary to reach the level of Good and that is certainly one that I will stand behind. Regualrdless of anything else a drive to learn how to be a better Dominant I will hazard to say is one thing that is actually nessisary to be a Good Dominant no matter what other traits, ethics, or abilities you want to use for the rest of a definition the drive to learn I would contend is a Universal trait needed.

In Leather

Archer

(in reply to hardbodysub)

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Post #: 27