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weight loss - 11/28/2008 9:19:19 AM

shinypebble

Posts: 2
Joined: 1/25/2007
Status: offline

Well I've been into BDSM for a long time and most of my arousal has come from being abused about my weight. But since I've had a bit of weight loss I've found my submissive urges disintegrating. I'm confused... I am a submissive person but I've actually been finding it hard to get off on the things I used to... I don't really know what to do...

Post #: 1

RE: weight loss - 11/28/2008 9:33:53 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
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Kinks and turn ons rarely have to do with specific acts or submissive orientation, especially if you've somewhat fetishized them. I'd say you're just not being creative or with someone who's creative enough to push those buttons in the right way anymore.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to shinypebble)

Post #: 2

RE: weight loss - 11/28/2008 9:36:07 AM

SteelofUtah

Posts: 5307
Joined: 10/2/2007
From: St George Utah
Status: offline

**Caution: this may not go over well**

So Get Fat again!

As Far as I am conserned if Abuse is the Basis for why you are in this lifestyle then I think you have a LOT more to work out than a little extra Poundage..

If you aren't happy then there is something wrong. If what was making you happy stops making you happy then I guess you need to make a change.

Simple as that in my opinion.

Steel

(Who is FAR from a Thin Man, But Loves himself for what he is)

_____________________________

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Resident Therapeutic Metallurgist
The Steel Warm-Up © ™
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(in reply to shinypebble)

Post #: 3

RE: weight loss - 11/28/2008 9:39:46 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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Steel I think you've got good points, I'm just not sure whether the OP means "abuse in the bad way" or "abuse in the casual euphemistic way"

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to SteelofUtah)

Post #: 4

RE: weight loss - 11/28/2008 9:52:32 AM

SteelofUtah

Posts: 5307
Joined: 10/2/2007
From: St George Utah
Status: offline

I see..... You are correct I can now read that a few different ways.

If My POV was incorrect I appologise for what I insinuated.

Thank you for pointing that out LA.

Steel

_____________________________

Just Steel
Resident Therapeutic Metallurgist
The Steel Warm-Up © ™
For the Uber Posters
Thanks for the Grammatical support : ) ~ Term

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 5

RE: weight loss - 11/28/2008 1:49:30 PM

E2Sweet

Posts: 649
Joined: 7/8/2008
From: TopLeftCornerOf, OH, USA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: shinypebble

...I've had a bit of weight loss I've found my submissive urges disintegrating. I'm confused... I am a submissive person but I've actually been finding it hard to get off on the things I used to... I don't really know what to do...

I'd find it surprising to learn that any person's submissive urges disappear as a direct result of a change in body weight. I suspect there is one or more other factors involved here at this place in time that is the root of your change in kinky tastes. It's quite impossible to hit the mark not knowing you personally.

I've found over the years that both my submissive and by dominant urges have changed and evolved somewhat. I've also experienced lengths of time where I've not particularly been all that interested in BDSM, and others I couldn't seem to get BDSM related thoughts out of my head. People are quite complex, and our wants, tastes, desires, interests and all that seem to rarely (if ever) remain linear.

My suggestion? Continue doing what ever it is that you do in your day to day life and spend a little time looking inward to see if you may stumble upon the root of the personal changes you're experiencing. Perhaps talk to a close friend whom you can confide in as they may offer a nugget of information that will lead you to understanding what it is that's different about your urges lately. People close to you know the real you and therefore would most likely help you to hit the mark much faster than any of us here could since we don't know you personally...

...and by all means avoid perusing unhealthy lifestyle choices in an effort to recreate those urges that seem to be eluding you as of late... Just my opinion...

Edited for clarity...

< Message edited by E2Sweet -- 11/28/2008 1:53:00 PM >

_____________________________

E2Sweet™
"If it doesn't make you smile then chances are you're not doing it right."

(in reply to shinypebble)

Post #: 6

RE: weight loss - 11/28/2008 2:13:37 PM

sexisubi

Posts: 373
Joined: 11/23/2008
Status: offline

i haven't read the full post yet so if this has already been said i'm sorry in advance.

i was talking to a Dom about something similar to this, and He or She made an excellent point, most people who are submissive are not just in it for the pure fact of being "submissive" they are looking for a 'teacher' to help them through lifes doozies.

In this case it was weight, you feel better and more comlete because it's like that weight (no pun intended) has been lifted off of your shoulders. Does this mean you are not submissive? No, of course not but it does mean after your recent turn of events that you are happier and feel like you have been cured and there is no need to see the doctor anymore (even if the doctor was using the weight as humilation). Perhaps it's time to do a quick run down of how things are going in your life. Find that other thing you want to perfect and rejuvinate maybe this will help get that side of you back and you can start using those as the humilating factors. Now please note, i cannot say for sure this is why this is happening i just found it interesting and insightful so i thought i would share in hopes of helping. =)

< Message edited by sexisubi -- 11/28/2008 2:37:02 PM >

(in reply to shinypebble)

Post #: 7

RE: weight loss - 11/28/2008 2:17:59 PM

marie2

Posts: 1690
Joined: 11/4/2008
From: Jersey
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: shinypebble

Well I've been into BDSM for a long time and most of my arousal has come from being abused about my weight. But since I've had a bit of weight loss I've found my submissive urges disintegrating. I'm confused... I am a submissive person but I've actually been finding it hard to get off on the things I used to... I don't really know what to do...

Maybe it's not so much the "abuse" about your weight specifically, but the participation in something that feels humiliating to you.

There may be other ways you can get that same feeling or something similar.

(in reply to shinypebble)

Post #: 8

RE: weight loss - 11/28/2008 3:21:43 PM

LookieNoNookie

Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: shinypebble

Well I've been into BDSM for a long time and most of my arousal has come from being abused about my weight. But since I've had a bit of weight loss I've found my submissive urges disintegrating. I'm confused... I am a submissive person but I've actually been finding it hard to get off on the things I used to... I don't really know what to do...

Eat ice cream?

(in reply to shinypebble)

Post #: 9

RE: weight loss - 11/28/2008 4:58:03 PM

Violation

Posts: 12
Joined: 11/27/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: shinypebble

Well I've been into BDSM for a long time and most of my arousal has come from being abused about my weight. But since I've had a bit of weight loss I've found my submissive urges disintegrating. I'm confused... I am a submissive person but I've actually been finding it hard to get off on the things I used to... I don't really know what to do...

"You are a fat greedy little whore barely worthy of licking my cum from the floor" turned you on because it was said by someone you were in a relationship with (based on your profile) and so it was delivered in the context of "and I love/care/desire you anyway" and so it was humiliating AND made you feel accepted by your partner which made the humiliation erotic. However, this is murky ground to play on as for some it can be erotic while still undermining their self esteem. I have done far more degrading things to women than this but one must be sure to wash away that emotional "filth" so they come away cleaner than they went in.

In your case you have begun losing weight and I wonder if that might have been because the weight was a symptom of some self esteem issue that you are shrugging off and as you shrug the issue off the weight is falling away as well. Perhaps what you need to be humiliated about now is what a hot nasty little slut you are becoming and how you are going to have to orally service all those boys in school who are starting to masturbate imagining your new hot curvy slimer body...

(in reply to shinypebble)

Post #: 10

RE: weight loss - 11/28/2008 5:38:14 PM

kdsub

Posts: 12180
Joined: 8/16/2007
Status: offline

I would say your turn on is humiliation...Maybe at one time you felt shame because of your weight...you felt you needed to be humiliated...that way you could gain some kind of satisfaction and appease your shame...Then when you started loosing weight you felt better about yourself and had less of a need for humiliation over your body.

Believe me there are many things that allow humiliation...just use your imagination and find other reasons.

Butch

< Message edited by kdsub -- 11/28/2008 5:39:03 PM >

(in reply to Violation)

Post #: 11

RE: weight loss - 11/28/2008 10:58:17 PM

pompeii

Posts: 934
Joined: 1/4/2007
From: Silicon Valley, San Jose, California
Status: offline

quote:

I would say your turn on is humiliation...

I was thinking more it was about the need for attention that we all have, that a submissive receives from the Dom, that this need, is, somehow, for this person, greater, or perhaps more fulfilled, when she is overweight (by her definition), and, presumably therefore less otherwise desirable (again, by her personal definition), such that the mere acts of supreme attention which Domming demands of the sub, is in and of itself fulfilling.

Once the weight is off, the attention starvation is, somehow, relieved, such that the need for the Dom's attention consequently relaxes.
Or so I presume....

(in reply to kdsub)

Post #: 12

RE: weight loss - 11/28/2008 10:59:32 PM

pompeii

Posts: 934
Joined: 1/4/2007
From: Silicon Valley, San Jose, California
Status: offline

quote:

"You are a fat greedy little whore barely worthy of licking my cum from the floor"

I wish I could talk like that!

(in reply to Violation)

Post #: 13

RE: weight loss - 11/29/2008 12:40:11 AM

moonvine

Posts: 780
Joined: 11/7/2004
Status: offline

quote:

Well I've been into BDSM for a long time and most of my arousal has come from being abused about my weight. But since I've had a bit of weight loss I've found my submissive urges disintegrating. I'm confused... I am a submissive person but I've actually been finding it hard to get off on the things I used to... I don't really know what to do...

I don't know...for me personally my partners would find me less desirable if I were to lose weight...but I don't get off on being humiliated about my body either..hard limit! So I don't know what to say here...

(in reply to shinypebble)

Post #: 14

RE: weight loss - 11/29/2008 12:56:13 AM

myotherself

Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline

~fr~

as someone who has lost a significant amount of weight in the last year, one thing I've noticed about myself is my vastly increased self-confidence.

Perhaps there are a couple of reasons being humiliated over weight is no longer working for the OP. First of all, she doesn't believe it's true any more. She KNOWS she looks good, so the mockery sounds false. Secondly, she is likely to be (rightly) proud of her hard work in losing weight, so being mocked for being fat is negating this work, which could produce feelings of anger and hurt, rather than humiliation.

I agree with other posters - find something else to work on. The human imagination is a wonderful thing...

(Now, although humiliation is a real kink of mine, being personal about my appearance in a negative way would not work for me. So being called a "dirty slut" gets me wet, using "fat whore" would end up with the Dom in the ER seeking help for his traumatically removed manhood

)

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There's nowt so queer as folk

(in reply to moonvine)

Post #: 15

RE: weight loss - 11/29/2008 1:03:11 AM

moonvine

Posts: 780
Joined: 11/7/2004
Status: offline

I'm fat and I know I look good

(in reply to myotherself)

Post #: 16

RE: weight loss - 11/29/2008 1:38:34 AM

aravain

Posts: 1211
Joined: 8/26/2008
Status: offline

I'm fat and... look bad for entirely different reasons. (I'm constantly told I 'carry it well' XD but that's likely because I'm quite tall in addition to weighing way too much over the suggested weight for my height)

I dunno, I don't see how not being able to be humiliated by weight comments would 'disintegrate' your submission on its own. Maybe there are other factors in addition to it?

(in reply to moonvine)

Post #: 17

RE: weight loss - 11/29/2008 4:35:26 AM

myotherself

Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: moonvine

I'm fat and I know I look good

With that positive outlook on life and confidence, how could you not look good!

From my POV I received very negative comments about myself for many years, which made me fixate on my weight and hate myself for it. I know I looked fine overweight (people told me), but I still hated myself. Now that I've lost most (but not all!) of my excess pounds I feel a million times better about myself. I've still got wobbly bits and a fat tum and ass, but now I see them as assets and not negatives. I'm more attractive to everyone now, simply because I radiate confidence and I'm finally happy with my appearance.

Sorry for the hijack....!

_____________________________

There's nowt so queer as folk

(in reply to moonvine)

Post #: 18

RE: weight loss - 11/29/2008 4:48:37 AM

CatdeMedici

Posts: 2257
Joined: 10/20/2008
Status: offline

Was that because some attention was better than none?

A submissive extends way beyond body type into the whole person--perhaps you need to evaluate the new you, really identify and define what you mean by "submissive", define what kind of Dominance you seek and go from there.

_____________________________

I am the Cat, holder of the whip and chair.

"Let's see-whips, dips, chains, chips, yep sounds like a party to Me!"

(in reply to shinypebble)

Post #: 19

RE: weight loss - 11/29/2008 5:01:44 AM

silkenfire

Posts: 130
Joined: 9/27/2007
Status: offline

Going through weightloss myself and consistently seeing myself as fat, I can totally understand the issue from one point of view. (might not have been the intended one but)

--If you used the degradation as a motivator to improve and then improved and it was not recognized that can be bad--

I like Violation's idea here:

quote:

In your case you have begun losing weight and I wonder if that might have been because the weight was a symptom of some self esteem issue that you are shrugging off and as you shrug the issue off the weight is falling away as well. Perhaps what you need to be humiliated about now is what a hot nasty little slut you are becoming and how you are going to have to orally service all those boys in school who are starting to masturbate imagining your new hot curvy slimer body...

Basically, you can use degradation about your weight as a tool to take care of it (if you weren't happy fat-- I sure am not and many aren't, but some are in which case you shouldn't have lost any), and there are other forms of degradation that shouldn't be bad... and if you lost a lot of weight and are still being degraded about you weight, there's also the issue to watch out and make sure that you don't get psychologically pushed into anorexia/bulimia by the degradation about weight when you're thinner.

(in reply to CatdeMedici)

Post #: 20

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