RE: making sure

RE: making sure (Full Version)

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windchymes -> RE: making sure (11/29/2008 5:56:47 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Lockit She la la la'd Rover! lol... yikes... that was good sound advice too! We may need some further verifications here... I know....I just choked on my yogurt! [:D]

akisha -> RE: making sure (11/29/2008 1:37:42 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Lockit Half the time you can't tell if someone is for real until you live with them. lol Grandma always said you don't know a man until you live with him and they don't think past their belt line. She kind of freaked me out a lil bit. Good church goin granny that never ever spoke of sex. I nearly spit at her table. But yes, people do ask for verification and sometimes they get it. Many talk away from the boards... just make a friend, share some emails and go for it. Good luck! My ex husband didn't show his true self to me until after we were married and we have been living together for almost 3 years by that time :( OP, use your instincts and listen to the answers you get when you ask questions.

NoFury -> RE: making sure (11/29/2008 5:54:36 PM)
Are you considering actaully meeting with, and possibly scening with someone that you've met online? If so, there are a number of safeguards that you should put in place prior to and during your initial meetings. We've all heard horror stories. An acquaintance of mine, a submissive woman met with a man who she had found online for the purpose of kinky sex. They met at a restaurant, had a nice meal and a cocktail or two, and then went to his hotel room. He tied her up, shaved her head, and told her she was lucky that was all he was going to do. There was a couple here in Missouri who videotaped themselves raping and murdering a woman they had met online for kinky sex. So...again, are you planning on meeting real time? If so, I would require that you know the person's real name and contact information prior to meeting. Someone suggesting looking at a sex offender registry website, and that's a good idea. Make it clear that your first meeting will be a no-contact, get-acquainted occasion at a public location like a restaurant, and that you will bring someone with you. Ask to see the person's identification. Do not make any commitment to see the person again until you've had time to think over your initial meeting. Discuss the meeting, and the person with the trusted friend that you took with you (this person needn't be kinky themselves, so long as they're OK with you being kinky.). When you have decided to scene for the first time with a person that you've met via the internet, you are really placing yourself completely in their control - so be sure that you have a series of "safe calls" scheduled!

WinsomeDefiance -> RE: making sure (11/29/2008 6:20:04 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CalifChick There are some of us who chat on the other side. Amazing the sorts of "clubs" you find yourself in, when you don't want to be. The girls local to me all chat about the guys in our area. Amazing how many of us have all heard "you're the only one baby" from the same person. Cali Networking is a wonderful thing.......sort of like having our own kinky 'phone tree'

WinsomeDefiance -> RE: making sure (11/29/2008 6:23:29 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Lockit She la la la'd Rover! lol... yikes... that was good sound advice too! We may need some further verifications here... [sm=lalala.gif][sm=lalala.gif]] [sm=lalala.gif] OMG, I'm a cliche' now...I actually spewed tea onto my laptop screen!! That was priceless. Of all the people too!

LadyHibiscus -> RE: making sure (11/29/2008 6:24:23 PM)
What I love is how the men never seem to realize that we TALK about them! Just like when I was teaching, and my students were appalled to hear that the teachers talked about them in the lounge! Imagine!

WinsomeDefiance -> RE: making sure (11/29/2008 6:26:24 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus What I love is how the men never seem to realize that we TALK about them! Just like when I was teaching, and my students were appalled to hear that the teachers talked about them in the lounge! Imagine! I know! One guy actually said "you talk about me?" My answer was, "well of course, you are single and sexy - what do you THINK we talk about? Nail color and hair styles?" OP: If you want to know what's going on around you, join the women's networking phone tree....just remember, take what you can use and leave the rest.

DesFIP -> RE: making sure (11/29/2008 7:07:19 PM)
If he lives near you just meet for coffee. Don't exchange last names, addresses, phone numbers, references etc because the odds are you won't have any chemistry. Most people in this world meet lots of people who just don't do it for them. So go have coffee and see if you click. If you do, that's the time to start asking around. It's just a cup of coffee, not a life commitment ffs. And it doesn't matter if someone else says he's the best thing since sliced bread, if he doesn't do it for you then he doesn't do it for you.

Focus50 -> RE: making sure (11/30/2008 2:08:46 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus What I love is how the men never seem to realize that we TALK about them! Just like when I was teaching, and my students were appalled to hear that the teachers talked about them in the lounge! Imagine! *Oh come off it - what man doesn't know women prefer gossip to an an orgasm? Students maybe, but us men know.... lol* Focus.

DoctorJeep -> RE: making sure (11/30/2008 3:04:23 AM)
Respectfully, this question works for Doms looking at subs also. At the end of the day, the normal sensible things one might do should be followed - perhaps even moreso given the nature of what we do. Here are some simple rules: 1. Have a nice throw away Aim or Yahoo account that really does not connect back to the real you in anyway. Use this to IM enough to get the feel of whether or not they are a complete freak (in the bad way). 2. Once you have some sense that maybe, just maybe they are a complete freak (in the good way) you can give them your first name only, exchange some photos, and meet on neutral territory, that you both get to independently, so you can leave under your own power if needs be. Have coffee, tea, Yak milk, whatever seems amenable. Talk. 3. Listen carefully to them. Honestly feel them out. Make certain that you know what you are looking for and that you have a reasonable feel of what they are looking for. If this takes meeting more than one time so be it. A good match will find it worth the wait. Though to be honest, chemestry being what it is, you will find that a good match may seem very apparent very quickly. Depending on who you are, this is either a very good thing, or a very bad thing. 4. Know yourself well enough to know if the thing in number three is a good thing or a bad thing. Seriously looking at 2-3 in the context of 4 is the best reality check I know. 5. If after all of this, it seems reasonable - go my child - spank (or be spanked) flog (or be flogged) tie (or be tied) fuck like crazed weasels!!!!

DoctorJeep -> RE: making sure (11/30/2008 3:09:16 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DesFIP If he lives near you just meet for coffee. Don't exchange last names, addresses, phone numbers, references etc because the odds are you won't have any chemistry. Most people in this world meet lots of people who just don't do it for them. So go have coffee and see if you click. If you do, that's the time to start asking around. It's just a cup of coffee, not a life commitment ffs. And it doesn't matter if someone else says he's the best thing since sliced bread, if he doesn't do it for you then he doesn't do it for you. I agree completely, but, I would add that one has no way of really knowing if someone saying evil about him/her is doing so fairly either. Best not to listen to gossip - unless one hears multiple reports (that ring true) that he/she is truly a sicko of some sort that is uncool.

persephonee -> RE: making sure (11/30/2008 3:20:36 AM)
~fr~ (the use of the word, 'you' is a general reference and not specifically aimed at the OP) i know this is not a popular belief around here..and im all about the submissive "mystique" as a theory...its hawt...in small doses. However, i am 39...i have lived half my life and i have the scars to prove it...not withstanding this last year of subfrenzied behaviors...i am new to this community (prolly not as shiney and new as some, blinkblink) but i am not new to life. If you are over 25 years old, and you come at me with a sob story about being taken advantage of, or a tale of woe that you tried to rescue some girl from- herself, apparently-and got royally screwed...im going to roll my eyes. How do you determine if someone is less than forthcoming?? Honestly, how do you determine that about anyone in your life? Is there not someone at work who is always one upping everyone else in conversation at the watercooler? How do you feel in your gut about that man that keeps showing up at the elevator at the same time you do...every blessed day...same time, same elevator? When you meet a new neighbor, what formula do you use to find out if the new one will be fun to spend time with, or is best relegated to the nod and wave section of your awareness? If you do not have a bullshit meter...then by all means, check out ebay...if i can buy a ponytail buttplug on ebay, there has to be a bullshit ometer for sale.

cjan -> RE: making sure (11/30/2008 4:52:12 AM)
How much for the ponytail buttplug ? Colors ? I'm considering leasing out my bullshitometer.

CalifChick -> RE: making sure (11/30/2008 8:09:45 AM)
Thank you perse. If you need someone else's rules to get along in life, then maybe you should just get a pet fish instead. Cali

CalifChick -> RE: making sure (11/30/2008 8:26:08 AM)
Oh, and regarding "gossip"... when I first joined my local group, I made friends with a poly married couple that had no interest in me, and me no interest in them (in that naughty way). When someone showed interest in me, or I thought someone seemed interesting, I went to that couple and asked what they knew about them. They were, it appeared to me, very unbiased in their answers. I got things like, "he never plays at the dungeon, but at least three longtimers have played with him in private, and if he was dangerous, we would have all heard about it", or "that one used to play with my wife, and he stood her up a lot, so he seems a little flaky in that way". At a recent social event, I talked to one of the girls about someone that is local, that first messaged me a year ago, we talked briefly on yahoo, and I thought he was way too pushy, and we didn't communicate well. About once a month he makes a new profile (flipping between Dom and sub [8\|]) and messages me again, and acts like we've never "talked". Each time, as soon as I see his picture (usually on the second cmail), I remind him that we talked and didn't get along, and he acts very surprised, then gets all defensive. Yes, I know I could just not respond, but it's been entertaining in a train-wreck sort of way. So as I'm talking to this girl about him, she says, "oh him? He did the same thing to me so I blocked him" and at least FIVE other girls said the same thing. One girl actually met him, and says he looks NOTHING like his picture, and thinks it's actually someone else's pic. How stupid is that? Cali

kiwisub12 -> RE: making sure (11/30/2008 8:27:09 AM)
I think the only thing you can get from online talking is a sense of how good the person is with spelling. I know that i could sound like a domme on line - now, in person, i would be less than able. There is way too much leeway for bullshitting. On the phone is more immediate - at the least the person has to be able to think on the fly to continue any tall tales. You can probably get a better feel for personality on the phone. Now, real time - unless they have a tumour under their shirt that can talk, real time is the way to go. As in go on vanilla dates!!!! You don't have to fuck like wild weasels on the first - or even second date. If your prospective dom/sub/slave doesn't understand and/or complain that this is a deal breaker, then perhapes their lack of personal caution or safety or desperation is a red light moment. Like most things, making connections with others is a calculated risk. You make the calculations, and take the risk. And just because someone else thinks that guy A is a fabulous guy, doesn't mean that for you he will behave like a gentleman. If we all liked the same sort of fella/gal then sure, it would work well. Unfortunately...................

mummyman321 -> RE: making sure (11/30/2008 9:47:31 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus What I love is how the men never seem to realize that we TALK about them! Just like when I was teaching, and my students were appalled to hear that the teachers talked about them in the lounge! Imagine! Wait!....you talk about us?????........be still me heart! Now I just have to figure out if it was good talk or bad talk? Was it good for you?????

kiwisub12 -> RE: making sure (11/30/2008 9:53:23 AM)
hehe - its always good for us. For you ...... maybe not so much??????????????/ [:D]

persephonee -> RE: making sure (11/30/2008 10:10:53 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: cjan How much for the ponytail buttplug ? Colors ? I'm considering leasing out my bullshitometer. cjan... i need to borrow the bullshitometer...can we work it out in trade? and the buttplug was a steal at 6.99...but some vulture swooped in at the last minute and outbid me....dat biatch wore it last nite to the dungeon and waved it around triumphantly...so i kicked her butt....[;)]

windchymes -> RE: making sure (11/30/2008 3:32:16 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus What I love is how the men never seem to realize that we TALK about them! Just like when I was teaching, and my students were appalled to hear that the teachers talked about them in the lounge! Imagine! And then we take off our clothes and have pillow fights in our underwear! [:D]

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