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blue^elf -> RE: Labels in BDSM: Harm or Enhance? (8/21/2004 8:52:00 AM)
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Labels... I don't necessarily think labels are a bad thing. It's natural that we have them, because they make things easier. But it's not a good thing if we make the labels themselves too important. We should remember that labels are simplifying reality, and that reality is often much more complex than simple labels. I think this has a lot to do with definitions. Many people seem to believe in absolute definitions on everything. They fail to see that there are often exceptions to definitions, and that there may be things that the people who made the definitions haven't thought of. So too often people get stuck on the labels and short definitions, and don't see the broader aspect to things. Does that make sense?
To be a little more concrete, I once had a heated discussion with someone online about whether ageplay is BDSM or not. I won't go into details here now, because that can be a long discussion in itself. But it was obvious that the other person and I had different definitions of BDSM. One BDSM club/group I used to be a (mostly lurking) member of still don't mention fetishists when they list what kind of people they are for, despite that the fetish aspect is probably the most visible one if you go to their parties. I think there must be many such examples. Maybe this isn't directly about labels. But for me it is mostly the same thing.
We use labels and definitions, and forget what they actually stand for. Too often we use a very simple map and believe it to be absolutely right, but forget to look around us at the actual terrain. That doesn't make it wrong to have a map, but we should put some more thought into how we interpret it. And sometimes it may be time to make a new map because there are too many errors on the old one.
I am probably just as guilty as anyone else for using labels. I try to be careful about it, but I don't always remember or manage to. Then the next moment I find myself put into a category that I feel is not me at all. It's not easy sometimes. [:)]
As a side note, being a male submissive, I often like Dommes who don't fit the most typical cliché of how a dominant woman is supposed to be. You know, the leather and rubberclad, high heeled Goddess looking Amazon with a whip in her hand. But that's just me, of course. [:)]
Karl
(blue^elf)
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