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If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

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ORIGINAL: beargonewild

If you have sex with a prostitute against her will, is it considered rape or shoplifting?
Rape. If you castrate a rapist it is considered assault, battery, and theft, but for some reason you can't sue someone for erectile dysfunction under uttering a worthless instrument.

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Can you cry under water?
Yes

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How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
Senator or above

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Why do you have to "put your two cents in"... but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"?  Where's that extra penny going to?
To pay blonds medical bills for brain strain

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Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?
Nope..if you astrally project you have a vision of yourself that is ideal..this means you get to wear what you think is your very best look in Heaven

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Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
Round boxes are hard to make, take up more space when set side by side and some pizzas are square.

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What disease did cured ham actually have?
Evil grin on this one..It was cured of Life ( Life is a terminal disease you never get over it alive) and decomposition bacterial infection

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How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
People were used to carrying their luggage on planes or packing in steamer sized trunks for the cargo hold. Baggage handlers took care of these items..when we had to carry them..voila wheels.

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Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?
Because some of the little darlings sleep through the night and just about anything except what you want them to.

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If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
Yep...everyone else may have perfectly good hearing.

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Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?
TV used to be live like Stage theater so you were ON Live TV..even though it is rarely live anymore the term stuck.

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Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
Because just looking at the sky can get boring..and we don't have the eyesight of eagles..some of us are even working on the eyesight of moles

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Why do doctors leave the room while you change?  They're going to see you naked anyway.
So they can chuckle over making you wait on that ice cold room, on the metal table wearing nothing but a sheet.

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Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?
Panties actually used to be made in two parts. Bras have always been one garment.

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Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
To keep two year olds entertained.

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If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?
Refers to the death of a "Massa" after drinking Corn Liquor first recorded the 1840's.

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  Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane ?
Not unless there is another person besides the driver in most states.

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  If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
The show would have been over.

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Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours?  They're both dogs!
Goofy learned to read, talk and have shame, thus he learned to wear clothes and since everyone else wore shoes on only their feet he decided to walk upright.

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If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?
OCD? He wanted a Road Runner Dinner...

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If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from? 
It used to be made from whale oil or mineral oil

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  If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
One would think wouldn't one..and considering some of the things that are lumped under and they want to control with morality..the answer is.......... yes

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Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
Yes... they are mnemonic songs, we tend to recycle a lot of simple tunes for kids.

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Why did you just try singing the two songs above?
I didn't but generally speaking that is what happens when you think of the mnemonic songs

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Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?
Asteroid from the root Astra meaning sky.. Hemorrhoid from hemo meaning blood 

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Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
Depends on the dog, mine tends to like it, especially if I have eaten something but for most dogs they hate it because their noses are very sensitive and well..human breath is not always fresh.