RE: Concerns about virginity

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lusciouslips19 -> RE: Concerns about virginity (11/30/2008 2:19:54 PM)
I was always a very sexual and sensual person so virginity was something to unload. So much emphasis on keeping it and purity and placing undue importance on keeping it can be quite a shackle. I have seen some that it became a cross to bear but something they could never give up. Or those who keep it because they have such bad social skills that they don't know how to have a friend and lover. So they are over 30 and still a virgin. It doesn't however make them special or important.

Usako -> RE: Concerns about virginity (11/30/2008 2:33:57 PM)
I was raised a good Catholic girl so virginity was rather important to me. I waited for a number of reasons, mainly lack of interest. Once I got the internet and began to learn things then came the sexual curiousity and of course a first boyfriend. I guess I was in a rush, he wasn't worth giving it too and the experience was neither magical nor enjoyable; though I learned I don't like small peckers. It was a lot harder to cope with being sexually active than being a virgin. Not saying I would have stayed one forever though I still wish it was given to someone better. But the experiences were important and I learned a lot. Virginity isn't the end all end all but neither is sex.

sexisubi -> RE: Concerns about virginity (11/30/2008 5:11:04 PM)
you know... at first i thought it was a weakness i lost it and i wanted nothing but get it back.

pixidustpet -> RE: Concerns about virginity (12/1/2008 1:08:20 AM)
i was still 9 years away from legally being able to sign a contract when i lost my virginity. so it wasnt anything i ever really thought about, nor did i worry that it made me less of a good girl because i didnt have that bit of flesh still intact. consentual sex, i found out at age 17, was a very good thing. especially when there was foreplay involved. [:D] kitten

RainydayNE -> RE: Concerns about virginity (12/1/2008 2:43:58 AM)
the whole "gave away" vs. "lost" thing used to be a big deal to me because of certain things that seem to happen to alot of girls at stupidly young ages. (is it okay to talk about junk like that here? all the "hey no minors!" rules sometimes confuse me) i went on this obsessive "reclaiming" bend for a while, but i waited primarily out of gut-wrenching fear =p but after the first consensual experience, i found out that it really wasn't a big deal ANYWAY, it's more or less a tool of control, a dated, lingering instrument for men to say "oh you're not good enough for me" if you're "already used" =p a way to keep daughters nice and proper and quiet while the sons are running around raising hell, but that's another rant altogether did anything happen to this friend of yours you're concerned about? she sees losing her virginity as something to cope with -- is there any reason why or is it just because of conditioning? i guess the only reason it matters is because you may be up against something complex, or you have to be open to the idea of just leaving her alone about it until she's actually interested in it. there are alot of virgins over the age of 18 =p some people stay virgins their entire lives. it's true!

scottjk -> RE: Concerns about virginity (12/1/2008 8:45:10 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RainydayNE the whole "gave away" vs. "lost" thing used to be a big deal to me because of certain things that seem to happen to alot of girls at stupidly young ages. (is it okay to talk about junk like that here? all the "hey no minors!" rules sometimes confuse me) i went on this obsessive "reclaiming" bend for a while, but i waited primarily out of gut-wrenching fear =p but after the first consensual experience, i found out that it really wasn't a big deal ANYWAY, it's more or less a tool of control, a dated, lingering instrument for men to say "oh you're not good enough for me" if you're "already used" =p a way to keep daughters nice and proper and quiet while the sons are running around raising hell, but that's another rant altogether did anything happen to this friend of yours you're concerned about? she sees losing her virginity as something to cope with -- is there any reason why or is it just because of conditioning? i guess the only reason it matters is because you may be up against something complex, or you have to be open to the idea of just leaving her alone about it until she's actually interested in it. there are alot of virgins over the age of 18 =p some people stay virgins their entire lives. it's true! Basically, she knows she's missing out on something. Personally, I think it's a self esteem issue, coupled with familial hang ups drowned in religious dogma. A nervous Nellie. :) She's constantly talking herself out of things, including dating, because of the virginity thing. She wants to experience sex, but she's afraid she'll change, or regret it, or it'll be a horrible experience, or the wrong guy, and so on ad nausea. :) As far as us being an item? It isn't going to be likely. I get a sense that she's pretty high strung.

kittinSol -> RE: Concerns about virginity (12/1/2008 8:46:56 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Aynne88 I think sometimes men tend to over-romanticize it more than women do. Bingo.

RainydayNE -> RE: Concerns about virginity (12/1/2008 8:55:43 AM)
well is she in a position to read this thread (or maybe some of the responses, i dunno) and find that other chicks with similar issues found that it wans't a big deal? sometimes that helps, just to see that others like you came out of it okay =p

scottjk -> RE: Concerns about virginity (12/1/2008 9:03:58 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RainydayNE well is she in a position to read this thread (or maybe some of the responses, i dunno) and find that other chicks with similar issues found that it wans't a big deal? sometimes that helps, just to see that others like you came out of it okay =p I kept it simple. I told her that the general consensus (without referrng to this site) was that virginity wasn't a big deal and she should do what she wants with it. Choose with great care, but make sure she enjoys it. If she chooses well, the worst that could happen is that she'll have a fond memory.

eri -> RE: Concerns about virginity (12/1/2008 9:18:18 AM)
I disagree, scott. You mentioned familial issues and religious dogma. That may seem trivial to you but to her it could mean EVERYTHING. She might choose to have sex and then spend the next however many years beating herself up over the fact that she "sacrificed" her virginity. The first time I had sex, I didn't even know what was really happening. I grew up in one of those households where it simply was not discussed until you were married. If you were unmarried you didn't need to know about sex. If you didn't know what it was, how could you possibly do it? Well, HE knew what it was even if I didn't. I spent the next two years wanting to kill myself because I was a bad girl who had done the unthinkable. I was shamed in the eyes of God, my family, my friends ... On and on and on. I hated myself. I hated the boy too. I kept dating him because I honestly thought the only way to atone for what I'd done would be if I married him. We didn't get married and eventually I moved on with my life but I still wish it could have been different. She has to choose for herself and even then she may regret it so telling her otherwise just seems kind of unfair.

RainydayNE -> RE: Concerns about virginity (12/1/2008 10:26:27 AM)
yeaaaah see that's why i suggested having HER read it. you telling her "virginity isn't a big deal" probably isn't going to make too big of a wave. i mean if she's really curious, it might help for HER to see that other chicks with similiar issues, or just "issues" in general came out fine afterwards =p in my scared-of-the-universe virginstate, i would've been skeptical of any guy who tried to tell me "oh well all these other chicks said it's not a big deal" my idea was that she might read it and internalise or relate to some of the things people have posted and she might come to that conclusion on her own =p familial issues and religious dogma aren't "trivial." i grew up in a religious, conservative, small town, and those things were a BIG DEAL when i was growing up. if you're going to get out from under them, you have to do it in your own way, on your own time, and not because some external force trivialises things you find important.

AngelGeena -> RE: Concerns about virginity (12/1/2008 10:40:31 AM)
I was saving myself for marriage. Almost made it, saved it for the one I did end up marrying, although, mine didn't last either. eye roll My first time sucked, no pun intended. Although the second time was a whole lot better.

scottjk -> RE: Concerns about virginity (12/1/2008 12:41:31 PM)
Woah! Slow down there, girls. :) Re-read what I said. Don't skim. :)

AngelGeena -> RE: Concerns about virginity (12/1/2008 12:48:06 PM)
Reread the original post....why is it "something to cope with"? If it's that big of a drag, getting rid of it usually isn't that difficult...lol. And when I got rid of mine, I was ready to let go so I was fine. Although mine was a pretty bad experience in that I thought I was going to have to go to the ER from losing so much blood. [:'(]

eri -> RE: Concerns about virginity (12/1/2008 1:31:54 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: scottjk Woah! Slow down there, girls. :) Re-read what I said. Don't skim. :) I didn't skim. I read the whole thread before I posted a reply.

scottjk -> RE: Concerns about virginity (12/1/2008 1:51:32 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: eri quote: ORIGINAL: scottjk Woah! Slow down there, girls. :) Re-read what I said. Don't skim. :) I didn't skim. I read the whole thread before I posted a reply. Then how in the world did you come to the conclusion that I felt family and faith are trivial? It's a hell of an assumption to make with so little info. Family and faith are among a lot of reasons, and often typical reasons, for most of the hang ups about sex. However, I don't want to drag this off topic or turn it into a therapy session in absentia.

eri -> RE: Concerns about virginity (12/1/2008 1:58:01 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: scottjk Then how in the world did you come to the conclusion that I felt family and faith are trivial? It's a hell of an assumption to make with so little info. Family and faith are among a lot of reasons, and often typical reasons, for most of the hang ups about sex. However, I don't want to drag this off topic or turn it into a therapy session in absentia. You said ... quote: ORIGINAL: scottjk Basically, she knows she's missing out on something. Personally, I think it's a self esteem issue, coupled with familial hang ups drowned in religious dogma. A nervous Nellie. :) She's constantly talking herself out of things, including dating, because of the virginity thing. She wants to experience sex, but she's afraid she'll change, or regret it, or it'll be a horrible experience, or the wrong guy, and so on ad nausea. :) As far as us being an item? It isn't going to be likely. I get a sense that she's pretty high strung. It gives the impression that you somehow think her reasons for not wanting to have sex or not having had sex or being nervous about having sex are all due to her being "high strung" ... It gives the impression that you're looking down on her. THEN you said ... quote: ORIGINAL: scottjk I kept it simple. I told her that the general consensus (without referrng to this site) was that virginity wasn't a big deal and she should do what she wants with it. Choose with great care, but make sure she enjoys it. If she chooses well, the worst that could happen is that she'll have a fond memory. Thats how I came up with it.

DavanKael -> RE: Concerns about virginity (12/1/2008 1:59:56 PM)
I didn't lose, misplace, or otherwise fail to keep track of my virginity: I deliberately, at age 16 had sex with the guy who became my husband (And to whom I became engaged 3 days after we had sex for the first time), to whom I was partnered for 17 years, married nearly 15; knowing I was having sex for the first time with someone I love and who I intended to spend my life with was special to me. I was far more impressed with sex than I thought I would be and I just continued to grow into the unrepentant hornball I am (And will hopefully always be willingto grow in such regards) from there. :> Sex, for me, is about emotionality in addition to bunches of other good stuff. :> Davan

akisha -> RE: Concerns about virginity (12/1/2008 2:26:56 PM)
When i was just over 16 i decided to have sex with a guy I knew. He was older and experienced and I knew there was less chance of having a bad first experience. I didn't want some idiot 16/17 year old fumbling around not having a clue what he was doing and hurting me or something. My gf lost hers before me to her bf that was as inexperienced as her and she said it totally sucked. My first experience was awesome. very little pain, and a whole lot of learning. I don't regret the choice I made at all. I was never raised with a sense that virginity was something sacred. But I did have 2 older sisters that were total tramps so I was very choosey about my partners and there has not been that many of them. I kind of viewed losing my virginity like buying a car. Did alot of research, talked to a few different vendors and picked the salesman that fit my needs lol [:D] Ok it wasn't exactly like that but similar. I did do alot of research and I made sure I was protected first and formost then went through the guys i knew well enough to consider getting naked with and chose from the ones i felt would best facilitate what I wanted.

silkenfire -> RE: Concerns about virginity (12/2/2008 6:41:39 AM)
I wish I was still a virgin sometimes and sometimes I don't; I dislike the thought of the number of my sexual partners and wish I could have given it once, as a gift of love, to be used for a lifetime. My master (and hopefully my last partner) doesn't mind, because I'm more experienced this way. Doesn't make me regret losing it (and at the time I was so excited that I finally wasn't a virgin anymore, so my mindset has changed...it was just shortly after my 18th birthday).

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