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MirrorrirroM -> RE: How do you know when to use a safe word? (12/7/2008 11:12:40 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: porcelain26
The whole point of a safe word is that it's there for you to use when you need it, however you need it. In my opinion, there is no right or wrong time to use a safeword. If you're scared, if you're uncomfortable, if something just doesn't feel right....if you get to the point where it's something beyond you...whatever the case may be. You use it when you need it - plain and simple.
As far as flying in subspace and not really being able to tell if you need it (I bet a lot of subs can understand that feeling), that's why you have your dominant close by and hopefully he/she knows you well enough to be able to tell when you're at the stopping point. They're your fail-safe.
I've definitely experienced the whole flying to the point of going non-verbal. That's the point where it is absolutely vital that your Top is someone you trust and if you haven't played before there is a non-verbal safeword, like an item to hold than can be dropped if the scene needs to stop, or if its someone you've played with enough that you're comfortable not having a non-verbal safeword in an intense scene its best that they know you well enough to read body language and know when to stop.
I've been with my Master for a few months now, and I remember towards the beginning of our relationship we went to a play party where I bottomed for my first real flogging scene with my Master and a mutual friend co-topping me. At that point I did trust both of them, but since it was my first time doing that type of scene I did end up using the word "yellow" a lot, and even though I did enjoy myself I did actually end up safewording ("Red" in my case) to end the scene after a bit. Much more recently at another play party I did my second bottoming-for-flogging scene with just me and my Master...we had previously had a discussion about eliminating the word "yellow", or at least limiting my useage of it, especially because the whole intention behind this particular scene was to get me into a deeper sub space than I had been before.
It was absolutely incredible. He made sure to check in on me quite a few times during the scene, mainly in the form of pausing and stroking my hair and ass gently and waiting until I flattened myself out on the table before he started again (I tended to sort of curl up to the side when it got just too much, so it was fairly easy to read). The scene ended up being a full hour even though it felt like 10 minutes to both of us. Towards the end I had, for the very first time in any scene I've done, gone completely non-verbal and I was in the headspace where I was just craving more and more pain so it was very vital that my Master knows me well enough that he knew when to let the scene come to an end and exactly how to provide the type of aftercare I needed (which in my case was having him sit with me and hold me for a while and being wrapped in his leather trenchcoat because I had been shaking).
This has gotten a bit long-winded haha. My point was that I think that there can come a point of comfort and trust with a partner where you find yourself very rarely needing to use safewords, but on the same note its always good to know that you can trust them enough to know that if you did safeword everything would immediately stop.
Yup yup [:D]
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