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Late arrivals in the lifestyle. - 11/30/2008 6:03:34 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
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This has been something that I have thought about on and off for some time and I'd like to get some opinions on it.

While more and more people find BDSM at a younger age, we still have a significant portion of folks who don't get started in wiitwd until their thirties and forties. I'm one of those in the latter category. I didn't find BDSM on the net or go looking for it. In a sense, it kind of found Me. There are only a few regular posters here who have a similar story to Mine, so I won't bore people again with it.

I happen to think both groups of people, the younger and those who found it later, more and more credit the net for helping them find it. After all, it is the information super highway (yes, I know, old term) and what people want to learn about is literally at their fingertips. Many times I've listened to people say that if this same method had been available, they wouldn't have lived vanilla for so long or wondered what was wrong with them.

So what I'm wondering is this. Does anyone out there think that, eventually, we will get to the point where folks will have just always had the information and not come in later in life? Is BDSM out there on such an open level now that, in twenty or thirty years, we will no longer hear stories such as "I never knew this existed" or "I didn't think it was possible?" Have computers and information on the net ever going to overtake one of the main reasons that people who want to, don't just live this way from the start?

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Post #: 1

RE: Late arrivals in the lifestyle. - 11/30/2008 6:13:18 PM

Rover

Posts: 2634
Joined: 6/28/2004
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I doubt that we'll ever get to a point where there will be anything approaching universal exposure to BDSM. Or at least universal understanding of what it *is*. Heck, it's amazing what people don't know that's already far more readily available right now. For crying out loud, a recent study revealed that 11 % of young Americans cannot identify the US on a map.

I think it's a function of two issues. Rather than just being exposed to BDSM, at what age (if any) will it have an appeal? At what age (if any) will they be willing to be "different"? At what age (if any) will they want to explore BDSM?

Or better said... at what age (if any) will BDSM have any relevance in their lives?

John

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"Man's mind stretched to a new idea never goes back to its original dimensions."

Sri da Avabhas

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 2

RE: Late arrivals in the lifestyle. - 11/30/2008 6:13:52 PM

Padriag

Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

So what I'm wondering is this. Does anyone out there think that, eventually, we will get to the point where folks will have just always had the information and not come in later in life? Is BDSM out there on such an open level now that, in twenty or thirty years, we will no longer hear stories such as "I never knew this existed" or "I didn't think it was possible?" Have computers and information on the net ever going to overtake one of the main reasons that people who want to, don't just live this way from the start?

It seems likely that with the idea of BDSM being more commonplace in mainstream media, as well as the amount of information available through various sources that in the coming years (if not already), a large majority of people will have had enough exposure to BDSM to at least be aware it exists and know vaguely what it is. What choices they will make... that is more difficult to discern.

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A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 3

RE: Late arrivals in the lifestyle. - 11/30/2008 6:39:38 PM

persephonee

Posts: 5089
Joined: 12/15/2007
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i knew it existed...i never thought that it applied to me personally....all i ever saw was the leather masks and the CBT videos...but then i had an odd childhood.

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Post #: 4

RE: Late arrivals in the lifestyle. - 11/30/2008 6:41:45 PM

fragilepieces

Posts: 416
Joined: 7/6/2008
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   I discovered it in my early twenties, before the information highway, but only by chance. It's a good question you ask, some may not have found out about this lifestyle without the net.   Also another thing to take into consideration is that fact that prior to the net, it was pretty difficult to connect with like minded folks unless you lived in or near a major city.

Prior to the net, connecting with people was a major hassle.    If there was a club or a munch some place close it was not too bad but if not, one normally had to resort to connecting through some of the personals in magazines.    Those personal mags were pretty expensive and normally you had to pay like $5 to forward a snail mail to a potential partner.    The wait time for a response was long and sometimes you never even got a response.    It makes me laugh now when people bitch about having a message on here ignored, imagine paying $5 to message someone, and wait two or three weeks hoping, before you realized your efforts were ignored.

   I think perhaps before the net, many people saw the hassles of connecting with like minded folks and because of the hassle, never bothered.    In most cases it was the truly serious people who put up with the hassle of it all.    The net opened the door to a plethora of people who may have never given it a second thought.    This is not necessarily a bad thing, but back then, I do not remember there being as much emphasis being placed on the fakes and wannabe's as there is now.

< Message edited by fragilepieces -- 11/30/2008 6:43:29 PM >

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 5

RE: Late arrivals in the lifestyle. - 11/30/2008 6:54:36 PM

sblady

Posts: 433
Joined: 9/28/2007
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I was aware of BDSM or had general thoughts of BDSM when I was much younger. I didn't try to find out more about it as I'd always thought pain and pleasure didn't mix (silly me) and was also hesitant to learn more because of my background.

On the other hand, I had no idea D/s & M/s lifestyles existed until last year via the internet. So, yes....I'm one who decided to start actively exploring her submissive side at the age 41. Would I have been ready to explore it at a younger age? I don't know.

It's amazing that some of my younger friends and relatives (20's) are aware of this lifestyle but many folks my age or older aren't. I doubt that BDSM will ever become mainstream as there are so many negative thoughts about it and in some circles it's considered taboo.

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Post #: 6

RE: Late arrivals in the lifestyle. - 11/30/2008 7:05:55 PM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
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Humans' knowledge base has increased exponentially in the last century. We now know more by 5th grade than the average person did 100 years ago as an adult. It used to be that an 8th grade education was sufficient for job hunting...then it became high school graduate...and its working fast toward college degree or technical certification.

The net is bringing about globalization of humans...and increasing the sources of information that we have about subjects and life in general. I feel that these things will offer more choices to upcoming generations.

Being kinky is about on the acceptance level that being gay was about 15 years ago, in my opinion. Being poly, about 25-30 years. Eventually, I feel these things will become commonplace in society over the course of the next three to four generations, whether they're legal or not.

Master Fire

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(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 7

RE: Late arrivals in the lifestyle. - 11/30/2008 7:06:40 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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Joined: 10/25/2005
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It will become far less rare for people in modern computerized worlds to not be exposed and have some awareness that a kinky fun time can be had.

But it is certainly the main force behind which the hetero kink culture was able to structure and thrive to become where it is now.

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(in reply to sblady)

Post #: 8

RE: Late arrivals in the lifestyle. - 11/30/2008 7:20:54 PM

VAcontroldom

Posts: 65
Joined: 6/5/2005
Status: offline

Awareness and comfort are different. I think more and more people will be aware but that doesn't mean they will be fully comfortable discussing it with others or even being comfortable with themselves at early ages. I think the trend of more younger people will continue for some time, but folks will always be growing and evolving and I think a significant number of people will continue to find this is right for them as they are in their 30s and 40s

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 9

RE: Late arrivals in the lifestyle. - 11/30/2008 8:01:06 PM

rubytallulah4u

Posts: 1
Joined: 10/20/2008
Status: offline

I turned 40 this summer. I had been 'exposed' to BDSM from an early age. Well, maybe 17 or so. I went from living in a small Northern MN town to hanging out in the East & West Village in NYC. Believe me, I soaked it up. However, at the time, it just didn't appeal to me. It wasn't something I needed, like I do now. Anyway, it wasn't until this summer, when in a freakish turn of events,both my best friend (she's 39) found ourselves jumping in with both feet. In an interesting turn of events, she turned out to be the one with a Master & I've just finally had my first real-life experience. You can read about it in my journal if you'd like.

Regardless, my opinion echoes Rover's (John's) & Padraig's, it really isn't a matter of exposing people to it earlier in their lives, but of if and when it becomes a calling in one's life. I'm glad I am where I am. This has been a fabulous year for me & I look forward to many exciting developments in the future.

(in reply to Padriag)

Post #: 10

RE: Late arrivals in the lifestyle. - 11/30/2008 8:35:33 PM

trealeon

Posts: 180
Joined: 4/7/2007
Status: offline

I am still in my 20s of course and started into this around 21, however it had absolutely nothing to do with the Internet. I didn't learn anything about it online. My girlfriend at the time, we just sort of fell into a Dom/sub and then master/slave relationship born out of our own desires and natural tendencies and we learned more about it from others who had similar relationships in college. Honestly I had a very limited view of BDSM in terms of thinking it was only for people who enjoyed dungeons and torture devices and wearing all leather and masks. I know better now and I can credit that to the Internet.

(in reply to rubytallulah4u)

Post #: 11

RE: Late arrivals in the lifestyle. - 11/30/2008 9:03:05 PM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
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I'm not sure if I can say how I progressed. Let's just say I liked controling boys from a young age, but I had no idea what I was doing had a name. I learned of bdsm more than seeing someone dressed up, when I was researching it because I met someone into it and had a storyline I was researching. I then realized I was reading about myself in a sense.

But, I don't think I would have been ready earlier. Even if I was kinky and all that. I had to come to terms with some understanding on dominance as I thought of it as a bad thing and I had to see it differently and I was busy with a career where I kind of had to stiffle myself.

I know my evolving has made it easier for my adult um's to evolve as I spoke relativily openly about it.

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Post #: 12

RE: Late arrivals in the lifestyle. - 12/1/2008 6:52:28 AM

leadership527

Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
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OK, so this is wild guess work not supported by any sort of credible research, but as I look at my 20 something sons, I've always observed that they are far more "liberal" when it comes to attitudes about relationships and sexuality than myself and my peers. I, in turn, am moreso than my parents. In general, this seems to be a trend. That trend existed before the internet, but it's gotta help that both my sons were intimately exposed to at least D/s activities online. It certainly made it easier to explain what's going on between myself and my wife. Note that neither of them apparently has any interest in "it" themselves, but they are aware of it and accept what Carol & I do as a bit "eccentric" but other than that, not worth much comment.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 13

RE: Late arrivals in the lifestyle. - 12/1/2008 12:48:02 PM

kiwisub12

Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
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For me it was a gradual movement towards Ds, over several years. I didn't know what i was being turned onto, but as soon as i was approached by a dominant on a vanilla dating site, i knew that this was for me.
So yes, the net made it easier for me to get into the Ds lifestyle, and find someone to indulge my longings and feelings with. I wish i was as self-aware at 28 as i was at 48! My life would have taken a different path.

(in reply to leadership527)

Post #: 14

RE: Late arrivals in the lifestyle. - 12/1/2008 4:32:45 PM

oceanwynds

Posts: 1044
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline

I came into this lifestyle very late in my life, by meeting Sir. The internet supplied me with information to think on. I feel there will always be those who might not come into this to later in life, and maybe find it by chance through another person. Perhaps there will be those who had a 'vanilla' marriage and enjoyed it, then later in life when single again they find a whole new road to explore.

oceanwynds

(in reply to kiwisub12)

Post #: 15

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