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being a sub - 12/25/2005 8:48:33 AM

randyandmisty

Posts: 3
Joined: 12/22/2005
Status: offline

We as a couple have been playing for some time now,we perfer threesomes with a submissive bi-sexual single,(either male or female). What we both find hard to understand is how anyone can call themselves submissive, and yet they list their own sexual tastes--if one is submissive, shouldnt the needs and desire of the Master or Mistress be the only concern. We have had the good fortune of having a true submissive single serve us, and hope to find another.

Post #: 1

RE: being a sub - 12/25/2005 9:30:47 AM

JohnWarren

Posts: 3807
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Delray Beach, FL
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: randyandmisty

We as a couple have been playing for some time now,we perfer threesomes with a submissive bi-sexual single,(either male or female). What we both find hard to understand is how anyone can call themselves submissive, and yet they list their own sexual tastes--if one is submissive, shouldnt the needs and desire of the Master or Mistress be the only concern. We have had the good fortune of having a true submissive single serve us, and hope to find another.

I don't know anyone who is "generically submissive." In general, a submissive person seeks out someone to whom he or she can feel comfortable submitting. This usually means a match of needs and desires. Putting forward such a list is a way of sending a signal to both those who might qualify or might not qualify and thus easing things for both parties.

As for "true submissives," I've found the word phrase tends to create more heat than light since it usually means "whose needs and desires are a match with those of the speaker" and implies there are those who do not are "false."

_____________________________

www.lovingdominant.org

(in reply to randyandmisty)

Post #: 2

RE: being a sub - 12/25/2005 9:32:39 AM

IrishMist

Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

What we both find hard to understand is how anyone can call themselves submissive, and yet they list their own sexual tastes

So what you are saying is that this person has no right to say what they expect also? I would think that since you don't know someone, it would be important to learn their desires, wants and needs...that way, you can make a better informed decision as to whether or not you will match.

quote:

if one is submissive, shouldnt the needs and desire of the Master or Mistress be the only concern.

Absolutly, but you first have to establish a relationship with this person.

quote:

We have had the good fortune of having a true submissive single serve us, and hope to find another

Please, for the sake of argument, can you define 'TRUE SUBMISSIVE' for me?
Also, could you please explain how long you knew this TRUE SUBMISSIVE before THEY DECIDED to serve you?

I don't mean to sound like a bitch...ok, yes I do, because your post, quite frankly, came off sounding a bit high and mighty to me...but you can not expect someone to give you complete submission unless they know you. And to do that, not only do they have to know what you are looking for, but YOU also must know what they are searching for.

/shrug

Just my opinion though

(in reply to randyandmisty)

Post #: 3

RE: being a sub - 12/25/2005 10:57:42 AM

peppermint379

Posts: 111
Joined: 8/18/2004
Status: offline

quote:

yet they list their own sexual tastes--if one is submissive, shouldnt the needs and desire of the Master or Mistress be the only concern

Tell you what.....find that true submissive. Don't do anything to please that submissive. Use that sub as YOU please. Don't satisfy any of that sub's needs, wants, or desires. Don't make him/her feel safe and wanted and needed. Treat that sub like a dog. Wait...no....treat that sub worse than a dog because a dog tells you when it wants to go out, needs water, needs to be fed, needs to be pet, wants companionship. I wonder how long that sub would stay with you.

I am a submissive, not a slave. I am in a relationship where i wish and want to learn his needs, and he wishes to learn mine. It's a symbiotic relationship. We both give and take from the other and by doing so please each other. It's not a parasitic relationship where one does nothing but take and the other does nothing but give. If that makes me not a true submissive in your book, well that's no concern of mine. My partner sees and treats me as a submissive, as well as a friend, a lover, and a companion. Those last three items are needs from my list. So i will keep my list of tastes, sexual or otherwise. If someone doesn't like the list, then they need not contact me.

(in reply to randyandmisty)

Post #: 4

RE: being a sub - 12/25/2005 11:30:46 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

You could finds subs out there who really have no life responsibility, no real preferences, who are totally service oriented. They are rare, but out there.

And to boldy state- no, the doms needs/cares should NOT be the ONLY concern, it is simply the PRIMARY concern. Obviously you want someone you can micromanage and who has no personal interests, desires, passions, responsibilities or goals in life. Go find them. And don't tell everyone else that they aren't "true" just because they don't fit your little ideas.

(in reply to randyandmisty)

Post #: 5

RE: being a sub - 12/25/2005 12:15:29 PM

peppermint379

Posts: 111
Joined: 8/18/2004
Status: offline

Hmmm......am wondering about people who read others' profiles, criticize submissives who dare to list their needs in a profile, but don't even have the curtesy of having a profile themselves. Perhaps they don't wish to be criticized for their needs, wants, and desires.

(in reply to randyandmisty)

Post #: 6

RE: being a sub - 12/25/2005 1:19:30 PM

xxblushesxx

Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline

Oh boy!

Uhm...all of the above posters stated it better than I could.

Or....was this some sort of joke?...idk....

Good luck finding that lucky sub for you! I'm sure whoever it is will make you v happy!

*lol*

*shrugs* it takes all kinds I guess...

(in reply to peppermint379)

Post #: 7

RE: being a sub - 12/25/2005 1:55:41 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: peppermint379

Hmmm......am wondering about people who read others' profiles, criticize submissives who dare to list their needs in a profile, but don't even have the curtesy of having a profile themselves. Perhaps they don't wish to be criticized for their needs, wants, and desires.

Remember- from their perspective "it shouldn't matter what the doms want and needs"

It only matters that they have wants and needs, and the sub should be ready to jump and fulfill them, whatever they are.

Thus having a profile for them is unnecessary.

(in reply to peppermint379)

Post #: 8

RE: being a sub - 12/25/2005 2:06:31 PM

xxblushesxx

Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline

ah...NOW I understand! Thanks L.A. (I am sometimes easily confused!) *s*

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 9

RE: being a sub - 12/25/2005 3:21:46 PM

buffiyum

Posts: 119
Status: offline

greetings.....
buffy would speak to this topic also.
she is a slave. For her, this mean that she need and crave to serve, to please and to obey.
That said, she is also human. she has a need and craving also, to know that what she does is appreciated (that she has done well and has pleased) and that those other human needs she has are taken care of when the One determine she has earn them. These needs, much like the need to 'serve, please and obey', do existe (such as sexual [the honest to god truth it does exist], physical [try not eating for a few days or not toiletting because the One forget this need and see how far one survives in the relationship eh], emotional [as stated], etc).

As to limits one need to be safe. To say 'one has no limits' going into a M/s relationship could end one in all sortes of trouble. The dismay which occures when the Master says 'oh good I have a clydsdale horse I want you to become really really good friends with.... or 'oh good I dont like a slave who speaks so lets just remove that tongue right off the bat' and the slave gulp and say inside 'oh s - - - and help! and the resulting emotional confusion (one is slave one must obey but this is not safe and one doesnot wish to do this'), can make for terrible instances of cognitive dissonance. On the outside one maybe obey or not obey but on the inside is a terrible struggle because the inside and outside are not on the same wavelength. one is traumatised, maybe forever. Eventualely one of two things will occur. Either the slave will leave or the slave will become beaten-down inside, a true 'doormat' and not happy, not feeling, not anything. Eventualely the slave may even die. Is this caring for the property?? What is its value then??

one feel that this bdsm Life relationship of M/s or D/s is much like any vanilla one in terms of 'best fit'..... each person must know themself and what they need inside to feel fulfilled. Then they can know for what they search in another. It help to let others know what one like and doesnot like, what 'works for them' and what 'does not work' for them, so that others reading this, will not waste their time. It is courteous and honest.

respectfully
buffiyum

(in reply to xxblushesxx)

Post #: 10

RE: being a sub - 12/25/2005 4:37:43 PM

vonzott

Posts: 39
Joined: 2/26/2005
From: San Diego, CA
Status: offline

Ahem...

I suspect that there is, as JohnWarren suggests, more heat than light at the end of this discussion. My own take on this matter is that we're all human. Slave, Submissive, Switch Dominant. Who cares? We're all human with human needs and wants. And, isn't THAT what we all keep harping about in this lifestyle? The vanilla folk won't let us get what we want, so we stick together.

On the other hand, if what you're really interested in is a toy with no needs, there you can find one here: http://www.realdoll.com/ - these folks sell a VERY realistic doll (for, like, $7,000 including shipping and handling) that will allow you to play all you want with no concern for their wants and needs. All you really need to do is wipe the thing down when you're done.

Oh, wait. That's a need, isn't it?

Never mind, I guess everything has a need, eh?

_____________________________

vonzott
proud slave to Domina Angelina

- so many Dominant Women, none as wonderful as She

(in reply to randyandmisty)

Post #: 11

RE: being a sub - 12/25/2005 4:44:22 PM

orfunboi

Posts: 1223
Joined: 10/22/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: randyandmisty

We have had the good fortune of having a true submissive single serve us, and hope to find another.

That really awesome....i had the good fortune of having a true Mistress to serve, who understood that subs are people too. And they have needs and wants like everyone else....hope to find another.

(in reply to randyandmisty)

Post #: 12

RE: being a sub - 12/25/2005 4:45:21 PM

IrishMist

Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

On the other hand, if what you're really interested in is a toy with no needs, there you can find one here: http://www.realdoll.com/ - these folks sell a VERY realistic doll (for, like, $7,000 including shipping and handling) that will allow you to play all you want with no concern for their wants and needs. All you really need to do is wipe the thing down when you're done.

LMFAO....ok...now I am literally rolling with laughter

(in reply to vonzott)

Post #: 13

RE: being a sub - 12/25/2005 4:49:31 PM

shandra

Posts: 26
Joined: 1/25/2005
Status: offline

i dont understand what your looking for, even a service oriented slave would come into a situation driven by desires, a skilful dominant makes the situation about the dominant but its still a game, the submissive chooses to obey or disobey or leave so find a submissive who wants it to be about you and earn their trust and respect, and that trust and respect is given because needs of the submissive are being met in some way
my experience of good dominants is they have an over interest in the thoughts feelings and reactions of their sub/s / slave/s

may i suggest a blowup doll

< Message edited by shandra -- 12/25/2005 4:53:00 PM >

(in reply to buffiyum)

Post #: 14

RE: being a sub - 12/25/2005 5:08:18 PM

MHOO314

Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline

hmm, I did not realize that the tradition of clubbing someone over the head and dragging them off to your cave had returned to fashion?

Submission does not remove or preclude the right of preference--

_____________________________

SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor

(in reply to randyandmisty)

Post #: 15

RE: being a sub - 12/25/2005 6:44:56 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MHOO314

hmm, I did not realize that the tradition of clubbing someone over the head and dragging them off to your cave had returned to fashion?

Submission does not remove or preclude the right of preference--

LOL you'd be surprised how many subs on this list wish we were still doing that (as long as they still had hot water)

(in reply to MHOO314)

Post #: 16

RE: being a sub - 12/25/2005 6:52:47 PM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: randyandmisty

We as a couple have been playing for some time now,we perfer threesomes with a submissive bi-sexual single,(either male or female). What we both find hard to understand is how anyone can call themselves submissive, and yet they list their own sexual tastes--if one is submissive, shouldnt the needs and desire of the Master or Mistress be the only concern.
quote:

So, being submissive means that they have no right to have desires, wants, needs or happiness?

quote:

We have had the good fortune of having a true submissive single serve us, and hope to find another.

Oh, sheesh! Not the "true" sub thing again. What's "true" in your life maynot be "true" in mine. I find that people that have labeled things as "true" Dominant or submissive have, figuratively speaking, hogtied the people involved in BDSM D/s by subjecting YOUR definitions on what it is that we do, when your definitions do not fit everyone. These definitions prevent novices from exploring who they really are and becoming comfortable with those choices. It causes novices to leave the scene because other people choose to denergrate their choices.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to randyandmisty)

Post #: 17

RE: being a sub - 12/25/2005 7:09:20 PM

MHOO314

Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline

I just spewed champagne on the keyboard on that one LA--ROTFL!

_____________________________

SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 18

RE: being a sub - 12/25/2005 10:37:55 PM

xxblushesxx

Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MHOO314

hmm, I did not realize that the tradition of clubbing someone over the head and dragging them off to your cave had returned to fashion?

Submission does not remove or preclude the right of preference--

oooohhh...I was getting all excited too!....dang it! But yah...L.A. is right (again!), we DO need hot water! (and maybe some reallllly fluffy towels, too?)

(in reply to MHOO314)

Post #: 19

RE: being a sub - 12/28/2005 9:33:38 AM

newflowers

Posts: 292
Joined: 5/23/2004
Status: offline

i knew i was hooked beyond redemption or the desire for it when my daddy - before we ever met - could describe the way i feel about certainthings, described the way i dress when i do so for myself, knew and could articulate areas of desire and need that i have. he said to me that We have to decide of what each of us wants and needs can be met in the other. And so we found complementary sybiosis and life is good.

does he not qualify to be a "true" dominant because of this? according to this post, that must surely be the case as i am not a "true" submissive because i have needs and wants and desires and limits and opnions and preferences.

this is just too silly - i think the original poster began the thread to see if he/they could get a rise out of the rest of us. i simply refuse to believe that anyone is truly that asinine.

-a-

(in reply to xxblushesxx)

Post #: 20

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