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sobayblackmaster -> RE: how does she assuage her issues? (12/2/2008 6:04:02 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: MAMandSlave
I am going to take the OP for face value.
I wonder if you are talking about individuals who use self harming methods to cope with emotional pain. There is a big difference, in my mind, of a self harming method, such as cutting and intentional bruising, to relieve emotional pain, and a masochist who truly gets sexual and physical arousal from pain. In order to satisfy the former, the individual would need to be kept in an unstable emotional pattern, so that they felt the need for relief from emotional pain. While there are individuals out there that have that sort of instability in their lives naturally, that same instability can make them poor submissives, leading to self loathing when they feel they are not meeting expectations, leading to the need for what has then been taught to them as punishment, if they are with a sadist who is doing so, which relieves their emotional pain temporarily. This satisfies the sadists need to cause pain, but is not truly a rewarding experience for the sub or slave as that individual continues to feel and underlying belief that they are not meeting expectations.
I do know several slaves who have history of self mutilation, but if it is currently active, and they have not developed better coping mechanisms for emotional regulation, it might be best to help them get help, before developing any sort of intense emotional connection with them.
Incidentally, if a Dom is searching for people who are actively using these coping mechanisms as a way of judging whether they meet his criteria for a slave, then it is a bit, in my opinion, like watching the newspaper for women who's husbands have died, as they will be emotionally vulnerable to men wan to who prey on them, for sex and money.
All,
Obviously I went too deep, too fast with the topic as it's a deeply complex issue. Am I some kind of "psyche ambulance chaser?" If so it would have to be on a subconscious level, as I have no idea where any individual is that I might cross paths with, but I see the point you make with the analogy.
The idea that sub behavior is reflective of a need to develop some complex coping skill because that individual is in pain is not unreasonable but when I posted my question I was thinking more along the line that there might be hungers within us that have ancient roots. Are those hungers wrong? No, not among informed, consenting adults. Are we slaves to those hungers? Possibly, but even then as mature socially functional beings we'd be making a conscious choice to yield to those temptations.
I suppose my main point (in both my posting here and my initial personal sexual quest-maybe my motives are out of step with the "modern" me, I'll also admit) is simply to face the truth-that my or anyone's choices for expressing sexuality might involve mechanics that are deeper than those I choose to tout. At some point I wonder too (and accuse me of being an ambulance chaser if you want) if two people could face their complex issues, be honest with themselves and each other about the stuff going on beneath the covers (mentally that is) and utilize those truths to take their respective and mutual sexual expression to greater heights. I wonder if by opening up that way to each other we can then share experiences on levels beyond what we presently conceive-not assigning undue or unwarrented weight to any specific aspect, but being on a level where when the session starts we've made a fully conscious decision to climb into and play in Pandora's box.
That's why I also pronounced myself greedy & wicked. Again I'm thinking aloud, and I have no wish to cause harm.
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