Well, he's home...

Well, he's home... (Full Version)

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hizgeorgiapeach -> Well, he's home... (12/1/2008 10:08:02 AM)
I got dad moved this morning, and he's now settled in to his room resting. I think he's kind of in a state of shock at the moment that he's not going back to the nursing home - he's asked me 6 times between when I got there and when I left him to rest in his room whether he's here to Stay, or just for the day for a visit. The good news is, he's already happier, and his spirits are considerably better than the state of constant depression he's been in for most of the past two years. He's pleased with the condition of the house, thrilled about the back deck that I built, excited about the therapy potential of the hot tub (they've been doing some hot tub/whirlpool therapy with him at the nursing home), and pleased that he finally has a room to HIMSELF again with no immediate roommate to contend with. Apparantly he doesn't consider ME a roommate - we have different bedrooms LOL. Then again, after 2 years of sharing a bedroom with another occupant who is Not a spouce or S.O., I guess I can see where his perspective on "room mate" is significantly different than my concept of "room mate" (being someone that I share the house with.) The nursing home sent his meds for most of the rest of the month with him, so I don't have to hurry to get the scrips refilled. He's overjoyed at the prospect of meals that are Not institutional - when he saw that I'd stocked the freezer with a shitload of the frozen dinners he likes, I thought he was gonna fall over in shock. He's even already sleeping comfortably - which is something that he hasn't been able to do in a while. The bad news is, it's pretty obvious that he's home to die. While I was taking things out to the car, I had a talk with the social worker for the nursing home, as well as a couple of the nurses. His appetite has been non-existant, so he's lost a bunch more weight. (He weighs in at a whopping 98 lbs at this point, despite our best efforts to convince him to eat more.) His breathing has gotten worse - no surprise there, since he's got both Asthma and Emphasymia and has refused to quit smoking - so breathing even with oxygen has become a chore for him. And he's simply not Physically recovering from things that Should be Minor - and would be minor if not for the fact that he's severely underweight, has asthma and emphasymia, and has pretty much lost his will to live. They've informed me that I should have the home health folks do an eval on him for Hospice - because they were getting ready to move him to a hospice situation even if he stayed there. Basically - the medical staff has given up hope of him surviving for more than about another 6 to 9 months. They don't recommend hospice if they think the person is going to survive longer than that. Now all I have to do is to keep my own sanity, and find some time for myself. Fortunately I managed to find an aquaintance that actually IS certified for home health by the state - since I'm offering her a better deal (pay wise) working for me directly than working for one of the agencies, she's agreed to do so. Since she's certified, the state can't whine about it - and since she's a friend, I won't worry as much.

BlackPhx -> RE: Well, he's home... (12/1/2008 10:13:32 AM)
Peach..I am so glad to hear he has made it home..he will be happier there and oddly enough may eat a bit more. Don't be surprised though, our emotional state and support does a lot for or against our appetites. I wish you all the luck and time in the world with him. poenkitten

philosophy -> RE: Well, he's home... (12/1/2008 10:19:12 AM)
....my very best wishes to you. For what it's worth i think you've done the right and noble thing bringing him home.......

popeye1250 -> RE: Well, he's home... (12/1/2008 10:25:33 AM)
GP, good deal! Ten years from now you'll be happy knowing you did the right thing. I was in a similar situation years ago. Ask him what his favorite foods are and make them, that'll help his appetite.

angelikaJ -> RE: Well, he's home... (12/1/2008 10:35:05 AM)
Hi... I think you may find having the assistance of hospice will be a great benefit to both of you... if you and he both know he is being well cared for in that way it will free you both up to just be with one another.

Rule -> RE: Well, he's home... (12/1/2008 10:40:32 AM)
Keep him at home and let him die there. May the God of the Dead take care of him thereafter.

hizgeorgiapeach -> RE: Well, he's home... (12/1/2008 10:41:30 AM)
I already know what he LIKES food wise since I was doing all the cooking prior to his stroke- fortunately for me, most of it is stuff that I like as well, which means they're already a regular part of the menu. There are a few things that he loves that I can't stand - which, thankfully, I know how to make in small enough servings that it'll be enough for him, and I won't have to try and choke it down myself. (I detest corned beef has - he loves the stuff - I've never understood how he can actually consume it!) That's one of those relatively easy parts. He's poo-pahing the idea that someone Needs to be here at the house for me to go run errands. His comment was "I don't need a babysitter, no matter what that damn social worker says - now get in the car and go get me.... " and proceeded to give me this huge list of things that he wanted which I hadn't gotten prior to picking him up this morning for his own comfort! (Not the least of which was "replacement for my depleted chocolate stash, damnit - I've been outta chocolate for 4 days, and I want some NOW!" So much for my attempts to keep it outta the house for my diet's sake, huh?) With him home, I'm having his cell phone (which is a spare on my account) turned off. The main reason he's had it is so he could get in touch with me if he needed soomething, and since he's living here there's no reason to keep paying that extra money. Financially, this is the most viable option. Ethically, it's probably the best option. I'm still not completely comfortable with it, and dread the day I get up in the morning to find he's died in his sleep. I know - on several levels - that this was the right thing to do. I still felt like a prisoner being walked to the gallows on the way across town to pick him up and bring him home. Fortunately, that feeling pretty much dissipated when he got cranky about my hesitation to run errands without someone here to keep an eye on him.

pixidustpet -> RE: Well, he's home... (12/1/2008 12:22:47 PM)
peach, i applaud you for doing this for your dad. mama took care of my granny for the last 4 years she lived, and i know it was rough on her. stick to the idea of someone coming in to help while you are out. tell dad its so it frees you up not to do housework and can spend time with him. that 4 hours help every other day helped my mama a great deal. she was able to get out of the house (she doesnt work) and do something for herself and not be at granny's beck and whine. (that is said with MUCH affection. when i visited, i took over night calls, and yes granny whined. she was 94 and in pain and we overlooked it.) make sure to take care of yourself. let him keep the chocolate in his room so you dont have to see it. milkshakes made with fattening ice cream and whole milk will get a little more calories into your dad if they are ok'd by the doctor (mama made granny's with ensure sometimes.) talk to hospice. they're GOOD people. and hugs for you if that's ok, cause i know how much work and love it takes to watch someone in their last days. kitten

rexrgisformidoni -> RE: Well, he's home... (12/1/2008 2:00:44 PM)
I applaud you peach...my own father has money saved for when he has to come live with me so he doesn't "burden" me. I wish you both well...J

Vendaval -> RE: Well, he's home... (12/1/2008 2:44:41 PM)
Peach, You are doing the right thing for so many reasons and this situation is a good one for both of you. I am relieved that you have a friend to help with the caretaking who is certified. The fact that he can gripe and complain to you shows he still has some spirit and if he wants chocolate and those frozen dinners he might start gaining some weight back. Peace and Light, Vendaval

hizgeorgiapeach -> RE: Well, he's home... (12/1/2008 3:41:38 PM)
Frozen dinners - hell, when he woke up from his nap, he declared that he was hungry, and demanded I head to Taco Hell to get him some dinner. The old control freak in him is coming out Loud and Strong now that he's gotten it through his head that he's Not going back to the nursing home. Yes, he whines. Yes, he gripes. Oddly enough, I'm finding I'd rather hear him whine and gripe than not be capable of doing so. (Granted, I'd much rather he be so satisfied with how things are going that there's nothing for him to gripe About - but that'll be the case soon enough.) If anything, I think now that he HAS got it in his head that he doesn't have to worry about sharing a caregiver - that someone Is going to answer, and do so Promptly, on those rare times when his pride doesn't prevent him from asking for help - his anxiety about things has lessened considerably. He normally goes through several panic attacks per day that muck with his already strained breathing - he hasn't had any today. No panic attacks, no anxiety ridden quavery yelling for someone a dozen times in 60 seconds, and no Extra breathing problems beyond what he Always has. Hell, he hasn't even tried to argue with me telling him that my idiot troublemaking brother is still not allowed in this house - that if he wants to see dad, he can call me and arrange a time at a neutral location like a resturant. Appearantly my brother visits so infrequently that dad has quit expecting me to consider what my brother wants. And that was the thing that was my biggest concern in moving dad home - that he would insist that I allow idiotboy back into things. Hospice comes tomorrow to do the evaluation on him, and I've got appointments set up with his lung specialist and primary physician (both from pre-stroke) to get all his prescriptions renewed - though in all honesty, I think the paranoia meds and the depression meds aren't going to be as needed with him here. The primary care is also writing him prescriptions for a wheelchair and a home oxygen system, so that we can get those through the insurance company rather than out of pocket. He's even willing to write dad a scrip for a mobility scooter, and one of the beds that has an adjustable frame - both of which I could (technically) get without a scrip, but which the insurance will pay for With the scrip. So it's actually beginning to look a bit less like a prison sentence, and more like something I can cope with.

blacksword404 -> RE: Well, he's home... (12/1/2008 3:50:34 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: hizgeorgiapeach I got dad moved this morning, and he's now settled in to his room resting. I think he's kind of in a state of shock at the moment that he's not going back to the nursing home - he's asked me 6 times between when I got there and when I left him to rest in his room whether he's here to Stay, or just for the day for a visit. The good news is, he's already happier, and his spirits are considerably better than the state of constant depression he's been in for most of the past two years. He's pleased with the condition of the house, thrilled about the back deck that I built, excited about the therapy potential of the hot tub (they've been doing some hot tub/whirlpool therapy with him at the nursing home), and pleased that he finally has a room to HIMSELF again with no immediate roommate to contend with. Apparantly he doesn't consider ME a roommate - we have different bedrooms LOL. Then again, after 2 years of sharing a bedroom with another occupant who is Not a spouce or S.O., I guess I can see where his perspective on "room mate" is significantly different than my concept of "room mate" (being someone that I share the house with.) The nursing home sent his meds for most of the rest of the month with him, so I don't have to hurry to get the scrips refilled. He's overjoyed at the prospect of meals that are Not institutional - when he saw that I'd stocked the freezer with a shitload of the frozen dinners he likes, I thought he was gonna fall over in shock. He's even already sleeping comfortably - which is something that he hasn't been able to do in a while. The bad news is, it's pretty obvious that he's home to die. While I was taking things out to the car, I had a talk with the social worker for the nursing home, as well as a couple of the nurses. His appetite has been non-existant, so he's lost a bunch more weight. (He weighs in at a whopping 98 lbs at this point, despite our best efforts to convince him to eat more.) His breathing has gotten worse - no surprise there, since he's got both Asthma and Emphasymia and has refused to quit smoking - so breathing even with oxygen has become a chore for him. And he's simply not Physically recovering from things that Should be Minor - and would be minor if not for the fact that he's severely underweight, has asthma and emphasymia, and has pretty much lost his will to live. They've informed me that I should have the home health folks do an eval on him for Hospice - because they were getting ready to move him to a hospice situation even if he stayed there. Basically - the medical staff has given up hope of him surviving for more than about another 6 to 9 months. They don't recommend hospice if they think the person is going to survive longer than that. Now all I have to do is to keep my own sanity, and find some time for myself. Fortunately I managed to find an aquaintance that actually IS certified for home health by the state - since I'm offering her a better deal (pay wise) working for me directly than working for one of the agencies, she's agreed to do so. Since she's certified, the state can't whine about it - and since she's a friend, I won't worry as much. As hard as it might get i think in the end you will be happy you did it. Enjoy the time you have with him. That chocolate should be putting some weight on him. He must have one hell of a metabolism.

Vendaval -> RE: Well, he's home... (12/1/2008 4:05:26 PM)
heh...old guy still has some piss and vinegar in him. That is good! Mum was recovering from surgery and in a deep sleep, snoring away with her dentures falling out of her mouth. I reached over to try and remove them and put them in the container and she woke up and started yelling at me. That was a good thing. She was still mad enough to fight for life. The motorized scooter sounds great. You might consider having an ID bracelet for him if he decides to go around the block and gets stuck somewhere in a sidewalk crack or treeroot. And I agree with having the non-responsible sibling out of the house to minimize drama. Hopefully in a couple of months your dad will need less of or none of the psychoactive medications. One of my friends cared for his grandparents in their later years. His grandfather would periodically get angry and declare he was going home to Texas...on foot...with no money...from a rural town in California. So my friend would give grandpa half an hour to walk down the dirt road and get tired and then pull up in the car to find him sitting on the same tree stump each time. "Hey grandpa, you wanna go home now?" "Yeah, get me back there!" The point being sometimes even old farts need a time out or a walk to cool their heads. And I will leave you with a cute limmerick that my step-dad had hung in the garage. "Retirement" My nookie days are over My pilot light is out What used to be my sex appeal Is now a water spout Time was from it's own accord From my trouses it would spring But now I have a full time job To find the blasted thing As old age approach It sure gives me the blues To see it hang its withered head And watch me tie my shoes

maybemaybenot -> RE: Well, he's home... (12/1/2008 4:11:57 PM)
hizgeorgiapeach: Hold on to those scripts until after hospice evals him and a decision is made to put him on services or not. Hospice provides all medicines and medical equipment related to the terminal diagnosis. You have mail on the other side.

kiwisub12 -> RE: Well, he's home... (12/1/2008 4:26:00 PM)
One thing you might tell your dad is that if there is someone in the house, YOU can feel ok about leaving him at the house. Don't make it about him, but about you, and how you would feel as if you can leave him for longer and get stuff done, and have some time to yourself. Then tell him that he is a selfish old coot if he complains.(with a smile). I applaud you for being willing to do this. And please remember that this is your decision, but that that being so, doesn't mean it will all be easy. Some of it will be, some of it won't be - thats just the way it will be. If you can afford it, get a therapist for support. Its great to have a rational, dispassionate person to talk to when you need to blow off steam.[:D] And hospice is a great service - help for you and him. hugs

tweedydaddy -> RE: Well, he's home... (12/1/2008 4:33:56 PM)
You are a wonderful person. I admire you.

MadAxeman -> RE: Well, he's home... (12/1/2008 6:59:36 PM)
[sm=agree.gif][sm=yourock.gif]

MzMia -> RE: Well, he's home... (12/1/2008 7:28:02 PM)
{{Rhi}}, you should be proud of yourself. You are a wonderful daughter, and even though you are going through a very stressful transition, you are doing the best you can and you are the shining light for your father. Along with making dad comfortable, please take a lot of pictures, get him to journal if he can, I would suggest creating videotapes and audiotapes. As someone that lost her mommy 4 years ago, I can tell you that pictures, journals, and videotapes will be priceless memories. I am so glad you were able to get a certified home health care worker that you trust and will give you peace of mind. Hug and kiss and spoil dad as much as you can. Enjoy this time with your dad. I agree with the others! [sm=yourock.gif]

hizgeorgiapeach -> RE: Well, he's home... (12/1/2008 8:28:49 PM)
Unfortunately him being home may not last very long. Since I posted earlier, he had a bad breathing spell induced by a panic attack. Ambulance, ER, and they've admitted him for the night. Appearantly his breathing is bad enough at the moment that even on pure O2, his blood ox level is way low - so they kept him, sent me home to get some sleep, and his primary care is going to see him tomorrow before he gets released. Which will be a good thing. The only reason he insisted on going in to the ER is because he's not due to get his home oxygen kit until after his Hospice eval tomorrow. It's one of life's wonderful lil catch 22 situations. Nursing home doc that's been treating him for nearly 2 years wouldn't write a scrip for someone who wasn't going to still be in the nursing home. PCP and prior Pulmonary specialist neither one wanted to write the scrip until they've seen him in the office - and neither one has "time" for an office visit for almost 2 weeks, although the appointments are set up. Medical supply company won't even Consider letting us get the home oxy unit until they've got the scrip in hand. I'm hoping this lil ER visit tonight will force the primary care to go ahead and write the damn scrip during rounds tomorrow - or that I can find some other means - cause the hospital doesn't want to consider discharging him until I've got the home unit in place so that he doesn't end up having to make repeated trips to the ER. ARRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGG!! Since they sent me home, I'm going to go fix myself a stiff drink and go to bed so I can start bugging the doctors' offices at 7 am sharp.

MadAxeman -> RE: Well, he's home... (12/2/2008 12:21:48 AM)
*I think it would be nice if the peach could come back to a round of applause.* [sm=applause.gif][sm=applause.gif][sm=applause.gif][sm=applause.gif][sm=applause.gif][sm=applause.gif][sm=applause.gif][sm=applause.gif][sm=applause.gif][sm=applause.gif][sm=applause.gif][sm=applause.gif][sm=applause.gif][sm=applause.gif][sm=applause.gif][sm=applause.gif][sm=applause.gif][sm=applause.gif][sm=applause.gif][sm=applause.gif][sm=applause.gif][sm=applause.gif][sm=applause.gif]

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