RE: Do they think I can't read? (Full Version)

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Laura -> RE: Do they think I can't read? (8/11/2004 8:01:16 PM)

I am a Switch and I have had a couple of men asking about subbing when their profile says Dom. More often I find that Doms are telling me they are switches. Which confuses me as Switches are supposed to be an abnormality, slightly taboo. But, I'm beginning to think most people here are switches, they just don't freely admit it. Not my problem. :) I put my cards on the table and though I no longer expect the same from anyone else, I settle for nothing less.



Madame -> RE: Do they think I can't read? (8/24/2004 3:52:26 AM)

Woody Allen once said:

Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.

The quote could work for a SwItCh

Just sounds to me like some folks are working both sides of the pasture.



MsGenevieve -> RE: Do they think I can't read? (8/31/2004 10:10:54 PM)

Their fragile male egos can't admit their own submissive nature...they do it all the time.
It is one thing for them to confide in one emale, but a whole other in their profile.

I have even seen it at the lifestyle clubs I am a part of, for public image a male or female pretends to be a top, but if you really pay attention they are either being topped from below or once they are back at home the roles reverse...people are funny like that.

I used to live in a pakistani household for a year, and the whole culture was like that. In public we caucasians think that it is a male dominated culture, but they get home and the woman knocks the crap out of the man and he is a doting docile lamb.



TickleToy -> RE: Do they think I can't read? (9/1/2004 10:20:15 PM)

I sort of stumbled into this thread because the subject caught my attention.

As I was reading through the posts, I began to wonder how I come across to people in forums like this. Since all of you have definite and valid opinions on the subject and since I don't want to be lumped into the same group as the players you are referencing, I just thought I would toss the question out there for you to answer -- am I coming off as one of these jerks and do I need to rethink things?

I picked switch for my profile because it appears you have to be something and I am not really a sub or a dom. I am not looking to be part of a lifestyle per se. I am not into following anybody around and calling them Mistress or having anyone calling me Master. Lord knows I can't follow instructions and giving instructions to others wears me out after a while.

So what am I interested in and why am I here? First I find a lot of these topics very interesting. Second, I am interested in sensation play. From my login name you might be able to guess my primary interest. And although I have never given, I am definitely willing to. And no, I have never asked for or expected sex during any of the sessions I had. That wasn't the need I was trying to get addressed.

I normally query pro-dommes to see if they have an interest in playing as I realize that what I am looking for in general is not even close to what the mainstream community is looking for. But there is always the reaction that I must be looking for something more and of course the probing to see what sick things I am hiding. The other question that has always come up, is what should the domme wear. For some reason my answer to that has always surprised them. I basically say I don't care so long as there is nothing sharp that accidently pokes into me breaking the illusion/energy of the session.

I guess my interest is either so out there or people get so many of the types of requests you are describing that someone that is only looking to have a particular fetish catered to or to explore some of the other possibilities in the realm just to have the experience is a rarity.

I do know that some people take offense to my just wanting to experience certain aspects of the world and have no interest in a 24/7 type deal. I understand that is their definition of what this world means to them and respect that. It is just a world I can't live in. Although the concept is interesting, it just is not me.

Now, ideally, I would like to meet someone and have a relationship where this type of play is an aspect of the relationship but definitely not the whole of the relationship or even a major part of it. But that just seems outside the scope of possibility and I am realistic about that.

So do I come across as one of those jerks the way I describe my interest here? Again that is definitely not my intent. But be honest, perhaps I am in the wrong world or perhaps I am asking for too much.



MaitresseEden -> RE: Do they think I can't read? (9/2/2004 5:28:10 AM)

TIckle toy,

I see nothing wrong with be honest about your wants and desires.. many would refer to you as a kinky sensationalist. My only advice would be in regards to your profile. While It is honest, it may appear a bit "Do-me" ish.. Perhaps if you say something in regards to some things you wish to help other experience as well, it would come across as more balanced. If you are a true switch.. talk about the things you enjoy doing to others, or think about doing to others.. or what from them.. If your really more submissive, you can still talk about giving them a listening ear, and a support friend, and an outlet for thier sadistic needs.. etc..

just my .02

Ms. Eden.



WayHome -> RE: Do they think I can't read? (9/2/2004 3:31:43 PM)

Maybe collarme needs a "none of the above" option.

TickleToy's description doesn't sound like a switch to me, but he's not a sub either. I would call him a "bottom" though that word seems a lot more ambiguous here than I thought it was (it's always meant someone who likes having stuff done to them to me, with or without submission being a factor). Is collarme not meant to be a place for "them"? With a name like "Collar Me" the argument could be made that "sansationalists" don't belong but I hope that's not the case beccause I like to think we have a community that embraces a wider constituency.

There is a LOT of stigma attached to being a switch. I liken a lot of things in our community to the gay community--though we're usually a decade or so behind. Bisexuals used to be very unwelcome in the gay community for a lot of the same reasons listed here. Now they are more accepted but not totally accepted. It's like it's a kind of threat to "real" gays. If you can be bi, then it makes it sound like it's just a choice rather than an organic expression of your nature which is important to the self-esteem of many. Same for us. If there are switches then it implies it's just a game you can play however you like rather than some primordial need to dominate or too submit which HAS to be expressed. I think a lot of people are threatenned by switches, or at the very least a bit skeptical.

Though I'm not bi or a switch, I do ocasionally dispair the state of things. Estring recently wrote something to the effect that we are foolish to think that just because someone is kinky that they will/should be more tollerant than anyone else. Of course he is right, but I would like to think that the subset of kinky people who participate in things like "community discussions" ARE more tollerant than the population at large. On average I think it's true...

I can see how a true switch might not want to advertise it in a personal.

Leto



MistressDREAD -> RE: Do they think I can't read? (9/2/2004 9:54:22 PM)

[meeting offer snipped -Mod6]
MistressDread, if you want to solicit for meetings or sessions please do so via e-mail on the personals side. The boards are for discussions.

Mod6



TickleToy -> RE: Do they think I can't read? (9/4/2004 11:27:54 AM)

Thanks for the great replies.

WayHome, I personally vote for the "none of the above" option assuming we aren't ignored as misfits. Of course even a misfit might provide value to a conversation.

MaitresseEden, I have been thinking about taking some time to write up some journal entries. I have also started interacting a little on these forums. Hopefully both of those approaches will further help people understand who I am since I guess I really am on the fringe of the core group this site tries to cater to.

MistressDREAD, if I ever visit the central Florida area again, I'll definitely give you heads up. I am curious to know why you find ticklees to be challenge. If you like, I would love to follow up with you via PM.

Whipenrod, I apologize for sort of hijacking your thread. However, I think it is a worthy side bar to your question. Although I am sure a lot of the people you refer to are just misrepresenting themselves to you, it also possible that a few really don't know how to represent themselves or the system doesn't flexibly let them represent themselves. As someone else suggested some of these people might just want to experiment with something new -- of course I would think they would tell you so out right. That is part of honesty and trust. For instance, I tell people that although I am interested in other things, my core desire is to be tickled -- assuming that is why I am contacting them. I have contacted a few people already just to answer their questions or talk.

As to why someone like me has ended up on "Collar Me", well there is a T site and although good for some things, there are very few people on T in my neck of the woods. I joined "Collar Me" to try and find a pro-domme to bottom to while I continue to look for the one. Finding a pro-domme is far easier than finding the one. However, if I were to come across the one today, it would indeed be a great day. Also, the T site is very focussed. I like reading the broad range of ideas presented in sites like this one.

I have never really fit in anywhere so why should my web cruising habits be any different than real life [;)]



TheLadyAlisad -> RE: Do they think I can't read? (9/13/2004 11:39:35 PM)

This just happened to Me....lmao

After the inicial shock that the sub I had been considering had a Dom profile too, I sat and thought on it a minute. He was lieing about being a Dom. That I knew. A court of law will take a statement and if one thing said is proven false in it the whole testamony will be thrown out. SO I considered throwing him out, but I had alot invested.

Next I considered his situation, without going into detail, it is bad. He has no outlet. So maybe this was one for him.

All and all though I am very straight forward, and dispise beating round the bush so I e-mailed him under that nic useing his actual name asking what he thought he was doing and asking for a reply please SIR.

I thought the poor boy was going to piss himself with explinations for his behavior and I was correct it was an outlet. I handled it by telling him that this lifestyle was not a gameroom. Reminding him how much he hated it when Dommees had played him so what was he doing to his sisters? He came to the conclusion on his own to close the account which is how I like it. Guidence without demand.

Just an experiance
Alisad



Laura -> RE: Do they think I can't read? (9/14/2004 8:57:45 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Whipenrod
listed here at collarme as a switch and with me personally he wanted to be a submissive.
Again--absolutely no mention of the strange swing back and fourth between the roles. However--he definitely had all the bases covered in any given situation.

--Sincerely, Lady Whipenrod


He said he was a Switch. I'm a Switch myself. Don't steam roll over us all. Maybe he is hedging his bets but you can't be sure.

Just as with the subs and Doms, I give them a chance to blow it. I almost always email back each person who contacts me. I'm here to meet someone so that's what I'm doing. If you close your mind and stop trying what are you still here for? (Besides the excellent discussion boards).



Laura -> RE: Do they think I can't read? (9/14/2004 9:06:17 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Madame

Woody Allen once said:

Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.

The quote could work for a SwItCh

Just sounds to me like some folks are working both sides of the pasture.


Being a Switch is not about getting dates. If anything it makes it more difficult because you need to find someone who can compliment both sides of yourself plus be someone you want to spend time with after/ beyond the BDSM aspect. So far I've found a grand total of zero.

The subs I meet (if they aren't do-me subs in the first place) are too easy, want it too much. The Doms expect me to let them make decisions for me which I just hate. So being a Switch is not about getting more dates or cows/ grass/ whatever you're growing. It makes the whole thing of looking for any kind of partner more complicated.



ShadeDiva -> RE: Do they think I can't read? (9/18/2004 2:46:24 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sinergy
*stands around all kilted and Domly*

:::PERK:::

Kilt?

I WANNA SEE A KILT PIC!!!

lol

Seriously.

hehehe

Kilts are just killer!

~ShadeDiva



Whipenrod -> RE: Do they think I can't read? (9/22/2004 8:47:46 PM)

Dearest TinkleToy, you have not hijacked my thread--you added to the discussion.
I once called myself a 'switch' as well--there's nothing wrong with it. The problem is when people want to dance only one type of dance, and refuse to try anything else, or learn a different style. Is it ego, comfort level or security?

It does seem that a number of Dommes have had the same experience--applicant subs with unrevealed Dom listings. Maybe it's not so much a question of switching, but of yearning--in any form. What's wrong with someone trying to figure themselves out? Nothing!

However, I prefer honesty myself.

--Lady Whipenrod



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