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Limits and Boundaries - 12/26/2005 9:55:43 AM   
swtnsparkling


Posts: 1738
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Think back to what you considered your Limits and Boundaries to be when you started
exploring BDSM.
What's changed? Anything? Nothing?
Have your limits and boundaries moved?
Forward? Backward?
Have you gone farther than you ever thought you would?
Farther than you wanted?
Not far enough?
****************************************************************


_____________________________

Never make anyone a priority who treats you as an option 2003

Walk in Peace
A "No" uttered from deepest conviction is better than a "Yes" uttered merely to please
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Limits and Boundaries - 12/26/2005 10:02:30 AM   
fyreredsub


Posts: 3403
Joined: 10/7/2005
Status: offline 		oh me, the changes have been astounding, I'm not a Domme anymore...i am a slave to a wonderful Master. I have reached many heights, shed some tears and look foward to continued growth with mental ,emotional and physical limits under his care and guidance. i am learning that there can be pleasure in pain w/ many more lessons to go(still abit of a sadist tho, Master says we can explore that later) right now my training to serve and accept my slave belly is a fulltime agenda.many 'nilla attitudes still need to leave this girls way of thinking(as to fighting the need to give up control) learning how to keep and grow in trusting Master....so many roads i must grow on to become integrated into being whom i wish to be and reaching that potential that Master sees in me, the things that he values in me....
such a great topic, thanks
quote:

ORIGINAL: swtnsparkling

Think back to what you considered your Limits and Boundaries to be when you started
exploring BDSM.
What's changed? Anything? Nothing?
Have your limits and boundaries moved?
Forward? Backward?
Have you gone farther than you ever thought you would?
Farther than you wanted?
Not far enough?
****************************************************************




_____________________________

"Accordingly, men must then either fulfill their nature, or deny it, and in denying their nature, deny us ours, for ours is the complement to theirs. " Renegades

(in reply to swtnsparkling)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Limits and Boundaries - 12/26/2005 10:22:24 AM   
veronicaofML


Posts: 1317
Joined: 11/19/2005
From: from iowa..now in wisconsin
Status: offline 		being service-only...

there is no such thing

but thanks for asking

if i was s/m it may be different


_____________________________

drugs sex and rock n roll,...drugs are good and so is the rock n roll, sex is over rated"
=============
"go straight to hell, do not pass go and do not collect $200"



(in reply to swtnsparkling)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Limits and Boundaries - 12/26/2005 10:25:10 AM   
Shayna


Posts: 205
Joined: 1/16/2005
Status: offline 		I think this is the hardest thing to explain to someone new. I've changed in ways that I would have never imagined. I now experience pleasure through acitivities that I wouldn't have thought could possibly turn me on. I've experienced profound joy from immersing myself in submission. As time goes on, I keep littering my path with hard limits...they keep falling away. It's very exciting!


(in reply to fyreredsub)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Limits and Boundaries - 12/26/2005 10:31:53 AM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: swtnsparkling

Think back to what you considered your Limits and Boundaries to be when you started
exploring BDSM.
What's changed? Anything? Nothing?
Have your limits and boundaries moved?
Forward? Backward?
Have you gone farther than you ever thought you would?
Farther than you wanted?
Not far enough?
****************************************************************



This is actually kind of hard. I started out with my marriage, and the exploration was very slow...I had no preset limits or boundaries except those that were set by my husband at the time. Through the years, much had changed...I grew, understood myself and him more, came to accept some things in myself that normally I would have sat down and said 'what the fuck is wrong with you'. It's an ongoing process though, I am still learning, still growing, and hope that that never stops. There were times that I had been pushed to a point that was so dark, and so terrifying, that I came back so...shattered...that I thought I could never be taken there again...only to find that the next time, I was taken further. And there were times that I was taken only so far, begging to be taken further. I have been with extremely sadistic dominants, to extremely sensual ones. Those who only wanted to give pain, and those who only wanted to give pleasure. Each was special in their own way, and each taught me something new about myself. I have gone backwards at times, only to find that it leaves me unfullfilled...therefore, moving forward is the only option.

My limits and boundaries though, that's harder to pinpoint. Mainly because everyone is different, and everyone has a different approach. My desires are so dark and extreme, that I have to go very slowly with someone to start out...all in the name of safety :)...but that does not mean that it will always remain that way.

All in all, I have found my journey to be a very learning experience, with some laughter and some tears along the way.

(in reply to swtnsparkling)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Limits and Boundaries - 12/26/2005 1:01:42 PM   
tasha_tart


Posts: 385
Joined: 2/20/2004
From: Ontario, Canada
Status: offline 		I have definitely changed in the last thirty months or so.

I never could have envisioned going to "vanilla" venues for a munch, or a meal "dressed".

I also swore that I would never let someone beat on *my* ass...oops, got that wrong. A Domme friend of mine reminds me of that statement on a fairly regular basis.

On the other side of the coin, having met slaves and their owners, I've learned that I am not destined to be a slave; it is just not a part of who I am....or at least I'm 100% sure of that at the moment. (What was the name of that Bond movie...Never Say Never Again?)

Tasha

Oh my...I got upgraded to "kinky!"

< Message edited by tasha_tart -- 12/26/2005 1:04:02 PM >

_____________________________


"Sex without love is an empty experience. But as empty experiences go, it's one of the better ones."...Woody Allen

(in reply to swtnsparkling)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Limits and Boundaries - 12/26/2005 4:46:35 PM   
yun


Posts: 138
Joined: 10/21/2005
Status: offline 		greetings swtnsparkling..

i think most everyone grows into themselves overtime, i would be worried about the person who decided to remain stagnant in their life when they get exposed to new things. Though perhaps i'm sure there are some people who choose not to get exposed to new things. i started off with quite a few limits, though i didn't call them such. Being brand new (9 yrs ago) i didn't know they were a limit so i called them my "uncharteds". how did i know if they were limits if i hadn't been exposed to them? there have been a few things that i blew out of the water when i was first exposed to them. i LOVED them and they became a part of me. Since a lot of some play is dependent upon the partner you are with i think some limits may be a bit fluid for some people depending upon who they are playing with.

for about the last 3-4 years i haven't had any limits. some people have called me unsafe in my play, though i am not a risk taker perse. i know my partners very intimately to know what kind of play they usually do and they know me intimately to know what affects me in what ways. i'm not very excited about cutting (i scar intensely at the smallest scrape) but i won't limit myself with saying no to it. i'm just very specific to know my play partners know this about me..and i trust them enough to have my best interests at heart. i've got about 3-4 partners that i play with on a fairly regular basis and i don't believe i've ever said no to anything specific with them.

now with Master, that is different..i don't have any limits..i'm not allowed any boundaries. he definitely works to push me past the things i don't like (cutting, needles, blood, scat)..but they would never be a limit with him if he chose to expose me to them. it took a long time to get here..and i think it takes a great amount of trust towards your partner. from my experiences not a lot of subs/slaves have that trust at all or with only maybe 1 person.

whatever works for you..and makes you feel safe..is the utmost important thing and all that matters!

however for me..life is about growing..experiencing..trusting..and learning my spot in it.

_____________________________

*~lauryl~*
owned property of BLS

(in reply to swtnsparkling)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Limits and Boundaries - 12/26/2005 4:48:51 PM   
yun


Posts: 138
Joined: 10/21/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: veronicaofML

being service-only...

there is no such thing

but thanks for asking

if i was s/m it may be different



i was curious veronica..as i've been a service-only slave before also...what is it that there is no such thing as? you don't have limits or you don't change them and grow at all?

_____________________________

*~lauryl~*
owned property of BLS

(in reply to veronicaofML)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Limits and Boundaries - 12/26/2005 4:55:27 PM   
ProtagonistLily


Posts: 1222
Joined: 12/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

Think back to what you considered your Limits and Boundaries to be when you started
exploring BDSM.
What's changed? Anything? Nothing?
Have your limits and boundaries moved?
Forward? Backward?
Have you gone farther than you ever thought you would?
Farther than you wanted?
Not far enough?


Everything's changed really. I still have the first BDSM checklist I filled out and I take it out for a good chuckle every once in a while. Many of the things I said I'd never do, I've done. I wouldn't say that I've liked all of them, and have probably encorporated only half into regular play. But as time goes on and I met people I trusted and saw others doing things that I didn't think I could ever do, I got brave and tried some.

I have gone farther than I ever imagined that I'd go. And I'm pretty sure that I'm going to go father than I have up until now too.

There are a few scenes I've done in my time that I wish I hadn't, but those are rare in comparison to the ones I've done and have been glad I did.

No one stays stagnent in anything they do. If you remain in the same place and don't grow, chances are you will get bored and find something else to occupy yourself with.

Lily

_____________________________

"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"
~Dr. Seuss~

(in reply to swtnsparkling)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Limits and Boundaries - 12/26/2005 5:01:54 PM   
swtnsparkling


Posts: 1738
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Thank You to those who responded.
I asked the questions - I'll answer as well.
Everything for me changed. I found I was stronger than I ever gave myself credit for. I have an intense passion to explore and learn the unknown. To find answers to my fears. I truly find my bliss when I am in service to a Dom.
My limits changed Public play - breath/knife play - cages - bi-experience - poly relationship and so many many more - almost everything I was sure was a limit for me has changed- I wanted to at least give these limits one try so I would be sure about them, Since I was just assuming they were not for me. I do think if was mostly just fear of them that made me have them in the first place.
Hard limits are very few and I'd bet pretty standard for most.
Have I gone farther than I ever thought I would? Absolutely! and still not far enough.
I don't want to ever stop learning or experiencing this life.



_____________________________

Never make anyone a priority who treats you as an option 2003

Walk in Peace
A "No" uttered from deepest conviction is better than a "Yes" uttered merely to please



(in reply to yun)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Limits and Boundaries - 12/26/2005 7:03:10 PM   
Noah


Posts: 1660
Joined: 7/5/2005
Status: offline 		Okay.

As the limits fall away, do the chills and thrills from the behaviors that once seemed outrageous now seem slightly pale?

Have you been noticing the limits fall away with the calendar pages and begun to wonder if eventually--maybe before long--it's gonna start taking some seriously bizarre shit to get your subspace orbit fully geosynchronous?

Please see my receptionist.

And I'd seriously like to read comments from some of those who may have come in with guns blazing, imagining themselves fully or nearly limit-free. What did it take before you realized that you may have been hasty with a self-description like that?




(in reply to swtnsparkling)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Limits and Boundaries - 12/26/2005 7:24:44 PM   
truesub4u


Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline 		If I had of been asked the a month ago. I'm sure I would of had a whole list of things. But since comeing to Collarme... and meeting all you fine people. And learning things I didn't know, and needing to forget somethings I thought I knew. This is really a hard question for me to answer. So for now I think it's best to respond with........

Still learning.......

When I know more... i'll be yelling thank you all from the top of collarme...

(in reply to Noah)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Limits and Boundaries - 12/26/2005 7:50:06 PM   
Rayne58


Posts: 746
Joined: 2/22/2005
From: Sydney Australia
Status: offline 		I was totally new to BDSM two years ago. My limits? I had plenty, because I'd never tried things before and I wasn't sure about anything.

Two years later I've discovered that I'm somewhat more masochistic than I ever thought I could be. Trust has grown, and I'm able to be pushed further the more we go on. Master's goal is to make me pass out with pleasure We've yet to get there but it's a lot of fun trying!

I've learned to deep throat, when we began I could not take much more than half His length in. I love being face fucked.

My shyness is still a problem, though not as much as before. I have played once at a public party. I've been naked in front of 4 people in a group, a big step for someone who once blushed furiously at being fully naked in front of her Master I have been topped by my female friend with both her Master and mine watching (though I wore a blindfold so they were not really there )

I've become multi orgasmic. I could orgasm through masturbation but Master has the art of Gspot stimulation down. Before we met I'd never squirted - now it's a regular occurrence

When I think back, I never thought I'd go as far as I have. According to Master we still have much more to explore. I'm looking forward to it!

(in reply to swtnsparkling)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Limits and Boundaries - 12/27/2005 8:52:25 AM   
afmvdp


Posts: 494
Joined: 7/10/2004
Status: offline 		I could go into a very long diatribe about this, but I'll refrain and simply write that I don't think "limits" as a whole are a good foundation for a relationship to be built upon, and also that I've most commonly found that some of the hardest limits are normally the most desired before long, as it is often a fear that keeps you from them.

Now mind you some of the most common "hard limits" relate more to just pure sanitary and common sense practice (IE- fecal, fluids, illegal activity, death) and I don't really consider them so much of a limit as just concern for ones own health . haha

_____________________________

Three are the Beasts wherewith thou must plough the Field; the Unicorn, the Horse, and the Ox. And these shalt thou yoke in a triple yoke that is governed by One Whip.
- Crowley ~ OTO Liber III

(in reply to Rayne58)
Profile   Post #: 14
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