RE: Pampering Skills

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ShaktiSama -> RE: Pampering Skills (12/5/2008 9:35:54 AM)
I have met far, far more men who have the fantasy of pampering than the skills to do it well. Even the most well-meaning submissive rarely has the will, the desire and the time to learn how to take care of a woman properly. For that matter, most women don't even take the time to take care of themselves--a lot of us are too busy trying to make ends meet or taking care of others needs. Taking classes is not a bad thing, but they tend to be expensive and micro-focused on a specific issue. You miss the bigger picture: you learn how to prepare a few Asian dishes in your Asian cooking class, but not how to put together complete meals on a regular basis. If you like to cook and need to cook for your domina as a service, I think it really does pay to learn something about a woman's physical needs when it comes to food. People sometimes do not realize that women have different nutritional needs than men do, for example--men need about 30-50% more protein per day than women do (hence the attraction to meat), but there's a reason that women need to eat raw fruits and vegetables for our health--it isn't just about trying to be skinny. Our bodies require at least 30-60% more folate and other micronutrients that come from fruits, vegetables and nuts than men do (hence the attraction to "gathering" chores in pre-agricultural societies). If we aren't getting dark greens, a sprinkle of nuts, raw fruit and some kind of vegetables or roots from the "orange" family every once in a while, it's going to hit us hard. Decreased energy, lower immunity and metabolism, mood swings, the works...some kind of salad once a day is a very good idea for a variety of reasons. If there was one thing I would recommend for all men who truly want to serve women usefully...and by this I mean to serve them in ways that actually improve their lives and health, not just in ways that get a man's rocks off...it would be reading a book on women's health to get grounded. Very few men, submissive or not, have read even a few of the more relevant chapters of "Our Bodies, Ourselves", for example, but any man who genuinely wants to care for the women in his life should read at least some of that book, especially the chapters on nutrition, and ALL the chapters on matters of medical health and safety that are specific to women. You can just skip the feminist politics and stick to the things that will save your domina's life someday if you recognize a developing health condition in time; that book is full of things that all women and all men who care about women should know. Hell, I actually think male dominants should probably read that book cover to cover--it's pretty much an owner's manual for the female body and to a lesser degree, the female mind. If you're going to own a woman, you should know as much about her care and maintenance as you do about your Toyota! [;)] For the more fun aspects of pampering, the bookstores and libraries of the USA are full of books on "Basic Beauty", usually written for young girls in their teens to help them develop these life skills. These books are very simple, very accessible, and often include pictures--they are completely designed for people who haven't done these things before. So if you want to know how to take care of a woman's hair and skin, or give a very basic manicure and pedicure (sans the use of the very special tools to trim cuticles etc.), it takes very little research. You can find a lot of nice beginner recipes in some of these books for everything a woman needs to be healthy and well-groomed. I won't say that anyone should try to become a one-man spa, but there are some things that you can easily do at home which are very nice for your domina. Hair wraps, facials, and skin treatments are all pretty simple. Learning her hair type, skin type and facial type is actually a very nice way to attune yourself to her body and her needs. Is her hair/skin oily? Dry? Combination? Sensitive to any product that isn't hypoallergenic? Cleaning the bathtub, giving your mistress a hot bath, wrapping her hair in a towel and giving her something as simple as a salt scrub is a service that can save her over a hundred dollars if she doesn't have to go to a spa for it. The pharmacies and grocery stores of North America are full of products like sugar or salt scrubs which will exfoliate a woman's skin and give her a healthy glow, and if you really want to go whole hog, most beauty spas also have a section in front where you can buy their more expensive and high-end product lines right off the shelf. Good quality moisturizers and massage bars are also a good investment--you can get these at many shopping malls at places like Lush or the Body Works. So far as cooking goes--? Honestly, the best book I ever bought in my life as a young woman was The Joy of Cooking. It's an encyclopedia of recipes and theory which have taught me both refined and basic technique for roasting, baking, sauce-making, etc. I've memorized most of the information now, but throughout my twenties that book was open on the counter a great deal of the time; it's the reason that I can now whip up everything from a quality marinara to a Thankgiving turkey dinner to a bourbon pie so easily. Anyhoo--good thread idea! I look forward to reading the replies. [:)]

chiaThePet -> RE: Pampering Skills (12/5/2008 9:41:44 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyLou quote: ORIGINAL: chiaThePet Personally, when dealing with those heavy onychogryphosis mornings, I find the Craftsman C3 19.2-volt orbital buffer/polisher with a 1/16th inch sanding plate attached to be the most efficient approach to reducing those unsightly callouses and "thick as a subs skull" nail plates. Goggles mandatory of course. Other than that, my Dominant and I share the wealth of the following glory. I wake her with a lovely bugle reveille, load her into the wheel barrow for easy transporting to the hosing station, where I lovingly cleanse her pastel skin. I count and connect the goosebumps from the icy cold water, forming the varied constellations of the sky. Yes, a sight to behold, a planetarium delight. Then it's on to the wiglet pavilion where I choose a smart but functional cascade of synthetic fibers to adorn her glorious smooth scalp, held in place by the tape of colorful bows from Christmas past. Smart and sassy speaks volumes. Moving on, it's a fun filled game of "go fish" as we try to be the first to retrieve her upper teeth from the effervescent shimmering pool of polident overnight. Shouts of "I hooked a big one, but it got away" fill the crisp morning air. From there, the excitment builds as we play "Pin the overalls on the Mistress". Wonderful giggles fill the morning amid her cries of "ouch that smarts, but does this pitchfork clash with these?" Cherished moments indeed! She sits as royality on the throne, just inches from the tub, reading mesmerizing excerpts from "Men are from Mars, Women are from Pasadena" as I fit the recycled tire rubber sandals into place with a polished garden spade. I know I can, I know I can. Ready for the day, She spins happily about the room as I scamper to rescue falling mementos and quickly sweep away the sparkling shards of broken glass. Yes, it is once again a most beautiful day with her grace. On to the kitchen, where we partake in the daily ritual of "catch a chicken, get an egg." She beams with unrivaled emotion as I create little smiley faces out of ketchup atop Her eggo homemade waffles. Oh the magic of the morning! After the usual competition of breakfast plate frisbee against the dining room wall, it's off to hitch the little neighbor boys to the carriage for a joyful jaunt into town. A close-out sale at BigLots becomes the destination of our frenzied and quivering shouts of "Open, open, open". Toilet tissue, twelve double rolls for one dollar, it's as if God himself has visited us with fortune! Yes, Araven, be filled with envy at the wonder which I have brought to your dreams, Heaven does exist, and exists only for her. Angelic music fills the swirls of eternity as we dance among the whispering clouds. Soft steps interrupted only by the occasional 'thump' of her prosthetic leg falling in playful spins to the floor. It is a gift of unimaginable pleasure I share, for it is opportunity to fall to my knees before her as I re-attach the balance of our worlds. She is my everything, She is...'thump'....excuse me for a brief moment...my shining star amidst a dark and deary world. And we dance, captured in our ritual of pampering, the moments which make each day just a cut above the Price Is Right. She plays the theme song over and over, echoing in my devoted ears as she cracks the whip and shouts in laughter, "Come on down, no, not there, no, over here, no, to the left a little, no, up a bit, warmer, warmer, and we have a winner!" So little Araven, work hard, persevere in your love and devotion to her, these and many more unbelievable moments of pampering can be yours to behold. Each and every one become as the sweet breath of life.....'thump'.....excuse me for a brief moment....yes, as the beat of the heart itself, anything for her. chia* (the pet) Chia, you had me in tears. It doesn't help that I got an eye infection, but tears I tell you! LMAO! [;)] Well then, it's off to the hosing station for a little eye wash pampering. Your wheel barrow awaits Dear Lady. chia* (the pet)

undergroundsea -> RE: Pampering Skills (12/5/2008 10:03:47 AM)
I think I am doing very well with respect to being atuned as you describe. quote: ORIGINAL: ShaktiSama If we aren't getting dark greens, a sprinkle of nuts, raw fruit and some kind of vegetables or roots from the "orange" family every once in a while Now I think I am getting the dark greens by what is sometimes growing on the bread when I make sandwiches. I am not quite sure about the orange though. I do tomatoes but they are more red than orange. But half the time they are not ripe so I think I cover the orange there. quote: Is her hair/skin oily? Dry? Well. It depends. When I give a massage the skin is oily. And the hair is wet immediately after a shower or a swim but otherwise it's dry. See, I know her details just as well as I know the back of her hand. quote: The Joy of Cooking As another tip for the kitchen, I have found The Joy of Microwaving to be very handy. The variety in entrees one can provide becomes tremendous. ;-) Joking aside, thank you for the informative and helpful post. Cheers, Sea

LadyHibiscus -> RE: Pampering Skills (12/5/2008 10:09:24 AM)
Excellent post, Shakti! I really fail at taking care of myself nutritionally, partly due to other physical issues that affect what I can eat. Give me lots of meat, and leave me alone! [8D] I despise preparing food, so someone who enjoyed cooking would be a bonus. I am content to do the cleanup. It's also true that men find many breast cancers that are missed by that annual mammogram, and there are all sorts of things that someone looking at you can spot, even when you cannot. I wonder if I even want to be pampered in any traditional way. I am a Princess, born and raised, but I am the princess that does work and solves problems in between someone bringing her cocoa... I have my nails done at a shop, a hairdresser cuts my hair, and colours it when I can afford it, and massage is just excruciatingly painful for me, and triggers the hives. (and I am not a maso). Don't even get me started on the hell that is foot massage. Scalp massage. That would be fabulous. Someone to scrub my back would be wonderful, and there are some neato spa things that you can't do to yourself easily, like the mud packs. WAXING. Now THERE is a skill that the next henchman will have to learn. I am a good waxer, but there are Certain Parts that you just can't do yourself due to the angle. This doesn't make me low maintenance, does it? Because I am so NOT. Just so we're clear on that.

ShaktiSama -> RE: Pampering Skills (12/5/2008 10:38:38 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus It's also true that men find many breast cancers that are missed by that annual mammogram, and there are all sorts of things that someone looking at you can spot, even when you cannot. Sometimes even being aware that certain conditions exist and what the symptoms are is enough. Endometriosis, fibroid tumors, recurring infections--there are a lot of diseases and conditions that affect women other than breast cancer. quote: This doesn't make me low maintenance, does it? Because I am so NOT. Just so we're clear on that. Perish the thought. [;)] "Pampering" isn't pampering if it doesn't make you happy! Personally, I agree with you that a submissive should not take care of things that require a professional hand or professional equipment. I don't use hair dyes any more, but before I quit doing perms and dyes in my early thirties, I still wouldn't have wanted my submissive to do that. Same with electrolysis and to a lesser degree waxing--getting wax to the exactly correct temperature is difficult without the right equipment, and you can get nasty burns from the home-waxing products that are available on the market if you aren't extremely careful. I'd rather be shaved by a man than waxed! Anyhoo...there are many things that are extremely pleasant as well as very low risk for pampering. I used to give everyone a facial when I went to women's retreats; it's extremely easy to learn to assess skin types and pick the right products with a little practice.

OttersSwim -> RE: Pampering Skills (12/5/2008 10:39:21 AM)
My Lady has been to massage school, and we have been teaching me by giving my wife dual massages - lucky her! She also has another friend who does it professionally and we have done a training session for me. There are ways to learn these skills and they can only help you! Another thing...it does not hurt to know your way around a wine list. I have started a wine book where I take notes about each wine I try, the year, cost, and rate it by how many bottles (up to 12) that I would want to have on hand at any moment. There are books for learning about wine too, but it is more fun to get something and try it together. There are so many descent wines out there for under $20 a bottle!

LadyHibiscus -> RE: Pampering Skills (12/5/2008 10:54:29 AM)
Nads, Shakti! Cold wax rules! And of course they get to practice on themselves first... You don't figure your guy is going to detect ailments like fibroids, right, you just mean they need to be aware?

ShaktiSama -> RE: Pampering Skills (12/5/2008 11:09:49 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus You don't figure your guy is going to detect ailments like fibroids, right, you just mean they need to be aware? No submissive is not expected to whip out the speculum or the sonar equipment, but a person who is literate about the sort of health conditions that effect women is not going to let things go when his partner starts to show symptons of polycystic ovarian syndrome, endometriosis, or fibroid tumors. Or signs of anemia, or chronic fatigue syndrome, or depression, etc.! Also, a man who is literate re: women's health is not going to be inconsiderate or foolish if his domina has recurrent vaginitis or other such conditions--he's going to know the sort of things that reduce the risk. And even if his domme is inclined to blow a possible problem off, or say she's too busy to see a doctor--he'll know enough about the risk to encourage that doctor's visit. For that matter, a man who is literate enough about women's health will know that many doctors in our health care system are NOT literate about women's health, nor do they care to be! A smart, well-educated sub will recognize when a doctor or clinician who is not listening, or shrugging off his domina's symptoms and problems. I have had many doctors and clinics do this to me over the years, and when I was in my twenties I honestly didn't know better than to listen to their BS. I suffered for years in some cases with conditions that would have been easily treatable if I had only been seen by someone who actually gave a damn about women's health. On the simplest level, though--just noticing a general decline in a woman's energy level, or the condition of her hair and skin can be extremely helpful. No one can keep an eye on the moles on their own backs! [;)]

Vinmier -> RE: Pampering Skills (12/5/2008 2:09:53 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ShaktiSama If there was one thing I would recommend for all men who truly want to serve women usefully...and by this I mean to serve them in ways that actually improve their lives and health, not just in ways that get a man's rocks off...it would be reading a book on women's health to get grounded. Very few men, submissive or not, have read even a few of the more relevant chapters of "Our Bodies, Ourselves", for example, but any man who genuinely wants to care for the women in his life should read at least some of that book, especially the chapters on nutrition, and ALL the chapters on matters of medical health and safety that are specific to women. You can just skip the feminist politics and stick to the things that will save your domina's life someday if you recognize a developing health condition in time; that book is full of things that all women and all men who care about women should know. Thank you very much for the jewel of wisdom, ShaktiSama. I am new to the forums and this is precisely why I joined, to learn things to better enable me to explore my submissive nature. I ran this by my Lady and she said it was not required reading, but that I was at liberty to do so. I ordered the book from Amazon moments later, and look forward to the read.

ShaktiSama -> RE: Pampering Skills (12/5/2008 2:14:59 PM)
My pleasure hon. Welcome to "the Lifestyle", and blessings to you and your domme. [:)]

daddysliloneds -> RE: Pampering Skills (12/5/2008 2:15:54 PM)
if you like to be pampered, it's not hard to find a way to pamper others, unless of course, you only wish to give a good massage, pedicure, etc... it doesn't take a whole lot of skill to set up a wonderful pampering session for someone, or not as much as it takes imagination it seems. even the worst of massages is a beautiful thing when someone is doing it for you out of love and devotion and with only you in mind. besides being drawn a hot bubble bath or hot shower where you wash and shave the individuals legs, pussy, or whatever, do you realize how fucking hot and sensuous it is to have someone else wash, condition and comb your hair? yum, yum, yum! the main thing to doing anything as a pampering session for another, is to create the atmosphere that will set the mood to their liking and personal taste, whether that be informal and letting you take the lead, or formal where you are pampering soley as service and under their direction and guidance.

Araven -> RE: Pampering Skills (12/5/2008 7:35:33 PM)
I just wanted to post a quick reply and thank everybody here for all the replies and links, and advice! Thank you all so much =)

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