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one year - 12/5/2008 3:19:53 PM   
ToFindYou07


Posts: 45
Joined: 9/30/2007
Status: offline 		today marks one year for my boyfriend and me :)

thing is, i have high expectations for our celebration. 

he took his last girlfriend to tahoe, and they only lasted 2 months... so I'm hoping for something big like that... like a mini-vacation. 

in april, he  got us a hotel room.  the room was beautiful, and it had a hot tub in the room... he knows i had a really great time there.  it was local, and not THAT expensive... and i'd love to do that again. 

i just kinda think that if it's not AS elaborate (and if we end up coming back here instead of in a hotel somewhere, since i live with my brother) i might be disappointed.  i don't WANT the same old routine that we do all the time.  i want it to be SPECIAL. 

when he came over for my birthday, he came over empty handed.  he left the flowers, and cupcakes outside on the porch and surprised me at midnight.

i just called him to see how his day was going, since he had a couple appointments thismorning that he was concerned about, and left it at him calling me back whenever he wanted to... i kindof regret doing that because now i have to wait til he calls me, which could be in 20 minutes, or 4 hours...

i can't really do anything else with my day... if he calls in 20 minutes, and says that he's gonna be here, then i need to be here too, but if he calls in 4 hours, i'll have done nothing with my day. 


starting monday i'm actively going to change things, and not be so available... so that people won't assume i'll just be here whenever.  that way i could go to the radio station to get my prize like i want to... instead of having to sit and wait.

so... i guess i'm just not sure what to do.  i have expectations, and i want him to meet them.  i'll be disappointed if it's just dinner, because i'm expecting something bigger.   AND i don't know what to do with my day... if he DOES plan something big and fun, it's gonna be with the thought that i'm probably home waiting for him to call...

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RE: one year - 12/5/2008 3:22:59 PM   
sub4hire


Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		What have you planned for your anniversary?  Sounds like you depend on him to do most of the planning.

So, whats special for him today?

(in reply to ToFindYou07)
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RE: one year - 12/5/2008 3:26:21 PM   
ToFindYou07


Posts: 45
Joined: 9/30/2007
Status: offline 		i bought him a present, and i have my ways of making the night special.... but he prefers to do the planning.

if i tried to plan, i'd be in trouble, especially if he's already made plans...

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RE: one year - 12/5/2008 3:39:00 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Well, since you have things to do what you might do is call and tell him when you will be available but that you're running errands until 2:00PM. Or conversely ask if he wants you to save a certain block of time. But you have every right to ask in general terms what is happening. You don't want to ruin a surprise he's planned but you also have the right to get your own things accomplished.

However I caution you about being upset if he isn't willing to take you to Tahoe or out to a B & B. With the economy the way it is, he may not be sure if his job is going to last and thus he may feel that he needs to save money. The way to handle that is to ask next time if you two should set a spending limit. N

Remember not only is this your anniversary but he still has a whole family to buy presents for.

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RE: one year - 12/5/2008 3:42:14 PM   
beargonewild


Posts: 22716
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ToFindYou07

so... i guess i'm just not sure what to do.  i have expectations, and i want him to meet them.  i'll be disappointed if it's just dinner, because i'm expecting something bigger.   AND i don't know what to do with my day... if he DOES plan something big and fun, it's gonna be with the thought that i'm probably home waiting for him to call...



What if you stopped expecting something huge and just be quite happy for the fact that he's doing something for your one year anniversary? It's great to be celebrating an anniversary though I find the little things a partner does has much more meaning then an all out celebration.


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RE: one year - 12/5/2008 3:52:07 PM   
LinnaeaBorealis


Posts: 8595
Joined: 10/5/2008
From: Insanity & beyond
Status: offline 		Or, how about this?  Stop expecting something big, planning your disappointment if it's not up to your expectations & revel in the fact that you have an anniversary to celebrate???  Remember that it's his anniversary too & be thrilled with whatever thoughtful thing he does tonight.  Most men don't even remember anniversaries.  Just not how they're hard-wired.  Not good or bad, just is.

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RE: one year - 12/5/2008 3:52:27 PM   
ToFindYou07


Posts: 45
Joined: 9/30/2007
Status: offline 		well, he's self employed, and he's in a place where he's doing pretty ok right now but yes, i understand what you mean. 

i just know what he's capable of, and how amazing things can be when he tries. 

i guess i feel like if he doesn't come up with something then he hasn't put any thought into it.  if he takes the easy way out and just does dinner and a movie like we do once a week anyway, then i'm going to be upset...

this isn't just any other day for us... it took a lot to get here, and i'd like to celebrate it... in a big way. 

even if he did something little... but out of the ordinary... i'd be happy with that.  i guess i'm just looking for something about the day to be out of the norm, and to show that he thought about it and planned it. 

i'm already a little disappointed because he's not already here with plans... he's still at home probably being distracted by a movie or something. 

hell, i don't know if we even have plans at all for tonight... it might be that he doesn't even intend to see me today...

(in reply to DesFIP)
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RE: one year - 12/5/2008 4:08:34 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Call and say you were wondering if he wants to get together tonight or are you free to make other plans. If he says you're free and you go out shopping with a friend, and then he comes over to surprise you he can either wait or realize he should have asked you to keep the evening free.

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RE: one year - 12/5/2008 4:12:13 PM   
KyttynTheMynx


Posts: 4880
Joined: 5/10/2006
From: Moosecrotch, Va
Status: offline 		How about stopping with the whole "he better be planning something" and just sit back and think how blessed you are that you even made it one year?  Relationships arent easy.  Expecting something everytime a milestone makes it hard, and putting pressure on him to top the last milestone makes it even harder!  

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(in reply to ToFindYou07)
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RE: one year - 12/5/2008 4:19:54 PM   
ToFindYou07


Posts: 45
Joined: 9/30/2007
Status: offline 		and i guess since i said i would wait for him to call me, i need to do that...

that's the most frustrating right now... not knowing when, if at all today, that we're getting together. 

*growl*

(in reply to KyttynTheMynx)
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RE: one year - 12/5/2008 4:37:00 PM   
califsue


Posts: 593
Joined: 2/2/2008
Status: offline 		I echo what Kyttyn said!!!

You should appreciate the experience and that the two of you have made it a year. I realize it is easy to expect something but WHY? Isn't it the entire relationship and as IronBear stated the little things that happen throughout the year that make it special.
 
AND...since this is at least your second post that I have read sort of complaining about him ... maybe you need to re-think if he is really giving you the things you need/want from a relationship. If it isn't, then maybe you need to change things or just re-adjust your attitude and learn to appreciate all the little things that make your relationship work.
 
Sorry..I am less than sympathic tonight on the whole "He better" do something for me attitude.
 
quote:

ORIGINAL: KyttynTheMynx

How about stopping with the whole "he better be planning something" and just sit back and think how blessed you are that you even made it one year?  Relationships arent easy.  Expecting something everytime a milestone makes it hard, and putting pressure on him to top the last milestone makes it even harder!  

(in reply to KyttynTheMynx)
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RE: one year - 12/5/2008 4:38:40 PM   
CalifChick


Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline 		I'm guessing there are no cell phones in your lives?


Cali


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RE: one year - 12/5/2008 5:03:45 PM   
KyttynTheMynx


Posts: 4880
Joined: 5/10/2006
From: Moosecrotch, Va
Status: offline 		TFY07, shit happens.  If you have to postpone it a day or two, so be it!  Its gonna be ok.  Go do something for yourself.  Take a lonnng bubble bath, paint your toes, do your make up, do your hair, and dress up.  Even if he doesnt show tonight, youll feel good, look awesome, and be relaxed.

_____________________________

Hibbie's Hottie

The next time you think I give a fuck, remember the 3 F's... Unless you are Feeding me, Financing me, or Fucking me, I don't give a fuck!!

"Kyttyn: The Other White Meat!" - DRH

10 Miles of Hot Chocolate Lovin'.

(in reply to CalifChick)
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RE: one year - 12/5/2008 5:24:17 PM   
sambamanslilgirl


Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KyttynTheMynx

How about stopping with the whole "he better be planning something" and just sit back and think how blessed you are that you even made it one year? 

AMEN! 

what frickin' bratty attitude you have here. he doesn't have to do anything for you ...he could come over there and fall asleep on the couch after working a long day. sounds like to me that you hardly appreciate anything he has done for you during your one year of togetherness.

quote:

Relationships arent easy.  Expecting something everytime a milestone makes it hard, and putting pressure on him to top the last milestone makes it even harder!  

i agree.

some relationships don't reach that milestone while others don't last beyond that either. Daddy and i celebrated 2yrs of togetherness and i didn't ask or expected a gift from Him this year. in turn, i sent Him a gift (a rare vinyl album of his favorite jazz artist) and card. we spent part of the day listening and enjoying the music we both love.




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RE: one year - 12/5/2008 7:37:50 PM   
Roselaure


Posts: 672
Joined: 4/12/2008
Status: offline 		TFY, sweetie you have worked yourself right into a state.  I have done it a time or two myself.  Stop imagining the worst and try to calm down (the hot bath idea is a good one).  You said you'd wait for his call so wait,  and when he does come over show him how happy you are to be in a relationship with him.  Give him your gift and be the sweet girl that he loves.  Stop creating dire scenarios in your mind and drama for the both of you.


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RE: one year - 12/5/2008 7:45:38 PM   
xxblushesxx


Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: beargonewild

quote:

ORIGINAL: ToFindYou07

so... i guess i'm just not sure what to do.  i have expectations, and i want him to meet them.  i'll be disappointed if it's just dinner, because i'm expecting something bigger.   AND i don't know what to do with my day... if he DOES plan something big and fun, it's gonna be with the thought that i'm probably home waiting for him to call...


Sorry, hun, but he's right.
This is Life University, and, we don't get that many chances to get it right.
What if you stopped expecting something huge and just be quite happy for the fact that he's doing something for your one year anniversary? It's great to be celebrating an anniversary though I find the little things a partner does has much more meaning then an all out celebration.



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RE: one year - 12/5/2008 8:10:16 PM   
moonvine


Posts: 780
Joined: 11/7/2004
Status: offline 		You get to go out to dinner and a movie once a week????

(in reply to ToFindYou07)
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RE: one year - 12/5/2008 8:35:48 PM   
KyttynTheMynx


Posts: 4880
Joined: 5/10/2006
From: Moosecrotch, Va
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: moonvine

You get to go out to dinner and a movie once a week????


Pssht, seriously!  Id love to do that!


_____________________________

Hibbie's Hottie

The next time you think I give a fuck, remember the 3 F's... Unless you are Feeding me, Financing me, or Fucking me, I don't give a fuck!!

"Kyttyn: The Other White Meat!" - DRH

10 Miles of Hot Chocolate Lovin'.

(in reply to moonvine)
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RE: one year - 12/5/2008 10:14:20 PM   
MarksFantasyGirl


Posts: 3660
Joined: 10/13/2005
Status: offline 		I have been on 3 "dates" in my LIFE!  My ex took me to 2 movies.  Which HE picked.  And his grandmother drove us, because he didn't drive at the time.  AND his mom gave him the money for it.  He was 19.  lol 

The 3rd was a trip to Atlantic City.  All expences paid by my "date" of course.  It was wonderful, and He spent WAY too much money.  But I would have had fun just sitting in a cheap hotel room microwaving popcorn, ordering take out, and just relaxing in His arms.

Sweets and I have never been on a date.  But I have more fun just sitting in His room, watching movies, and cudding up to Him.  New Years Eve is our 6month anniversary.  And I might have to play a gig with my band, and He can't go to the bar, so We might have to spend it apart.  If I don't have to play, we plan on going to my Dad's house, and watching a movie marathon all night.  We don't have the money to do anything, and I'm ok with it.  As long as I can be with Him, I don't care.  And I think you should have that attitude as well.  If you are all dissapointed because he didn't do what YOU thought would be a perfect night, how's HE going to feel if he has been making plans all this time for you to not like it.  So Are you saying that If he lit candles, burnt a CD with soft, lovesongs on it, got strawberries and chocolate and a bottle of wine for the two of you, you won't be happy because you will just be "Coming back here"???  If you expect all these things for a ONE YEAR being boyfriend/girlfriend anniversary, what the hell is the poor guy going to have to do for you on your 25th WEDDING anniversary?!?!  Is He going to have to top himself every year?  And besides, what does it matter what he did with his ex, and how long they were together?!?!?!  It's his Past, and has NOTHING to do with you.  Maybe He shouldn't have spoiled you back in April..........

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