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RE: Fetishes - 12/6/2008 10:14:57 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Honestly, I think this is one of those things that profiles are made for. Just a sentence at the bottom saying "Into rope bondage, no leather cuffs here. Must be into watersports". Doesn't take more than that to let people know.

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Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Fetishes - 12/6/2008 10:29:16 AM   
bluepanda


Posts: 328
Joined: 12/12/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

There is no specific point. I let the conversation flow naturally. We talk, get to know each other, one conversation leads to another, blah blah blah....

I find that if two people connect then it just happens as you talk.


You consistently give some of the best advice I've ever seen on the internet. Yeah, just talk like real people and see where the conversation takes the two of you. If the two of you are meeting through one of these websites or a munch or something of that nature, it's a given that you have some common inclinations. Give it time, and the details will fill in themselves.


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Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Fetishes - 12/6/2008 10:37:51 AM   
sexisubi


Posts: 373
Joined: 11/23/2008
Status: offline 		i guess im weird i talk about fetishes right away... (well if i met them on CM!)

i mean i'm here to chat it up about bdsm cause that is what i like to do, i mean im not saying im going to devoldge my deepseeded fantasies or expect them to spill theres but... i dont know i guess im more open then most lol.

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Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Fetishes - 12/6/2008 1:35:31 PM   
velvetears


Posts: 2933
Joined: 6/19/2006
Status: offline 		i once spent a few months online with someone only to find out that he had a fetish that would be totally unacceptable to me.  i believe he didn't tell me up front in the hopes that if we formed a bond i would be more open to his fetish.  i took this as a lesson learned - i tend to ask questions early on rather than waste time pursuing someone who i will be incompatible with later on.  

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Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Fetishes - 12/6/2008 10:35:52 PM   
MidMichCowboy


Posts: 665
Joined: 3/23/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NihilusZero

Precisely 83 hours, 44 minutes and 6 seconds into your net conversation time.

(There are conversion tables to factor in "cyber talk" time into actual aural interaction time).



Ok, this one made me chuckle. It seems like everyone wants a canned answer and by god, you gave them one. I bet someone will start the timer.

I always start out talking about how I would like to spank her pretty ass. Does it work ...

Sometimes I get slapped

Sometimes it opens a whole new conversation

< Message edited by MidMichCowboy -- 12/6/2008 10:37:17 PM >

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Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Fetishes - 12/7/2008 4:58:15 AM   
CatdeMedici


Posts: 2257
Joined: 10/20/2008
Status: offline 		If the answer to this question could be standardized, I think we would have broken through a huge BDSM challenge-however, ther are as many variables as lottery chances.  For Me, like so many, it depends on how the initial conversations transpire. One thing I abhor is a first email that says: 'i want to serve You, i'm into xx,xxx, xx and xxx' where xxx has nothing to do with serving or Me and all to do with winkie pleasure.
 
I do think however that they need to be discussed as early in the conversation as possible--for as you have seen here, one person's fetish is another's squeamish factor-and some fetishes are dealbreakers. I also believe that habits need to be discussed early on as well--(i.e. smoking, drinking, gambling)---some of these are deal breakers too. I know we all hate rejection, but the sooner before emotional investment happens the better.
 
One thing I would add though for everyone, is if the person is not suitable, tell them--don't just slink off into the night. I hear that so often--well we started chatting and then they disappeared---60% of those probably weren't real people anyway, but the rest I'm sure were and a polite--I don't see a match here is really quite simple.

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Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Fetishes - 12/7/2008 5:12:18 AM   
ExSteelAgain


Posts: 1803
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Georgia
Status: offline 		This brings up the point of why the internet is so useful when meeting someone. In the relaxed anonymity we can discuss our true feelings and propensities. In addition, on a bdsm site or chatroom we already know and some even have detailed checklists. That makes it easy.

When meeting in a vanilla setting online or in person it is much more difficult and not something I would readily do. It is too easy for Lisa to say John is into this and that with people I work with. However, if Lisa constantly comes onto my subtle hints I can turn up the hinting.

As an aside, damn, this does make me wonder about what kind of fetish creates so much reluctance to talk about even on here. I mean we are some weird ass people. Ha.

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Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Fetishes - 12/7/2008 1:50:15 PM   
DDdesires


Posts: 11
Joined: 10/2/2008
Status: offline 		Thank you so much for all of the responses!  Many of the responses match with what I feel I should do.  I appreciate each of you taking the time to reply.

To ExSteelAgain - you might be surprised at how judgmental people are, even on here.

(in reply to ExSteelAgain)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Fetishes - 12/7/2008 9:55:57 PM   
Aszhrae


Posts: 1030
Joined: 3/31/2008
Status: offline 		Girl would have to agree with 'littlewonder' about the flow of the conversation. If the flow of conversation takes on a more darker bent where such things are brought up in conversation then that is the time to brings such things up. If the conversation is about horses, trails and a ride through the woods - most certainly girl will not bring up, tying me to a tree and have her use her crop on my ass.

(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Fetishes - 12/7/2008 11:17:29 PM   
futuremilf23


Posts: 20
Joined: 12/3/2008
Status: offline
"Hi, I'm -------. I like long walks on the beach, a good glass of wine, a nice raw spanking while calling you Daddy, and puppies. Can I buy you a drink? "

Am I the only one that starts conversations with strangers at the bar this way? hehehe :-]

(in reply to Aszhrae)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Fetishes - 12/7/2008 11:23:02 PM   
Aszhrae


Posts: 1030
Joined: 3/31/2008
Status: offline 		You know futuremilf23, if you approached me in a bar with that line, we be getting a booth and having along talk about such things and girl could quite possibly see someone's dungeon in the not so distant future.

Girl loves machines. The needle press is such a lovely machine. It really does tickle at first and when released the itching is almost unbearable *giggles*

(in reply to futuremilf23)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Fetishes - 12/8/2008 12:16:00 AM   
DomDG


Posts: 63
Joined: 8/30/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: futuremilf23


"Hi, I'm -------. I like long walks on the beach, a good glass of wine, a nice raw spanking while calling you Daddy, and puppies. Can I buy you a drink? "

Am I the only one that starts conversations with strangers at the bar this way? hehehe :-]



And where is this bar???  I think I need a new hangout!


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Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Fetishes - 12/9/2008 10:00:53 PM   
futuremilf23


Posts: 20
Joined: 12/3/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DomDG

quote:

ORIGINAL: futuremilf23


"Hi, I'm -------. I like long walks on the beach, a good glass of wine, a nice raw spanking while calling you Daddy, and puppies. Can I buy you a drink? "

Am I the only one that starts conversations with strangers at the bar this way? hehehe :-]



And where is this bar???  I think I need a new hangout!



That doesn't happen at every bar?? Oppppsss hehe :-]


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Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Fetishes - 12/10/2008 8:13:12 PM   
mummyman321


Posts: 2102
Joined: 10/31/2005
From: Dusseldorf
Status: offline 		For me, its in my profile and I state it in my first email to the Domme. I have a latex fetish and want to be honest up front. If the Domme I am contacting has no intrest in it then there is no point in continuing. I got way to tired of hearing "You like what". So I make its well known to start with.

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Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Fetishes - 12/10/2008 8:24:24 PM   
ExKat


Posts: 300
Joined: 8/25/2008
Status: offline 		  I'm a fan of being up front with fetishes as well. Ex told me he was a hypno-fetishist in his second message to me: if that wasn't my thing, I could simply move on. A girl we were talking to waited until about a month in to let go  pretty heavy kinky 'likes': stuff that would have been relationship killers early on, and wound up being relationship-makey-worsers-and-more-awkwarders a month in. By keeping big dirty secrets, you're putting the other person in a tight spot if your fetish repulses or doesn't appeal to them. Better to get it out of the way right away, in my mind.

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Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Fetishes - 12/10/2008 11:25:23 PM   
slavejali


Posts: 2918
Status: offline 		Fast Reply

Pretty much from the word go - hell I'd tell a stranger my fetishes if they were interested - dont see anything to hide about that.

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Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Fetishes - 12/11/2008 12:00:06 AM   
Padriag


Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DDdesires

I'm curious - once you start talking with someone, at what point do you discuss any fetishes you might have with the other person?  Especially if you have an uncommon fetish?  Thank you!

It varies a great deal for a variety of reasons and it is one of those things where you need to develop a certain intuition about it (which is often born out of experience).  In some cases it may not be until after several hours of conversation (which may not be consecutive, more often it may be a total of several hours spread over several conversations), before there is enough comfort level built up to discuss it.  In some cases it happens much sooner, but often only regarding specific fetishes... after which I find, if she's interested, the conversation will then drift to other more mundane topics before coming back to fetishes or other intimate topics.  In some few cases, a single fetish may be how the first conversation begins or what attracted her to me.

For example, I have a friend here on CM.  When she and I first met a couple of years ago, she was a switch leaning on the submissive side.  I had a short story in my profile about a particular fetish I enjoy... she saw it, it turned her on and she wrote to me as a result.  That began correspondence, which led to phone conversations and a friendship.  She's now a Domme involved in a relationship with someone else, but we're still friends.

But, there again, while that one fetish was a point of attraction, it wasn't a topic of conversation after the first one... we began talking about other things, other shared interests (which let me know she was interested in me).  After we got a bit more comfortable with each other, the conversations began coming back to fetishes and play, but never with the same intensity as the first one... and that told me we were going to end up just friends (course I still teased her... a guy has to have some fun).

.oO(An she's probably going to read this an we'll have another "interesting" conversation. LOL)

Main thing to remember is that when you get to talking about fetishes with someone who might be attracted to you, wait until they feel comfortable with you and express some interest in you.  If you rush it too soon, before they become comfortable, you'll push them away.

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A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

(in reply to DDdesires)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Fetishes - 12/11/2008 7:33:12 AM   
bdaile


Posts: 69
Joined: 12/8/2008
Status: offline 		i am much more open about my likes and dislikes with people i meet here, as opposed to anywhere else. It still takes time before i will reveal what i really want, but i will eventually. If i meet someone in a totally vanilla situation, he would have to bring it up before i would even consider mentioning it to him.

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Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Fetishes - 12/11/2008 7:42:15 AM   
pinkwind


Posts: 367
Joined: 1/9/2005
Status: offline 		Most of the important stuff that i wanted to communicate to someone, and give a starting point for discussion, i would put in some form in my profile, even if it was just a short line or two, it broke the ice and gave others enough knowledge to fathom out if they wanted to make contact at all.


(in reply to DDdesires)
Profile   Post #: 39
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