RE: Jealousy

RE: Jealousy (Full Version)

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caitlyn -> RE: Jealousy (12/27/2005 10:53:11 AM)
If you keep talking in the third person, we are going to start thinking you are a slave. [;)][;)]

Noah -> RE: Jealousy (12/27/2005 10:56:15 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: IrishMist I need to ask, ..... Having more than one, would it not make the second slave who was added feel less if they always knew that they were #2? I always thought ( just an assumption ) that most would go out of their way to make ALL feel as if they were #1. This happens not to be the case. For some submissives, being number two, or three, or in any case number [last] is crucial to the experience they desire. They sometimes have to look a long while to find a non-abusive situation in which to realize this dream. A dominant might benignly make room for this in a multipart relationship. In another sort of instance a sadistic dominant might arrange things this way as an expression of his sadism, another item to be submitted to. This is obviously less benign from someone's point of view. Whether you choose to consider it malevolent is up to you. It's okay if one's BDSM is just a dark riff on the traditional hearts and flowers motif. It just isn't this way for everyone. And while we're at it, you needn't assume that the one lately added must be the number two.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Jealousy (12/27/2005 10:57:56 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: IrishMist I guess if you live together 24/7, it would fall under a different light? Meaning that there would be no #1 or #2, etc ( and yes thats a question ). But if you do not actually live together, then being 1 or 2 really has no direct bearing on the relationship? Depends onthe relationship. What if the dom has children with #1 and not #2? What if the dom is married to #2 and not #1? There's a million variables here. Each individual relationship seeks their own level and must SIMULTANEOUSLY reach a balance with the "group relationship" such that everyone is fulfilled. In the end it comes down to knowing who you are, what you need, and finding a fit to that. quote: LMAO I read bella's post and it just confused me is all...because I would think that there would be alot of self-doubt that would arise from someone being #1 and someone being #2. LOL just ignore me...rambling on is all... You're absolutely correct. MANY poly relationships fail because either the relationship tries to IGNORE that there is a "1 and 2" or tries to FORCE there to be a "1 and 2" rather than simply seeing how things fits together in REALITY. Many a poly relationship fails because the initial relationship does not stretch itself to create room for the new person- they only expect the new person to be doing all of the stretching, and it won't work.

fyreredsub -> RE: Jealousy (12/27/2005 11:03:05 AM)
perhaps i can shed some light as in this relationship i would know i am no#2....but bella shares Master with me in many ways already. i am under a collar of protection(Gorean culture) of bella's Master already.so technically i am Master's slave and sister to bella, we just are not in the same home as certain obligations make that impossible right now.it has been discussed. Master is always there for me emotionally as well as helping me with my training and Master is not satisfied with the training of my Owner.....so there are some things going on in that area and i will abide by whatever decisions Master has concerning this, for he has my happiness in mind. i have total trust in Master(and i run to him often). i have no secrets from either bella or Master in regards to my life,goals....etc...we are close and i do feel very much a part of their family. this is the first time i have ever been in a poly relationship and i do enjoy it even tho i am second i do not feel neglected in any way. i have the love of 2 instead of 1. i have always been territorial and possessive, (selfish 'nilla thinking)in my relationships but this has been a year of growth for me. Master and bella have worked with me in many ways and they continually are there for me and i them with in so many areas of our lives out of the realm of bdsm and M/s. i can say in all honesty that this is the first time i feel comfortable and that i truly belong in a situation such as this. where we will go with it, its not known ,however, there are possibilities. we do not feel as 1 or 2 ....we are a triad quote: ORIGINAL: IrishMist quote: If the first slave is comfortable in her position and the second in hers(meaning happy being the #2) then hell more the marrier I need to ask, and this is just out of curiosity since I have never been in a poly relationship before..... Having more than one, would it not make the second slave who was added feel less if they always knew that they were #2? I always thought ( just an assumption ) that most would go out of their way to make ALL feel as if they were #1.

Belladonna82 -> RE: Jealousy (12/27/2005 11:47:16 AM)
Bingo Sissy! The only reason i say # 1 or #2 because some # 2's try to get rid of the first slave. When i say # 1 it means that i was here first so do not try to get rid of me...i'm not going anywhere.Fyreredsub is just a much part of the family as me...she just knows that when she got Master as a Master she got me as a sister....we are a pair...u cant have one without the other. Blessed be :) WUB U SISSY! NOW GET YA REAR END HERE!!!!

starshineowned -> RE: Jealousy (12/27/2005 12:12:34 PM)
quote: i am under a collar of protection(Gorean culture) I was not aware that this is a Gorean Culture. Of the books I've read thus far..no where have I seen a slave under the protection of but belonging to another. quote: Master is always there for me emotionally as well as helping me with my training and Master is not satisfied with the training of my Owner This I've tried a few times now to let go, and not reply to. I can not. I can not speak for your Owner..but if I were your Owner?..you'd no longer be Owned. This while I'm sure was not your intention when typed..has got to be one of the worst insults I've read in a long time. starshine Happy slave of Master Delvin

truesub4u -> RE: Jealousy (12/27/2005 12:34:24 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: swtnsparkling If your Dominant said he wanted to bring another sub into your so far monogamous relationship, could you without any jealousy simply to please him or would you keep quiet about it. Do you feel you should have any say in the picking of a new sub or is that totally left up to the Dominant and hope he finds someone you will like also? From the begining, it would be known if either or both are for this, or oppose this. I have always thought jealousy was a childish game. I feel secure in my place with my Master. And I don't mind if Master brings another for his pleasure. And or for training purposes. Because I know i'm going to be the head bitch too... LOL What gets me though in all honesty. Though it works great for some. Not all. If you enter upon a 1 on 1 relationship, why would another be brought in on a full time basis? But here's another side of this. What if your owner or possible future owner is the jealous type? Way to many details to go into behind that question. But think about it. He dresses you up.. take you in public.. others eyeing you.. most would feel proud... others.. a jint of jealousy, knowing another lusted for you. This is just a small example, not the thick of it. Even more so this is for those that are not owned or under consideration of ownership as of yet. How are you dealing with a Dom that is jealous over the fact that you speak to other Doms, or even meet with them? Just a thought from the other side of this coin.

IrishMist -> RE: Jealousy (12/27/2005 12:35:15 PM)
Thankyou LA...I think, even though my thoughts were centered around something that Bella had said, I think I was still kind of curious as to the thinking behind the concept ...hmm, I think I lost myself there /shrug Fyre, and Bella...thank you also for helping to clear the confusion lol. Today has not been a good day for thinking...

fyreredsub -> RE: Jealousy (12/27/2005 12:47:23 PM)
i am mailing u on the other side...it will shed some light on the remark and you understand why indeedMaster thomas is upset and most likely my life will be readjusting asap. thank you, starshineowned, for your help. i never would have thought of it that way at all. never would i mean the ONE i consider my natural owner[;)]

fyreredsub -> RE: Jealousy (12/27/2005 1:03:50 PM)
yes, if and when the time comes...i would be entering the family as the second,,, but you and Master are a package deal.....can't have one w/ out the other.[:D] that wopuld confuse me...the dynamics of the triad are good you and i at the bottom of the triangle with Master at the top... isnt being poly emotionally kewl... oh yeah ..starshineowned, i forgot to put in email....i guess if i have a collar of protection and he speaks w / those that write me , in many ways i am his. quote: ORIGINAL: Belladonna82 Bingo Sissy! The only reason i say # 1 or #2 because some # 2's try to get rid of the first slave. When i say # 1 it means that i was here first so do not try to get rid of me...i'm not going anywhere.Fyreredsub is just a much part of the family as me...she just knows that when she got Master as a Master she got me as a sister....we are a pair...u cant have one without the other. Blessed be :) WUB U SISSY! NOW GET YA REAR END HERE!!!!

fyreredsub -> RE: Jealousy (12/27/2005 1:10:26 PM)
too much hot tub and bombays>>>[:D] anytime...it is one of those things that what works for us may not work for others

IrishMist -> RE: Jealousy (12/27/2005 1:20:36 PM)
LOL , not even that Fyre, It was just the way that she worded it...kind of threw me for a loop [8D]

fyreredsub -> RE: Jealousy (12/27/2005 1:25:01 PM)
gotchya, lol, i knew what she meant but then again i'm in on it[8D] quote: ORIGINAL: IrishMist LOL , not even that Fyre, It was just the way that she worded it...kind of threw me for a loop [8D]

fyreredsub -> RE: Jealousy (12/27/2005 1:43:30 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: fyreredsub gotchya, i knew what she meant but then again i'm in on it[8D] now if i would quit being confusing on everything else.lol shrugs i DO have MUCH to LEARN quote: ORIGINAL: IrishMist LOL , not even that Fyre, It was just the way that she worded it...kind of threw me for a loop [8D]

fyreredsub -> RE: Jealousy (12/27/2005 1:46:02 PM)
okay thats it, i'm outta here for a bit , now i'm messing up the lil boxes............and quoting myself twice,geeeesh and i'm not even drinking....[&:]

thetammyjo -> RE: Jealousy (12/27/2005 1:46:43 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: IrishMist That I can understand. I was just having trouble processing Bella's comment quote: If the first slave is comfortable in her position and the second in hers(meaning happy being the #2) I guess if you live together 24/7, it would fall under a different light? Meaning that there would be no #1 or #2, etc ( and yes thats a question ). But if you do not actually live together, then being 1 or 2 really has no direct bearing on the relationship? LMAO I read bella's post and it just confused me is all...because I would think that there would be alot of self-doubt that would arise from someone being #1 and someone being #2. LOL just ignore me...rambling on is all... I think there can be hurt feelings but frankly I say we should go very slowly into these relationships so we are aware of these potential feelings of jealousy and insecurity (which I tend to see as intermingled). For example, I have Fox and have had him for over 6 years. Anyone else coming in is told that they will be expected to follow his directions if he gives them any. We sort of fancy one day having enough slaves for him to be a major domo (and thus work out some of his top energy too!). Several people that I've spoken to on this board who say they are cool with that are really not. How do I know before meeting them in person? After they've talked to me enough and I think they are ready for a further step, that step is to email Fox and talk to him. Now, he's a good boy and he always is very professional when he replies though it may take him a day or two (working fulltime and being 24/7 slave is time consuming folks). So far not a one of these 'I'm your slave material, TammyJo' folks has written a second time to him. I've seen his emails he sends, very honest, very polite, very professional. He's not pushy or scary in any way other than be a 24/7 slave in the very real world of modern day Indiana. If someone can't handle him, they are certainly unable to handle me. And you know what? That's fine. I'd much rathe find that out now before we even have a dinner/lunch date to talk face to face, than meet and get any hopes up.

Nendarye -> RE: Jealousy (12/27/2005 1:47:13 PM)
LOL Irish girl is suffering from one hell of a hangover today... [&:] all my fault though...I did that on purpose to her so that she would stop being so...depressing

fyreredsub -> RE: Jealousy (12/27/2005 1:49:08 PM)
seems to be contagious,lol

IrishMist -> RE: Jealousy (12/27/2005 2:35:23 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Nendarye LOL Irish girl is suffering from one hell of a hangover today... [&:] all my fault though...I did that on purpose to her so that she would stop being so...depressing Two words for you, and you know what they are :) And yes, it is all your fault that I am feeling so bad today... Last but not least...I was going to ask something in relation to what TammyJo said, but I will not do it...I don't want to turn this into an off thread topic on Poly :)

Sensualips -> RE: Jealousy (12/27/2005 3:11:00 PM)
quote: s well as helping me with my training and Master is not satisfied with the training of my Owner.....so there are some things going on in that area and i will abide by whatever decisions Master has concerning this I have never encountered someone with a Master and an Owner. (Yeah, I am kinda new.) Can that type of situation work in the long term? I suppose all combinations are possible depending on the people and situations -- spouses and Masters, Owners and boyfriends, and so on. Can you describe how you have balanced it thus far? Do your Owner and your Master communicate with each other and work together, or do both interact with you in isolation? Just idle curiosity on my part, I guess. Also, I recall you stating on the monogamy thread you were monogamous. I assume you mean sexually monogomous but you are considering being part of a poly triad? So you are maybe polyamorous but not polysexual? Just wrapping my mind around it. quote: So this time jelousy wont be a issue. It seems to me that believing jealousy will not ever be an issue might be a mistake. Dealing with and working through jealousy are important skills for any person seriously considering a poly relationship IMO.

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