DelilahDeb
Posts: 429
Joined: 1/27/2008
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OP: Not unrealistic, but something that you'll need to work at communicating.
For instance: I'm not interested in the sort of sub I have to micromanage—go there, do this, pick this up, etc. I have no objection to teaching a sub how I wish my toys cleaned, and instruct him that after a session (including any aftercare), he is to tidy and clean any toys and the areas that were used in the scene. And if we are only seeing each other every few months and he needs reminding about some details, that's fine. But I don't expect to have to tell him each time, and how to do it, and what comes next. I use this example because one of my regular subs has pleased me greatly (despite the time between his visits) by retaining such information and putting it to use without my needing to cue him. That's one kind of service. The same sub has major electrical and electronic skills, and has happily changed out some ancient outlets in my home, replaced the ballast in an overhead fluorescent light…that sort of thing.
Another sort of service is the purely mundane stuff: my "garden sub" has done most of the major work on my yard for the past several months. He has experience with it, seems to enjoy it (or at least enjoy assisting me by handling it), and we enjoy our play sessions as well, experimenting together at times with new toys or techniques.
I would very much enjoy connecting with a sub who *likes* to make engines purr and brakes take hold, but the people-factor comes first. The sub and I have to be mutually interesting on a personal level, be able to communicate with reasonable success, and have overlapping interests in the dungeon.
With your interest in a lifelong relationship down the road, you may wish to find someone who can use a skill or skills that you already have, and who has sufficient experience to train you in a mixture of styles; that is, for instance, I couldn't train you in a high protocol style because I don't work like that and have never bothered to learn it. I recognize a very few indicators of protocol (as when a domina arrives at a public dungeon with two leashed subs in tow and they kneel at her feet, silently, while she chats with others and awaits the third sub they're all expecting, before she leashes the third and leads them all off to their scene). Or when I remember to ask the D half of a pair at a play party whether the sub is available for conversation. I've attended a couple of domina-run protocolish/Victorian social events, and they were great fun. But I'd undoubtedly put my foot in it if I attended anything on the right, I mean rigid, coast.
Lady Delilah Deb
_____________________________
"All acts of love & pleasure are My rituals."
--from the Charge of the Goddess, a Wiccan teaching
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