RE: My Friends and Family Can Never Find Out

RE: My Friends and Family Can Never Find Out (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion

Message

rulemylife -> RE: My Friends and Family Can Never Find Out (12/9/2008 2:28:19 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: pdv99 Unfortunately, the way the law is changing in January in the UK, it will make it harder to be open, once posession of D/s images is criminalised to be on a par with child pornography. What is this about?

agirl -> RE: My Friends and Family Can Never Find Out (12/9/2008 2:33:43 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: rulemylife quote: ORIGINAL: pdv99 Unfortunately, the way the law is changing in January in the UK, it will make it harder to be open, once posession of D/s images is criminalised to be on a par with child pornography. What is this about? It's about this ...http://www.backlash-uk.org.uk/ agirl

stella41b -> RE: My Friends and Family Can Never Find Out (12/9/2008 3:41:07 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: pdv99 Last word: Until the wider public have more knowledge and a deeper understanding about D/s, there'll be situations where being open about it could have adverse effects on some people's lives. Unfortunately, the way the law is changing in January in the UK, it will make it harder to be open, once posession of D/s images is criminalised to be on a par with child pornography. Effectively, members of our community will increasingly be seen as on a par with child abusers. I disagree here and I will explain why. I am by all accounts an activist, I came out as a transgendered female in Poland which effectively ended my career there in theatre, I have taken up such issues after suffering discrimination personally (through being a visible minority) at the hands of authorities in Poland, the United States (Atlanta) and here in the United Kingdom, where I now run an sLGBT focus group (straight, Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgendered) supported by the local authority, the NHS and a few registered charities. I have access to the Cabinet Office's Third Office and direct access to Government ministers. But I'm not here to change society radically, and far from it for me to take it upon myself to try and educate wider society, where all the real issues lie (not the Government) and impose a much more 'correct' view of the LGBT and BDSM communities. If wider society felt the need to be further educated, trust me, it would have educated itself and there would be no problems. However I have taken it upon myself to promote public awareness of various issues known to those in the LGBT and BDSM communities, and that awareness is that both communities are very much a part of society and are to be respected as such, also to gather such information which is relevant and factual to enable the understanding and knowledge of such issues, to make it publicly accessible but to do so in a way which respects the freedom of choice of the individual. The focus group has two elements of its basic principle, which is one of being inclusive towards wider society but protective of the people who need our services. We are not here to promote either the LGBT or BDSM communities, but we will support and defend the civil rights and liberties of all those in the LGBT and BDSM communities where such righs and liberties are infringed. However I stand as much for public decency as much as I stand for individual freedom and informed consent between responsible adults in private. Some people are visibly a minority, such as the transgendered who are transitioning or not, effeminate homosexuals and butch lesbians and I stand by their basic human right to be treated with the same amount of decency in public as everyone else as much as I want public recognition for such people that they are not necessarily in a position to make that choice over how they appear to others. I stand for the same rights when it comes to same sex couples and families formed of parents of the same gender, irrespective of whether the gender is one which is natural or acquired through a consensus of medical opinion or treatment. However I also support the notion that freedom of personal self-expression also carries with it the responsibility of making informed choices over how things are expressed and part of that responsibility is the use of discretion so that in no way that need for personal self-expressions infringes on the freedom of others. In private there is no need for such responsibility but out in public and wider society there is. The self-interest and even goodwill of one person will never bring about any significant change in society, there will never come a person who will make society a better one. Sitting back and hoping someone else will make the change will only serve to maintain the status quo. The only way society will change is when society wants to change, and that can only ever come about when people stop looking for differences and questioning the motives and arguments of others, but instead show support, become inclusive and achieve solidarity with others in seeking change for each other. This explains the sLGBT of the focus group. Almost every member of the LGBT community you could ever meet is supported in some way by someone who isn't LGBT and who is heterosexual, be it a family member, a friend, a colleague or a neighbour. The same is true in that every single one of you here who profess to be a member of the BDSM community is in some way accepted or supported by people in vanilla society. There is no need for confrontation, nor is there any need for any radical social change, for all the social change that is necessary lies in the recognition and the acknowledgement of the love and support which exists between different people and to make it part of our everyday awareness. Is it really too much effort to recognize that awareness and to teach others to have the same awareness? I am supportive of Spanner, I am against the new legislation being introduced just as much as I was against Lech Kaczynski's decision to make all BDSM studios in Warsaw illegal back in 2004. However I feel it is also important to have a set of priorities when it comes to desiring such changes in society and I'm sorry, but the right of someone to download BDSM images from the Internet is not so much a priority for me as the recognition and universal social acceptance of everyone in society and their right of freedom of personal self-expression irrespective of their skin colour, gender and sexual orientation together with the respect and effective enforcement of our existing diversity laws.

gypsygrl -> RE: My Friends and Family Can Never Find Out (12/9/2008 4:30:21 PM)
quote: Exactly. AND, another reality is that most people are not activists. They will not kick up a fuss about anything, especially if it is something controversial or potentially problematic for them to do so, UNTIL......it has affected them personally. While that may not be the pretty, fuzzy, feel good we would like, however it is a fact. Just look at the people that have become activists in the public eye. Most of them did so ONLY after the issue became personal with them, usually through a tragedy in their life. Sorry, but the whole idea of it being our duty, just isn't going to fly. I know you're right. Its how things work. Political philosophers etc call it the free rider effect. Some people will stick their neck on the line to fight for a cause while others will benefit from their efforts. Its only someone's duty if they take it on as their duty. But, that's how 'duty' works. Just because I take something on as my duty/responsibility doesn't mean you should. We each get to choose our own duties. I would never say anything was your duty unless I was out canvassing your neighborhood and happened to knock on your door (or doing some other proselytizing work). Then I might make that argument in order to persuade you to sign my petition or donate a few bucks to da cause. :) And, the fact that you don't take something as your duty doesn't mean I can't talk about why I think something's my duty. And, neither one of us have to take it personal.

LadyPact -> RE: My Friends and Family Can Never Find Out (12/9/2008 4:36:55 PM)
People may not feel like it's their duty. I'm ok with that. The thing is, if nobody felt that way, we wouldn't even be where we are today. No, we haven't gotten all of the way there. Some of us still have to hide due to jobs and families that don't understand. At the same time, how many of us are enjoying more freedoms in the lives we've chosen, because in part, somebody was willing to be out? How many folks have tried to educate other folks. Help to pass laws? Opened public clubs and play spaces? How about even little places like this site? You may not feel that it's your duty to do these kinds of things, but I for one am glad somebody did.

gypsygrl -> RE: My Friends and Family Can Never Find Out (12/9/2008 4:40:16 PM)
quote: It just happens to be extremely sexual and private for me. I think you're missing my point. Perhaps I wasn't clear. What I'm saying is we don't have the luxury of privacy when it comes to our sexuality. I'm not talking about how out someone wants to be, but our (meaning people who engage in bdsm) constitutionally protected rights to privacy. Vanilla sex between differently sexed partners is protected and, as far as I know, vanilla sex between same sex partners is protected. The sex that comes under the rubric of bdsm is not. That we practice that kind of sex makes us vulnerable to prosecution (D's more than s's but s's are still legally vulnerable especially in family court). Whether or not you're out is irrelevant. Even though you emphasize how private this stuff is to you, I've seen you say things on these boards that I could never say in such a public place. I would blush for days if I did. :)

beargonewild -> RE: My Friends and Family Can Never Find Out (12/9/2008 4:46:52 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: gypsygrl quote: Exactly. AND, another reality is that most people are not activists. They will not kick up a fuss about anything, especially if it is something controversial or potentially problematic for them to do so, UNTIL......it has affected them personally. While that may not be the pretty, fuzzy, feel good we would like, however it is a fact. Just look at the people that have become activists in the public eye. Most of them did so ONLY after the issue became personal with them, usually through a tragedy in their life. Sorry, but the whole idea of it being our duty, just isn't going to fly. I know you're right. Its how things work. Political philosophers etc call it the free rider effect. Some people will stick their neck on the line to fight for a cause while others will benefit from their efforts. Its only someone's duty if they take it on as their duty. But, that's how 'duty' works. Just because I take something on as my duty/responsibility doesn't mean you should. We each get to choose our own duties. I would never say anything was your duty unless I was out canvassing your neighborhood and happened to knock on your door (or doing some other proselytizing work). Then I might make that argument in order to persuade you to sign my petition or donate a few bucks to da cause. :) And, the fact that you don't take something as your duty doesn't mean I can't talk about why I think something's my duty. And, neither one of us have to take it personal. There is also the reason why some are quite willing to be vocal and stick out necks out is because we feel that we have the drive and the courage to willingly be in the "firing lone" as a voice for the ones who aren't willing or able to speak for themselves. People like myself do this not for the glory or for the kudos, we do this because we need to, for whatever reason we feel passionate enough that we are willing to face the backlash for being open, for being a radical and hoping that through our efforts, make this world a slightly better place for the ones who are following behind us. In the end, this is my way of paying it forward and saying thanks to all the people who helped me come out of the closet and to the people who were generous enough to guide and help me grow as a decent submissive male.

DesFIP -> RE: My Friends and Family Can Never Find Out (12/9/2008 4:51:04 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AquaticSub I dunno, the "Hide Profile" was right there on the top in really big letters when I went edit my profile to see how hard it was to miss. Most, if not all, dating sites I've belonged to (and the other side really is) had an option to hide one's profile. I'll take your word for it. But I still can't get the hang of the mail folders, how to set it up to eliminate people of certain ages. However, being about twice your age I freely admit that when it comes to technological illiteracy, I am the poster old lady. Truthfully, I can't program my own cell phone, I hand it to my teen. I needed him to figure out how to print a photo over the weekend. But I am not going to ask him to set parameters up for me here, because like all kids he would prefer not to think about mom and sex in the same sentence.

kdmfl -> RE: My Friends and Family Can Never Find Out (12/9/2008 6:57:47 PM)
I will say this. I had a profile for a while and was active. I work in public service as a career and for better or worse, a code of ethics standard can be used freely by the powers that be. I have obligations that must be met and am too old (40's) to be starting over in a new line of work so therefore I must be careful. When I was on here before I was careless (not here but on myspace and referred to this site) which created some problems for me so I deleted my profile here as well as there. Now I am being more discreet with my information and trying to renew some of the contacts I made and met and make some new friends as well. My world is not perfect and I will decide what and who knows. I understand completely with those that choose discretion. I only hope its not to hide behind lies.

stella41b -> RE: My Friends and Family Can Never Find Out (12/9/2008 9:03:28 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: beargonewild There is also the reason why some are quite willing to be vocal and stick out necks out is because we feel that we have the drive and the courage to willingly be in the "firing lone" as a voice for the ones who aren't willing or able to speak for themselves. People like myself do this not for the glory or for the kudos, we do this because we need to, for whatever reason we feel passionate enough that we are willing to face the backlash for being open, for being a radical and hoping that through our efforts, make this world a slightly better place for the ones who are following behind us. In the end, this is my way of paying it forward and saying thanks to all the people who helped me come out of the closet and to the people who were generous enough to guide and help me grow as a decent submissive male. Exactly. Some of us no longer have anything left to protect as it's all been taken away from us already or we have lost them. Three years ago in Poland I did what I could as a public figure in theatre, I came out as myself, a transgendered female, needless to say my downfall was spectacular. I went from being compared favourably to Jerzy Grotowski to being destitute, isolated and street homeless within two weeks. A year ago I went to the States, try to bring myself together, make a cultural visit to the States and think about later on starting a small theatre in MS. However my being transgendered was a big issue to the border officials in Atlanta and I was flown back to the UK after half a night in the Atlanta City Jail. I have been on benefits, the equivalent of SSI, but at a January medical examination here in London a doctor decided that, despite my being in the care of an internationally recognized consultant psychiatrist at Charing Cross Hospital in London, that I was 'pretending to be transgendered' to claim welfare benefits. I have had my benefits stopped or suspended this year on no less than six occasions, which has wiped out any income I have had for anything up to two months. I have made eight claims for benefits, I have received less than half of the money I have been entitled to, and half of that money again has been claimed in bank charges through missed direct debit payments for utility bills. I have six documented instances of discrimination and harrassment against me perpetrated by our Department of Work and Pensions. Twice I have come within one week of losing my apartment and being put back on the streets, almost lost my electricity twice, my phone and Internet, crucial and essential for me to be able to run my theatre, projects with the sLGBT focus group, the homeless, and contact with family and friends, also twice, and but I couldn't keep the gas, I have a meter and can only afford gas for three or four days every two weeks. I'm sitting here writing this from an unheated apartment in icy London. I have won four of the five appeals for benefis, each time my argument being based on the Social Security Act 1998, the Sex Discrimination Act 1975, the Sex Discrimination (Gender Reassignment) Act 1999, and the Gender Recognition Act 2004. Now I may suddenly disappear from these boards at any time. I have got my welfare benefits back, but I have a backlog of bills to pay which is being hampered by a bank determined that the first thing I am going to pay back are their bank charges. Please don't ask me how I am managing for money, I cannot explain this, but I am and for most of the time I don't have any money but somehow manage to live. I would have loved to have found a job and worked, I have an eight page CV, lots of skills, but nobody wanted to employ me. Now I am but one transgendered female, not really much of an issue for the authorities. To take them on alone I would lose, and I know it. But I am taking them on, but this is no longer just about me, but about everybody else like me and everybody else who has experienced the same sort of crap, discrimination and prejudice as I have had to put up with over the past few years. I'm lucky, I have an occupation, I'm a fringe playwright and stage director, I can write and direct plays, I am also now a charity worker and social activist. And I'm coming back, I am building my theatre, developing my projects, and I am coming back. Only now I'm not afraid.. Three times the authorities and others have tried to wipe me out and three times I've come back. You want to wipe me out and stop me? Kill me. That's the only way you're going to stop me now. Kill me. I have a small equipped theatre, I have a venue, rehearsal space, I have projects and an increasing number of people interested in these projects. This is all I am doing right now, I work night and day to develop my theatre and projects, to bring people together, to talk to them, to help them, to show support, and to gather support. I'm starting to gather support among charities, and among government MPs. But it's not just here. In the spring of 2009 I intend to return to Poland with my theatre and to stage performances in the major Polish cities. I also intend to come to the States with my theatre and stage performances there, touring cities in the United States and Canada. This may take me some time, and like I say it may turn out that I may disappear from these boards, either due to what I am doing, loss of Internet or loss of electricity, but be sure I will be back. I have no intention of giving in. Because I can't. I'm not doing this for glory, nor for kudos, nor for publicity, popularity or fame, but simply to be able to live as me and to pursue my own lifestyle in my own way. Three times it has been made clear to me that this cannot happen in society today as it stands, so I'm going to work towards changing society until it is possible for people such as me and others to be able to live freely the same as everyone else without the discrimination and prejudice of others or the fear of such.

AquaticSub -> RE: My Friends and Family Can Never Find Out (12/9/2008 9:24:18 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DesFIP But I am not going to ask him to set parameters up for me here, because like all kids he would prefer not to think about mom and sex in the same sentence. chuckles I don't blame you. If you like I can try to walk you through specific things - though I'm honestly not the best either. The joke around the house is that if I can find it, it must be easy. [;)]

techbondage -> RE: My Friends and Family Can Never Find Out (12/10/2008 10:55:14 AM)
Lady Pact, I guess I look at BDSM and kink in general as natural almost. I veiw it as more options sex, life, relationships, ect. Then again im really kinky. Then you made a good point, im a dom, and people might relate to that more than a fem sub who like to be beaten. But even then If they cannot take who you are are they really friends?! On the other hand family is family so I do understand not telling them. Tech

Lordandmaster -> RE: My Friends and Family Can Never Find Out (12/10/2008 11:39:42 AM)
Sounds perfectly reasonable to me. quote: ORIGINAL: kdmfl I will say this. I had a profile for a while and was active. I work in public service as a career and for better or worse, a code of ethics standard can be used freely by the powers that be. I have obligations that must be met and am too old (40's) to be starting over in a new line of work so therefore I must be careful. When I was on here before I was careless (not here but on myspace and referred to this site) which created some problems for me so I deleted my profile here as well as there. Now I am being more discreet with my information and trying to renew some of the contacts I made and met and make some new friends as well. My world is not perfect and I will decide what and who knows. I understand completely with those that choose discretion. I only hope its not to hide behind lies.

Page: << < prev 4 5 6 7 [8]

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.0625