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Those Pesky Labels - 12/7/2008 4:37:59 PM   
penandknife


Posts: 28
Joined: 10/19/2008
Status: offline 		I have something I've been wrestling with a bit, and while the discussions I've been browsing kind of skirt along side it, it's not quite what I'm looking for.

According to my profile, I identify as a submissive.  For the most part, that's true, but I'm starting to notice that my fantasies are becoming a bit more wide-ranging than that as I learn more.  The problem is I simply don't have the experience to back up these fantasies, and it seems a bit unfair to advertise myself as a switch when I really don't know for sure.  Is it really fair to self-promote as a switch if it's not a tried-and-true statement about yourself?  Finding a partner is hard enough -- finding someone willing to experiment with a total n00b is downright impossible!
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RE: Those Pesky Labels - 12/7/2008 4:45:30 PM   
LATEXBABY64


Posts: 2107
Joined: 4/8/2004
Status: offline 		you know the thing about labels it is ok it is how we organize things in our heads and keep track and on task of what we have o do inlife or deal with  that not such a bad thing  It is when we keep shifting those things  it could cause craziness and eratic behavior  such as postal subbisum

(in reply to penandknife)
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RE: Those Pesky Labels - 12/7/2008 4:50:15 PM   
beargonewild


Posts: 22716
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		The funny thing about labels is they can be over used and misused. What's important are the labels which you feel accurately describe you and what you accept for yourself. 

_____________________________

Do Not Rile da Chosen Bear

Promiscuous boy you already know
That I’m all yours what you waiting for?

Resident MANWHORE ~1000 Bear pts~

10 NZ points
Whips~n~Cuffs

(in reply to penandknife)
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RE: Those Pesky Labels - 12/7/2008 5:10:26 PM   
Rover


Posts: 2634
Joined: 6/28/2004
Status: offline 		Labels don't constrain us, they simply provide some shorthand descriptive information about us to others as to how we see ourselves.  People are far more complex than any label could possibly convey.
 
Personally, I'd have no issue with someone who identifies as something they "feel" without experience, though it would be fair to say so upfront so as not to misinform.
 
Plenty of folks identify as Dominants or submissives without ever having dominated or submitted.  There's nothing wrong with that, so why not switches as well?
 
John

< Message edited by Rover -- 12/7/2008 5:11:42 PM >

_____________________________

"Man's mind stretched to a new idea never goes back to its original dimensions."

Sri da Avabhas

(in reply to penandknife)
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RE: Those Pesky Labels - 12/7/2008 5:17:21 PM   
Lynnxz


Posts: 4813
Joined: 10/3/2006
From: Atlanta
Status: offline 		I like labels because I approve of nouns.

That being said, I'm more or less a switch, but my dynamic differs with different people. Don't stress about what to put on your profile, just do what makes you happy.

For the OMG DON'T PUT ME IN A BOX crowd....

I, lables, nouns, that, I'm, switch, dynamic, people, profile, you, god, box, and crowd are all technically, labels in my post.


_____________________________

HBIC



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RE: Those Pesky Labels - 12/7/2008 5:20:23 PM   
beargonewild


Posts: 22716
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		If you don't mind Lynnxz.....I label you a...a...a....a....person!

_____________________________

Do Not Rile da Chosen Bear

Promiscuous boy you already know
That I’m all yours what you waiting for?

Resident MANWHORE ~1000 Bear pts~

10 NZ points
Whips~n~Cuffs

(in reply to Lynnxz)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Those Pesky Labels - 12/7/2008 5:28:50 PM   
penandknife


Posts: 28
Joined: 10/19/2008
Status: offline 		You guys are wonderful.  Thank you! 

(in reply to beargonewild)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Those Pesky Labels - 12/7/2008 5:39:33 PM   
cagliostro


Posts: 128
Joined: 12/29/2007
Status: offline 		Just say what you said here.  It's clear enough.  For anyone who can read, that is. 

I switched for a time, but ended up feeling unfulfilled as a submissive.  So now I call myself dom only.  There are people out there who'd call that a mislabel.  But I don't think so.  You've only ever been submissive, so the "label" fits for now.  If you do find that domming is worthwhile for you, yeah, you might want to "switch" it.  Pun intended.  Go ahead and groan.

(in reply to penandknife)
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RE: Those Pesky Labels - 12/7/2008 5:41:00 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		So change your profile to switch and put a line in there about wanting to explore new topping desires.
Better yet, go meet people in public and get to know them. Then ask a friend if he or she would bottom for you so you could see if you really like it or not. Few people are going to turn down a friendly spanking on their birthday! Or on their unbirthday for that matter.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to penandknife)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Those Pesky Labels - 12/7/2008 7:22:40 PM   
mbes


Posts: 465
Joined: 12/14/2006
Status: offline 		Well, I'm about ready to change my profile to "switch", just to keep people from getting the idea that I might have an interest in submitting to them.
Yours seems like an even better reason, so yes, I would definitely change mine for that.

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Those Pesky Labels - 12/7/2008 8:10:02 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		I understand the desire to clearly communicate to others and have them understand things about you when you're doing snap judgements, but really ultimately it comes down to you and where you really fit- the rest can go fuck themselves.

It took me quite a long while actually be comfortable and own the label of switch for myself as I do.  Don't sweat it, most people have no clue what label really works for them either.

It's not labels that's the problem, it's how people use them.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to mbes)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Those Pesky Labels - 12/8/2008 4:46:08 AM   
slavegirljoy


Posts: 1207
Joined: 11/6/2006
From: North Carolina, USA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: penandknife

I have something I've been wrestling with a bit, and while the discussions I've been browsing kind of skirt along side it, it's not quite what I'm looking for.

According to my profile, I identify as a submissive.  For the most part, that's true, but I'm starting to notice that my fantasies are becoming a bit more wide-ranging than that as I learn more.  The problem is I simply don't have the experience to back up these fantasies, and it seems a bit unfair to advertise myself as a switch when I really don't know for sure.  Is it really fair to self-promote as a switch if it's not a tried-and-true statement about yourself?  Finding a partner is hard enough -- finding someone willing to experiment with a total n00b is downright impossible!


The problem is that CollarMe requires everyone to pick 1 of 4 labels.  There are other sites that either don't require you to assign a label to yourself or they give you many more options to choose from.  The best you can do on CM is to pick the one label that best fits who you are and then explain yourself and what you seek in your narrative. 
 
As far as needing "experience" in order to label yourself a switch or, for that matter, any other label, is just silly, to me.  You are what you are.  There are many people who identify themself as a "Dominant" or a "submissive" and they have never been in a D/s relationship.  They might be seeking a D/s relationship and they see themself as a Dominant or a submissive and so they label themself as such.  If you see yourself as a switch then, label yourself as such.  There is no rule that says you can't change your label if you feel that it's no longer applicable. 
 
joy
Master David's erotic-domestic slave

_____________________________

Don't ask yourself what the world needs; ask yourself what makes you come alive. And then go and do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive. ~Dr. Howard Thurman

(in reply to penandknife)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Those Pesky Labels - 12/8/2008 4:53:33 AM   
pompeii


Posts: 934
Joined: 1/4/2007
From: Silicon Valley, San Jose, California
Status: offline 		I most like the response that says, "you're here ... that's good enough ... you're one of us ... ".

Labels change. For example, I had identified as a Dom but, after a few dozen (or score) threads here, I've come to the realization that most of you would call me a "soft Top" (dunno if Top gets capitalized or not as the case stuff never hit me as important) ...

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Those Pesky Labels - 12/8/2008 9:33:51 AM   
SirDominic


Posts: 711
Joined: 11/22/2006
Status: offline 		To me, the label issue is irrelevant really. The thing you said that was Important is that you said you don't have the skills yet to act out some of your more dominant fantasies. No-one has any business topping unless they know how to use the tools they use. Read some books, ask Dominants to teach you the ropes about the toys you find most intriguing. Most are more than willing to share their knowledge.

Until then I would keep your switch feelings to yourself.

_____________________________

You teach best what you have lived.

(in reply to penandknife)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Those Pesky Labels - 12/8/2008 9:55:16 AM   
ScarabRising


Posts: 2
Joined: 2/4/2008
Status: offline 		I agree with several of the posts...... a label is a place to begin a conversation but more importantly to me is that you are able to expand on it and honestly explain how that label relates to you. I know that there are any number of ways to live this life and when I ask another to explain themselves or their opinions... I am only asking the person that best knows the answers I seek. 

(in reply to SirDominic)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Those Pesky Labels - 12/8/2008 12:37:49 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SirDominic
No-one has any business topping unless they know how to use the tools they use. Read some books, ask Dominants to teach you the ropes about the toys you find most intriguing. Most are more than willing to share their knowledge.


I don't think that spanking someone is rocket science here. She doesn't need a 4 credit course to apply palm to bottom. And lots of inexperienced people learn and grow together. Hell, a wooden spoon taken from the kitchen can be safely used by anyone who's done ten minutes of reading.

Obviously you don't start out with needles and bull whips. But a hairbrush, a hand, a spoon? None of that requires training and can be a lot of fun for both sides of the slash.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to SirDominic)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Those Pesky Labels - 12/8/2008 12:48:15 PM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: penandknife

I have something I've been wrestling with a bit, and while the discussions I've been browsing kind of skirt along side it, it's not quite what I'm looking for.

According to my profile, I identify as a submissive.  For the most part, that's true, but I'm starting to notice that my fantasies are becoming a bit more wide-ranging than that as I learn more.  The problem is I simply don't have the experience to back up these fantasies, and it seems a bit unfair to advertise myself as a switch when I really don't know for sure.  Is it really fair to self-promote as a switch if it's not a tried-and-true statement about yourself?  Finding a partner is hard enough -- finding someone willing to experiment with a total n00b is downright impossible!



Lass I'd be very suprised if there were lables to cover every permutation for every choice to cover such a diverse crowd. In fact I doubt if CM would have sufficient bandwidth or however the jolly size is calculated to do this without charging a whopping hefty membership fee. However never fear. All you do is to explain that you are a budding Switch-to-be and any other additives you feel reasonably describes who, what and where you are at this time. Heaven knows I'll warrant that there will be those who will follow your progress as you shave off those additives and simplify things somewhere down the long winding track..

Finding partners is jolly hard but, dear heart you are young and gorgeous. Just wait till you are 50+ and, the Gods forbid, remind people of the three witches(hags) on a blasted heath. (Hmmmm mayhap the heath was blasted because those three Dommies had been blasting the smartass male slaves for being bratty.. now there's a thought). If you were an Old Fart and a Nooby then you may have a whole new song to wail mornfully like the plovers on a wind swept winter beach at dawn..

By the way lass, welcome to our share of an insane universe where nothing is at it appears..

< Message edited by IronBear -- 12/8/2008 12:49:19 PM >

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to penandknife)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Those Pesky Labels - 12/9/2008 10:01:44 AM   
SirDominic


Posts: 711
Joined: 11/22/2006
Status: offline 		What may be obvious to you (you don't start out with needles and bull whips), is not necessarily obvious to other people. I am aware of too many stories, especially in just the past few years, where people do not have the common sense to start with the simple stuff. Too many examples with supposed Masters using tools without taking the time to learn to use them safely. And if the slave is also new, they often have no idea what the difference is between "good" pain and damaging pain.

So I stand by my comment, which simply was "You don't use toys on others until you know how to use them properly". Surely that makes sense?

_____________________________

You teach best what you have lived.

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Those Pesky Labels - 12/9/2008 10:18:50 AM   
came4U


Posts: 3572
Joined: 1/23/2007
From: London, Ontario
Status: offline 		Maybe in the section of the profile where the options for kinks, likes, curiosities and dislikes etc...there might be a checkbox for

curious about: switching

or something of the like?





(in reply to SirDominic)
Profile   Post #: 19
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