stella41b
Posts: 4258
Joined: 10/16/2007
From: SW London (UK)
Status: offline
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Life is short, very short, no, in fact when I stop and think about it, considering that time is relative and passes quicker the older you get, the opportunities become fewer and fewer, and you never get to know how long you will live in this world anyway I'd even say life is too short.
Nobody brought this home to me more than my parents. Both are dead. Both were obese and asthmatic, both were irresponsible, and I suffered throughout my childhood as a result. They divorced when I was 13. I remember the bitter custody battles when they fought for the right not to have me. Mother died at the age of 43 after chain-smoking up to 60 cigarettes a day and comfort eating. I was the last person to see my mother, in her coffin, which was the same size as a double wardrobe, she died being 5ft 8ins tall and over 400lbs. Father remarried four years after the divorce, bitter over what my mother did it to, bitter that I was his kid, constantly upset and angry, constantly dragging up the past, he put his second wife through hell, she took it and I sincerely hope she gave him some happiness in his 64 years of life that none of the rest of us could bring him. He developed heart problems, went through a triple bypass, and he only managed to lose weight during his final year of life, struggling for breath the whole year at home on oxygen, increasingly bitter and angry at everyone and wanting to die for the final six months he was alive.
I ran away from home when I was 15, the same year when I discovered many things including elements of this lifestyle which I shouldn't have, and the same year I accepted full personal responsibility for everything that came out of me. Apart from the few months I spent back at home to complete my education at school level I've been independent since that time. This is backed up by personal integrity, I am who I am, pretty much WYSIWYG, I'm human, fallible, I fuck up, I make mistakes, I misunderstand, get things wrong at times, not everything I do works out, and I accept this about myself and about other people.
Life has been hard at times, but it's always been interesting, the better moments are fulfilling, sometimes when the mood catches me I can think back and remember times when I did the craziest things, the times of stupidity and I can laugh and even collapse into hysterics over the memories, the bloopers and the times when it all collapsed like a house of cards. I see this in others too, even when I'm the victim of their actions, and I can still laugh. Life is comfortable when you can accept yourself, the world, life, and other people for what they really are.
Finding fault and laying blame are two of the biggest wastes of time I can think about. I get into conflicts and have problems like everyone else, but the only thing I'm interested in is the solution, even if it's a hard compromise or it causes another problem. Life is about solving problems, finding solutions and learning. If I'm wrong or I cock up I'll admit it, and I expect the same from others, otherwise we won't be travelling down this road called Life for too long together.
This to me is what responsibility is all about, accepting the truth of a situation and admitting to being wrong, to making mistakes, and to being human. It's also accepting that the past cannot be changed, nor the future, but the past can be used as reference to suggest what can be changed in the present to make for a better future.
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