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RE: For Dominants and submissives - 12/10/2008 5:17:49 PM

moonvine

Posts: 780
Joined: 11/7/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: FlamingRedhead

I'm sure the book probably has some good ideas, but the problem is that it rarely works in a vanilla setting. I don't know how many dates I've been on where I tried to let them have control, and they wouldn't take it. Most vanilla men are too afraid to make a damn decision. I hate having the conversation, "Where do you want to eat?" I honestly don't care. I can find something edible on virtually any menu. If you're going to ask someone out, you should have a plan, no? If they won't take control, I will....but they've lost face and need to do something about it if they want another date. It's why I don't do vanilla anymore.

I hate that so much. "Where do you want to go eat?" "I don't care." Actually there are places I'd rather go than others, but since I don't know anything about the person on a first date, I don't want to overreach his spending capability.....I'm not going to ask for Ruth's Chris on a first date.

So have a freaking plan before you ask already!

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RE: For Dominants and submissives - 12/10/2008 5:31:15 PM

Padriag

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Joined: 3/30/2005
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Fine... we're going to my coffee shop where can drink coffee and eat sandwiches for free... so there.

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A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

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RE: For Dominants and submissives - 12/11/2008 12:25:48 PM

porcelain26

Posts: 181
Joined: 11/16/2007
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Wow.....okay then.

First, I have to admit I had no idea the can of worms I was opening up or the feathers that would be ruffled....damn.

I'm not suggesting anyone read and adhere to the advice offered in this book...I was simply asking for personal experiences based on ideals contained within it. I love this book, I've read it more than once actually, because for me (let me repeat that: FOR ME), the advice is very sound and appeals to my basic nature. I, in no way or form, suggested that this would be so for everyone, though I did figure it would be true for some.

Also, being feminine has nothing, whatsoever, to do with wearing lipstick and skirts. It's about glorying in the fact that you're a woman. I know that for myself, I LOVE being a girl...accepting and embracing that fact is fun for me and I enjoy it. I love that I'm soft in all the yummy spots, just like I love that men are hard in all those yummy spots too. And I do think there is some truth to the fact that the more a woman enjoys and embraces her womanhood (or feminine side) the more men are going to be attracted to her. Is this ALWAYS the case? Of course not.

Let me remind everyone that nothing is ever always or never. As with anything, you have to take from things what you can, learn and apply those aspects that fit for you, and then discard the rest. I find this book interesting because it's not written from a D/s perspective (at least not that I'm aware of), yet for me and in my personal practice, it applies readily. I was simply wondering if this happened to be the case for anyone else, dominant or submissive.

I am not, and never would, suggest that this is the only way a woman can attract a man. Nor am I suggesting (and the book doesn't either if you read it), that you be anything other than who you are. Suggesting that remaining quiet so you can listen to your own heart and feelings during a date, rather than jabbering like a nervous magpie, is not suggesting that you be something or someone you're not. Suggesting that you smile at people on a regular and consistent basis isn't telling you to 'play games' or adopt a new personality...it's simply stating the fact that someone who is smiling is much more approachable than one who is scowling.

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RE: For Dominants and submissives - 12/11/2008 6:39:16 PM

atropa7

Posts: 72
Joined: 10/8/2006
From: Michigan
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The idea that women are coached to be more approachable when men are not is irritating. Ad nauseam.

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Topping from the bottom since 2002! Ignore: I use it early and often for preservation of sanity.

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