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RE: open relationships - 12/9/2008 7:34:19 PM   
persephonee


Posts: 5089
Joined: 12/15/2007
Status: offline 		Well, LOL on old perse....i just read the rest of the thread....going to sleep safe in the knowledge that everyone is going to be alright afterall....

perse

_____________________________

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And You can carry me away....if You want to. ~Kasey Chambers

E*Whore, extraordinaire....

Nothing is exactly as it seems~Nor, is it otherwise.

(in reply to persephonee)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: open relationships - 12/9/2008 7:38:43 PM   
slavegirljoy


Posts: 1207
Joined: 11/6/2006
From: North Carolina, USA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64

open bdsm relationships

Do they really work or is it some excuse not to commit to anything is it a form of being selfish or to open.


They work for some people and don't work for others.  i have been involved in swinging for 30 years and have never had an issue with a lack of commitment or selfishness in my relationships.  In fact, i've found it to be just the opposite.  As opposed to "keeping" your partner all to yourself, the shared experience of having sex with others is very unselfish.  And, if you have a strong bond between you, having sex with other people isn't likely to break or even weaken that bond.  Swinging, as opposed to having a secretive affair in a monogamous relationship, is something that is shared by the couple and is out in the open.
 
But, if a relationship already has problems and the swinging is an attempt to make the relationship better, that's not likely to happen.  Or, if one person in the relationship is just going along with the idea of swinging to make the other person happy but, they really don't like the idea, then that's not likely to work too well, either.
 
If you don't like the idea of a non-monogamous relationship then find someone who feels the same way and don't worry about the other people who are having the sort of relationship that they like.
 
joy
Master David's erotic-domestic slave

_____________________________

Don't ask yourself what the world needs; ask yourself what makes you come alive. And then go and do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive. ~Dr. Howard Thurman

(in reply to LATEXBABY64)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: open relationships - 12/9/2008 7:43:32 PM   
YourhandMyAss


Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline 		If you remember when it was could ya maybe point me to it, I could use another good sniicker this evening.
quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

quote:

ORIGINAL: YourhandMyAss

Has he really pulled that card before ?


It's one of the things he's made threads about before, yes.

(in reply to AquaticSub)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: open relationships - 12/9/2008 7:56:18 PM   
kidwithknife


Posts: 193
Joined: 9/9/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64
I think open relationships are where people just give up and are tired of being treaded on by bad people so they just give in kinda like the sheep to wolves t hing
whats your take
I  think that monogamous relationships are for people who are stupid and need a set of easy to follow rules in order to understand the world.

No, of course I don't.  I'm being deliberately silly.  But it makes about as much sense as your theory.

So I guess I'll just have to go through life knowing that you don't approve of my chosen relationship structures.  It's a hard burden for a mere mortal to carry, but I'm sure I'll muddle through somehow.


_____________________________

We went to see the fall of Rome - I thought it would please us
To watch how the mighty go in a blaze of hubris
But I just stood there hypnotised by all the beautiful madness

(New Model Army, Into the Wind)

(in reply to LATEXBABY64)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: open relationships - 12/9/2008 8:20:48 PM   
YourhandMyAss


Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline 		we'll muddle through it together, I'll help ya:)


quote:

ORIGINAL: kidwithknife

[So I guess I'll just have to go through life knowing that you don't approve of my chosen relationship structures.  It's a hard burden for a mere mortal to carry, but I'm sure I'll muddle through somehow.


(in reply to kidwithknife)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: open relationships - 12/9/2008 8:31:03 PM   
Evility


Posts: 915
Joined: 12/19/2007
Status: offline 		I was in an open relationship for about 4 years and overall it was a good experience. I think the open relationship model has its pros and cons like any other relationship model and it is not for everyone, also like any other relationship model. It's not even a good call for most people. My experience was that there was a higher level or degree of trust in that open relationship that in most of my monogamous relationships. It's a more complex scenario but if you apply yourself the dividends can be equally as great. If you have a strong and stable relationship going in it can be a very satisfying experience. My opinion is that the average person (read: just about anybody) can navigate a monogamous relationship adequately but it takes a person with a very special skill set to succeed at the open relationship.

(in reply to LATEXBABY64)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: open relationships - 12/9/2008 8:47:51 PM   
oceanwynds


Posts: 1044
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline 		We are commited to do our best in this relationship. We are commited to be good to each other. We are commited in enjoying each other. I am commited to serving Sir. Sir is commited to letting me serve him. I am commited to being myself. Sir is commited to being himself. I wear no ring, no collar, nor do i live with him.

In the beginning of our relationship and even to this day, there is no commitment to each other. He and I are free to be with others. This though is something i wont do, because there is no desire. He hasn't either. Our relationship works for us.

People tend to want to judge something that is not for them. There are parts of BDSM that does not appeal to me at all. As long as these couples are happy with it, so be it. I find it rude for people to make blantant remarks towards ideals that they disagree with. Though in reality this type of rudeness is found in all  parts of life, be it real time or cyber ville.

oceanwynds

(in reply to LATEXBABY64)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: open relationships - 12/9/2008 9:30:02 PM   
angaothsi


Posts: 242
Joined: 11/12/2005
Status: offline 		OK, let me wade through this and see if I can make sense of the OP and add my own two cents.

Right off the bat you ask if open BDSM relationships work, short answer is yes. Long answer is way to long to write here. Donaldnola and I have been together for over 22 years, married for 17 and we are and have been for a very long time a poly house as well as sexually open with each other and with other people. So your question about the inability to commit is rather moot to me. Commitment is not tied only to sexuality but rather encompasses many other things.
Though I will admit that in some cases there may be a bit of selfishness involved this is not always true, nor is it a matter of being too open, it depends on many factors. Poly or open does NOT mean one does everyone and the kitchen sink that statement is an uninformed assumption.
And how dare you ever presume to judge the values, morality or world view of other people? For someone who claims to desire to always continue growing you come across as someone who has a very narrow outlook.

Direct Quote from OP
" I think open relationships are where people just give up and are tired of being treaded on by bad people so they just give in kinda like the sheep to wolves t hing
whats your take "

My question is...WHAT? First off none of that makes one iota of sense.
What is it that I an other "open" people have given up? Who are these "bad people" who have treaded on us? And what the hell do sheep and wolves have to do with it at all?
My take on open relationships are that it takes a bases of TRUST to be able to live this way, just as it takes TRUST to live a BDSM lifestyle so for the right people the two things actually support each other.
My take on the OP, you really dont want to hear.

_____________________________

He says she is immodest; Blames her amiss; What follows more, she murders with a kiss

(in reply to LATEXBABY64)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: open relationships - 12/9/2008 9:34:45 PM   
Lordandmaster


Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline 		You're back!

quote:

ORIGINAL: ghitaPVH

(in reply to ghitaPVH)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: open relationships - 12/9/2008 10:40:38 PM   
stella41b


Posts: 4258
Joined: 10/16/2007
From: SW London (UK)
Status: offline 		*waves to ghitaPVH and angaothsi*

welcome back?

A relationship in which people share a similar level of commitment, feelings, fulfillment and happiness is a successful relationship, irrespective of whether it's a monogamous one or a polyamorous one.

I refuse to make value judgments about any relationship I'm not involved in, whether directly or indirectly.

Edited for one typo.

< Message edited by stella41b -- 12/9/2008 10:42:41 PM >

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(in reply to LATEXBABY64)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: open relationships - 12/9/2008 11:20:15 PM   
DomDG


Posts: 63
Joined: 8/30/2007
Status: offline 		I always love when any one person is so judgemental of the lifestyle of other kinksters.  It's worse than being judged by the 'nilla world.  It's stupid!

We are in an open relationship.  We have been together for 10 years, married 8 and 1/2 now.  We have been poly for 3 and open for 2.  It is something we grew to.  It takes strength and trust to be in this kind of relationship.  We both have to be strong enough to allow the other be free.  We both have to trust the other enough to not hurt us.  Don't tell me we've 'given up'.  Damn that one pissed me off.  We have not given up on anything, rather we opened ourselves to more, more love, more fun, more to enjoy!


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D
A sub with too much time on her hands should spend more on their knees.

(in reply to stella41b)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: open relationships - 12/9/2008 11:35:55 PM   
utopicus


Posts: 97
Joined: 8/27/2008
Status: offline 		I really don't appreciate the "open relationship" thing; it's possible that you are right in saying that some are terrified to commit, whilst others are just sick and tired to be let down... I believe that the stronger the bond get between partners the further they grow in their practice (if BDSM is a practice...).
To have intimate encounters with somebody you don't share any emotion with is a bit...promiscuous... Call me an old fashioned boy, that's what I believe. 

(in reply to LATEXBABY64)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: open relationships - 12/10/2008 12:30:20 AM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: utopicus


To have intimate encounters with somebody you don't share any emotion with is a bit...promiscuous... Call me an old fashioned boy, that's what I believe. 


The flaws in that statement are that 1) Everyone assumes promiscuousity is a bad thing and that 2) In all open relationships, all sexual partners besides the "primary" lack an emotional connection.

While I have been promiscuous (and oh how I loved it) it was really in my single days. Now that I'm poly, when I have sex with others it's because I have a connection to them. Granted I play without deep and meaningful connections but I don't regard scenes as intimate encounters in the slightest.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to utopicus)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: open relationships - 12/10/2008 2:07:32 AM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64

open bdsm relationships

Do they really work or is it some excuse not to commit to anything is it a form of being selfish or to open. after all ds suppose to be a higher form of trust. if your other is doing everything and kitchen sing and your ok with it what does it say about your values or take on things. do you not like to commit kinda of like congress lol

I think open relationships are where people just give up and are tired of being treaded on by bad people so they just give in kinda like the sheep to wolves t hing
whats your take


I really hope that you are not serious about your opening statement and the ones following making definitive sweeping statements indicating that the only people who are right are ones who agree with you and that unless everything has your stamp of approval, it is automatically wrong, It would be a great pity if this were the case for I gave you credit for far more intelligence that that. Added to that of course, anyone posting from such a blinkered point of view to any public forum is actually wasting everyone’s time because bigoted and biased people can not teach any one anything except what not to do.  

Open relationships do work! The workability is wholly dependent of those involved. On a broader arena, Swinging fits into open relationships as a part pf the swinging dynamic. At times there may not be suitable couple to swing with but each partner may be able to find singles that they can enjoy sexually. This works well for my Wife and I especially until we are able to snaffle a boy and a girl into collars. The reason Open Relationships can and do work is because of trust and excellent communications as well as both people knowing what the other is doing as well as who and where.

< Message edited by IronBear -- 12/10/2008 2:08:24 AM >

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to LATEXBABY64)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: open relationships - 12/10/2008 2:55:13 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		Here's what's really confusing Me, Latex......

You're no newcomer to these boards.  There are quite a few of us who you recognize our pictures and our names.  You've read our posts where we've talked about ourselves and our relationships.  I'd be willing to bet that you might even know the names of the other people we reference when we talk about them.  You might even remember some of the stories we've told.

Now, knowing all of this, tell Me where you see the absence of commitment?  I realize that an open or poly arrangement will probably never be your choice, but what do you see lacking for those of us who have these relationships? 

I can't speak for you and I won't.  I'll only speak for Me.  There are some poly and/or open relationship folks that I highly respect on these boards.  They have what they want in their relationship and they are making it work.  They are happy in what they are doing and the way they live.  They have the love of others in their lives and it shows through in what they post here.  I see no lack of commitment.  All this post has done has made Me even more aware of it.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to IronBear)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: open relationships - 12/10/2008 3:34:47 AM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Here's what's really confusing Me, Latex......

You're no newcomer to these boards.  There are quite a few of us who you recognize our pictures and our names.  You've read our posts where we've talked about ourselves and our relationships.  I'd be willing to bet that you might even know the names of the other people we reference when we talk about them.  You might even remember some of the stories we've told.

Now, knowing all of this, tell Me where you see the absence of commitment?  I realize that an open or poly arrangement will probably never be your choice, but what do you see lacking for those of us who have these relationships? 

I can't speak for you and I won't.  I'll only speak for Me.  There are some poly and/or open relationship folks that I highly respect on these boards.  They have what they want in their relationship and they are making it work.  They are happy in what they are doing and the way they live.  They have the love of others in their lives and it shows through in what they post here.  I see no lack of commitment.  All this post has done has made Me even more aware of it.



BRAVO M'Lady! Bravo!!!

Takes off my fedora and bows slightly to her in a courtly manner.


_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: open relationships - 12/10/2008 6:22:04 AM   
kyraofMists


Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: utopicus

I really don't appreciate the "open relationship" thing; it's possible that you are right in saying that some are terrified to commit, whilst others are just sick and tired to be let down... I believe that the stronger the bond get between partners the further they grow in their practice (if BDSM is a practice...).
To have intimate encounters with somebody you don't share any emotion with is a bit...promiscuous... Call me an old fashioned boy, that's what I believe. 


But it is entirely possible to be highly committed to each other and in an open relationship.  The two are not mutually exclusive.  I know from personal experience.

Knight's Kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to utopicus)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: open relationships - 12/10/2008 6:25:51 AM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

Do they really work

Yes, they really do work.
quote:

  after all ds suppose to be a higher form of trust.

That's a load of BS
quote:

if your other is doing everything and kitchen sing and your ok with it what does it say about your values or take on things. 

My values are not your values. Please refrain from trying to put the two into the same box.
quote:

  I think open relationships are where people just give up and are tired of being treaded on by bad people so they just give in kinda like the sheep to wolves t hing

Even though I disagree, you are of course, entitled to your own opinions and thoughts.


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If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.


(in reply to LATEXBABY64)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: open relationships - 12/10/2008 6:54:13 AM   
MarsBonfire


Posts: 1034
Joined: 3/6/2005
Status: offline 		My wife and I have been married for 23 years. We've been "open" now for the last 15 of those years. So far, aside from a few miscommunications when we first started, things have been going well for us. Lot's of variety, and some wonderful new friends...

But I agree with the earlier poster who noted that being open isn't the same thing as not having rules. With us, our partner knows who we are with, and when we can be expected home. We know that if any mistakes take place... (a condom slips off, or breaks, or some other high risk activity happens) sex is on hold until STD panels can be run. If our third patners aren't comfortable enough with us to be invited 'round for dinner on occasion, then something's wrong, and that person should be no longer played with. (but we can certainly remain friends with them.) These are a few examples.


< Message edited by MarsBonfire -- 12/10/2008 6:56:57 AM >

(in reply to IrishMist)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: open relationships - 12/10/2008 7:11:14 AM   
kyraofMists


Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear
I really hope that you are not serious about your opening statement and the ones following making definitive sweeping statements indicating that the only people who are right are ones who agree with you and that unless everything has your stamp of approval, it is automatically wrong, It would be a great pity if this were the case for I gave you credit for far more intelligence that that. Added to that of course, anyone posting from such a blinkered point of view to any public forum is actually wasting everyone’s time because bigoted and biased people can not teach any one anything except what not to do.  


Unfortunately, IB, he is serious.  This is a topic that is often discussed by him/with him and his negative attitude towards those who prefer poly, open or any relationship that does not resemble strict monogamy seems pretty much set in stone.  The numerous examples of people and relationship who are very happy and healthy in poly or open relationships does not dissuade him at all.

Knight's Kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to IronBear)
Profile   Post #: 40
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