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feeling lost.... - 12/27/2005 10:58:12 PM   
arithea


Posts: 28
Joined: 2/5/2005
Status: offline 		is it okay to feel lost and confused?
not sure what to do or think any more. i don't know if i am sub or slave any more

sometimes i get to thinking maybe i should try and being vanilla again even though it may be hard or what not. i'm not sure. is it okay to think or feel this way?

sometimes i just wish i was normal again. i have been slave since i was 14 years old. i know i started out young, but i don't know i just feel so lost and confused.

any idea what i should do?

_____________________________

arithea
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: feeling lost.... - 12/27/2005 11:08:17 PM   
michaelGA


Posts: 1194
Status: offline 		it's ok to be confused, arithea...we all are at times. when i started out 10 years ago, i was Dom, had a failed relationship and, with my occupation of choice being a server in a restaurant, i felt more submissive than Dom,

now, with all the mixture of positive and negative replies to even the most cordial and friendly emails i have sent as initial contacts, i, too, feel like maybe vanilla would be better.

keep your head up, and take things slowly...maybe things will start to look up in the end.

(in reply to arithea)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: feeling lost.... - 12/28/2005 12:41:08 AM   
Heinz


Posts: 65
Joined: 4/19/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: arithea

is it okay to feel lost and confused?
not sure what to do or think any more.
sometimes i just wish i was normal again. i have been slave since i was 14 years old. i know i started out young, but i don't know i just feel so lost and confused.

any idea what i should do?



In your profile you write:
Under protection of Mr. .....................

Why you do not talk to Him?

Master Heinz


_____________________________

Heinz, from Holland (Europe)

(in reply to arithea)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: feeling lost.... - 12/28/2005 3:46:44 AM   
swtnsparkling


Posts: 1738
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Ok this is just a question because I really dont understand, how does some one become a slave at 14? isnt that like the 8th grade.


_____________________________

Never make anyone a priority who treats you as an option 2003

Walk in Peace
A "No" uttered from deepest conviction is better than a "Yes" uttered merely to please



(in reply to arithea)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: feeling lost.... - 12/28/2005 4:49:18 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline
quote:

is it okay to feel lost and confused?


Yes, of course. Everyone has those feelings. Sometimes it's us; sometimes it's difficult circumstances that push us there.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to swtnsparkling)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: feeling lost.... - 12/28/2005 6:06:36 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Arithea you are going through a very common process of losing the illusions that you have about how wonderful and fantastical it was all going to be.

You admitted in the other post that you got involved with someone too soon. You jumped in headfirst and got burned. Now you've got life stuff to deal with and are realizing that simply being a sub or slave won't really take care of anything FOR you, and that it's very hard even taking the time to figure out who you are.

Being who you are is a VERY hard and difficult thing. You can try and "leave the lifestyle forever" and perhaps that is the best choice for you. However, if you leave just because it's hard and confusing- what will you do when the next time comes around? Leave another lifestyle?

I think you should read, take time, listen, ask questions, NOT get committed to anyone for a good long while. This is what happens AFTER sub frenzy burns out.

(in reply to arithea)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: feeling lost.... - 12/28/2005 6:08:35 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: swtnsparkling
Ok this is just a question because I really dont understand, how does some one become a slave at 14? isnt that like the 8th grade.

Lots of people these days are getting into kink and such in their early years. Age doesn't mean ignorant.

(in reply to swtnsparkling)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: feeling lost.... - 12/28/2005 7:11:06 AM   
caitlyn


Posts: 3473
Joined: 12/22/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: swtnsparkling
Ok this is just a question because I really dont understand, how does some one become a slave at 14? isnt that like the 8th grade.


There are other forms, other than the consentual slavery presented here.

It is easy enough to make a short list of the things that make one a slave ... and see if those things might apply in other instances that outside this lifestyle.

Myself, I stopped being a slave at just under age 13. At the time I didn't know it of course, but certainly do now.

(in reply to swtnsparkling)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: feeling lost.... - 12/28/2005 9:18:06 AM   
newflowers


Posts: 292
Joined: 5/23/2004
Status: offline 		Reading the boards this morning for the first time in a long time, i have noticed that there are several "age" threads - i consider this to be one of them. i am a mother who is very protective of my girls -even when they don't want me to be - and i am also a teacher who, inthe course of my career, have known, literally over 10,000 young ladies between the ages of 14 and 18.

maturity is not only an issue of chronological age, it is also a combination of upbringing, environment, experience, and education (not always that one gains from the classroom), and maturity is also largely defined by one's personal knowledge of the self. It is the rare 14 year old who has those in place - not impossible, just rare. It is the rare 18 yo who has those in place. It seems to me that you have spent the last few years under the directive and authority of another and i have to wonder how much of that time you have spent learning to be you - not you as an extension of another, but you on your own, learning your own strengths and weakness and likes and dislikes and wants and needs - learning these things about yourself as an individual.

of course, being confused and conflicted is part of the human condition regardless of one's age. so yes, it is okay to be confused and conflicted and uncertain and question if you have teken the life path that is right for you. i do not belive that running away from one's like is a solution to problems within that life, but serious self-reflection about the life path you have chosen is necessary - for everyone, not just because of age.

Certainly, you should talk to your dominant partner. i also think you should consider developing a relationship - a personal real time, in person, relationship with an older woman who can offer support and guidance. Consider doing some serious - and by serious i mean writing, reading, with forethought and time - introspection and reflection to discover who you are and what you want.

feeling lost and despondant and conflcited and confused are perfectly normal, but i feel as if your feelings are deeper than you have indicated here.

-a-

(in reply to arithea)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: feeling lost.... - 12/30/2005 9:29:01 AM   
Hissweetshiv


Posts: 200
Joined: 6/24/2005
Status: offline 		arithea;
It is always "ok" to feel whatever you are feeling at the time. The important thing is how you deal with those feelings. If you are between relationships, i would recommend staying single for a while, and spending that time getting to know yourself. It never pays to run just because things are hard at the time. If after reflection and learning, you decide that the lifestyle isn't for you after all, then you will be making a healthy choice to withdraw. If you are currently in a relationship, then you need to sit down with your One and TALK. Tell Him/Her everything you're feeling and thinking - honest communication is of utmost importance. Above all, be true to yourself and good things will follow.
Best of luck to you on your journey
shiv

(in reply to arithea)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: feeling lost.... - 12/30/2005 9:42:38 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Oh and don't become attached to anyone just because they give you some sincere attention.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to arithea)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: feeling lost.... - 12/31/2005 8:06:47 PM   
HoosierScorpio


Posts: 164
Status: offline
quote:

arithea


I am not sure for how long you been in the lifestyle but you could be a submissive with a slave heart to the right Master. To be a slave at 14 means you were at others wells trying to do every thing you could to please them. Do not be so hard on yourself and take the time to figure this out. The hardest part is walking away from this lifestyle once you been bitten by it. I grew up in this lifestyle never knowing I was and because of my negative experience in life I tried to keep the peace so not get into conflict. The truth is I had to learn how to take control and be more Dominate. I was into bondage ever since I tied up my first baby sitter and never stopped. I also do not know if you have a Master or not but take the time to discover who you are. Also being a submissive or slave is not a bad thing. The problem is you need to find some one who truly understand your gifts and nurture in a positive way. When you start having negative experience that will change your out look on this lifestyle. I hope what I said has help you to figure things out.

This is my opion and understanding because of my own expereince in life.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: feeling lost.... - 12/31/2005 8:15:53 PM   
daredevil865


Posts: 130
Joined: 11/9/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: arithea

is it okay to feel lost and confused?
not sure what to do or think any more. i don't know if i am sub or slave any more

sometimes i get to thinking maybe i should try and being vanilla again even though it may be hard or what not. i'm not sure. is it okay to think or feel this way?

sometimes i just wish i was normal again. i have been slave since i was 14 years old. i know i started out young, but i don't know i just feel so lost and confused.

any idea what i should do?



sometimes you read a post and your heart just goes out to a person

areithea..hang in there....today things may be dark but it will change .....things will work out..the universe is unfolding as it should

DareDevil


_____________________________



DareDevil

A true Master exhibits honor, integrity, honesty, self discipline, personal responsibility and caring for his property.

If I had to explain it...you wouldn't understand

(in reply to arithea)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: feeling lost.... - 12/31/2005 10:19:40 PM   
Petruchio


Posts: 1615
Joined: 2/6/2005
Status: offline 		Wow, some nice posts, particularly from newflowers.

Do what's in your heart. Some of us have taken vanilla breaks and returned.

It's okay, no harm, no foul.

Relax.

Just be.

(in reply to daredevil865)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: feeling lost.... - 1/16/2006 12:56:16 AM   
subiekitty


Posts: 34
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: arithea

is it okay to feel lost and confused?
not sure what to do or think any more. i don't know if i am sub or slave any more

sometimes i get to thinking maybe i should try and being vanilla again even though it may be hard or what not. i'm not sure. is it okay to think or feel this way?

sometimes i just wish i was normal again. i have been slave since i was 14 years old. i know i started out young, but i don't know i just feel so lost and confused.

any idea what i should do?


Feeling lost or confused is ok. Remember that.

i met my Master 5 years ago, we bagan by trying for Dom/sub. But due to pain from my past i lost the ability to surender to my own submissive nature when things got rough. It took 4 years, for me to gain enough faith and trust in Master to know in my heart not just my head, that i would not be abandoned AGAIN and left out in the cold.

Durring those years i felt lost, felt confused, felt like a vital essential part of me had died inside. But time healed a lot of my wounds. And when i was ready it all came back.

This doesnt mean you're not a sub anymore, this does not mean you cant get back that feeling where to serve and please ones Master gives you that satisfaction and comfort and fullfillment again. When you find the right Master or Mistress, it will come back. For me Master was willing to wait, have a mostly vanila relationship for years because She beleived it would come back. Beleived it was truly my nature. When i had genuine faith i would not be abandoned once i had opened up and let the vulnerabilty that is so much a part of submision be left open to Master then it came back.

The moral of this, if your hurt its natural to protect yourself. Submission involves being vulnerable. So if you've been hurt yes it will be hard to feel it for a while. But that doesnt mean its gone. But not being able to feel it can leave you confused and lost, it did me. It even made me angry sometimes when i could not let go and be happy serving Master.

But its still there. If its your nature to be a slave, than it is still your nature to be slave.
And in time you will be one again.

Have faith that wounds heal. You'll find yourself again.

(in reply to arithea)
Profile   Post #: 15
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