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RE: We been arguing and fighting real bad lately - 12/10/2008 9:10:23 AM

LadyHibiscus

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I so love that phrase, "take the hump". Is it related to "taking the piss"?

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RE: We been arguing and fighting real bad lately - 12/10/2008 9:13:48 AM

KatyLied

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More important than the fighting is the discovery of why you are fighting. Sometimes people have other stressors, sometimes they simply need some alone time, sometimes there are relationship issues that need attention.

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RE: We been arguing and fighting real bad lately - 12/10/2008 11:18:45 AM

stella41b

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst

Whoa....I am so not in this camp! Being right, or having someone... hmm.. I think I would choose the third option. If I am not happy, being right or wrong is irrelevant. If it is not making me happy, then why would I be there?
If YHMA has reached that point, then the best thing to do is discuss why. If no resolution can be found, at least from my pov, I would pull the plug.
Being happy and content in onesself beats the hell out of being with someone just so you won't be alone.
Kyst

quote:

ORIGINAL: stella41b
Which do you prefer - being right or being close to someone?

I kind of knew this would happen when I made my posting, that someone wouldn't bother to check the context of what I was writing, i.e. writing about being right in a specific situation, but just barge in there, and take a bit out of context and disagree with it in a general sense.

quote:

Being happy and content in onesself beats the hell out of being with someone just so you won't be alone.

And you're drawing this conclusion about me? That's an awful lot of conclusion over a statement you took out of context.

However just to make it simpler for you as you obviously struggled with the original concept..

Your happiness and the feelings you share between each other is often more important than winning the argument.

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RE: We been arguing and fighting real bad lately - 12/10/2008 11:19:51 AM

DesFIP

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I would have a lot of trouble being able to be close to someone who thought that crying out in pain after getting hit hard on the head was something I should be ridiculed for, instead of him checking to see if I was okay. I've been driven to my knees by this happening in my car, the gas shocks that hold the hood and hatchback open have a short life and when they slam down on your head they hit hard.

His response was to check my head carefully to see if I had a bump or any bleeding, to lift me to my knees and call around to see where we could get a replacement shock.

But not caring about my wellbeing is not the way to deepen my affections.

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RE: We been arguing and fighting real bad lately - 12/10/2008 1:45:20 PM

YourhandMyAss

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We've argued before, but this is the first time I've told him to go away and do not speak to me.

We'll be fine, Every one is right, it's just a little spat, and he's not even sure himself why he's so grumpy.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MadAxeman

You've had your first argument in 3 years. That can be confusing. Being out of practice is your problem. Sit down, talk it out. Make yourself clear. Get all questions answered. I suspect all will be well, your guy has no terms of reference to make any dissatisfaction vocal. Ask what is bothering him.

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RE: We been arguing and fighting real bad lately - 12/10/2008 1:54:10 PM

beargonewild

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As long as you see that telling a S/O to go away, is simply a way to let them know you need time by yourself to cool down, it does not indicate wanting them to permanently leave. I've found when having a bad/tense day and being left alone for a bit helps me not to take my frustrations out on someone who doesn't actually deserve it.

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RE: We been arguing and fighting real bad lately - 12/10/2008 2:13:35 PM

YourhandMyAss

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Yup, yup, yup on all accounts.

quote:

ORIGINAL: stella41b

And...?

Is this to tell us that you've got the hump? You're upset? Fed up?

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RE: We been arguing and fighting real bad lately - 12/10/2008 2:15:19 PM

YourhandMyAss

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LOL Yes Dnomyar, the car is insured:)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

I disagree with sunshine. If everyone only posted in their journal this place would be boring reading. How would I be able to ask if the car was insured. Sounds to me there are some hidden issues in this relationship. Is the guy realy into it. Mmmm

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RE: We been arguing and fighting real bad lately - 12/10/2008 2:23:27 PM

YourhandMyAss

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Kalista, I do remember, And good point for asking. I was all set to go to therapy and then we were able to safely talk about all the things safely, that I felt would bring on a huge shit storm, so those issues addressed I no longer felt i couldn't be open with him, so I droped the therapy idea.

Perhaps it was to soon to drop it? We do still have communication issues, I don't guilt him into giving me attention nor do I manipulate it from him, , no need since he spends a lot of time with me, but I do frusterate him sometimes with my level of ability to communicating in ways he can understand.

By the way are you suggesting that crying over an injury is manipulation? Most people may not have cried over the small injury you're right, However I do cry perhaps to much so sometimes when I get hurt.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kalista07

YHMA,
i'm not even going to address SunshineMiss's wonderful suggestion of putting this stuff into your journal, since you and i have recently had this disucssion and my advice went unheaded.
Regarding your relationship, however i do have to wonder if you have not set the stage for this disagreement. Do you remember the therapy thread that you began? That, in my opinion, pretty clearly showed your ongoing issues regarding this relationship. i think that you may need to consider entering therapy. It can teach you how to get your needs met, how to identify and correct your attention seeking behavior, how to ask for your needs to be met, and how to communicate without demanding, manipulating, guilting, or shaming.
For whatever it's worth,
Kali

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RE: We been arguing and fighting real bad lately - 12/10/2008 2:24:54 PM

YourhandMyAss

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Very, very true Bear.

We will make up, and we'll apologise, and we'll go on with out lives and perhaps maybe we'll be better for having had the spat, After cooling down spats can be a good way to realize issues.

quote:

ORIGINAL: beargonewild

As long as you see that telling a S/O to go away, is simply a way to let them know you need time by yourself to cool down, it does not indicate wanting them to permanently leave. I've found when having a bad/tense day and being left alone for a bit helps me not to take my frustrations out on someone who doesn't actually deserve it.

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RE: We been arguing and fighting real bad lately - 12/10/2008 2:24:54 PM

LaTigresse

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I think the key is that the bump on the head was not the only issue expressed in your initial post.

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RE: We been arguing and fighting real bad lately - 12/10/2008 2:28:24 PM

YourhandMyAss

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Laughing, VP It's worked out great,I am now inspired to brush more just cause it's a hoot to feel the vibration on my teeth, and my teeth are looking nicer more polished already!:)

No VP, we were on our way to school, I was getting the back pack with the laptop I use for school out.

quote:

ORIGINAL: VirginPotty

Were you on your way to get the electric toothbrush you mentioned in another thread you posted? If so don't worry about it. He was probably just anxious to get it so he'd feel minty breath on his dick rather than the previous night's dinner. Don't worry about the bump on your head, just brush around it.
Let us know how the toothbrush works for you!

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RE: We been arguing and fighting real bad lately - 12/10/2008 2:30:54 PM

YourhandMyAss

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No, it's not. I was also annoyed at the scene we had at the Quizno's.

Which ironically was a simple mis understanding causing the squabble.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

I think the key is that the bump on the head was not the only issue expressed in your initial post.

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RE: We been arguing and fighting real bad lately - 12/10/2008 2:39:48 PM

YourhandMyAss

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Well it's not like I am NEVER going to forgive him, I just wasn't ready to forgive him last night.

quote:

ORIGINAL: stella41b

Was this some way of soliciting advice?

I have a way of dealing with arguments and spats in relationships.

Admittedly we can all get the hump. Human nature I guess.

But if you try and imagine that instead of seeing that person again, you see a cop with some bad news about 'an unfortunate incident' about your other half it somehow puts things into perspective.

Which do you prefer - being right or being close to someone?

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RE: We been arguing and fighting real bad lately - 12/10/2008 3:18:58 PM

Missokyst

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So.. exactly how is this an argument? He disregarded and dismissed her right to express pain. You find that acceptable? I don't see it as an argument between them.
No. Sorry, but in this case in view of prior incidences, I stand by my sentiments.
Kyst

quote:

ORIGINAL: stella41b
However just to make it simpler for you as you obviously struggled with the original concept..

Your happiness and the feelings you share between each other is often more important than winning the argument.

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RE: We been arguing and fighting real bad lately - 12/10/2008 3:54:13 PM

housesub4you

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quote:

ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx

Phoenix, I could be wrong, but I though Housesub's post was made with tongue firmly in cheek.

(if not, I'm sorry for laughing HS.)

You read it correctly, tongue was firmly in cheek.

Strange thing is, now I think I want a snowmobile, I mentioned this to my wife and she just rolled her eyes.

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RE: We been arguing and fighting real bad lately - 12/10/2008 4:25:42 PM

stella41b

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst

So.. exactly how is this an argument? He disregarded and dismissed her right to express pain. You find that acceptable? I don't see it as an argument between them.
No. Sorry, but in this case in view of prior incidences, I stand by my sentiments.
Kyst

quote:

ORIGINAL: stella41b
However just to make it simpler for you as you obviously struggled with the original concept..

Your happiness and the feelings you share between each other is often more important than winning the argument.

No I don't. But hey, people do make mistakes, they do get the wrong end of the stick, and they do misunderstand. Some of those mistakes are bigger than others.

But I stand by my sentiments, and even though that incident is unacceptable, it still takes nothing away from the fact that they've shared a successful, happy, three year relationship.

The glass half empty or half full and all that..

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RE: We been arguing and fighting real bad lately - 12/10/2008 5:00:24 PM

Missokyst

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Which is precisely why I also said this:

[If YHMA has reached that point, then the best thing to do is discuss why. If no resolution can be found, at least from my pov, I would pull the plug.}]

No one suggested ending things because of a simple argument. It is patterns not incidences which make for poor communication. And that leads to endings.
Kyst

quote:

ORIGINAL: stella41b

quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst

So.. exactly how is this an argument? He disregarded and dismissed her right to express pain. You find that acceptable? I don't see it as an argument between them.
No. Sorry, but in this case in view of prior incidences, I stand by my sentiments.
Kyst

quote:

ORIGINAL: stella41b
However just to make it simpler for you as you obviously struggled with the original concept..

Your happiness and the feelings you share between each other is often more important than winning the argument.

No I don't. But hey, people do make mistakes, they do get the wrong end of the stick, and they do misunderstand. Some of those mistakes are bigger than others.

But I stand by my sentiments, and even though that incident is unacceptable, it still takes nothing away from the fact that they've shared a successful, happy, three year relationship.

The glass half empty or half full and all that..

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RE: We been arguing and fighting real bad lately - 12/10/2008 5:08:22 PM

Aylee

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Wheeeeeeeeeee! Arguing and fighting on a thread about arguing and fighting!

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RE: We been arguing and fighting real bad lately - 12/10/2008 5:09:40 PM

LinnaeaBorealis

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Quack, quack, quack, quack!!!!!

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