soft or hard option

soft or hard option (Full Version)

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steviemichael -> soft or hard option (12/10/2008 1:11:42 AM)
I know I'm a man, I know how society expects me to present myself but I'm a man who has a burning desire to dress up and be female and act as if I am a woman. It causes me internal issues which I wrestle with yet on occassion I free this inner urge and embrace being feminine int touch with the softness part of my makeup i also know that many woman say they like their men to be men but the question is despite of all the personal choices there is still the stereotype maleness mancho master inmage out there is it that Men are to afraid to show their soft side ?

peppermint -> RE: soft or hard option (12/10/2008 2:57:27 AM)
Not all men have the desire to cross dress and be female, while other men do. It is not that the men who don't cross dress are repressing their innermost femininity...it is more that they have no desire to do that. Conversely, I do not feel the need to dress and act like a man. I do not consider that as suppressing my masculinity. If I am to be me, then dressing and acting like a man is not part of me. Not everyone feels or needs the same things. You do what you need to do to make yourself happy. Others do the same. Some might need tattoos...while you might not. Some might need to own a boat, while boats might make you seasick. It is an individual thing. We are all different.

WilliamAugustine -> RE: soft or hard option (12/10/2008 4:33:17 AM)
Wow stevie, you're all messed up in your brainbox aren't you. ;) Dominant Profile, submissive forum byline. You need to go and see a good psych and have a chat about the possibility of being transgendered. On the other hand if dressing up as a woman makes you all excited you may just be a run-of-the-mill sweet transvestite from Transylvania. I'm male, feel no urge to dress as a women yet can't identify with the 'macho' male image. It's never really been a problem with finding women, you would be surprised at the amount of beautiful (and otherwise) women who abhor macho men and go for 'wimps' and slightly effeminate men. So you need to get out more if all the women you know like their men to be men.

Lashra -> RE: soft or hard option (12/10/2008 4:52:37 AM)
My male sub is very much a man, but he has also embraced his fem side. This has made a tremendous change in his personality, much to my delight. He is not as uptight and angry, he can talk about things instead of bottling them up. He is now being himself instead of wearing a mask that society handed to him. You have to decide what is worth more to you. Being the male "macho" that society says you should be or be your own person and live your life on your own terms. Which would make you happy? ~Lashra

SteveAndJaz -> RE: soft or hard option (12/10/2008 5:36:57 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: WilliamAugustine Wow stevie, you're all messed up in your brainbox aren't you. ;) Dominant Profile, submissive forum byline. You need to go and see a good psych and have a chat about the possibility of being transgendered. On the other hand if dressing up as a woman makes you all excited you may just be a run-of-the-mill sweet transvestite from Transylvania. I'm male, feel no urge to dress as a women yet can't identify with the 'macho' male image. It's never really been a problem with finding women, you would be surprised at the amount of beautiful (and otherwise) women who abhor macho men and go for 'wimps' and slightly effeminate men. So you need to get out more if all the women you know like their men to be men. Wow thats a little ott! Just because a man fems up does not mean he wants the op. If I was not with Steve then I would be with a TV. I have many TV friends and I find them to be the most upfront, happy, liberated people one would ever care to come across. I often go to T-girl clubs to help out with makeup or just have fun and I can tell you now that its the T-girls that get the best looking girls. Stevie... you need to start making friends with other T-girls and you need to make it clear in your profile about what your needs are. There is nothing wrong with what you want but you seem to be saying that it signifies rejection. The only rejection I'm seeing is from your inner self. Go knock em dead[;)] xxx

DarkSteven -> RE: soft or hard option (12/10/2008 7:03:11 AM)
steviemichael, I don't follow your post. It sounds like a man should have distinct male and female sides. Maybe a CD will experience that when he/she changes clothes. I'm not a CD, and I'm a man 24/7. I don't have a male or female side, I'm just me. Sometimes I'm task-oriented and unemotional, and sometimes I'm emotional and live in the moment. I don't see two separate sides. I don't feel "afraid" to show softness, I'm just me.

Lockit -> RE: soft or hard option (12/10/2008 12:24:01 PM)
I had a boyfriend who I was very proud of and he was different than the types of men I dated most often. I didn't see what other's saw because I saw him and I didn't see him as less a man than any other. I actually felt he was more a man because of all he was as a person. I did see the mannerisms that other's saw and thought were 'gay'. The man was not gay, but so what if he was. Other's saw him this way and it ticked me off because they would assume a lot of things. He was smarter than the average, artistic, sexy and would take baths with me that I will never forget! We could hang out and eat and talk about art and music and all the things important to both of us. I knew all of his clothing and there wasn't anything stashed anywhere and all his clothes were typical guy clothes. He was just a very gentle creature and yet he could get out there and build a block wall, work on the house and all those typically guy jobs. We would be together to this day had he not been a bit younger and still wanted to have a family which I could not provide. Now, with that said... he didn't need to get into my clothing to feel all he was or be all he was. Had he had to do that, I might have had a problem with it. I like my man, gentle and fem or not, in pants. I am not attracted to women, although I find them very beautiful. I don't want to reach under a skirt, I want to put my hands in a pocket. I do try to understand the need for this, but I am not one who can mix things up. Does that mean I am prejudice? I don't think so. I have helped look for clothing for friends and encouraged their exploration and comforts. I think I am just attracted to someone who is comfortable with himself in all aspects and doesn't need to wear women's clothing. I am not dissing those who do. My friends can dress any way they want... but that doesn't mean I am not understanding or listening or care... it just means I am not tempted to jump their bones. Right or wrong, I am just me and am attracted to who I am attracted to. I don't get off to legs in nylons, but I sure want my man to be when they are on me.

OttersSwim -> RE: soft or hard option (12/10/2008 12:40:18 PM)
I think there is someone for nearly every taste out there. Many, if not most, women are not attracted to boys in girl's clothing - this is just reality. Add a male dominant in female clothing wanting a female submissive into that equation and the pool of likely female submissives gets pretty small. But I bet there is someone out there who would find that attractive. I see that you list as a submissive male, but your profile says you are a dominant? If you were able to expand your pool to include transgendered males, you will have a lot more options... Good Luck! [:)]

agirl -> RE: soft or hard option (12/10/2008 1:27:51 PM)
If M donned my knickers and sported a frock he'd still be the same guy with a swinging brick for a heart. agirl

Madame4a -> RE: soft or hard option (12/10/2008 3:27:15 PM)
Actually.. being transgendered is not the same as cross dressing.. they are entirely different things.. if you're interested in educating yourself, there are several threads on cross dressing in the ask a mistress forum

DesFIP -> RE: soft or hard option (12/10/2008 3:42:16 PM)
Considering your internal issues, your desire to appear female - I also am wondering if you shouldn't identify as trans and not as a CD. More than that, your views of men as totally unemotional and women as nonlogical has skewed you also. I know men in touch with their emotions, and tough females. I would suggest you speak to a professional about your conflicts.

IronBear -> RE: soft or hard option (12/10/2008 4:22:48 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: steviemichael .................... the question is despite of all the personal choices there is still the stereotype maleness mancho master inmage out there is it that Men are to afraid to show their soft side ? I wonder old chap if you would mind defining "Softer Side" of a man? In other words, are you refering to our "feminine side" and/or ore gentle side or perhaps our nurturing side? I would further respectfully suggest that not all men have any desire to cross dress whilst some desirfe to do so. Some non cross dressing men will even don female attirfe for employment such as on stage etc and a hearty group of braw laddies wear "skirts daily when like me they don their Kilts of varous clan tartans..Hmm I'll be damned if I will call the highland lads cross dresses unless I harbour a death wish which I most certainly do not. edited to add: 'Tis not what you wear but how you wear it and after all Scotland is the home of the smallest airfield (Under a Scotsman's Kilt.. Two hangers and an all night fighter..)

SteveAndJaz -> RE: soft or hard option (12/11/2008 3:09:40 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Madame4a Actually.. being transgendered is not the same as cross dressing.. they are entirely different things.. if you're interested in educating yourself, there are several threads on cross dressing in the ask a mistress forum What Madame4a says A TV once told me that a Cross Dresser is someone who just likes the feel of female clothes on his body but does not feel like a female. A Transvestite is someone who goes full whack with the wig, makeup and strapping themselves in and who truly feels like a woman once done up but is happy to be a man the rest of the time and a Trans Gender is someone who wishes to be a female 100% of the time.

HalloweenWhite -> RE: soft or hard option (12/11/2008 4:39:38 AM)
I don't think men are afraid to show their soft side at all. Men show a "softer" side to themselves in myriad ways, it just depends on the man. In a D/s relationship a submissive man shows their softer side through affection and a genuine desire to serve etc, a Dominant man woud show it through a genuine desire to lead and protect.

pompeii -> RE: soft or hard option (12/11/2008 8:07:06 AM)
The OP mentions the strictures of society causing him to act differently than he would had society not restricted him to a certain manner of acting. Welcome to the real world! Society, or culture, has grown up, over the eons, to restrict the individual from expressing himself in such a way that society, as a whole, is disrupted. Society isn't the natural order of a single man; society is what's good for society. Of course, each society is different. And, most of us are born to one or another, not of our choosing. Of course, we have legs, so, we CAN choose ... but choose wisely. What goes for normal in Pakistan or Japan or a tribal society in the Amazon, wouldn't go in San Francisco ... so you'll need to choose your society first, if you can. Once you've chosen the society you wish to live in, realize that whatever society you've chosen, it will restrict your individual acts. For example, let's say you chose the Native American Woodlands Iroquois. Lord help you if you were gay or a sissy boy. I don't know how they rectified the situation, but, I can imagine that they would frown upon you in a very severe manner. So, in your case, let's not pick that society. In contrast, we could try Pakistan, where the men openly treat the women like chattel but I'd doubt any of us would be comfortable with the strictures of that society. How about San Francisco? There, the society would be more amenable to your desires. Once we choose the society, realize we STILL will have the individual needs subservient to those of the society as a whole. If the little old ladies of the society chosen aren't in the mood to see men acting like not men, then, if they have any power, they are going to restrict your movements severely. Point is, we all feel these strictures,and, for the good of the society, we, for the most part, accommodate them, saving our non-vanilla affinities for the privacy of our bedroom. Oh no, I'm rambling again. I sure hope this helps ... </ramble>

steviemichael -> RE: soft or hard option (12/12/2008 12:58:48 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: pompeii The OP mentions the strictures of society causing him to act differently than he would had society not restricted him to a certain manner of acting. Welcome to the real world! yes of course everyone is in the real world but being in the real world does not mean we have to be confined to the ways it shapes our minds and bodys if you doubt this then look at the History of the male in the USA if you would ask a amercina male the question what is a man you would get a blank look and would feel no reason to explain why he is other than he simply he is MALE and in the amercian culture a man is taught that he does not need to have a reason He simply his. </ramble>

steviemichael -> RE: soft or hard option (12/12/2008 1:25:46 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: pompeii The OP mentions the strictures of society causing him to act differently than he would had society not restricted him to a certain manner of acting. Welcome to the real world! the real world is each individual has both masculine and feminine components of the psyche. For a male the feminine component is the anima, and for a female it is the animus. and you are welcome to the insight of the inner male

OttersSwim -> RE: soft or hard option (12/12/2008 6:59:58 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SteveAndJaz quote: ORIGINAL: Madame4a Actually.. being transgendered is not the same as cross dressing.. they are entirely different things.. if you're interested in educating yourself, there are several threads on cross dressing in the ask a mistress forum What Madame4a says A TV once told me that a Cross Dresser is someone who just likes the feel of female clothes on his body but does not feel like a female. A Transvestite is someone who goes full whack with the wig, makeup and strapping themselves in and who truly feels like a woman once done up but is happy to be a man the rest of the time and a Trans Gender is someone who wishes to be a female 100% of the time. Not to pull us off topic, but I think there are definitely shades of gray within Transgender. I identify as trans, but have chosen to remain biologically male and to integrate the female side of myself in a more private way. I am sure there are at least 32 flavors within the definition and a person to fit all of them. [;)] OP, if you have not done so already, some counseling would help I think. Find someone who specializes in gender issues. Even one or two visits can do a great deal to help you sort things out.

lucythelusty -> RE: soft or hard option (12/12/2008 3:34:55 PM)
Hi Stevie I dont believe our feelings about self including our sexual desires are ever static. There is NO reason why a Dominant man cant be a submissive crossdresser.....And for the uneducated, transvestite and crossdresser is one and the same - trans = cross, vest=dress. A transvestite's (crossdresser) sexual trigger is the clothes whereas a transgendered person's focus is their body, their GENDER and therefore their genitals . The former is a fetish the latter is a gender identity issue - But as I said at the outset there is NO reason a Dominant male cant be a submissive crossdresser, in which case I guess you would be a switch - for the lovers of labelling anyone so as to make it easier for them to relate to - what you call yourself is YOUR choice. Maybe it may help to chat to some crossdressers - join some online groups, forums etc Lucy

steviemichael -> RE: soft or hard option (12/18/2008 11:51:12 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: lucythelusty Hi Stevie I dont believe our feelings about self including our sexual desires are ever static. There is NO reason why a Dominant man cant be a submissive crossdresser.....And for the uneducated, transvestite and crossdresser is one and the same - trans = cross, vest=dress. A transvestite's (crossdresser) sexual trigger is the clothes whereas a transgendered person's focus is their body, their GENDER and therefore their genitals . The former is a fetish the latter is a gender identity issue - But as I said at the outset there is NO reason a Dominant male cant be a submissive crossdresser, in which case I guess you would be a switch - for the lovers of labelling anyone so as to make it easier for them to relate to - what you call yourself is YOUR choice. Maybe it may help to chat to some crossdressers - join some online groups, forums etc Lucy thank you for your comment smiles

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