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Handling Subdrop alone - 12/12/2008 6:21:31 PM   
sklavinxandria


Posts: 61
Joined: 12/26/2004
From: Nebraska
Status: offline
I know there are many posts on this topic and honestly at the moment hunting through them is going to make this more frustrating for me.

How do you handle subdrop when you're alone?  Very nice time last night with a very close Dom to me, today was normal, work and stuff and then boom! between 4-5 tonight it hit and I was so damn depressed and lonely.  He was at work and going out tonight with friends, and just bring up this over the phone would not have worked so I didn't mention it to him so he has no clue what I am going through at the moment.  I am planning on mentioning it to him on Monday and see what his reaction will be.  It has been over two years since I have had this intense of a time and I honestly forgot how bad this can suck even if you are with someone to take care of you.

thanks


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RE: Handling Subdrop alone - 12/12/2008 6:51:46 PM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline 		More frustrating for YOU???!!!

I take it you could care less about the frustration of those of us who have to sit here and repeat ourselves simply because you don't feel like using a simple little button.

MY advice. Go to the corner and hit the search button.

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If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.


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RE: Handling Subdrop alone - 12/12/2008 6:58:35 PM   
sklavinxandria


Posts: 61
Joined: 12/26/2004
From: Nebraska
Status: offline
Ya know, I did,  I got over 300 hits!  JHC I asked for help and this is what I get?

Got to love the community for the support ya get, crap on a cracker.


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it is hard to smile while wearing a gas mask

Come to the dark side, we have cookies

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RE: Handling Subdrop alone - 12/12/2008 8:01:50 PM   
Roselaure


Posts: 672
Joined: 4/12/2008
Status: offline 		You're halfway there I think in that you recognize what it is.  Pamper yourself a bit, chocolate helps, do somethingyou like to do and talk it over with your Dom when you can.  Perhaps next time you play so intensely, you can arrange to be with him, or for him to call and check in.  Deep breath.  You'll get through it!

_____________________________

Once conform, once do what other people do because they do it, and lethargy steals over all the finer nerves and faculties of the soul.
-Virginia Woolf

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RE: Handling Subdrop alone - 12/12/2008 8:04:37 PM   
greeneyedreamer


Posts: 442
Joined: 6/20/2007
Status: offline 		See if this helps. It may not. http://www.collarchat.com/m_1969957/mpage_1/key_sub%252Cdrop/tm.htm#1969957

Dreamer

< Message edited by greeneyedreamer -- 12/12/2008 8:05:19 PM >

_____________________________

Dreamer, owned and ecstatically happy

I am still learning... Michelangelo, age 87

Maybe some women weren't meant to be tamed. Maybe they are suppose to run wild until they find someone just as wild to run with. Sex and the City

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RE: Handling Subdrop alone - 12/12/2008 8:14:33 PM   
oceanwynds


Posts: 1044
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline 		Hi
I wish i knew that CM also had a forum and a search button when I first got into BDSM. I just thought it was a dating site, which didnt interest me. I went through subdrop and didn't know what was happening to me in the beginning. I have found things to help me now to get through it. Writing down my feelings in a journal has helped a lot.  In the beginning, I be on the phone or on-line with Sir and just whinning. This Sir really didn't care for, but he was helpful in letting me know what was happening to me. Now I have my little subdrop supplies at home, when he leaves. Chocolate is one, his tee-shirt, a stuff animal he got me, and sit coms seem to help me. In many ways, I had to learn to deal with it, the same way I dealt with the death of my husband. Yes, it can be that painful at times. If we play intensely, Sir checks on me if he is not with me the next day.

oceanwynds

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RE: Handling Subdrop alone - 12/12/2008 8:15:39 PM   
swan70


Posts: 47
Joined: 11/25/2008
Status: offline 		greeneyedreamer--Thanks for sharing that link--that one helped me.

And OP--thanks for asking the obvious question again.  I have been experiencing it--and not knowing what to call it!  I just spent a great day with my Master.  Today-back to my vanilla life....and the sense of lonliness is INSANE! 

What have i been doing to help?  I blog about the event.  That tends to help me relive those high moments and lets me come down a bit.  Also--I pamper myself with a bubble bath!

(in reply to greeneyedreamer)
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RE: Handling Subdrop alone - 12/12/2008 9:35:42 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Well first thing is be prepared, BEFORE the scene, get yourself into a prepared mental state to know that you'll be doing aftecare on your own and that you'll be able to handle it, make sure you're rested, fed, stress is kept to a minimum.  Then, when the time comes, keep up that state, stay on routine, do things to spoil yourself and try to keep perspective.

And even if everything goes wrong and it's completely fucked up, no one ever died from sub drop so you'll be fine in a few days.

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Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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RE: Handling Subdrop alone - 12/12/2008 9:45:09 PM   
elegantalexis


Posts: 237
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		So that is what its called.  I thought I was going through a rapid cycle with my bipolar after a session.

Can a well meaningful foot massage replace the bubblebath?

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Subbies to 12 cats...

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RE: Handling Subdrop alone - 12/12/2008 9:57:14 PM   
Lordandmaster


Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline 		My advice?  Seek the silver lining.  Subdrop is an important sign that whatever preceded it was intense and meaningful.

So...accept it for what it is, and cherish the memories of whatever brought it on.  The life of a slave is bittersweet.

quote:

ORIGINAL: sklavinxandria

I know there are many posts on this topic and honestly at the moment hunting through them is going to make this more frustrating for me.

How do you handle subdrop when you're alone?  Very nice time last night with a very close Dom to me, today was normal, work and stuff and then boom! between 4-5 tonight it hit and I was so damn depressed and lonely.  He was at work and going out tonight with friends, and just bring up this over the phone would not have worked so I didn't mention it to him so he has no clue what I am going through at the moment.  I am planning on mentioning it to him on Monday and see what his reaction will be.  It has been over two years since I have had this intense of a time and I honestly forgot how bad this can suck even if you are with someone to take care of you.

(in reply to sklavinxandria)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Handling Subdrop alone - 12/12/2008 10:00:53 PM   
moonvine


Posts: 780
Joined: 11/7/2004
Status: offline 		Well, people get annoyed when you respond to old threads too, so I guess each topic should be discussed one time and never again and if you think of something new to say 2 years later you can't, since people gripe if you respond to old threads....

(in reply to IrishMist)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Handling Subdrop alone - 12/13/2008 9:15:12 AM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline 		Hmmm....I have a lot of experience with solo sub drop. Chocolate, vitamins, naps, tears...and then I got busy. I recognized it for what it was and tried to live my days as though it was just a normal day. Having to go to work the next day often left me no choice in that! Oh and I also have someone close to me who was willing to hang with me - she'd snuggle me up, pamper me, even massage me sometimes. I'd spend the night at her place when I was dropping particularly hard.

My former owner wasn't big on the warm fuzzies, so he wasn't a provider of aftercare or helping through such drops. He'd leave me alone for several days after an intense visit, and I learned, as you are learning, to take care of myself during that time. Pampering helps - pedicures, facials, massage - whatever floats your boat and helps to soothe yourself.

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Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.



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RE: Handling Subdrop alone - 12/13/2008 9:24:09 AM   
BRNaughtyAngel


Posts: 1821
Status: offline 		To the OP, just remember that by not sharing what is happening with your top/dominant, you are denying them something that may well be very important to them. 


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RE: Handling Subdrop alone - 12/13/2008 9:59:29 AM   
greeneyedreamer


Posts: 442
Joined: 6/20/2007
Status: offline
quote:

What have i been doing to help? I blog about the event. That tends to help me relive those high moments and lets me come down a bit. Also--I pamper myself with a bubble bath!


What my Dom and I started doing was keeping a joint journal. Then I can write how I feel, he can read it and we can talk about it when things are calmer or we have a chance. It also helps that after each session we have a "debriefing" if you will, to talk about our feelings and how it felt physically, mentally, emotionally. It helps tremendously and although I have experienced SubDrop later, in a day or two. it helps to know we talked about it already.

Dreamer

_____________________________

Dreamer, owned and ecstatically happy

I am still learning... Michelangelo, age 87

Maybe some women weren't meant to be tamed. Maybe they are suppose to run wild until they find someone just as wild to run with. Sex and the City

(in reply to swan70)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Handling Subdrop alone - 12/13/2008 10:04:10 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Just because he couldn't have come over doesn't mean he couldn't have provided ten minutes of support by phone. You were wrong not to tell him.

Beyond that; sleep, food, hot tea, chocolate, orgasms. Rinse and repeat. Some people feel better if they go work out, some don't. Try it and see.

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Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to greeneyedreamer)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Handling Subdrop alone - 12/13/2008 11:02:12 AM   
sklavinxandria


Posts: 61
Joined: 12/26/2004
From: Nebraska
Status: offline
Well after a night of ...buttered rice crispies an downing coke (the bottled kind from Atlanta, not the powdered kind from Columbia) I am feeling a bit better.

To give some background.   I didn't know going into Thursday night it was going to be more intense than our normal nights together.  Hell I ended up hyperventilating that night and I haven't been pushed that far over the edge in years!  I think I scared him when I did that because I didn't know it was coming and he has never seen me do that.  There was aftercare, one problem was that it was a work night for both of us so I had to be out of there to get home and sleep for work in the am.  That sucked!  Also, we got started later than our normal time so the aftercare was cut short.

Did I want to tell him?  Sure, I am still going to tell him about it.  My problem is that I hate to sound whiny or needy when I do it.  Call it the German Analness being "pounded" into my head for the past 10 years.  Master is anal, he likes things cut and dried, black and white, grey doesn't happen.  This, is grey for me.  Now, don't get me wrong, I am at times whiny and needy and I sure as hell let Master know that.  This Dom, and yes, Master knows I have someone closer that I can see;  I don't know how well he would read what I would say about what happened.  I know he wouldn't rant and yell and complain about it, but I think too he is a bit anal about things, but not the German Anal that I am used to.  (heck I should patten that phrase, German Anal).

Today, I am better, I am seeing the Dom on Monday, so that is good and a slight chance of seeing him tonight depending now how his day goes.  So yes, there will be talk going on and who knows, maybe more of my...ohh crap do we have to rehash that again.... posts.   Just to tick the whole board off. haha

thanks.




_____________________________

it is hard to smile while wearing a gas mask

Come to the dark side, we have cookies

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Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Handling Subdrop alone - 12/13/2008 11:14:38 AM   
angelikaJ


Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist



I take it you could care less about the frustration of those of us who have to sit here and repeat ourselves simply because you don't feel like using a simple little button.

MY advice. Go to the corner and hit the search button.


Ummmm, sometimes people ask questions here for input from AND engagement with "real people" as opposed to only reading articles.
If people only wanted to read articles they could just use ANY search engine.

And a note to the OP... I am glad you are feeling a little bit better.
It does suck when subdrop sneaks up on you...but your experience is not an uncommon part of the learning curve.
Doing nurturing things for yourself and drinking water does seem to help me.
(((hugs)))


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Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Handling Subdrop alone - 12/13/2008 11:18:18 AM   
sklavinxandria


Posts: 61
Joined: 12/26/2004
From: Nebraska
Status: offline
Just an after thought.

I am a masochist, so why is it that I can go, get my ass/back/ pick a part..beaten black blue purple yellow and have welts and blood drawn and walk away from it all normal and NO subdrop, hell I got a great beating 2 weeks ago and didn't even need aftercare..I was fine on my own.  But the emotional erotic/sexual trip pushes it over the edge.  Not that I don't respect like the Dom that gave me the beating, just don't have a connection to him.



_____________________________

it is hard to smile while wearing a gas mask

Come to the dark side, we have cookies

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Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Handling Subdrop alone - 12/13/2008 11:22:27 AM   
oceanwynds


Posts: 1044
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline 		Skyavinxandria
I am glad you are doing better. I forgot to mention that I drink a lot of chammomile tea. Sir doesn't permit me to drink, so i find this helpful.

I also do understand anal Doms. I have one as well, plus my late husband was very anal. Glad you will see him Monday. Wish i could say the same, missing him big time. This too shall pass:)
oceanwynds

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RE: Handling Subdrop alone - 12/13/2008 11:23:55 AM   
aliBH


Posts: 14
Joined: 8/25/2007
Status: offline 		As property of a very sadistic owner i am used often and hard..before i came to live with them 24-7 weekends was the only chance i had to be in their presents..i suffered sub drop as well, the very next day all alone and feeling like shit i was ready to pack up, leave the great paying job and head home to where i belong..with help from my Master and some great advice from my Mistress was able to copy until the final move..Its hard but you must take control of those feeling now if not sooner..ali..

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